A/N: This story picks
up right after Entropy,
so obviously the Spike/Buffy part of Seeing Red did not take place for
the purposes of this story...but otherwise, just assume that everything
else from the end of Season Six happened just as in canon, with the
exception of Spike going to get his soul...Hopefully I'll fill in some
gaps and feel free to ask about it if something doesn't make
sense...and
if it's not a part of the mystery I'll do my best to *make* it make
sense! J
11. A Cause for Hope
Anya
and Dawn regarded each other for a moment, equally surprised at each
other's presence in the room.
Not surprisingly, Anya was the first to break the silence.
"So you changed your mind, then?" she asked Buffy as she took a packet
of blood – standard hospital issue – from the brown paper bag on the
coffee table and headed cautiously closer to the couch, holding it out
for Buffy to take it.
"Not exactly," the Slayer replied flatly, not looking at the vengeance
demon or her sister as she spoke.
"Not cold," Dawn said suddenly, as Buffy took the blood bag from Anya.
"Put it in the microwave – 55 seconds on high."
Buffy turned and looked at her quickly, an expression of surprise on
her face, as Anya took the bag back from her and headed for the kitchen
without a word.
Dawn shrugged at the unspoken question, replying simply, "Last summer –
while you were gone – Spike practically lived here half the time." She
paused, her tone taking on a wistful quality, her eyes softening with
tenderness as she looked at Spike again, and added softly, "There's a
lot of little things I still remember."
Buffy was surprised herself at how easily she accepted that – and she
found herself wondering idly why it would have been such a big deal in
the first place, had she found out before all this just how close her
sister had been to the chipped vampire.
Dawn's tone did not change, and she did not take her eyes from Spike's
face as she remarked quietly, "So – you weren't going to tell me."
Buffy glanced up at her from her spot on the floor, a bit guiltily,
before looking down again with a sigh. "Not tonight," she clarified. "I
just – I didn't want you to see him like this. I knew – it'd be hard. I
would have told you in the morning, after I had him all cleaned up and
settled and everything – but – if you hadn't happened to wake up..." Her
voice trailed off, as she shrugged again, not quite sure how to finish.
Dawn nodded slowly, looking at her sister thoughtfully. "I get that,"
she conceded softly.
There was a moment's silence between them, each girl lost in her own
thoughts, before Buffy spoke again, her voice trembling slightly with a
quiet gratitude.
"I'm *glad* you did happen to wake up."
Before Dawn could respond, Anya reappeared, a large glass of steaming
red liquid in her hand. Buffy swallowed back a natural sense of
revulsion at the sight of it, giving Anya a questioning look, wondering
why she had bypassed the usual choice of a coffee mug for the clear
glass which made it all too clear just what was being served to the
injured vampire.
Anya shrugged slightly, understanding what Buffy was thinking without
her saying a word. "I figured he needed a little more than a mug would
hold," she explained, handing the warm glass to Buffy.
Immediately, Buffy's disgust melted away in the face of Spike's obvious
need, as she accepted the glass and turned toward the vampire – who had
visibly tensed, apparently at the scent of the blood, judging by the
odd upward tilt of his head, the way he kept sniffing the air, his eyes
wide and disbelieving, as if he could not quite make himself believe
that he was actually about to be fed.
"You hungry, Spike?" Dawn asked gently, more for the sake of casual
conversation, aimed at making him feel comfortable, than genuinely
seeking an answer. She *knew* the answer to that question, beyond all
doubt. "We've got blood here for you..."
Before she could go on, much to the horror of all three women, Spike
had leaned forward, falling from the couch to his knees on the floor,
his head bowed low in pleading submission.
Unfortunately, he had no way of seeing what was around him, of knowing
what obstacles might be in the way of the gesture that his training in
captivity had led him to believe was required of him. Instead of the
floor, as he had intended, his face encountered the Slayer's lap – at
which point he scrambled backward, startled, knocking into the coffee
table and sending himself into a further panic – not to mention nearly
spilling the glass of blood in Buffy's hand.
Dawn swiftly took the glass from her sister's hand before it could
spill, as Buffy regained her balance, crouching down on the floor
between her sister and the cringing, cowering vampire, who was huddled
against the couch, not daring to move any further, disoriented and
unsure of his surroundings.
"Shhh," Dawn whispered soothingly, holding out the glass as she dropped
to her knees and crawled slowly toward him. "Spike...it's okay...you don't
have to beg for it, Spike...it's right here...come here, Spike..."
He hesitated only a moment before starting toward her, his movements
halting and uncertain, hanging back slightly as if still expecting to
be punished for some nameless mistake – though Buffy could not imagine
anything he had done that he might think deserving of punishment.
When he grew close enough to her, Dawn reached out her free hand to
close firmly around his, and then rose to her feet. Assisted by Anya,
she helped Spike to sit down again on the sofa, and then pressed the
warm glass into his trembling free hand.
"Go ahead," she whispered. "Drink...it's okay..."
Apparently, that was another command that he was familiar with, because
Spike quickly, gratefully raised the glass to his lips, draining it in
a matter of seconds, and holding out the empty glass in the vague
direction of the girl who had given it to him, his head humbly bowed.
*So fast,* Buffy thought, shaking her head slightly in surprise.
*Almost as if – he's afraid we're gonna take it away from him...*
She forced herself to take her thoughts from the smoldering anger, ever
present in her chest since the moment she had found him, and to focus
them on Spike, and what he might need from her in this moment. There
would be plenty of time for justice later – and she *would* get justice
for Spike, of that she was certain – but for now, she had to focus on
helping him get well.
"Do you want more?" Dawn asked softly, taking the glass from him.
He frowned slightly, uncertain.
"More blood? Do you want more, Spike?"
The frown deepened, frustration obvious in his expression, though he
made no attempt to respond – he did not understand the question.
"He has to," Buffy stated quietly, her eyes focused on Spike's face,
her heart breaking at the pitiful struggle clear on his features, to
comprehend something that he simply couldn't, his memories of such
simple concepts having been ruthlessly torn from his mind. "He's
starving...he has to need more..."
Anya immediately turned and went back to the kitchen to get more blood,
leaving the Summers sisters alone with Spike. Dawn's eyes narrowed
slightly as she sat there on the couch beside him, a contemplative
expression on her face.
"What?" Buffy asked her curiously. It was clear that the littlest
Summers' mind was racing with some inkling of an idea.
"I was just thinking – I – I wanna try something..." Dawn replied
thoughtfully, as Anya returned to the room with the second glass of
blood, this time bypassing Buffy completely and handing the glass to
Dawn.
Spike's free hand – the one that wasn't clutching Dawn's for dear life
– twitched slightly in his lap with anticipation, but he did not dare
so much as to actually reach for the blood that was now in her hand.
"Spike – I have more blood here," Dawn spoke slowly and clearly, though
she was fairly certain he didn't understand more than one or two of the
words. "Do you want more?"
He hesitated, biting his lower lip as a slight frown of concentration
furrowed his brow.
Dawn slowly, deliberately placed the glass in his free hand, but still
held onto it with her own, holding it down in his lap, not allowing him
to raise it to his mouth just yet.
"*More*," she stated firmly, pressing her hand around his, around the
glass. "Do you want more, Spike?"
Buffy held her breath, biting her own lip in anxious anticipation, eyes
wide as she waited to see if her sister's attempt would work – and then
felt her heart dance for joy when the vampire slowly, cautiously
nodded, as if not quite sure if he had understood what was being asked
of him or not.
But he had – he really had!
Dawn's laugh of joy and relief held an almost musical quality as she
released his hand, exulting softly, "Good! Good, Spike! That's very
good! Go ahead, drink it...it's yours..."
The sightless blue eyes lit up with some emotion that Buffy had been
beginning to fear she would never see there again, and his lips quirked
just slightly upward in the barest beginnings of a tentative smile, at
the simple praise of the young girl.
*God, how long has it been since anyone's even said a kind word to
him?* Buffy wondered, her heart both aching for him and rejoicing for
him at the same time.
The second glass of blood was gone as quickly as the first had been,
and this time when Dawn asked Spike if he wanted more, he immediately
responded with an emphatic nod, much to the immense satisfaction of all
three girls.
"Okay," Anya agreed, a slightly warning note to her voice despite the
smile on her face. "But this should be the last one for now. We don't
want to give him too much too fast, or it could end up just coming
right back up – and that's no good for anyone. He won't get any
nourishment from it, and you two will just end up scrubbing blood out
of your carpet for hours, so...this should be the last one," she informed
them matter-of-factly. "For now."
Buffy nodded, a slight grimace of distaste on her face at the thought
of the mess that would make, as she agreed, "Just one more."
When she turned to meet the wide eyes of her little sister, they were
shining with a new hope, as she gazed up at her with excitement. "He
learned that, Buffy – that quickly! Maybe he can't remember everything
yet – maybe some of it he never will – but – if he could pick that up
that quick – then – he's not stupid, Buffy...he's not – brain dead. He
can learn it all back..."
Buffy nodded slowly, the hope in Dawn's voice taking root in her heart
as she took in the words. She had been secretly wondering if it was
possible that Spike would ever recover completely.
He had vampire healing, true, but it seemed that the bullet wound had
erased most of his memory, even of the most basic things – and she had
no way of knowing if, even when his brain had fully healed, he would
have recovered those things, or if the knowledge previously imprinted
on his brain would have been lost forever, leaving a sort of blank
slate in its place.
"Maybe he won't remember it," she echoed softly, thinking it through
for herself. "But he can relearn it..."
Dawn nodded slowly, her expression becoming serious as she looked at
her friend with a compassion in her eyes that was both sorrowful and
hopeful at the same time. Suddenly, she looked up at her sister again,
a fire of determination in her sparking blue eyes.
"I want to try to teach him," she stated firmly.
Buffy hesitated just a moment, concern for her sister coming into play
as she thought of all the hard work such an endeavor would require –
all the simple, basic concepts, so difficult to describe, that one
would have to find a way to explain without the words that so many took
for granted – and the emotional toll such a task would take on the
teacher, especially one so young, and so close to Spike.
But then – Dawn's first attempt at teaching Spike had been incredibly
successful...
"I only have two days left of school, Buffy – and all my finals are
done with," Dawn continued in her most persuasive voice. "I can do
this, Buffy – I know I can!" She paused, her voice trembling slightly
with conviction and intense desire as she added, "I *have* to, Buffy –
he would do it for me – or you – you *know* he would..."
"Dawn," Buffy quietly but firmly interrupted her sister's logical
argument, her expression serious, and the younger girl was quiet, an
anxious frown on her face.
Buffy's face suddenly broke into a soft smile, as she pointed out, "I
never said you couldn't."
Dawn's brilliant, beaming smile nearly took over her face, as she
exulted, "*Yes*!" She turned to Spike, declaring in an excited voice
which she kept as soft as she could manage, not wanting to startle him
since he could not possibly understand the reasons for her agitation,
"You're gonna get better, Spike! Between all that blood you just drank,
and me and Buffy taking care of you – you're gonna be yourself again,
Spike – I promise..."
*And if you're not,* Buffy added to herself darkly, allowing herself to
think about the possibility that Dawn could not bring herself to think
about, *I'm going to track down the person who did this – no matter
where they try to go – and I'm going to make them pay for doing this to
you – for taking you from me...*
As she took the last glass from Anya's hand and passed it to her
sister, the thought crossed her mind, with a cold, grim smile.
*Who am I kidding? – I'm *so* gonna do that anyway...they're not gonna
get away with this, Spike...I'm going to make them pay for hurting you...*