102. Confessions
"Hey, Buffy,"
Xander's voice was
inappropriately cheerful as he walked into the living room, followed
closely by Willow and Anya – but the boy's smile quickly faded when he
saw her sitting on the sofa, Spike's arm wrapped protectively around
her shoulders as she glared angrily up at her Watcher.
"Okay – isn't there *anything* we can do about that?" he turned
plaintively to Giles, his voice becoming a whine. " 'Cause if I have to
look at that for one more second..."
"You could always leave," Spike suggested with a smirk from his seat
beside Buffy, encouraged by the anger he felt from her at Xander's
rather rude remarks. "Keep us both from getting ill."
Xander turned a surprisingly intense look of hatred on the blonde
vampire, as he snarled, "Careful, Bloodbreath! As far as I'm concerned,
*Fangless*, you're nothing but a tragic Dust Buster incident waiting to
happen! So until you can actually bite back, you might wanna keep your
mouth shut before I shut it for you!"
Spike scoffed quietly at his threat, a look of challenge in his icy
blue eyes, momentarily flecked with gold, as he retorted in a
chillingly calm voice, "I'd love to see you try it, Whelp."
Xander's eyes narrowed in anger and he moved toward the vampire without
hesitation, despite the anxious protests from both Anya and Willow –
who had already noticed the look of fury on Buffy's face that he had
missed. The boy drew back his fist to strike the seated blonde – but
his fist was stopped before it could land – before Spike could even
begin to move to defend himself – by the Slayer's powerful grip on his
wrist.
"Did you forget what happened the last time you tried to hurt my mate,
Xander?" Buffy asked him coldly – and the deadly anger in her voice
sent a shudder down Spike's spine as well as Xander's, despite the fact
that he knew she was truly herself again – the Slayer demon was under
control.
No – this particular brand of protective rage was pure Buffy Summers.
Xander stared at his best friend in disbelief, stunned into silence by
her unexpected reaction. He had – incorrectly – assumed that once the
Slayer demon was no longer controlling her, Buffy's urge to defend her
vampire mate would vanish as well.
But apparently – that was not the case.
Xander tried to pull his hand away, and found to his alarm that Buffy
would not release her hold on his wrist. She was not hurting him at all
– yet – but there was no way in the world that he was going to be able
to break her grip, no matter how hard he tried.
Her blazing emerald gaze bored into his with unyielding intensity – and
Xander realized suddenly that she was still waiting for a response to
her question. All he could manage was a weak shake of his head.
No – Xander had not forgotten.
"Then maybe you'd better think about *not* raising your hand to him
again – okay?" The slayer spoke the words slowly in a voice of calm,
cool steel.
Xander shook his head again to indicate that he would not – and Buffy
finally released him. He immediately backpedaled away from her as
quickly as he could, back to where Anya and Willow stood watching the
scene.
"I thought they got rid of the psycho Slayer thing!" Xander's tone was
almost accusing as he looked at the Watcher, and Willow's tearful,
questioning gaze turned to Giles as well, the same thought obviously in
her mind as well.
But Anya knew better.
Her eyes focused intently on Buffy, she answered softly before Giles
could, "They did."
"Yeah, right!" Xander scoffed, giving his girlfriend a disgusted,
dismissive look. "Did you completely miss the part where she just
*threatened* me over the evil undead thing? *Buffy* wouldn't ever have
done that – the *Slayer* on the other hand..."
"Would have torn your arm clean off and beaten you to death with it,"
Anya broke in matter-of-factly, her voice soft and even, her eyes never
leaving those of the Slayer. "She wouldn't have cared one bit whether
or not she hurt you – and she *would* have. Badly."
Xander was stunned to silence by those unexpected words, though he
could not deny the truth of them. In fact – Anya's observation was
sobering to them all. They had seen how truly dangerous the Slayer
could be – and knew very well that what Buffy had just said and done
was really next to nothing on the psycho-Slayer Richter scale.
Which left them with the question – what *was* behind Buffy's behavior?
"Then – it's the claim! She's really our Buffy, but she's under Spike's
evil influence!" Xander guessed, pointing an accusing finger at the
vampire, though he did not dare to actually move any closer to him
again.
"Spike's *not* an evil influence!" Dawn interrupted in angry defense of
her friend.
"Hey!" Spike objected. "I am so!"
*Not...helping...Sweetheart...*
*Well, I am!*
"Is there any way to *break* the claim? Now that the spell's been
broken?" Willow asked hopefully, looking to Giles with the expectancy
of a trusting child – and it was impossible to miss the relief in her
voice at the knowledge that the spell she had cast was no longer in
effect over her friend.
Buffy's eyes narrowed slowly in a mixture of anger at the suggestion of
breaking the claim – and the reawakening of suspicions she had felt
before, but had not had time to think about – until now.
"I'm looking into that," Giles replied, apparently oblivious to Buffy's
reaction, and to her increased scrutiny of her friend. "But it does not
appear that breaking the claim is going to be an option. It seems to me
that our only option is to – well, to..."
"Break the *vamp*," Xander muttered, casting a dark look of triumph in
Spike's direction, a mean smile coming across his face. "Wow, what a
tough break. I'm really torn here. Wish we didn't have to..." His overly
sincere tone broke off suddenly, and he shook his head, admitting
flippantly, "Nope – sorry. Can't even *begin* to pull that off. What's
the big deal, then? We dust the blonde menace, and all's well in
Buffy-ville again. Right?"
"Um – Xander..." Willow interrupted him in a voice of quiet trepidation.
"Maybe you shouldn't..."
"What?" the oblivious boy asked, glancing between the troubled faces of
his best friend as his girlfriend. "Why shouldn't I say what we're all
thinking?"
"Isn't that what you're always telling me *not* to do?" Anya muttered
with exasperation, and no small resentment, in her voice.
"Because Buffy's obviously not very happy with your idea," Willow
replied to his question, her eyes focused on the furious face of the
Slayer, as she shook off Spike's arm – with surprising gentleness,
considering her mood – and rose to her feet with an almost regal grace.
"That's the only reason you can think of why it *might* not be okay to
dust my mate?" Buffy incredulous, quietly outraged words were directed
at the redhead, as she shook her head in disbelief, taking in the
expressions on the faces of her friends.
Only Anya – who had been Spike's ally since the beginning of this whole
mess – had said nothing to indicate that she agreed with the idea of
dusting Spike. All of the others seemed to be of the opinion that it
was at the worst an unfortunate, but not particularly troubling, turn
of events, and one that had to be carried out.
They all seemed intent, more than anything, on convincing Buffy of that
fact.
And that was *so* not going to happen!
"Excuse me? Guys, he is sitting right here! How can you think for one
second that it's *okay* to just..." Buffy's voice trailed off, and she
shook her head again, utterly speechless with disgust at the incredible
insensitivity of her friends. "How dare you even suggest it at all?"
she went on finally. "He is my *mate*! That's eternal, guys! You are
not going to *touch* him – and that's it. Final. No argument. That's.
It."
"Buffy," Willow began hesitantly, her voice soft, patient and
placating. "Maybe you should just – just listen to what Giles was
trying to say. I know you don't want..."
"No," Buffy cut her off firmly, her piercing gaze holding the other
girl's eyes firmly, until Willow found herself forced to look away.
"No, *you* all need to listen. None of you have any *idea* what these
last few days have been like – all the things that have happened..."
"Buffy," Giles interrupted gently, "claim or no claim, it's only
natural that you would have developed a sort of -- *affection*, for
Spike, after going through..."
"What part of 'you need to listen' is difficult for you, Giles?" Buffy
snapped, glaring at him – and the sheer ferocity in her eyes was enough
to silence the older man.
In fact – it pretty much silenced everyone.
"You all seem to think you've got it all figured out – that you know
exactly what is best for me in this situation..." There was an accusing
note to Buffy's voice as she made that statement, that didn't leave her
voice, even when it softened to add with a sad little laugh, "You
always have."
She paused, looking at each of them in turn, meeting their eyes as she
declared, "But you don't. This is *my* life – my future – we're talking
about here. *I'm* the Slayer – not any of you. And none of you have the
first clue what that's like. So for once – I'm going to tell *you* what
I need to do."
If it wouldn't have spoiled the intense drama of the moment – Spike
would have stood up and cheered, he was so very proud of his girl. As
it was, he just sat there quietly on the edge of the couch, the smirk
on his face having become a wide, gleeful smile of triumph. His heart
was filled with a sense of elation and triumph – and utter relief.
The Slayer had made her choice – and it was him.
"This whole stupid ritual – which was completely unnecessary from the
start – was your idea, Giles," Buffy pointed out, her voice hard and
unyielding, yet still calm and certain. "You were the one who was so
sure we had to do something about Spike – even though it was pretty
obvious that somebody had already done 'something' that made him pretty
effectively harmless."
"That could change at any time..." Giles argued quietly, shaking his head
and opening his mouth to say more.
"I'm still talking," Buffy cut him off, not pausing to allow him the
chance to go on, before she continued, "So, without researching the
ritual properly, without really knowing what I was getting into – I
initiated the dominance claim. *I* did that. That was my first big
mistake."
"But," she went on, her eyes narrowing slightly as they fell on her
closest female friend, who suddenly found the Summers' living room
carpet utterly fascinating, "I think the whole thing was doomed before
I ever started the ritual. I think – I think that the whole set up was
something entirely different than what I thought I was going into –
wasn't it, Willow?"
The little redhead's wide, panicked green eyes shot up to Buffy's in
alarm, and she shook her head emphatically. "What are you talking
about, Buffy?" she asked in a timid, shaking voice. "How would I know...?"
"What did you do to the spell, Will?" Buffy asked simply, her voice
quiet and matter-of-fact, but without anger or accusation. She had
known the girl for a long time, and knew very well that there was
something Willow was keeping from her – and it could only be about the
spell.
In hindsight – her friend's guilty reactions throughout the whole
sequence of events were now painfully obvious.
"What makes you think I did – I mean – just because the spell went
wrong doesn't mean I did something to *make* it go wrong...spells go
wrong all the time, and especially mine, so why would you think that I
would..."
"The truth, Willow," Buffy pressed her firmly, stepping toward her and
seeking her evasive gaze. Her voice softened as she added, "Please. I
know you did *something* -- something that altered the dynamic of the
whole ritual. I just want to know what – so we can know if there's
anything else that could still go wrong, and come back to haunt us
later."
Buffy's suggestion that there might still be negative consequences for
her secret was the final push it took to get Willow to cave. For all
her misguided confidence in her own ability to do magic and judgment as
to what was best for those she loved – Willow *did* love her friends,
and hated to think that any more harm might come to them because of her
"tweaking" of the spell.
"I – I was only trying to help," she whispered, her voice trembling and
tearful. "I just – wanted to be sure that you would win the fight,
Buffy..."
"So you *did* alter the spell?" Giles' voice was aghast, his eyes wide
and stunned in an expression of betrayal as he stared at the girl.
"Willow – how could you take such a risk? And then not to tell us...why,
there's no end to the terrible things that could have..."
"She's telling us *now*, Giles," Buffy cut him off with a pointed look,
before returning her attention to her friend. "Please, Will – once we
know just exactly what you changed, then Giles can look into it and be
sure that there's nothing else that could still go wrong."
"It – it shouldn't have caused any trouble," Willow began to explain in
a halting, hesitant voice, her eyes still downcast, her expression
miserable. "The original spell said that the source of the warriors'
power would be unleashed – it was meant for Spike...to turn off his
chip...I had no idea that it was going to read 'warrior' to include you,
too, Buffy, or I never would have..."
"*Will*."
The redhead cut off her instinctive ramble, taking a deep breath before
she answered in a hurried release of words, "It was supposed to change
things, so that Spike would be free to fight, but the spell would
somehow turn his own power against him, and he would have to lose. I
added a clause to the spell so that it said, 'let the source of the
warriors' power be unleashed -- but let that power turn on the warrior
-- and be his ultimate destruction'."