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Part 5 Lockheed and Colossus

Kitty opened the door quietly, and came back to Wisdom's room to see Meggan still sitting faithfully by his bedside, as she'd promised. Amanda stood nearby, propping an arm on the headboard, carefully avoiding all the tubes and wires running around the bed as she chatted quietly with Meggan. Seeing the motion out of the corner of their eyes, they glanced over to the door to see Kitty, and came over to join her there.

"Pete's fine, Kitty, there's been no change at all." Meggan quickly reassured the younger girl, then went on to ask hesitantly, "Are you all right, Kitty? Did you go see Colossus, talk to him?" at the same time Amanda asked quietly, "Did Kurt go with you? How did it go? Was it... pretty bad?"

Looking at her two friends gratefully, Kitty replied slowly, "Yes, I saw him. and, no, Kurt didn't go with me..."

Hearing an odd note in her voice, Meggan came closer to hug Kitty in silent sympathy, as Amanda enquired gently, "Would you like us to stay, Meggan or me, or both of us? Want to talk about it?"

After thinking about that kind offer for a moment, Kitty shook her head. "No, thank you... thank you both, but I think I just want to sit here alone, with Pete, and think about it myself first... maybe later?" She felt like she didn't want to talk about it at all, now or later, but she didn't want to be rude about rejecting their solicitude, treasuring the warm comfort their care and concern provided.

Amanda glanced over at Meggan, deferring to her reading of Kitty's feelings. Meggan simply nodded, saying, "We'll look in again later. Please, try to relax, get a little rest now." She smiled at Kitty. "But you won't be alone, unless you chase him out, too..." As Kitty gave her a puzzled look, Meggan waved her arm. Looking where Meggan was pointing, Kitty saw Lockheed perched at the foot of Pete's bed, watching them all.

As Meggan and Amanda left, Kitty held out her arms and Lockheed launched himself into the air to fly the short distance over to her with a brief strong flaps of his wings. She supported Lockheed's weight with one practiced arm, as she walked over to the bed to settle back in the chair that let her reach out and keep hold Wisdom's of limp hand easily, as she held Lockheed on her lap.

Staring down at the unconscious man, the innocent victim of an unprovoked attack by her old teammate earlier, Kitty felt the tears rise in her eyes and spill down her cheeks, as she confessed in a choked voice, "I'm so sorry, Pete... I said I was going to go tell Peter exactly what I thought of him trying to kill you tonight... I was so mad, I wanted to kick his brains out, I really did, so he'd feel just a little bit of what he put you through... But I got down there, and I saw him sitting in that tiny little holding cell with that horrible inhibitor collar on, just like Spoor or some other evil mutant... And I couldn't, I just couldn't, it would've felt just like kicking a lost puppy dog... He's so totally out of it, he doesn't have any real idea what he did, how dangerous he is..."

She clutched Wisdom's hand tightly, as though the strength of her grip could convince him of her sincerity. "I'm still mad, I hate what he did to you, he had no right to do something like that, to you, to anyone. But I can't hate him, not even for you, and I'm so sorry, Pete..." Kitty couldn't go on for a few moments. Then she took a deep breath, and let go of Lockheed just long enough to dash away the tears on her cheeks with the back of her hand, Lockheed's long tongue licking away the few she missed.

She looked down at Lockheed, cradled in her lap. "Do you think he'll understand, dragon? Think he'll be able to forgive me, for wimping out, and forgiving Peter? Or will he hate me for that, for not standing up for him?" Lockheed gave a most inelegant snort, "Pfaugh!", which made Kitty laugh weakly. "I know you haven't been too thrilled about this, Lockheed. I don't know why, is it Pete, or would it be anyone I was with? Don't you want me to be happy, dragon? And I was happy..."

Hugging Lockheed, Kitty thought bemusedly about what a wild night it had turned out to be. Earlier, she had thought that the hardest part would be telling the others about her and Pete, and that she wanted Pete to stay. It had taken her a while to get up the courage for that, but she'd decided, while inviting Kurt and Amanda, that the time had come. And that had gone well, better than Kitty had dared hope, with Moira unexpectedly providing the perfect opening. Once that hurdle had been passed, she had relaxed, and enjoyed their evening out as she couldn't remember doing in a long time. Kitty had been looking forward eagerly to the day's perfect ending, to Wisdom joining her after his obligatory last cigarette, when Colossus' attack had suddenly disrupted everything..

Then, first, she'd had to wait in agonizing suspense to see if Moira could save Pete. Before she'd had a chance to absorb Moira's prognosis, much less the attack itself, Brian had come by and challenged her feelings for Pete, her future with him, as had Kurt a bit later, although much more delicately. And Kurt had raised the inevitable question, would it be Pete or Peter, if she had the choice?

She knew this relationship seemed sudden to the others, it felt just as sudden to herself. Now, in the soothing quiet of the recovery room, still holding Wisdom's hand as a lifeline she couldn't let go, Kitty wondered herself exactly what had happened between them, when things had changed between them.

They'd been unusually polite to each other going down to London, Wisdom appreciating the favor she was doing him and not deliberately goading her by smoking or misbehaving. And they'd been unexpectedly comfortable together in the pub, where she'd been surprised how warmly his mates had welcomed him.

But it wasn't until his friend Jardine had talked to her about Pete, telling her about a number of incidents in response to her idle question, that she suddenly saw him differently, saw below the surface for the first time, to the caring heart he hid so determinedly. She'd insisted on going with him, almost blurting out her changed opinion of him on the plane later, stopping herself just in time.

But it wasn't until they were actually breaking into the Dream Nails base that she'd abruptly become aware of Pete as a man, not just a person.

Standing close to him to phase them down, she'd gone weak-kneed at his habitual smell of aftershave, tobacco and booze, arousing her now instead of irritating her as before, as she made a lame joke to cover her reaction. Working their way inside, all she could think about was the warmth of his hard wiry body so near hers, the feel of his fingers clasping her gloved hand.

And, in the intelligence office when he'd leaned over her at the computer terminal, she felt once again like she'd never seen him before. But rather than his soul as in Jardine's office, it was his body she was suddenly incredibly conscious of. She'd wanted to nuzzle up to that perpetual five o'clock shadow, run her hands into his unruly black hair, drown in his deep blue eyes staring so intently into her questioning ones, lean over to touch that mocking mouth just inches from her own, silent now and open slightly in unconscious invitation, so close his breath caressed her cheek lightly. She'd licked nervously at her suddenly dry lips, and heard his breath catch at that unconsciously sensuous gesture, just when they were interrupted so dramatically.

Reliving those feelings from just a few nights ago, Kitty reached up now to stroke his still, white face gently, the stubble rasping against her fingertips. She wondered at how Pete often looked so much older than his years while the X-men always seemed so much younger than their actual ages, dimly realizing that the difference was Pete's disguised but deep involvement with the world and the consequences of his actions, so very different from the X-men's usual aloofness and isolation.

As Kitty contrasted Pete's lined, craggy face with Peter's smooth, boyish visage, she recalled her recent visit to Rasputin's holding cell. "Please, Lockheed, please be happy for me. Pete's good to me, dragon. Peter asked me that, and I didn't even have to think about the answer. Pete's good to me, he makes me happy, just like Peter used to, once upon a time, a very very long time ago..."

Lockheed just snorted again, but Kitty wasn't paying attention to him anymore. She was thinking more about what Peter had asked, how she had assured him so readily that Pete was good to her, and wondered how she could be so sure after just a few days of being together. She had to ask herself whether she wasn't fantasizing something that wasn't really there.

But, looking at Pete's bruised and battered body swathed in bandages, aching herself in sympathy as she ran her hand gently down the skin of his neck and shoulder and chest where the bandages didn't cover him, Kitty decided that her immediate reaction had been right, that he was good to her, and good for her. Even when he'd fought with her in the past, before their adventure in the Dream Nails base, he'd treated her like an adult, an equal. And during their time in Dream Nails, when he'd looked at her as a woman for the first time, when she'd seen him as a man for the first time, he'd made her see herself differently also, made her feel she was indeed a beautiful, attractive woman. However, Pete also obviously valued her fighting skills and her brain, as much or more than her appearance. Kitty reassured herself she couldn't be misreading all of that.

Colossus was so big and strong, he'd always made her feel tiny and fragile, almost trivial, whenever she was around him. She'd never felt she had affected Peter in any significant way, she'd buzzed around him like Tinkerbell around Peter Pan, with as little impact. With Pete, in contrast, she was made to feel precious and protected, but not small or inconsequential. Wisdom treated her like a full equal, but an equal he treasured beyond anything. He could be incredibly rude and obnoxious, she'd seen his performance many times, and been on the receiving end in the past, but he'd been only tender and caring with her since they'd come together.

And their times together were incredible, the response Pete awoke in her wild beyond any of Kitty's imagining. She didn't know if that was typical or not, she had nothing for comparison, but she couldn't believe their encounters were just routine or average.

She glanced down at Lockheed, still curled comfortably in her lap. "Peter had no right to come back four years after he told me he loved Zsaji, after he said there was no chance for a future for us together, after he pushed me away without a word when Illyana died, and expect me to be waiting for him with open arms. I found something better, something wonderful, and he'll just have to accept that... they'll all just have to accept it... Pete, and me and Pete being together."

Continued in Part 6... Rahne and Douglock