DISCLAIMER:
Pryde and Wisdom, the X-men and Excalibur all are trademarks of Marvel Comics. This story is an unauthorized work done purely for my personal enjoyment, and is not intended to infringe on any of their rights in or profits from these characters. But this story is copyright to me.

WARNING:
THERE IS EXPLICIT SEX IN THIS SECTION. I marked this clearly in the individual section header. The sex is graphic, but all loving and consensual (and not that much worse than a typical romance novel). If reading sex scenes like that would offend you, please don't read this.

If you want to comment, send email to <luba@lubakmetyk.net>

Part 2 Lectures

Kitty came into the guest room they were sharing, slamming the door hard enough to cause Wisdom to spill the drink he had been nursing. "Took you long enough... Did you get to chattin' up some of yours friends?" Pete couldn't keep the bite of jealousy out of his tone.

"Sort of. It was very one-sided, though... The Professor decided it was time he and I had a little talk, except he did most of the talking..." Kitty was too upset to settle down, but paced around the room as she recalled the last hour, filling Pete in on what had happened...

Kitty had been in the mansion's kitchen, rummaging around in the refrigerator. Changed out of her dress into jeans and a comfortable old sweater right after dinner, heels exchanged for sneakers, she'd gotten an assortment of drinks earlier. Now, she was after some snacks. Pete was staying in their room as much as possible, unwilling to wander around the mansion and take the chance of running into any of the X-men again. The atmosphere during dinner earlier had been tense and uncomfortable, the conversation stilted, and neither she nor Pete had felt much like eating.

Kitty was just remembering one time when Magneto had caught her on a food trip for herself and Illyana, when he had been headmaster, when the Professor's telepathic summons resounded in her head. It was strong enough to make her jump, so that she dropped the food she was carrying. She wondered to herself resentfully whether he knew just how "loud" his mental voice could be on occasion, and did it on purpose to enforce obedience.

Kitty thought about ignoring the summons, either completely or at least long enough to stop by their room and tell Pete where she was going. But she figured she should get this over with, and she didn't want the Professor in her mind again while she was with Pete. She reassured herself it shouldn't take too long. She was tired, from the trip over, from the time change, from the excitement and tension of the day, and just wanted to get to bed soon.

Kitty lost that hope as soon as she came into Xavier's study, and saw him sitting behind his desk, with a stern look on his face. He motioned her to a chair just in front of the desk, and said he'd been waiting ever since her arrival for them to have a long, serious talk.

Professor Xavier began by expressing his surprise that she had brought Wisdom with her on this visit, instead of coming by herself to visit with the X-men. Xavier noted pointedly that, if the X-men had been interested in meeting Wisdom, he would have been included in the invitation, but that it had been intended for Kitty alone.

Kitty replied that they had been planning to visit soon anyway, she wanted Pete to meet Storm and Logan and the others, and this invitation seemed to offer a convenient opportunity for just that. She reminded the Professor that Colossus, Nightcrawler and Wolfsbane had been invited to visit also, so it certainly hadn't seemed like an invitation for Kitty alone. It had never occurred to her Pete wasn't to be included, and neither of them wanted to be apart for the time planned for this visit. Professor X simply repeated that he had not been expecting Wisdom to come with her. Peter, Kurt and Kitty were all X-men invited to return home, as was Rahne as a former New Mutant, while Wisdom was a stranger and an outsider.

"Mebbe he was right... mebbe I shouldn't have come along." Pete interrupted Kitty's recital. He was sitting slouched in the armchair, staying out of her way as Kitty paced around the room, knowing she had a habit of hitting out at things when she was upset. Lockheed stayed out of her way also, perching quietly up on top of the dresser where he'd been amusing himself baiting Wisdom while they waited for Kitty to return.

Hearing the doubt in his voice, Kitty interrupted her pacing to come over to him, leaning over to wrap her arms around him and hug him. "No, they need to get used to the idea that we're a package deal, that they can't have me around without you too... If you stayed away once just because they didn't want you, they'd just expect you to stay away next time, also, and things would never get better. Just give them time..."

Pete wrapped his arm around her waist and tried to pull her down into his lap, but Kitty was too worked up to settle down yet. She straightened up instead, to resume her pacing and her story.

Xavier went on to reproach Kitty for insisting on their arrival that she and Pete would share a room, or would leave. Kitty had to admit that she had reacted badly to his suggestions that she either share Ororo's room, to have lots of time to talk and renew their friendship, or stay with Rahne. She tried to explain to the Professor that she had felt she was being treated like a kid again. She had felt a need to establish her independence from the start, she resented the obvious ploy to separate her from Pete, and she hadn't wanted to leave Pete alone and unsupported among the X-men during this visit, as was obviously the Professor's intent.

The Professor didn't respond to her comments directly, but instead told her that her obvious insistence on bedding with Wisdom had made a bad impression on everyone. Kitty couldn't help laughing at that -- Brian and Meggan were quite pleased at Betsy and Warren getting together, Kitty and Kurt both kept hoping things would stabilize between Ororo and Forge, and Kitty had heard a lot of stories about Sam's volatile relationship with Tabitha. Angered by her flippant reaction, Xavier finished up by expressing relief that Jubilee was no longer living at the mansion to be tempted to emulate Kitty's irresponsible and rebellious behavior.

While her mouth was still hanging open from that observation, too stunned to come up with any response more coherent than an amazed sputter, Professor X began to reproach Kitty for being insensitive to Peter's feelings by making such a public parade of her relationship with Wisdom, not just here at the mansion but also back on the island. He questioned whether she wasn't flaunting being with Wisdom to punish Colossus for breaking off with her, and went on to imply that Pete might have deserved Peter's beating, and that Kitty's inappropriate behavior had contributed.

Kitty jumped up at that point and tried to interrupt, not to accuse Colossus in turn but to defend Pete, and herself, but the Professor told her to sit and listen. When she didn't, he repeated the order mentally, forcing her to reseat herself and remain silent. He had been sharp with her in the past but she didn't remember him ever running roughshod over her will, or anyone else's, quite as blatantly as this before (although she could remember Illyana mentioning some similar incidents).

Xavier could sense Kitty wondering why he seemed so set against Pete Wisdom. In the past he had usually seemed very open-minded in giving others the benefit of the doubt, had been willing to accept Wolverine and Rogue and Magneto and Sabertooth. The Professor asked her, more gently, if she had never wondered whether Wisdom was still working for Black Air, gathering information for them using his affair with Kitty as an excuse to remain on Muir to spy on Excalibur, whether the entire Dream Nails affair hadn't been staged for her benefit.

To that, at least, Kitty was able to answer, without an instant's hesitation, that such a thought had never once occurred to her, and that she'd never believe it to be true, but again the Professor ignored her response and just continued talking.

He asked her why she thought Wisdom could possibly be interested in a young, inexperienced girl, average in appearance and not accustomed to male attention, what about her in particular could attract an older man used to a sophisticated world. Apparently noticing that his last few questions had made Kitty wince, Xavier paused to apologize to her for hurting her by being too honest, claiming his bluntness was meant for her own good. Look at Jean or Storm, Betsy, Rogue, Lorna or Dazzler, he said. It might be believable for a man to be attracted to any of them, but...

Wisdom couldn't take the saddened look in her eyes or the depressed tone in her voice at this portion of the recital. It was quite obvious to Pete that Xavier had very carefully designed his comments and questions to exploit Kitty's self-doubts and destroy her self-confidence. He jumped up and grabbed her by the shoulders to make her look straight at him.

"Now, you listen, Pryde... You are the most wonderful woman I have ever met, and the only one I want. An' you are too beautiful, he's just too spaced to see it. I can't believe every bloke you've ever met with 'alf a brain hasn't fallen for you, an' I'm always afraid someone better will come along and take you away from me..."

Kitty smiled at him tremulously after that passionate declaration, feeling a comforting warmth spread through her at his touch and his words, but then pushed him away and resumed pacing. "Let me finish..."

Kitty pointed out to the Professor that she wasn't inexperienced, she'd met gods and aliens and demons, been out in space and to other dimensions, and lots of other situations unimaginable to others her age. Xavier shook his head and said that wasn't what he was talking about.

He went on to remind her that she had been a tomboy and a bookworm, spending more time with her computer than with boys her own age, that she had had very few interactions with boys at all compared to normal girls' growing up. Except for Doug Ramsey, she'd shown no interest in any of the boys in the New Mutants or Hellions. The professor contrasted that with what he considered more typical girls' behavior, such as Danielle's intermittent interest in Warpath or Amara's extended interest in Empath (ignoring the fact that de la Rocha's powers had had a lot to do with that interest), or even Rahne's crushes on everyone in turn.

Kitty wondered briefly if the professor would give her some credit for being a normal teenage girl if she told him about her hopeless crush on Alistaire Stuart, who had never noticed the young Kitty's interest in him because he in turn had had an unrequited passion for the older, more flamboyant Rachel. Looking back, it struck Kitty as a perfect example of the kind of experience Xavier was now accusing her of lacking. However, she had never felt comfortable sharing personal things with the professor even back when she lived at the mansion and certainly was not encouraged to do so now, after their time apart and his current critical attitude.

Apparently unaware of Kitty's wandering attention as she recalled a few other long-ago incidents, the professor continued his animadversion by reminding Kitty that the only relationship she'd ever had was with Peter Rasputin, when she was 14 and he was 19, and that that had not been a real, physical relationship. According to the Professor's version of events, after Peter had ended their romantic relationship, Kitty had moped after him for years, hoping to recover her true love, and now that Peter wanted to reconcile with Kitty, she was ruining her chances with him.

He worried, the Professor said, that Kitty had had no experience to help protect her against flattering advances from a smooth, sophisticated, older man with ulterior motives. Ignoring Kitty's amazed snort at hearing Pete characterized as smooth, Xavier noted that she had had no older women friends with such experience, such as Storm or even Stevie Hunter, near her to provide guidance and advice in such a situation. Xavier expressed disbelief that either Moira or Kurt could possibly have approved of Kitty's relationship with Wisdom, assuming instead that they had forbidden it and that Kitty had disobeyed their orders to stay away from him.

Professor X suggested that Illyana and Rachel, Kitty's two best friends, had not been good examples for her or influences on her, both having had definite problems themselves precluding anything resembling normal relationships, and both always taking any male attention away from Kitty, by their looks, their dress and their behavior. He said that he did not consider Meggan or Amanda appropriate confidants or role models for Kitty, asking if she had felt obligated to take up with Wisdom to match Meggan's relationship with Brian or Amanda's relation with Kurt.

Kitty sat there, in that deliberately uncomfortable straight-backed chair in front of the Professor's desk, listening to him twist everything around, inside out and and upside down, to be something different than it was, with a growing sense of alienation. In a funny way, he was defeating his own ends by his vicious attack on everything about her and Pete. The doubts he was trying to sow were dying stillborn, strangling each other.

Misinterpreting her silence as a growing acquiescence, the Professor concluded by recommending Kitty return to the X-men permanently, where he and the others would provide her with the proper guidance she should have while growing up, something Moira and Kurt seemed to have failed at. They would be happy to take Peter back, also, and Kurt if he agreed, and it would be just like old times...

"So, why do they all want you back with Comrade Terminator, anyway? Is he so bloody wonderful, or am I so bloody awful, or wot?" Wisdom was getting really fed up with having Peter Rasputin's supposed prior claim on Kitty shoved in his face all the time.

"Well, you're usually pretty horrid, at least around most people, and you've been even more bloody-minded than your usual lousy self on this visit, not that I blame you that much, the way they've been treating you..." Kitty responded. "But I don't think they all want me back with Peter. Yes, a few of them really do, but the rest probably don't give a damn one way or the other. Anyway, I bet it's more for Peter's benefit, because they think it's what he wants and needs, after everything he's been through, not because it's what I want or what would be good for me..."

"How do you figure that?" Pete wondered if she was simply trying to make him feel better, or if she really didn't see them all ganging up against him. Kitty had, in fact, noticed who had been particularly distant and hostile to Wisdom during dinner. He was pretty good at pretending he didn't care what people thought of him, but Kitty had seen through that particular facade of his back during their first trip to London together. And she knew he wanted to be accepted by her friends, for her sake if not for his own.

"Well, you have to remember the background..." Kitty kept trying to fill Pete in on X-men lore, whenever an opening came up in their various conversations, but there was just so much of it and it was so complicated that getting him up to speed was taking a long time. He had no trouble memorizing villains and their powers and organizations, that fit in with his background and interests just fine, it was the convoluted internal relationships and the comings and goings (not to mention deaths and resurrections, time travel and cloning) that he found hard to follow. She had gotten used to interrupting ongoing discussions to explain things that either she hadn't covered yet, or that Pete had forgotten or gotten confused. Oh, well, time for another history lesson...

Now that she had finished telling Pete about her recent one-sided confrontation with Professor Xavier, Kitty was able to calm down a bit. She stopped pacing around the room and perched on the arm of Pete's chair, resting one hand on his shoulder, waving the other around in a vain effort to disperse the cloud of cigarette smoke surrounding him before picking up and sipping at her drink.

"My team, when I joined, was Storm and Wolverine and Nightcrawler and Colossus. Scott, Cyclops, had just left because that was when Jean died... I mean Phoenix, not the Jean you just met here... not Phoenix who was Rachel, you remember, I've told you about Rachel, I mean Dark Phoenix, the Phoenix force that took Jean's place while she was regenerating in a cocoon in the harbor where the shuttle crashed, that merged with Rachel later..." Kitty started getting bogged down in the background herself.

"An' you wonder why I can't keep all this straight?" Pete interrupted her, with a pointed look.

Kitty had to admit he had a valid point there, but she was determined to brief him sufficiently that, if he continued to put his foot in his mouth in conversation with her friends, it would be because he meant to and not merely by accident.

"Hush, you... Anyway, Scott had just taken leave, even though he still got involved in a lot of things with the rest of us, like fighting Magneto and the Brood and the Hellfire Club... And Rogue joined soon after me. We were a big family, just like Excalibur is now, and I was the baby of the bunch, and they all took care of me..." She smiled to herself as she recalled some of those early missions, going out into space with Lilandra and the Starjammers, visiting Arkon's dimension and Asgard and Limbo, all awesome and terrifying experiences but equally fascinating and exhilarating at the same time.

"The New Mutants showed up later. They were all closer to my age but I never had that much to do with them once I convinced the Professor that I belonged with the senior team, except for Doug Ramsey and Illyana. She was just about my age when she got out of Limbo and my best friend, but she wasn't exactly your normal teenager, either... the teenage mutant demon sorceress and the teenage mutant ninja hacker were a great match. And Doug spoke computer like me, which nobody else did..." Kitty felt herself wandering off the point again. She certainly didn't want to get into a discussion with Pete right now about other old boyfriends, she was having enough trouble with her past with one particular old boyfriend.

"So Storm, Wolverine and Nightcrawler, and Rogue and Cyclops later, that was the group that knew me and Peter as a couple, the skinny nerdy kid in love forever at fourteen with her big, strong, pure knight in shining armor. Peter was nineteen then, not long off the collective farm. He was always very idealistic, first believing in Marxism and Leninism wholeheartedly, and then embracing Professor Xavier's dream of mutants and humans coexisting just as strongly. He was big and strong and gorgeous, a real hunk, of course, and sensitive too, a real artist..." Kitty had been staring off into space while reminiscing but, feeling Wisdom's shoulder tense under her hand, she glanced down and noticed the increasingly sour look on his face as she seemed to be singing Colossus' praises.

Kitty gripped Pete's shoulder, hard, then reached over to run her hand through his unruly black hair as she leaned over to kiss him quickly. "Now, don't you start sulking, I'm just trying to explain... I can't help still caring about Peter, but these days I feel more sorry for him than anything else. I'm just saying that nobody should have been surprised I fell for Peter back then. He was a teenage girl's dream come true. I may have had a genius IQ, but I still had perfectly normal hormones... And it wasn't as big an age difference as it seemed -- Peter was pretty naive and inexperienced for his age compared to a typical American kid, maybe because of growing up on that isolated farm, and I've always gotten along a lot better with older people than with anyone my own age... and being with the X-men makes you grow up pretty fast..."

"And you still have perfectly normal hormones, and you're still into older men, this dirty old man in particular, I hope..." Pete ran his hand up her back under her sweater, sending a delicious shiver down her spine. Kitty had overheard the dirty old man crack earlier, but hadn't been sure whether Pete had heard also. His using that phrase now told her he had, and had been hurt by it, even though he had been able to mask his reaction to that comment back then.

Kitty leaned over to kiss Pete again, running her hand first over the perpetual stubble on his chin and cheek, then up into his unruly black hair. She was tempted for a minute to drop the conversation, ignore the problems this visit was creating, accept the diversion he was attempting to create, and just slide down onto his lap and do what came naturally, but she wanted to finish clearing the air between them first.

"So, it was Ororo and Logan and Kurt and Rogue and Scott who were there when Peter dumped me because he'd fallen in love with someone else..." Kitty returned to the point she was trying to make but she didn't straighten back up. She remained leaning against Pete's shoulder, enjoying the comforting warmth of his hard body under hers.

"Bloody stupid idiot." Pete muttered under his breath, still caressing her bare back under her sweater. "His mistake, the dumb sod, why the hell should I have to pay for it..."

Kitty ignored that subtle bit of flattery, and simply continued, "At first, I was devastated. All I remember is trying to put a good face on things in front of the others, but crying a lot in private, or with Illyana. I didn't want anyone else to see me crying, especially Peter... I took off for a time, ended up in Japan with Logan, that's another long story, for another time..." She was trying hard to keep to the point, not to get distracted by any further background history lessons.

"Logan told me once that he thought Peter had subconsciously used his feelings for Zsaji (that was her name), and my growing friendship with Doug Ramsey, because he was afraid of starting a real relationship with me and needed an excuse to back away... Anyway, after Peter broke off with me it was hard for a while, still being on the same team. But it got better with time, I got used to it, we even started being friends again. We were team-mates for quite a while after we broke up, there were lots of chances to renew our relationship if it really had been love, if it was meant to be, but somehow that just never happened..."

Pete wondered briefly if Kitty did protest a bit too much, but the sincerity in her voice, the way she leaned against him confidingly while she bared her soul for him, went a long way toward reassuring him that she didn't harbor any lingering yen for Colossus or any suppressed regrets at ending up with Wisdom.

Remembering what happened next, Kitty's eyes and voice got softer. "And then Kurt and Peter and I were injured pretty badly fighting the Marauders, and we were taken to Muir Island. Peter got better pretty fast, and went to rejoin the X-men, and we all thought that he had died with them in Dallas... Kurt and I stayed in Britain, and we started Excalibur with Brian and Meggan and Rachel... But the X-men weren't dead, they were in Australia. Colossus was there with with Storm and Rogue and Wolverine and Psylocke and Dazzler and Longshot and Havok..."

Pete's eyes were glazing over, and he was getting fidgety, so Kitty figured she'd downloaded enough history on him for this session. He seemed to be able to take in only so much at any one time, of either X-men history in general, or Kitty's history with Peter Rasputin in particular, before tuning out. Besides, she hadn't told Pete anything yet about being trapped in her phased state, how she'd almost died and almost killed herself, and she didn't want to get into that particular story during this discussion. She decided yet again to try to get to the point.

"So, you see, first Ororo and Logan and Kurt were all really close to Peter and me when we were both X-men, and then Ororo and Logan were really close to Peter after Kurt and I were gone. They were all with Peter a lot longer than I was, and through some very bad times. The others, like Gambit and Bishop, Beast and Iceman, Jean Grey and Archangel and Psylocke, have some history with Peter, yes, but more recently, and they haven't interacted with me much at all. Why should they care who I'm with?"

Kitty started counting the others off on her fingers. "Rogue spent a lot of time with us both, but she seems wrapped up in her own problems with Gambit, and Magneto, with little time or attention left over to worry about others, especially us...

"Logan, well, I don't think he objected to Peter breaking up with me, he mostly objected to how Peter did it. And you knew he wouldn't mind about you, you louse, and you let me worry about it anyway, and just you wait, you creep, I'll get you for that sometime..." She swatted at Pete lightly, thinking about how concerned she'd been about introducing Wisdom and Logan, and how wasted that concern had turned out to be.

"So, of all the X-men you've met here so far, besides the Professor, Storm is the one who really wants things between me and Peter back the way we were years ago. Ororo always called Peter her little brother, just like she always called me her Kitten. She's never admitted that Peter and I have just grown apart, and don't have anything much in common anymore..."

Pete was nodding now at the validity of Kitty's extended analysis. He had felt Xavier's disapproval of him, but it had been Storm who had made a number of cutting and belittling comments since meeting him, whose patronizing air of superiority rubbed him the wrong way and made him say things he regretted later, who kept blatantly pushing Kitty toward Colossus while attempting to ignore Wisdom's presence.

"Now, Kurt was with us in the X-men, but after recovering from the fight with the Marauders he ended up in Excalibur with me instead of returning to the X-men like Peter. So, Kurt's been closer to me than to Peter for quite a while now, and he has no trouble thinking of me as my own person, separate from Peter and the X-men. And Kurt's not pushing me to go back with Peter, he's accepted you, and accepted us..."

"Yeah, right, with open arms..." Pete muttered under his breath.

Kitty just grinned at him. "No, now be fair, Kurt did agree when I said I wanted you to join Excalibur permanently, so we could be together. I know you told me later Kurt and Brian played big brother a bit, but it didn't sound like a really serious confrontation." Pete winced a little at the recollection of that abortive trip to the men's room at the pub, but then reluctantly returned Kitty's smile, since he did have to admit that he had been expecting a lot worse. He was still surprised at how easily he'd been accepted into Excalibur.

"Kurt's been very disturbed by Peter's recent behavior, just like I have. I think Kurt understands why I'm not completely comfortable around Peter now, why I can't think of him the same way as before, why there's a small part deep inside me that's afraid of him and what he might do... The others, the X-men, still think of Peter as the gentle giant who could never hurt anybody deliberately. Kurt, all of Excalibur, we know better. We saw Peter attacking you in a rage, attacking a complete stranger who wasn't doing anything wrong or threatening except being in Peter's way when he wanted something, refusing to listen when Kurt tried to stop him beating you, hitting out at Kurt and Brian and the others."

Kitty shuddered at the recollection of that horrible night, hugging Pete to her in an unconscious bid for reassurance. Pete winced also at the reminder but his memories of that fight were blurred, with only a single sharp, clear stab of fear for Kitty left lighting a confused haze of alcohol and pain. Kitty had no such filter. She still had nightmares of Colossus standing over Wisdom's broken and bloody body.

Kitty had worried often since then about the possibility of another confrontation between Colossus and Wisdom. As usual, Peter had bottled up his feelings and refused to discuss what had happened, other than proffering a formal apology for the 'misunderstanding' while Wisdom was convalescing, leaving Kitty and Kurt to try to explain. Peter acted the old friend with her when Wisdom wasn't around, but otherwise ignored her being with Pete, and tended to take as little notice of Wisdom's existence as he was able in their microscopic little society on Muir.

"That doesn't mean we don't, I don't, still care about Peter, or understand some of what's been eating away at him. Peter's country, his whole society, that he had idealized, has been dying an ignominious death for years. We don't know how much that affected him, but he always talked about wanting to back to his family and the collective farm.

"Remember, I told you a while ago, Peter thought his brother died years ago in a launch accident, then he found his brother was alive in another dimension. Before they could go back home to Russia to see their family, to break the news that Mikhail was alive, he thought he saw his brother die, kill himself actually, while destroying the remaining Morlocks. Right after that, his parents were killed by government agents who'd come after Illyana. And that was all after he'd already watched his baby sister grow up by magic and turn into a demon sorceress, and then turn back into a little girl again."

Kitty could only hope that she could bring Wisdom to make allowances for Peter and enlist his cooperation in avoiding further conflict. She wasn't really sanguine about her chances of success in getting Pete to understand and sympathize with Colossus, even a little, but she felt she had to try. And the X-men's obvious disdain of Wisdom, and their overt support of Colossus, wasn't making her self-appointed task any easier.

"After that, Peter seemed to be losing control more and more, especially when Illyana got sick. We were there when he turned his back on all of us and went to Avalon with Magneto at Illyana's funeral. Next, we heard Peter had turned around again and effectively betrayed Magneto and Avalon, by not sounding an alarm when he found the Professor and the X-men boarding Avalon to fight Magneto. So Peter lost Magneto, too, when the Professor mindwiped him into a vegetable, and I'm sure he feels it was partly his fault. He insisted on staying on Avalon to take care of Magneto, but as a former X-man he must have been unwelcome, an outcast, among the other Acolytes, most of whom were Magneto's devoted followers."

"Then he took the Acolytes on a space walk, he was the only one with any experience in space, and they brought Holocaust in from drifting in space, wherever he came from, and Holocaust destroyed Avalon. It wasn't Peter's fault, it was Exodus' command and Peter was against it, but I bet he blames himself, anyway, for not trying harder to stop them... So Peter ended up back on earth, after trying to save Magneto's comatose body but losing it in re-entry, and was rescued and told by Callisto his brother hadn't died after all but was responsible for creating Gene Nation. He fought with the X-men against those mutant terrorists, but wouldn't stay with them. And it was right after that he showed up at Muir."

Kitty had heard parts of the Avalon story when Xavier had consulted Moira about Wolverine losing his adamantium. However, most of her information came from Ororo. Besides her determination to engage Kitty's lingering concern about Colossus, Storm and Kitty shared a long and involved history with the Morlocks, albeit Storm mostly through Callisto and Kitty more with Caliban. And, although Peter still refused to talk about his sojourn on Avalon, Cyclops had spent a lot of time with several of the other Acolytes while rescuing them after the fall of Avalon and, while they were still loyal to Magneto and didn't want to say anything to betray him, they were usually willing to talk about Colossus during rest periods, most of the Acolytes feeling little loyalty to him because they still saw him as an X-man, an intruder.

Pete remained silent, but he didn't stop Kitty or push her away, letting her talk. He did not enjoy hearing Kitty plead Rasputin's case, but knew she felt obligated to defend Colossus. One of the many things he loved about her was her fierce loyalty to her friends, even when he believed it was misdirected and undeserved. He continued running his hand along her back slowly, a sensuous gesture which also offered comfort, but otherwise seemed content for the moment to just let her keep talking.

"It's not just his attacking you that we worry about. On one of his courier runs to Muir Island, Bishop told us about Colossus' attack on Fitzroy in Dallas, how Peter kept beating him even though Storm and Jean tried to hold him back, how Peter hit out at Archangel when Angel tried to stop Peter, how Peter tried to justify that beating. I can understand fighting in the middle of a battle, of course, but Bishop said Fitzroy had given up and Peter kept attacking him. Apparently, that's the only way he can express his anger, his hurt, his frustration, but it's not enough to give him any lasting relief, it just starts building up again..."

Pete also knew Kitty wouldn't listen to him if he tried to explain to her that Rasputin was a walking time bomb, guaranteed to explode again, over and over, until he faced up to his inner demons. Wisdom recognized the signs because he'd been through a similar state himself before he'd learned to accept what he'd done and move on. Pete knew Kitty thought he was concerned about losing her to Colossus, but he hesitated to tell her bluntly that he was actively afraid of Colossus actually hurting Kitty.

"I knew it was really over with me and Peter long before I met you. I think what finally drove it home was Illyana dying, and her funeral. I had come over to be with her near the end, and I was with her when she died. She was my best friend, even though she was little again and didn't remember a lot. Moira and the Professor and Jubilee and I were with her when the final crisis came, and I was the one who had to argue with him about letting her go. Peter got back just after she died. When he heard about Illyana, he just walked away from us, away from me. He wouldn't show his feelings, wouldn't share his feelings, with me, with anyone."

She leaned against Pete's shoulder, absently running her fingers through his hair, as she continued, "I went to him later, I tried to hold him, comfort him, be there for him, but he didn't want me. I found him burning all his paintings. I managed to rescue one of Illyana, but the others were destroyed, all except a few he'd given away. I don't think he's painted anything since..."

"That's the painting you have hangin' up over your computer table, innit?" he asked. She'd told him the portrait was of her best friend, Colossus' dead sister, but not the conditions under which she had acquired it. Most of the times she'd talked to him about Illyana had been about their time together when she was Kitty's age.

"Yeah, I keep it up there because I don't want to forget Illyana, ever... When she died, I was hurting too, I was hurting just as much as he was, she was his sister but I spent a lot more time with her, and he didn't want to share my grief or let me share his... If we couldn't talk then, be together then, then there really was nothing left..."

Pete reached up, wrapped his arm around Kitty's waist and pulled her down into his lap. This time she came into his arms willingly, eagerly. He didn't say anything, and didn't do anything except hold her close in a tight embrace as she recalled Illyana's death. She dropped her head on his shoulder and buried her face in his neck, letting the feel and scent of him comfort her as she tried to regain control.

After a few moments, Kitty straightened up, rubbing at her eyes. Her throat was dry from all the talking she'd been doing, and she decided she needed a drink. She reached over to the table and picked up Pete's empty glass. Gesturing at him with it and receiving a confirming nod, she got up and went to fix him a fresh drink at the same time as getting herself one.

When she came back over with his glass, he'd taken advantage of the brief break to light another cigarette. Kitty frowned at him, but didn't feel like starting another argument about his smoking. She perched on the arm of his chair again. Pete did try to blow the smoke away from her, but that didn't help much. Kitty just hoped that Pete realized her putting up with his smoking was a sign of how much he'd come to mean to her.

Pete had been thinking about Kitty's description of her meeting with Xavier and their subsequent conversation, and thought he noticed a major hole. "You haven't mentioned Xavier much so far."

"Actually, he wasn't always around while I was with the X-men, he kept going off into space with Lilandra a lot. Or we'd be out in space without him, or off on missions without him. I may have spent almost as much time with Magneto running the X-men as with the Professor around. And, those times he was around, he would try to run everything, order everyone around, like he always knows everything better than anyone else, just like he acted with me tonight."

"The original X-men, Scott and Jean, Angel and Beast and Iceman, tried to leave quite a few times, to go to normal schools, to try to lead independent lives, join the Avengers or the Defenders or the Champions or X-Factor, but they always kept coming back. X-Force, Cannonball and Sunspot and BoomBoom, I mean Meltdown, they used to be the New Mutants, they left with Cable, but now they're back, too. And most of the other senior X-men, like Storm and Rogue and Wolverine and Banshee, have left at various times also, and then came back. I guess that's why the Professor still expects Kurt and Peter and me to come back..."

"So does everybody always come back?" Pete interrupted her. Kitty was making it sound like a foregone conclusion she'd end up rejoining the X-men. "Nobody's ever left and made a go of life in the real world, away from this bedlam?" Kitty frowned disapprovingly at that description.

"Well, Longshot and Dazzler left for Mojoworld, and Alex and Lorna are in X-Factor. Karma's in Madripoor, I think, and I don't have any idea where Dani or Amara are now." Kitty was surprised herself at how many of Xavier's students ended up returning, some over and over. "Gambit and Bishop and Psylocke have never really left since joining... Jubilee's at Emma's school now, with Banshee, does that count?" She tried hard, but couldn't think of many others who'd left and not come back. "Thunderbird died, so did Doug and Warlock, Illyana and Jamie Madrox. Rachel's in the future, according to Scott and Jean and Cable..."

"Don't get stupid, Pryde." Pete snorted at her last few examples. "Dyin' don't count, that's not how I want to get you away from these clowns, and I happen to like living in the here and now, thank you very much, especially from what you've told me of the futures you've seen. Bloody hell, no wonder he thinks you'll come crawlin' back again as soon as he tells you to..."

Kitty felt obligated to defend the Professor and the X-men, even though she privately agreed that they did live in a very closed, almost incestuous, private little world. "Well, it's not just being a family, it's hard for mutants to live in the outside world, what you're calling the real world. There's a lot of prejudice around out there, I've seen it kill mutants..." She winced, remembering Larry Bodine's suicide long ago.

That drew another snort of derision from Wisdom. "Did it ever occur to any of these wankers that dressing up in silly suits and calling each other dumb names and showing up just to blow things up and then vanishing mysteriously with no explanation or apology just might make most normal people nervous? Or mebbe plain scared? I've lived in the real world all my life just fine, thanks, but I try to fit in, not stick out like a ruddy sore thumb..." Kitty might have her personal crusade to get Wisdom to understand and accept Colossus, but Pete had his own personal agenda also, to get Kitty living a normal life with him, with her friends if possible, but without them if necessary. "I can just imagine what my mates would think if I showed up at the pub wearing red longjohns and calling meself `Deathfinger' or some such, blew down the door, blew apart the bar, blew up the jakes... Think they'd stand me a drink then? Or play darts with me? Not bloody likely..."

Kitty bristled at Pete's attack on the X-men's lifestyle. "Well, the Professor didn't gather us together to go down to the pub and play darts... He started the X-men to teach us to use our powers for good. Storm told me once he picked both the original X-men and the second X-men out of a lot of other mutants available because he examined our minds to find personalities especially suitable for his planned mission..."

"So, did he look inside your head again, tonight?" Pete snarled at her. "Is that why he's so sure you want to be back here, back together with Comrade Nutcase?"

"No!" Kitty exclaimed. "Is that what you've been so worried about? Do you really think I've been lying to you all this time?"

"No, I don't think you've been lyin' to me, not on purpose anyway. I'm afraid you might be lyin' to yourself..." Pete's voice was flat now, as he put his deepest fear into words.

Kitty could hear the doubt in his tone, see the question in his eyes. She came back over to him and climbed astride his lap, embracing him as hard as she could, kissing him passionately. He remained stiff in her arms, his mouth closed to her, not rejecting her advances but not responding either. She sat back but stayed on his lap, running her fingers through his hair and along his face as she stared into his deep blue eyes, trying to project reassurance with all her willpower.

"I don't think the Professor actually went into my mind. If he did, he knows I don't want to be back with Peter, he knows I want you, I need you, not Peter. But he's always made a big point of privacy and ethics, of not using his powers casually. I think he's just so used to being able to read someone's mind when he needs to that he's become overconfident, he thinks he knows what everyone's thinking and feeling, knows what's best for them, without having to read their minds. That's the only explanation for all the situations he's misread in the past..."

Pete interrupted her again, "So you're tellin' me he treats all the others like he treated you tonight? An' they stay and take his shit, or they leave then keep coming back for more?" Wisdom was having trouble imagining the regal Storm or the independent Wolverine or the erudite Beast putting up with Xavier's preaching and lectures and mind games for long. "Bloody 'ell, talk about stayin' in your basic sick relationship..."

Kitty winced at the hard core of truth in that blunt observation. "Pretty much, except maybe he feels he has to be more diplomatic with some of the others. This was more like he used to treat the New Mutants. You see, the other thing is that I was just about fifteen when I was injured in that fight with the Marauders, and went to Muir Island, and then stayed with Excalibur. So the Professor and Ororo still think of me as about fourteen years old, and treat me that way too..."

That still rankled Kitty whenever she thought about it, how the Professor had used her to lure Peter down from Avalon to Muir Island, and then how he had wanted to use her friendship with Caliban to rescue Jubilee. She'd heard a lot lately about how worried everybody'd been when they found Tabitha spending time alone with Sabertooth while he was at the mansion, but the Professor hadn't hesitated to send her down into the Morlock tunnels alone with Sabertooth.

As she continued brooding over her recent confrontation with Xavier in his office, the recollection made her jump up and begin pacing around the room again.

"So... you want I should leave, and let you stay with the X-men?" Pete tried, unsuccessfully, to hide just how much that idea worried him. He was already afraid they would succeed in turning her away from him even with him present, but with him gone...

Well, it was one possible solution, but a solution that made Kitty's spirits plummet, much more than the Professor's lecture had. She looked over at Pete, who was slouched down in his chair again, and asked him "Would you miss me?"

Moving a lot faster than she expected, Wisdom jerked to his feet, came over to her and caught her up in a tight embrace. He just managed to growl "You stupid, bloody, idiot..." before his mouth came down hard on hers, cutting off any further conversation. He shifted his grasp, one hand tangled in her hair to keep her in the kiss, the other running down her back to her buttocks, pressing their hips together. The close contact let her feel just how fully aroused he was.

Kitty was a little surprised at Pete's abrupt reaction to her half-joking question. He'd stayed pretty still and mostly silent while she'd recounted her encounter with Xavier. She had pretty much ignored the overtures he'd made early in their subsequent conversation, wanting to talk, and later he'd gotten progressively colder and more distant as their conversation began to deteriorate into a fight. It could have turned into a serious argument, until Kitty had recognized the true extent of Pete's fear of losing her to Xavier and the X-men and Colossus. She quickly decided that this particular discussion had gone on long enough. She'd made the points she had wanted to make, and now talking further wasn't as important as responding to Pete, reassuring him.

He had his hands under her sweater now, pulling up on it, trying to get it off. Kitty just phased her clothes so that they fell in a heap around her feet, a new use of her mutant talent with which she'd had considerable practice recently. As soon as Pete felt she was naked, he picked her up in his arms and carried her over to the bed, maintaining their kiss the entire time.

Pete laid her down gently on the bed. Still kissing her, he supported his body above hers with one hand and knee on the bed while tearing at his tie with the other hand. He didn't seem willing to let go of her long enough to remove his clothes. Kitty managed to break out of the kiss long enough to say, "Let me...", and reached up to phase his clothing also, so that it fell by the side of the bed.

Kitty wrapped her arms around Pete's bare back, pulling him down to her on the bed. She felt his body come down hard on hers as his mouth reclaimed hers. His hands were roving over her breasts, stroking, teasing the nipples, which were already hardening. A short time later, his mouth moved down her neck to replace his hands on her breasts as his hands moved further down her body. He sucked on each nipple in turn, as he slid one arm under her arched back and ran his other hand in between her legs, which she spread automatically at his touch. The perpetual stubble on his jaw tickled her soft skin as he nuzzled at her breasts, a sensation always guaranteed to send shivers up and down her spine.

Kitty ran her hands down his back to his buttocks, drawing her nails along his skin, causing him to arch his back in reflex. She started to shift one hand down around his hip to grasp his shaft, to play with him in turn, while running the fingers of her other hand into the crack between his buttocks. Before she had had time to get hold of his erection or tickle his asshole, Pete twisted away and grabbed her hands. Holding both her wrists in one hand, he pulled her arms up and pinned them to the bed next to her head, throwing his leg over her hips and holding her down with his weight. Recognizing the unspoken message, Kitty realized he wanted her to stay passive this time and let him keep control.

Feeling her relax back onto the bed, making no effort to move her arms from where he held them, Pete shifted his body back slightly. The fingers of his other hand played with the curls in the little bush of hair between her legs, then slipped inside her. He was thrusting deep into her with first one, then several fingers, while simultaneously stroking her clitoris. Kitty's shivers were building up into tremors wracking her entire body. She was getting aroused very quickly, both by the localized response his fingers were creating in her, and by the overall feeling of his wiry strength holding her, controlling her.

Kitty was surprised by Pete's loving, both its speed and its silence, neither of which fit in with what she considered his usual style, which was much more playful and leisurely. However, she found his intense concentration upon her extremely arousing, and had no trouble responding just as strongly and rapidly.

Wisdom could feel that Kitty was hot, open and ready. He thrust her legs farther apart with his knees, and went into her with one powerful stroke. She arched up to him, wrapping her legs around him tightly. He let go her wrists and his hands returned to fondling her breasts as he began to move within her, at first slowly but then increasing rapidly in tempo. Released, her hands lifted to hold him again, running up and down along his arms and chest, his back and hips, but she made no more overt move, letting him have his way.

They both climaxed so nearly together as to be simultaneous, Kitty muffling her cries by biting into Pete's shoulder while hearing his hoarse groans next to her ear. She felt his body collapse back upon hers briefly, before he gathered up enough strength to shift to the side. He stretched out on the bed and pulled her over into his arms, pillowing her head on his shoulder. She threw her leg over him, cuddling close. Wisdom kissed her again, but lightly this time, murmuring "Love you, Pryde..."

They both lay there for some time, recovering from the intense loving. Eventually, Pete lifted his head and looked at Kitty, who was drifting off into sleep. She felt his regard and, languidly opening her eyes, looked up at him with a questioning "Mmm...?"

Pete hung his head sheepishly and said, "Well, if I was worried about leavin' you to the affections of Comrade Colossus and the advice of the others, I didn't help any by actin' like such a selfish bastard, did I?"

Kitty hadn't particularly noticed the odd look on his face until that unexpected question shocked her awake. "What on earth are you talking about, Pete?"

Pete wasn't used to trying to explain his actions, his feelings, but he tried hard, for Kitty's sake, only to produce a jumbled whelter. "When you talked about stayin' 'ere, and asked if I would miss you... I just saw my life without you. It felt so empty... I grabbed you like that could force you to stay with me, and then I didn't even try to love you before takin' you... So I took advantage of you again... I don't expect it'll help any, but I'm sorry..."

Kitty was even more surprised by that confused explanation. "But, Pete, it wasn't anything like that. I was just as ready as you were, and enjoyed it just as much. And I really don't believe you would have gone ahead so quickly if I hadn't been ready... And you've certainly never taken advantage of me, that's just ridiculous..."

Wisdom was shaking his head, the troubled look still in his eyes. Kitty realized it would take a lot more than her simple statement to reassure him. She wasn't the only one feeling off balance by this visit. The various comments from the X-men questioning his trustworthiness and the validity of their relationship, both directed at him and overheard by him, together with her description of her meeting with the Professor and his accusations, had all done a lot more damage to his confidence, in himself and in her, than she had first thought.

Kitty pushed herself up in the bed and sat cross-legged next to Pete, reaching out to hold his hand. She looked down on him, wondering how to convince him that their relationship was fine, that they were fine, no matter what anyone else said or thought. Their lovemaking had reassured her, completely, but he was obviously still perturbed.

"Pete, do you remember our first time together?"

Well, at least now he looked more puzzled than troubled. "What do you mean... Genosha? What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

She smacked him lightly. "No, you idiot, I meant our first time making love, after we got back from Dream Nails, remember?"

"Well, of course I remember. How could I possibly forget one of the high points of me life?"

"Stop being sarcastic and pay attention, I'm trying to make a point here..." Pete muttered "I wasn't bein' sarcastic" but Kitty just kept on talking. "So, do you remember the lecture you gave me then?"

"I never gave you any lecture, well, at least not any time we was makin' love." Pete issued that vehement denial still with no idea where Kitty was going with this conversation, but she was pleased that she had managed to capture his attention and divert him from the groundless guilt he seemed to be trapped in.

"Yes, you did. Remember, we started fooling around in the Runner on the way back..." Pete remembered that time vividly, as Kitty kept on talking...

Continued in Part 3... Reminiscences
So what really happened on the way back from Dream Nails?