Blood Bound
by DreamsofSpike


104. Weight of the World

 The moment of intense, weighted silence that followed Buffy's calmly spoken ultimatum was, not surprisingly, shattered by Xander's trembling, furious voice of disbelief.

"I cannot *believe* that you are trying to make us choose between accepting that *thing* -- and losing you, Buffy! How can you possibly expect us to..."

"I'm just asking you to choose between being my friend or not being my friend, Xander," Buffy corrected him with surprising gentleness in her voice. "Spike really has nothing to do with it, as far as you're concerned. I've already made my decision – and he's in my life. Period. So now – I'm just leaving it up to you all to decide – whether or not that makes me a person that you *want* to have in your lives. Because you're certainly not going to change my mind."

"Buffy," Willow broke in softly, shaking her head in dismay, her voice strengthening as the conversation veered away from her own mistakes for the moment. "Of course we want you in our lives – just the way you are. We *love* you – but...are you sure that this is the best thing – for *you* -- to do?"

"Spike's a killer!" Xander accused the vampire emphatically, obviously impatient with Willow's gentle caution. "Why should we have to accept that? Buffy, how can *you*..."

"Xander..." Willow anxiously tried to hush him, traces of irritation in her face at the fact that the boy just didn't seem to get it. Yelling and accusations and demands were not going to even begin to convince Buffy to change her mind.

But Xander just couldn't see it. Even as Willow and Giles both tried to stop him, he went on with his rant, slowly building in force.

"No!" he cut her off. "I can't believe that you're saying these things, Buffy! I just can't believe..."

"Xander, would you *shut up*?"

Anya's sudden outburst, frustrated and desperate, and completely unexpected, silenced the tumult of rising voices in the room, as all eyes focused momentarily on her. She glanced around at the room with a slightly startled look in her eyes, as if only just realizing how loudly she had spoken, to bring the attention of the entire room in to focus on her. Her tone was slightly tentative, uncertain and self-conscious, as she went on without looking at her boyfriend.

"All I've heard for the past year and a half is you guys telling Buffy over and over, 'You're the Slayer, Buffy – that takes sacrifices; your personal life's gotta be set aside, Buffy – gotta save the world!' You keep reminding her that the fate of the world is her responsibility and only she has the power to save it – but then you keep trying to tell her how she should do that! Don't you think that maybe the decisions should be up to *her* once in a while?"

The room was silent for a moment, taking in what she had just said – and they had no valid argument to refute her words.

"Buffy just finished saying that she's making her *own* decision here," Anya continued, a bit more strength to her voice as she realized that she *still* had the attention of the group – and judging by the expressions on their faces, the full support of the Summers' clan, including Spike. "So obviously convincing her that it's the wrong one is not an option anymore, is it? She already *told* you your options, as far as she's concerned. Her – or not her. That's it. So – I think we'd better stop trying to convince her that she's wrong – and just choose...don't you?"

An air of dubious tension fell over the room as they all took in the ex-demon's simple and yet profound words. It really did come down to just that.

Buffy had already made her choice.

Could her friends live with it – or not?

"Of course it's you, Buffy." Giles was apparently the first to fully process the truth of Anya's words, and at any rate the first to respond. "It always will be, my dear. And of course as the Slayer, the final decision should usually rest with you. But with that said – the fact that you will always be very dear to me – to – to *us* -- and we will never willingly forsake you – does not mean that I will not voice to you my concerns. I would be failing in my duty to you if I did not."

"You voiced them," Buffy stated calmly, meeting his eyes with her own gaze of steel. She was still angry with her Watcher for getting them into this situation in the first place – but she could at least understand that at this point, his intentions were to protect her – however misguided those intentions might be. "I heard. I disagreed. I think that just about covers it, don't you?"

The Watcher did not respond, looking uneasily away from her piercing gaze. No one spoke for a long moment. It was increasingly clear with each word that passed between them that Buffy would not be easily persuaded to turn away from the blonde vampire at her side, no matter how hard they tried to convince her.

And for most of her friends, that was a very difficult fact to accept.

"I'm not gonna hurt anyone," Spike spoke up quietly after a moment, not quite meeting the eyes of any of them as he stepped up beside Buffy and slipped a supportive arm around her waist.

"Spike," Buffy gently interrupted him, turning her head in his direction but not looking at him. "You don't have to..."

"No, Buffy – can't exactly say they haven't got at least one valid point here," Spike admitted, his voice soft and calm, as his eyes scanned the little group, all eyeing him dubiously. "But – things have changed. And they need to know that."

Buffy was quiet, turning her eyes back to her friends, leaning slightly back against her vampire behind her in an almost imperceptible reassurance to him of her support, as she waited for him to speak his piece.

"I know I've done a lot of ugly things before – know it's gonna be hard for you all to get past that – but I haven't been doing those things for a while now – since – well, since *before* the bloody chip, truth be told," the blonde vampire admitted, his eyes downcast momentarily, his tone awkward and a bit self-conscious, as he admitted to the feelings he had held for the Slayer long before she ever knew about them, feelings he had not even admitted to Joyce or Dawn until after this whole affair had happened.

"I knew Buffy wouldn't like it," he continued quietly, "and – and that's something that's mattered to me – for a long time now." He paused for a moment, taking a few seconds to compose his thoughts and feelings before going on, "I can live on pig's blood, bloody disgusting as it may be...but I won't be feeding on people – won't be hurting anyone, so long as I'm her mate..."

"...which will be for the rest of our lives," Buffy pointed out, looking closely at her friends to gauge their reactions to Spike's words, as she reached her arm across her waist to join her hand with his, giving it a gentle, affectionate squeeze, grateful for the rather huge step he was making here.

"...exactly," he went on with a tone of firm resolve. "...and anyway, it's a very powerful bond between us – she'd know if I ever slipped up, and I don't think the Slayer in her'd allow her to just let it go -- so you lot don't have anything to worry about, yeah?"

Buffy frowned in surprise, looking up at him questioningly, before turning her eyes to Giles, and then to Anya, asking, "Is that true? I'd know if he were to eat someone?"

Giles grimaced slightly at the casual way she mentioned her mate's natural diet, but he nodded a bit grudgingly. "Yes. In most blood bonds – if there is a dominant party, they would be aware of the actions of the submissive party. And in a mating claim, where the partnership is equal – each would be aware of the other's actions, to a certain extent..."

"Yes," Anya agreed with a nod. "It's next to impossible for one mate to lie to another, actually. You don't know how many times I punished cheating male vampires who never even realized that their mate knew about their philandering. They never mentioned it to them – they just read their minds." She shrugged matter-of-factly as she backed up the Watcher's words.

"Well, then," Joyce spoke up finally, an expression of relief on her face as she stepped forward. "Spike can't eat people or cheat on my daughter. Looks like there's nothing left to worry about then, is there?"

None of the Scoobies quite verbalized agreement with her – though Anya was nodding rather expectantly at her words – but none of them argued with her statement, either. Their fears, their emphatic insistence that Buffy was making a terrible mistake, seemed less and less certain all the time, with every logical argument that the Slayer and her vampire managed to add to the mix.

"I wouldn't exactly say that," Spike reminded them in a low, dubious voice, glancing at Willow – who tucked her head, her face flushing as the attention was returned to her botched spell. "There's still the matter of just exactly *why* this little knick knack in my head's not working. Not that I mind, you know – but just can't help but wonder..."

"...if the spell's really permanently broken," Buffy finished for him, her expression serious as she looked between the redhead and her Watcher. "Or if there's anything else about it that's gonna come back to haunt us in the end. Giles – is there any way we can find out for sure?"

The Watcher nodded with a weary sigh of acceptance as the former topic of conversation was abandoned for the moment. "I can look into it – study the spell further and see what I can learn. I'll do some research today, and let you know what I find out."

"All right," Buffy nodded, satisfied – before frowning thoughtfully, and casting a slightly apologetic look in her sister's direction. "And – there *is* one more thing that we might want to look into..."

Dawn's eyes widened as she realized what it was that Buffy was about to bring up, and she swallowed nervously, sitting down on the couch behind her sister as she waited for her to tell the others what they had discovered.

"You all saw how – at the mansion – the only one who could stop me, for some reason – was Dawn," Buffy began slowly, her gaze sweeping over all of them, but mostly focusing on her Watcher.

He nodded slowly, his eyes narrowing in a pensive expression, as he replied, "Yes – I remember...I thought it very strange, especially considering the fact that your mother did not seem to have the same ability – but we haven't exactly had time for research since then..."

"Right," Buffy agreed slowly. "But – every other time after that, that the Slayer started to get out of hand, and Dawn was right there – she was still able to stop it. And the Slayer kept saying really weird things about her...like – like she – wasn't real, or – or like she – she was somehow a threat to her claim over Spike..."

"She never *had* a claim over Spike," Giles frowned, a bit puzzled. "I thought you said that the mating claim is with you, and not the Slayer – and she never managed to complete the dominance claim."

"Right – but she kept trying to finish the original dominance claim – and she saw Dawn as a threat for some reason. Well – while I was – sharing a brain with her, I – I managed to learn a few things, once I managed to gain a little bit of control over it. And – and I think you need to go ahead and do that spell you were talking about – the one to reveal magic?"

"Wait a minute," Joyce broke in, her eyes wide as she moved around to face her daughter. "Are you saying that there's some sort of magic involved with Dawn? Like, maybe the spell's still affecting her somehow?"

"No," Buffy shook her head. "Not *that* spell. But – there's something – I don't know – there's something about her that just..."

"Doesn't fit," Dawn whispered, drawing the attention of the room from where she sat behind Buffy and Spike, her slight shoulders slumped, her hands folded tightly in her lap. Her voice was small and scared and miserable as she went on, looking up at her sister through tear-filled eyes, "she said I – wasn't real. I was an – an illusion..."

"Dawnie, don't be silly, of course you're real!" Joyce objected immediately, sitting down on the couch beside her youngest daughter and putting her arms around her, looking up at Buffy with an expression that was half-accusing and half-pleading, begging her silently to lay to rest the fears she had awakened in Dawn's mind.

But Buffy would have to lay them to rest in her *own* mind first.

"We know she's *real* -- but – there has to be something – some reason why she was able to do the things she was able to do...and – and there's more, than what we've told you so far..."

Dawn raised her head suddenly from where she had rested it on her mother's shoulder, looking up sharply at her sister as she remembered the rest of what Buffy had silently told her in the motel room.

"She said – me and Buffy – we're somehow...connected...or the same...I don't know...I don't really get it..."

Dawn tried hard to put into words the communication of feeling that she had shared with her sister the night before – a difficult task indeed considering that at the time Buffy had not even put it into words. It had simply been a shared feeling – a sense of connection and same-ness that both had felt in the moment when Buffy had been in her sister's body, waiting to be returned to her own.

It was a difficult thing to describe.

"We just need you to do the spell, Giles," Buffy repeated quietly, turning back to face her Watcher. "We need to find out what she was talking about...what gave Dawn the power to – to subdue the Slayer – and to act as a connection between me and Spike..."

Giles nodded thoughtfully. "I'll need to look up the ritual..."

"Oooh! I know how!" Willow announced eagerly, wide eyes looking between the Slayer and the Watcher questioningly. "I can help..."

"*No*!" Buffy snapped, almost simultaneously with her Watcher's emphatic statement of the same word.

"Are you bloody daft, girl?" Spike demanded, incredulous. "Have you heard *nothing* that the Slayer's said this past hour? You – and the bloody mojo – do *not* mix!"

Willow almost physically flinched at the words, looking to Buffy desperately to refute them. "That's not what she said!" she insisted. "I'm good at magic! I have a natural talent for it! All I need is a little more practice..."

"...under proper guidance," Giles broke in severely. "Not on your own, Willow."

"But..."

"But nothing!" Buffy cut her off sharply, her voice trembling slightly with disbelieving anger, that her friend could still have so little understanding of her part in this whole fiasco. "I might not have said you don't need to do magic at all – but you *certainly* don't need to do it on your own! Giles is right – at the very least you need guidance, so that you're not *practicing* with innocent people's lives!"

Willow *did* flinch that time, taking an involuntary step back away from her friend. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone..."

"But you *did*, Willow!" Buffy reminded her, holding her gaze firmly and not allowing her to look away. "You did! You thought you knew what was best for me – for everybody – so you just changed what you felt like changing, without asking anybody for advice, without getting any help, or even asking me if I *wanted* you to do something to ensure that I'd win the fight – you just assumed that of course, what you thought was the right thing had to *be* the right thing – and you nearly got all of us killed!"

When Buffy finished, Willow's eyes were downcast, her lower lip trembling as tears streaked her face.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Sometimes sorry doesn't mean much until you put actions to it," Buffy countered, her voice softer now, but no less certain. "You have to get it under control, Willow. You *have* to."

There was a long moment's silence before Willow finally nodded, sniffling back tears as she replied in a dejected whisper, "I know."

"I have an idea," Giles said after a moment, his tone cautious as he glanced between the quietly crying redhead and the Slayer, whose expression was gradually softening toward her. "A way that you might learn to control your power, Willow – learn the best way of handling it."

He paused, and when he went on, his voice had taken on that slightly authoritative note that indicated he was getting into lecture mode, "Magic is very dangerous – not something to be done unless you are certain that you know what you are doing...and I would have thought that you would have had better sense than to perform the spell any differently than precisely as it was written, without seeking expert advice first..."

"Yeah, well," Spike muttered with a little humorless half-smirk as he turned slightly away from the man, "I would have thought the Watcher'd have better sense than to let her."

"Excuse me?" Giles said sharply, turning away from Willow and glaring at the blonde vampire, fury flashing in his eyes.

"I think you heard him," Buffy said, her voice hardening slightly at the threatening sound in the older man's voice. "And he's right."

"I in no way advised Willow to make the changes she did to the spell..."

"But did you warn her *not* to change it?" Buffy countered, a challenge in her voice as she stepped toward him. "If she's such an amateur – and trust me, I *believe* that she is! – then how could you just assume that she would know better? Why didn't you *help* her do it, and be sure it was done right?"

"Buffy, I know you're the Slayer, but I hardly think it's your right to..."

"It *is* my right!" she insisted, her own eyes narrowing with anger as she took another step toward the older man, and he unconsciously stepped back with alarm. "I've saved the world and averted apocalypses at least three times now – and one of those times it took dying to do it! I've given and sacrificed and fought so that all of you could even *be* here right now, so don't you *dare* tell me I don't have the *right*!"

She paused, realizing that she was on the brink of losing her temper completely, taking a deliberate step back away from the suddenly very nervous Watcher, as she tried to bring her breathing – and her anger – back under control.

"No – I *do* have the right to tell each and every one of you just what I think of the *horrible* way you've handled this situation," she stated, her voice calm but emphatic as her fiery emerald eyes locked on the wide, startled eyes of her Watcher, and she added with a cool smile, "And now it's *your* turn to hear what I have to say!"