A/N: This story picks
up right after Entropy,
so obviously the Spike/Buffy part of Seeing Red did not take place for
the purposes of this story...but otherwise, just assume that everything
else from the end of Season Six happened just as in canon, with the
exception of Spike going to get his soul...Hopefully I'll fill in some
gaps and feel free to ask about it if something doesn't make
sense...and
if it's not a part of the mystery I'll do my best to *make* it make
sense! J
54. Justice
"No!" Angel shouted out in a voice of anguished
fear, as he plunged forward toward the fallen vampire.
At the exact same moment, Buffy cried out, "*Spike*!" and left her
sister's side to rush to his aid.
Willow did not make any attempt to stop either of them, her impossibly
dark eyes going wide with surprise, when she realized that her bolt of
fury had hit the wrong target. She shook her head slowly, in confused
disbelief, as the Slayer and her former vampire lover hovered over the
unconscious blond where he had fallen, his body draped limply over the
trembling form of his former tormentor.
As Buffy and Angel lifted Spike's still body between them, moving him
off to the side of the room, Xander scrambled backwards against the
wall, his eyes wide and darting with terror and bewilderment between
the vampire who had inexplicably taken the death blow for him – and his
best friend, who might quite possibly be preparing to deliver a second
one.
"Not dust," Buffy muttered under her breath as she smoothed Spike's
hair back from his slack forehead, alarmed at the strange heat she felt
emanating from his smooth flesh. "He's not dust...he's not dust..."
*As long as he's not dust...he's not dead...he's not dead...he's gonna be
okay...he's gonna be okay...*
Angel glanced up at her with dark, serious eyes from where he knelt at
his childe's side, before looking anxiously up toward Willow, wondering
if she posed any further threat to Spike's safety. He was fairly
certain that she did not, as she had not intended to hit Spike to begin
with – but one could never be sure when these sorts of dark magics were
involved.
Willow was still staring at the little scene taking place before her,
apparently trying to make it make sense with what she knew of the
situation.
She couldn't.
"I – I don't understand," she said, her voice quieter now, and
uncertain. "Why would he – after..."
In her surprise, Willow had allowed the restraints holding the others
back to fall away, and now, the Watcher cautiously made his way to her
side, his own eyes wide and wondering at what he had just seen – and
yet, shining with a sort of awe as it gradually began to come together
for him.
"Because he knew what it would do to you, Willow," he supplied softly,
catching the witch's black gaze. "He knew the damage it would do to
you, to take the life of your very best friend – and he knew that in
the end, that damage would destroy not only you – but everyone around
you..."
Dawn had stayed where she was, on her knees on the floor, staring with
wide, stricken eyes as her sister and Angel worked to revive her own
best friend. She did not seem to have the strength to move or speak –
but as she listened to the Watcher's words, she suddenly seemed to
regain it.
Her eyes narrowed as she rose slowly to her feet and continued the
statement Giles had allowed to trail off.
"...and he chose to give *himself* up instead of letting the rest of us
all die. Even though – even though half the people in this room don't
seem to care very much *what* happens to *him*..."
Her voice was soft, tearful, but void of the blind fury that had filled
it before – before she had experienced first hand the dilemma of
indecision that had held her sister in its clutches since their first
suspicion of Xander as the guilty party.
Buffy's startled eyes looked up at her sister, as she suddenly realized
the true reason for Spike's unexpected actions, and looked back down
with wonder at his still face, ironically more peaceful now, at rest,
than she had seen it since she had found him in the Initiative caves.
A fleeting thought crossed her mind, chilling her blood.
*Oh, God, what if he wants this? I didn't keep him safe – he was always
afraid – what if this is what he *wants*? Just to – to be free of it?*
"Oh, Spike," she whispered, her eyes welling with desperate, fearful
tears. "I'm so sorry...don't leave me, Sweetie...please wake up..."
As if in response to her soft, desperate plea, Spike's eyes slowly
drifted open, his head rolling slightly from side to side as he
gradually began to regain consciousness. He blinked a few times, as his
wide blue eyes slowly came into focus – on the Slayer who was openly
weeping with relief.
"Buffy..." he whispered uncertainly, frowning when he saw her crumpled
face, smelled the warm salt of her tears. "Buffy, love..."
"Stupid vampire."
Willow's cold, derisive words suddenly drew all of their attention, as
Buffy looked up at her apprehensively, shaking her head in a silently
pleading gesture. Angel, who was half-standing already, rose fully to
his feet and moved bravely between the witch and his wounded childe.
Willow just sneered at him, rolling her eyes at his attempt.
"Please," she smirked. "If Spike was who I was after – don't think
*you* could stop me."
Her dark eyes focused once more on her former best friend, with a lazy,
cruel smile – and Xander let out a very unmanly whimper as he scuttled
back against the wall, shaking his head frantically, wide chocolate
brown eyes staring at her with wild terror.
"Willow – Willow, please..." he sobbed. "Don't hurt me, Willow...I'm your
friend...please!"
"Why not? You didn't have any problem hurting *me*...so apparently our
precious friendship didn't mean all that much to you, either!" she
pointed out, eyebrows raised as she waited for a response from him that
she obviously did not expect to change her mind.
"I – I don't understand – I didn't h-hurt you, Willow...the only one I
hurt was – S-Spike..." Xander protested, his voice high and breaking in
the middle as he struggled to defend his actions. "...and he deserved it!
He's just a vampire, Willow...!"
"Just a vampire," she echoed skeptically. "Yeah – 'just a vampire' that
happens to mean a lot to Buffy – and Dawn – and, well, pretty much all
of us in one way or another. You know he *has* helped save the world a
couple of times – and saved *your* life more than once, if I recall..."
She paused, her smile hardening, losing its humor, as she added, "But
somehow that didn't seem to matter to you. To get revenge on him, you
were willing to hurt Buffy and Dawn – to *lie* to me – even to shoot
your former fiancée – just to get back at Spike for taking what
wasn't
yours to begin with!"
The blond vampire's eyes widened with surprise, as the Slayer
cautiously helped him to sit up, keeping her eyes focused warily on her
friend, still watchful for any sign of a threat. Spike was still just
trying to process the fact that the witch was speaking up in his
defense.
"But – but Anya *was* mine!" Xander protested. "And if Spike would have
left well enough alone..."
"Shut up!" Willow snarled, with a wave of her hand in his general
direction that left a smooth, flat surface on his face where his mouth
had been. As Xander's eyes widened with panic, and his strangled cries
struggled to escape his throat where they were trapped, she went on
softly, "You dumped Anya – and *Buffy* -- was never yours! That kind of
– possessive, power-mad thinking – behavior – is very dangerous,
Xander."
She paused, her smile taking on a distant, ironic sort of look, staring
off into space, as she added in a voice just barely over a whisper, "I
should know."
A cold, apprehensive chill went down Spike's back, as he imagined the
destruction that was going to take place in the next few minutes, if
Willow could not be stopped from this deadly course of action. He had
tried his best to physically stop her, but now it was clear – that was
not an option. She could simply strike down every last person in her
way – and likely would – before finally destroying the boy...and any hope
she might have of ever coming back from this.
Willow's calm gaze was back on Xander's face now, as she went on, a
hint of bitter laughter in her voice, "Funny – you had to save the
world from me once, Xander – and you managed to save *me*, too. And now
– I have to save the world from you."
She frowned thoughtfully for a moment, before shaking her head sadly.
"Don't think I'll be able to save you, though."
The group seemed to hold its collective breath as she raised a hand
toward Xander, and the boy flinched back against the wall, agonizingly
aware that there was no escape.
Buffy opened her mouth as if to speak – and then hesitated, biting her
lower lip in frustration. She wanted to do her best to convince her
friend not to do this, but was afraid of drawing Willow's attention
back in Spike's direction.
Much to her surprise – Dawn spoke up instead.
"Willow – Willow, wait a second...please listen to me..."
Willow did not turn around – but she did not release the killing jolt
of power from her hand, either. Her eyebrows rose in surprise, a little
smirk playing about her lips, as she stood there for a moment in
indecision, before sighing impatiently.
"What is it, Dawnie? Don't tell me you've changed your mind."
"I – I haven't," Dawn denied it, shaking her head emphatically as she
moved on trembling legs to stand directly in front of Willow. "Xander
deserves to die. I know that. He's committed murder – and torture, and
lots of other horrible things that I don't even know the names for..."
Her voice softened as she cast a sorrowful glance behind her at her
best friend, thinking of the terrible emotional and physical trauma
that Xander had put him through.
Her jaw set with determination, she turned her eyes back to Willow,
bravely holding her dark, frightening gaze. "But -- *you* don't deserve
to kill him, Willow."
"Yeah, well, too bad. Try and stop me," Willow muttered, her arm
straightening as she stepped to the side so as to aim around Dawn's
slender frame.
"Wait! That's not what I meant!" Dawn protested hurriedly, moving with
her so that she was still in her path.
Buffy winced -- *really* not liking Dawn's position directly in the
path of so much deadly magic – but she did not say a word, waiting to
hear what her sister would say.
Willow's head tilted slightly, a puzzled frown on her pursed lips as
she looked back at Dawn, waiting.
"You don't deserve that responsibility, Willow," Dawn clarified her
former words. "You don't deserve to have to – to carry that around for
the rest of your life." She paused, her wide blue eyes searching
Willow's beseechingly. "He might be beyond hope – but you're not.
You've already come back once – that means you're stronger than this -
*better* than this, Willow! Xander's destroyed every part of his life
already – but you don't have to destroy yours."
Willow stared at her for a long moment, her expression even and
appraising. Then, her face cracked into a wicked grin, and a cruel
giggle escaped her throat.
"That was very moving, Dawnie, really," she replied in a mildly
patronizing voice. "But you know – not quite moving enough. And if you
get in my way again," she continued without pause, a chilling smile on
her face as she met the younger girl's eyes, "I just might have to move
*you*."
Dawn's eyes widened with alarm as Willow moved to the side again,
taking aim at the cringing, silently sobbing Xander.
Buffy looked with alarm at Spike, as he pulled awkwardly out of her
supporting arms, and struggled to his feet, lurching slightly as he
came to stand directly in front of Xander again.
She gasped with fear when she realized what he intended. "Spike – what
are you...?"
"I can't let you do it, Red," the blond vampire declared quietly,
meeting her eyes intently. "Can't let you destroy everybody else's
lives along with *this* bloody piece of trash!"
Willow's eyes narrowed dangerously; she was ceasing to be amused by the
constant interruptions.
"Get out of my way."
"No."
Willow blinked in astonishment at the nerve of the injured vampire,
doing a slight double take. "Excuse me?"
"No, Willow," he repeated, deliberately using her given name. "Because
you might not see it now – but you will. If you kill Xander, it might
not hit you right away. Might not hit you for weeks – but when it
does...all bloody hell's gonna break loose. You'll go on another bloody
end-of-the-world rampage – and there won't be anyone to stop you..."
"No, I won't," Willow argued, her voice trembling slightly, despite its
sharpness. "I'll keep it under control this time..."
"When you first realize the one who means more to you than anyone in
the world is dead," Spike cut her off, shaking his head, his jaw
working with emotion, "no such thing as 'control', Red."
There was a moment of silence, as Willow closed her dark eyes, willing
away the images that flooded her mind unbidden – images of someone who
had been her entire world...someone who would never want her to do the
things she was doing right now...
"I don't know about anybody else," Spike continued softly. "But I care
too much about everybody *else* in this room – to let you kill
*Xander*."
Buffy watched him, awed at his wisdom and sacrifice, swallowing back a
lump of warmth and emotion that rose up in her throat.
*God, I don't deserve him...*
She didn't even realize she had moved, until she was standing at
Spike's side, between Willow and Xander, clasping the vampire's hand
tightly in her own. No words were necessary – it was perfectly clear
that she was seconding his words, telling Willow that she would have to
strike *her* down, too, before getting to Xander.
One by one – more out of respect for the amazing move that Spike had
just made than out of actual concern for Xander's life – the rest of
the group made their way to join the Slayer and the vampire, bravely
facing the angry witch, whose anger was really just born of her
tremendous hurt at her friend's betrayal.
Willow's "resolve face" visibly wavered at the sight of the group,
assembled against her desires to take down her former friend.
"I – I don't want to hurt you, Buffy – Dawn – any of you. Just – just
let me do this, and..."
"Can't," Buffy stated firmly. "Won't." She paused, swallowing hard as a
pained little smile crossed her lips, and tears choked her voice, as
she added, "Love you too much."
"Get. Out. Of. My. *Way*."
"No."
"Look, I can't just – I'm not going to just kill you all," Willow
protested, suddenly pleading rather than demanding.
"Yeah," Dawn agreed with a little smirk. "That's kind of the idea."
"Willow," Giles said softly, his compassion for his
protégé obvious in
his voice, "just let it go, dear...this is not for you to do..."
Willow swallowed hard, looking away – clearly moved by the dramatic
show of solidarity among the group, and of their love for each
other...and for her. Buffy's heart leapt with hope, as she watched those
black eyes flicker back and forth momentarily, black to green, and back
again.
And finally – just to green.
Willow was perfectly silent for a long moment, before tears began to
streak her face – and in the next moment, she had collapsed to her
knees, sobbing softly. "How could he...I mean...he just...Xander..." she choked
out the words, gasping for breath, overwhelmed with her hurt.
Buffy's expression softened as she made her way to her friend,
crouching beside her to take her into her arms and offer her wordless
comfort. As the others slowly made their way to her, Spike hung back
awkwardly, unsure as to whether or not he would be really welcome.
After all – he and Willow had never been overly close; and now, he was
not sure how exactly she saw his part in all of this.
A soft, manic giggle behind him drew Spike's attention, and he turned
warily to see Xander looking up at him with a wild gleam in his eyes.
The spell binding his mouth had melted away with the rage that had
driven Willow to cast it.
"You win," the boy mumbled, before erupting into another crazed giggle.
"You win, Spike..."
Spike eyed him cautiously, unsure what to expect from him at this
point. He was clearly no longer a threat physically – but it had not
been all that long since he *had* been.
"Come again?" he asked slowly, warily.
"Bet this must just be the ultimate revenge for you, huh, Spike?"
Xander went on, his voice a low rasp, just over a whisper, and not
having drawn the attention of the others just yet, though Spike could
clearly hear it. "Must be just so satisfying for you..."
"What?" Spike asked, frowning, troubled by the boy's manner, as well as
by the fact that he had no idea what Xander was talking about.
Xander's expression became lost, anguished, as he shook his head and
whispered, "*You* -- saved *my* life – from my best friend. After –
everything – it was *you* that kept her from killing me – kept her from
killing all of them." He paused, choking back a sob, his eyes shining
with pain as he added, "I'm the monster that almost ended the world
again – and you're the hero who saved it."
Another wild laugh left his throat before he added in a trembling,
manic voice, "You've got them all – Buffy – Anya – my friends, even
*Willow* -- they'll all see you as the hero – you don't have to kill me
– because I might as well be dead to them now...it's all over..."
His eyes grew distant, hollow, as he added softly, shaking his head,
"All of them – standing between me and death – but – but they were
doing it for *you*..."
Spike swallowed hard, his expression serious and thoughtful, as he took
in the grain of truth in the boy's manic ramblings.
He supposed, for Xander, that must be about the worst end result he
could have imagined.
"Only one way to win," Xander muttered under his breath, his head
lolling back against the wall, his eyes closed. "Only one way out..."
A soft gasp from across the room drew Spike's attention – and he
followed Buffy's horrified gaze back to Xander, to see him now up on
his knees...
...the discarded pistol in his hand.
"Only one way...only one way..." he ranted, his eyes darting wildly between
Spike and the others, who gradually became aware of the disturbing
situation.
"Xander – Xander, don't," Buffy begged him, her voice trembling as she
rose to her feet.
She knew that Xander could shoot Spike again before she could ever
reach either of them.
"It's the only way, Buffy," the boy whispered, shaking his head in
despair. "Gotta make it – right. Gotta – make it over. Gotta – gotta –
it's the only way..."
"Xander, hurting Spike again isn't going to fix anything!" Buffy
insisted, taking a couple of cautious steps toward them.
Spike hadn't dared move, watching the boy carefully.
Xander's bitter laughter filled the tense silence of the room again,
and he looked at Spike with a cold, ironic smile, as he shook his head.
"See?" he asked. "You win – like I said, you win. It's you – not me –
you...you she...she cares about...you she loves...you win..."
Suddenly, Spike's heart lurched within him, his eyes widening as he
realized the boy's true intentions.
"No," he said quietly – scarcely able to believe the word had come from
his own mouth. "Xander, no – it's not the way..."
Buffy frowned up at Spike in confusion, before she looked back at
Xander – and her eyes widened in horror, her mouth opening into a
scream that never found its voice – not until it was over.
As they watched in helpless horror, the boy's gun arm straightened,
momentarily aiming at Spike – but only in an arc, as his hand turned,
bringing the gun up toward his own mouth.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, dark eyes full of madness and agony locking
onto crystal blue for the briefest of instants – before he placed the
muzzle of the weapon in his mouth, and pulled the trigger.