Belonging
by DreamsofSpike


29. Unbroken

When Willow hung up the phone, she went to look for Buffy and Tara, but neither was in the living room where she had left them. The dirty, blood-stained blankets that had shielded her sofa while Spike's injuries were being treated had been removed, so she supposed that they must have moved their patient to the guest bedroom that she had prepared for him.

She went upstairs, hesitant to knock when she saw that the door was closed. If Spike was sleeping, he needed it after the ordeal he had been through, and she did not want to wake him. But Buffy could be in there... After a moment, she knocked very softly, but there was no response. She opened the door just a crack and peeked inside.

The sight that met her eyes surprised her. In the soft glow from the small bedside lamp, she could see that they had indeed put the battered vampire to bed after treating his wounds. But he was not alone. Buffy lay on the bed beside him, cradling him gently, protectively, in her arms. His back was pressed against her, his arm resting on hers around his waist, his hand clutching hers tightly as if he was afraid if he didn't hold onto her, she might disappear.

Both were sound asleep.

She was not surprised, after the traumatic events of the evening; they had to be exhausted. What *did* surprise her was the tender embrace they were sharing. The last time she had talked to Buffy about Spike, her friend had been just barely edging out of denial that she had feelings for him at all.

It appeared that things had moved rather quickly since then.

Willow softly shut the door and turned around...jumping slightly when she saw Tara standing at the top of the stairs behind her, watching her in silence.

"Oh...hey, Baby!" Willow whispered warmly, nearly bouncing with the giddy excitement she was repressing to keep from disturbing the sleeping pair on the other side of the door. Grinning widely, her eyes sparkling with delight, she took Tara's hands and pulled her toward the door as she whispered, "Tara, you've gotta see this! They are *so sweet*! They're all snuggly and close – and – and all with the hand-holding and it's just the cutest thing!"

Tara did not smile – which told Willow that her lover was deeply troubled by something. The happy, gleeful mood she was in at the moment hardly ever failed to bring a smile to Tara's face.

"Will," she shook her head, searching for words. "It's *not* sweet. It's – it's *wrong*."

"*What*?" Willow was stunned by her words, her smile fading into an expression of concern. "Why? What are you talking about, Honey?"

Tara glanced at the closed but very thin door and motioned for her girlfriend to follow her down the hall to their bedroom. Once the door was closed, Tara sat down on the edge of the bed, trying to gather her thoughts and put them into the words that had come so easily in the kitchen earlier.

"Tara, honey..." Willow pressed gently, going to sit beside her and take her hands again. "What is it?"

Tara shook her head, not looking at Willow for a moment. "It's just – she *owns* him, Willow. Like a – a car, or a shirt, or some -- *thing* that she can just use any way she likes! And that's all she's doing in there, Will! She's hurting, so she's using him!" Her eyes rose to meet Willow's, imploring her to understand what she was saying.

Willow frowned, a little taken aback by her words. "I don't think so," she said slowly. "I mean – yes, she's hurting, but – but he's hurting too right now! I think she's trying to help him, Tara."

"How? By making him even more dependent on her for everything than he already is?" Tara demanded, and Willow was surprised to see tears in her eyes. " You can't see their auras like I can, Will. She is absolutely his whole world. It's like – he's lost himself in her."

"And that's *bad*?" Willow smiled, trying to catch her eye as she looked away again. "You're *my* whole world. I'm lost in *you*," she pointed out softly.

Tara looked up at her again. "But you're still – you're still *you*, Willow. Not just 'Tara's girlfriend'. And if you wanted a new 'whole world' – you could have it. You're not – chained to me like a prisoner."

Willow could not help but see her point, although she was not sure she completely agreed with it. "I think Spike really loves Buffy, Tara," she told her gently. "I don't think he *wants* to be away from her."

"But it doesn't matter if he does or not," Tara said flatly. "Because he doesn't have a choice."

They were silent for a moment, as Willow took in what she had said, and Tara was lost in her thoughts.

After a moment, Willow finally spoke softly, "This isn't just about Spike and Buffy. Is it?"

The tears in Tara's eyes slipped down her face, and she looked down at her worrying hands in her lap for a moment. "Will – I know what it's like. To be – to be told who you are and what you're good for and what you can do and where you can go...and I remember Spike when he was free – and he was so – confident, and – and outspoken, and..."

"Annoying as hell," Willow supplied her own memory with a smirk.

Tara laughed softly. "Yeah," she conceded. "But..." Her expression was serious again. "...but *free*. Now it's like he's – he's *broken*, Will. And I hate for that to happen to – to anyone else."

"I don't think he's really broken, Honey," Willow said, slowly rubbing her lover's back in a comforting gesture. "If he was, he wouldn't have been able to talk Buffy into calling us...or...or standing up to Riley...or any of that, like he did." She paused, waiting until Tara looked up at her again to go on.

"But if he is," she said earnestly, searching her eyes. "I don't think Buffy broke him. The thing is – who knows how long he's been a slave before she bought him? Who knows what's happened to him in that time? I really think that Buffy wants to help him, Tara."

"She treats him like a slave," Tara said firmly, not budging from her stance. "She holds power over every aspect of his life. She can decide whether he lives or dies. No one should have that kind of power over someone else."

"You're right," Willow conceded quietly, nodding. "No one should." She paused, her eyes serious as she went on. "But *someone's* going to. You know that as well as I do. If Buffy doesn't claim him, someone else will. You know the law. If she gives up her rights to him, he'll be fair game."

In the society that Riley had developed, there was no such thing as a free vampire. Those that had not been captured already were forced into hiding to avoid the military details that patrolled the area as Buffy had once done. The difference was, at least the Slayer had only *staked* the vampire she had caught; the military detailed captured them and brought them back to Riley's headquarters, where they were subjected to all manner of various examinations and indignities, before being fitted with the behavioral modification chips.

After that, they were put through a rigorous "training" program to prepare them for slavery. Most left the program utterly broken and submissive, as a result of brutal torture and degradation, designed to strip them of all confidence and security, therefore making them much easier to control for their physically weaker human masters.

Of course, Riley did his best to keep the details of his procedures secret from the general public. No matter how much people hated a species that had devastated many of their own families so badly, he knew that many of his methods were so appalling as to cause a public outrage none the less, if they got out.

The only way that Willow knew about it was through Giles, who had been an outspoken opponent of Riley's organization for years now. He had taken in several chipped vampires, claiming them as his own for their own protection.

Part of their "training" had been to instill in them an absolute terror of the consequences should they ever reveal the secrets of the training program. But over time, the gentle human had managed to gain the trust of the vampires in his care, and they had confided in him, slowly, piece by piece, the horrors they had experienced.

A chipped vampire that was found running free, and could not name his master if questioned, was fair game for whoever found him, to claim as their own. Unless someone came forward with ownership documents for the vampire within an allotted time, they could have papers drawn up and officially claim the vampire as their slave.

Since Spike had already been chipped before the slavery movement had started, Willow thought that was probably how he had been originally enslaved. She knew that if Riley or his men had captured the blonde vampire, Riley would have either dusted him or kept him as his own slave, to satisfy the grudge he had always held against Spike, even before the slavery movement. Spike had most likely been captured by some random human who had found him and claimed him, as he would have been unable to defend himself.

At least, she hoped that was how it had happened. She hoped that Spike had not been subjected to the terrible breaking process that Giles had described to her. A worried frown creased her brow as she looked anxiously at her lover. Tara had seen more of Spike's behavior than she had, since she had been on the phone while Tara and Buffy had been taking care of him.

"You don't think he's really – really *broken* -- do you, Tara?" she asked, her voice hesitant and fearful.

"Well," Tara admitted with a little half-shrug. "No. Not completely. He spoke to me without being told, and he calls Buffy by her name – mostly." She grimaced slightly in a mixture of anger and distaste at the memory of the incident in the car. "But – he's not the same as he was. That's for sure. I just – I just hate this! It's like – there's no *good* choice here! The absolute best case scenario is still bad."

"For now," Willow reminded her encouragingly. "That's what Giles is working so hard on – to change the laws, to change the way things are. And in the mean time," she pointed out, her voice softening slightly, "I'd rather Spike belong to Buffy – than to someone else. Wouldn't you?"

"As long as she's not hurting him," Tara conceded reluctantly. "And I can't say I'm sure she hasn't been, Will. He depends on her, he cares about her, yeah...but he's also a little bit afraid of her. He is. She's hurt him before."

"How can you tell?" Willow asked, frowning, not wanting to believe that of her friend.

Tara was silent for a moment, and when she spoke, her voice was heavy with remembered pain. "I can tell," she answered simply.

Willow did not know what to say. She did not want to think that Buffy would be so cruel as some other slave owners she had heard stories about. Buffy had obviously been furious with Riley when she had seen what he had done to Spike, and she had been very tender and compassionate with him since they had rescued him.

But Willow knew that Buffy *could* have quite the temper when she was angry, and as a Slayer, she had a natural tendency toward using violence as a solution to her problems. She hoped that Buffy had not been taking out her pain and frustration with her abusive, hurtful marriage on her conveniently helpless slave.

Before she could speak, Tara went on, her tone softer, more understanding, "I *do* think she's trying, Will. I watched her with him, and I *do* think she cares about him, and wants to do the right thing for him. It's just that as long as she sees him as a slave – and as long as he sees *himself* as her slave – it's never going to work. They need to be equals if they're going to have a real chance. And if she can't do that – treat him as an equal – then she needs to face that and not keep using him like a – a sex toy."

Willow blinked, surprised at Tara's blunt words. "Well," she said with a sigh, looking away. "Maybe Giles will be able to help. He's so much better than I am at putting things into words. Maybe he can help her understand what she needs to do. She always did listen to Giles more than anyone else." She paused, frowning at the memories that played across her mind. "Well – most of the time."

Tara gave her a dry, disbelieving stare.

"Well, she listened to him sometimes!" Willow insisted defensively. "I mean – he was her Watcher. That's got to count for something!"

"Maybe you're right," Tara nodded thoughtfully. "If Buffy's on our side now – I bet she knows a lot of Riley's dark secrets." A slow smile played across her lips at the idea. "She could really help us put an end to the slavery for good!"

Willow nodded, her face lighting up at the idea. "Hey! Yeah! She probably knows more than anyone else does about it! And people will believe her, too. Everybody knows who Buffy is!"

"So Giles is coming?" Tara asked, interest rising in her soft grey eyes.

Willow nodded. "He's got to speak tomorrow night at this conference in Tucson," she explained. "But as soon as he's through he's heading straight here."

Tara nodded in satisfaction. "That's good. If nothing else, he'll be able to talk some sense to her." She paused. "It's up to her if she listens or not."

Willow smiled slightly at her girlfriend's slightly agitated tone, a tone reserved only for people and situations that got her thoroughly worked up about something – in this case a cause that she had become very devoted to over the past couple of years.

Willow and Tara both did whatever they could to help the growing counter-movement that had been founded almost single-handedly by Giles' efforts, and Willow had never seen Tara get so involved and passionate about anything as she did over the daily injustices that surrounded them in this new society.

Willow smiled to herself. Passionate was good.

"The whole thing just brings back so many memories," Tara sighed, leaning her head on Willow's shoulder wearily. "It just hurts because I've been there. Broken."

Willow was silent for a moment, before she pointed out in a softly optimistic voice, "But you're not, anymore. Broken. You're – you're strong and confident, and brave – and – and you're in a healthy, loving relationship, and happy, and doing great, important things with your life. So – that's not what you are anymore. You *were* broken – but you're not. Not anymore. You're – you're *unbroken*," she stated, in her rambling Willow-way that Tara found so endearing.

"Unbroken," Tara repeatedly softly. "That's a nice thought."

Willow smiled into her hair and kissed her on the top of her head. "Thank you," she remarked. "Came up with it all by myself."

Tara pulled away slightly to look up into her eyes, her own softened with affection. "Thank *you*," she said in a voice that was quiet and serious.

"For what?" Willow frowned slightly, puzzled, pleased but further mystified when Tara leaned in to give her a brief but intense and tender kiss.

Tara pulled back to look into her eyes again, smiling through unshed happy tears as she replied.

"Unbreaking me."