39. Preparation
Saturday morning dawned with a
sense of
expectancy over Buffy's home. Everyone in the house knew that whatever
was going to happen, however things were going to turn out, it was
going to happen that night.
Buffy had filled Xander and Willow in on the plan that Giles had
related to her, which really seemed to be their best chance of
defeating Faith once and for all, and they had accepted it without any
argument. Everything was in place, and they were ready for the events
that would unfold that evening.
Well -- as ready as they could possibly be; the entire situation was
unpredictable, and would stay that way right up until the moment when
the plan was carried out. Only then could they know for sure that the
nightmare Faith had brought to their lives was over once and for all.
Buffy awoke before Spike, carefully disentangling herself from the arms
of the sleeping vampire. She would let him sleep for a while longer; he
needed his rest for that night. She stood there beside the bed for a
moment, studying the fine, smooth lines of his face, peaceful for once
in slumber. She frowned slightly with concern; so many nights that
flawless face was marred by the terrors of his nightmares.
Her eyes were wide and serious as she watched him with a rising sense
of affection in her heart, and a lump in her throat; so much rested on
his shoulders tonight. The success or failure of their plan was based
on his actions. Really, the only reason she was even going to be there
at all was in case something went wrong. If all went according to plan,
she would not have to do anything at all.
Spike was going to be the hero of the hour.
Buffy slipped silently into her soft bathrobe and headed down the
stairs to see if anyone else was up yet. The house was quiet, and at
first Buffy thought that she was alone in the living room, until she
noticed Willow, curled up in a corner of the couch. She was wrapped up
in the comforter from her bed, a steaming cup of tea on the end table
beside her, and a thick book open across her drawn up knees.
When she saw Buffy approaching, Willow quickly closed the book, with a
self-conscious glance between it and her friend. The trapped, guilty
expression on her face told Buffy what sort of book it was that she was
reading. Willow was trying to find a way to get her powers back.
Buffy had been trying to be forgiving with her friend about the whole
trying-to-kill-her-boyfriend thing, considering that Willow did not
know that Spike was her boyfriend, and that Spike *had* killed Willow's
boyfriend, even if it *was* in self-defense. Willow had come to her the
day after and apologized, and had dutifully kept her distance from
Spike after that, so Buffy had tried not to make an issue of it any
more.
However, the realization that the girl was trying to get back the
magical powers she had used to terrorize and almost kill Spike made
Buffy's anger rise anew at the memory of what Spike had told her of
what had happened.
"Buffy!" Willow spoke in a voice that was too bright, too cheerful.
"You're up early! Good morning! What's up?"
"Drop it, Will," Buffy said shortly. "I saw your book, I know what
you're doing, and forget it. There is no way that you're getting your
magic back until Giles is sure that you're ready."
"But -- but Buffy I *am* ready!" Willow insisted when she realized that
she was caught, leaning forward on the couch and looking her in the eye
earnestly. "I understand, I can't use magic for selfish purposes, etc.,
etc., and I'm gonna respect the forces of nature and all that. But I --
I need to have my powers back, Buffy!"
The flippant, careless way in which Willow stated her new found
"respect" for magic told Buffy clearly that she was *not* ready.
"That'll be up to Giles," Buffy repeated firmly.
"But I can't help you at all this way, Buffy," Willow argued. "If I had
my magic back..."
"*Will.*"
The redhead was silent, subdued, looking at the floor at the Slayer's
feet.
Buffy's voice was softer, gentle when she spoke again, but it was clear
that there would be no changing her mind. "It's not my decision. It's
up to Giles." Her tone was a little on the cool side, but not unkind,
as she turned to head toward the kitchen, in search of some major
caffeine.
If she was going to have to deal with Willow this early, she was going
to need an energy boost.
Could she help if she found it difficult to act completely at ease, as
if nothing was wrong, with the girl who had just tried to kill the man
she -- was beginning to care about?
"What if Spike backs out at the last minute?" Willow asked, and a
resentful note resounded clearly in her quietly stubborn voice. "What
if he decides he wants to switch sides on you? It'll be too late then."
Buffy felt her anger flare up again at those words. She was trying to
be a supportive friend, but she was getting sick and tired of Willow
and her Spike-issues. At this point, she trusted Spike more than she
trusted Willow, and it irritated her for Willow to even suggest that
Spike might turn on her.
She knew in her heart that he never would.
She turned around quickly to face her friend, green eyes blazing with
fury. Willow visibly wilted, stepping back and lowering her head a
little as the Slayer stepped toward her, opening her mouth to speak.
But before Buffy could say a word, someone else broke the tense silence
that had fallen.
"That's not going to happen." Spike's low, clear voice spoke with quiet
certainty, and the girls turned to see him standing at the base of the
stairs.
Buffy froze, a sudden anxious feeling coming over her. She had not said
a word to Spike about it yet, but she was not quite ready to reveal
their relationship to her friends. Once everything was taken care of
and Faith was out of the picture, then she could allow herself to think
about working out the mess that *that* revelation would be.
She was not ashamed of him, and had determined that she was going to be
with him regardless of what her friends thought, but she felt that at
the moment the little band of unlikely heroes needed to be as united as
possible -- which was already a stretch.
The revelation that she had been sleeping with and developing a
relationship with (in precisely that order) someone that her friends
held responsible for most of their great losses over the past year --
well, she thought grimly, one apocalyptic level battle at a time was
about all she could handle.
But she had not discussed any of this with Spike, not yet. Actually,
the night before, they had done very little talking at all. And judging
from the look on his face, the certainty in his voice, she was suddenly
very much afraid that he was about to let the secret out, quite a bit
earlier than she was ready to.
He walked slowly toward them, his eyes meeting Willow's as he came to
stand by Buffy and went on, "I want to see Faith pay for what she's
done. There is no bloody way in hell that I'm switching sides at this
point in the game, pet."
Buffy's relief was almost palpable as she released a long, slow breath,
turning innocent, expectant eyes toward her friend for her reaction.
Willow could not -- or did not -- suppress her disgust at the pet name
that fell so casually from Spike's lips, but she looked at Buffy as she
spoke, her voice low and controlled, but still revealing her anger.
"Fine. Whatever you think is best, Buffy. I hope it works out for you."
The bitter tone of her voice gave Buffy the chilling suspicion that
Willow would actually feel a sense of gratification if the plan did not
work out, failed in some way. That way she would be able to say, "See,
I told you so...if you'd have only given me back my magic..."
*God,* Buffy thought, shaking her head slightly in disbelief as she
caught Spike's eye and turned back toward the stairs, allowing him to
head up ahead of her. *What's that old saying...with friends like
these, who needs enemies?*
As she followed the blonde vampire who had until very recently fit into
that latter category, allowing herself to casually enjoy the view on
the way up, she smiled to herself. *Looks like *I* do.*
The day wore on with agonizing slowness, as the little group waited for
the sun to set and the time to arrive for Faith's ritual to begin.
Buffy had already made it very clear that she expected Willow and
Xander both to stay home. She knew that there was very little they
could do in a combat situation besides causing a distraction and
unintentionally being a hindrance to the plan -- and she wanted to know
that they were safe.
The plan was for Spike and Giles to go alone to where the ritual was to
be performed. Buffy would be going along also, a little bit after them
-- but would remain at a distance, not allowing herself to be seen by
her deranged counterpart.
Angel was to be kept chained in the basement. Buffy still was not sure
as to where he stood in this little battle, but as long as he was
locked up out of the way, she thought, it did not matter how he had
intended (or not) to help Faith. He would not be able to play any part
in the proceedings, good or bad.
And for now, Buffy thought that was best.
"Bloody hell, pet, when is the bleedin' sun gonna go down?" Spike
muttered, pacing anxiously across Buffy's bedroom floor, glancing
occasionally with irritation toward the dim rays still refracting
through the drawn curtains. "We need to get this bloody show on the
road..."
Buffy rose from where she sat on the bed, watching him with a smile of
affectionate amusement. "Hey," she said softly, moving to catch him in
mid-stride, taking his arm and turning him to face her. "Come here for
a second. You're making me dizzy." Her tone was gentle, coaxing, as her
hands trailed lightly up and down his arms, in an attempt to draw him
in and settle him a bit.
He reluctantly came to a stop, allowing her to pull him closer to her,
but not looking at her. She realized with concern that he was trembling
under her hands. "Spike...this is gonna work," she reassured him. "We're
gonna stop her *tonight*."
He nodded quickly, releasing a slow deep breath, but still not raising
his eyes. "Right, love. I know."
"Then what's with the hyper-active bit?" she pressed him gently,
tipping her head and looking up at him, trying to catch his eye.
"You're wearing holes in this carpet, and it's not even that old." When
he did not respond to her little joke, she went on insistently, firmly,
"This plan is basically fool proof. It's *going* to work, Spike."
"What if it doesn't?" he asked her, looking up suddenly to meet her
eyes, his own wide and anxious, and she was surprised by the intensity
of his gaze. "What if she manages to figure it out before we can pull
it off?"
"Then we'll take her out anyway," Buffy replied without hesitation, her
voice and eyes hardening. "I'm gonna be right there the whole time. I
know this is dangerous and there's a definite risk involved, for all of
us, but mostly for you. But I am *not* gonna let her hurt you, Spike.
The first sign I get that something's not going right, I'm jumping
right in and taking her down."
He nodded, drawing in another shaky breath. "Right. Okay," he spoke,
his tone revealing that he was trying to convince himself. "It's gonna
be fine. Everything's gonna be... gonna be fine..."
The uncertainty, the fear in his voice surprised her. She had never
known Spike to show fear easily; even when she had thought he knew who
had killed her mother, and had interrogated him, putting every ounce of
menace into her act that she could, he had still given her nothing but
bravado and arrogance, until the memories of his lost love had broken
through his defenses. Why was he getting so nervous now at the prospect
of facing Faith, when he had been longing to take her on and defeat her
for so long?
"Spike?" she said, a tentative question in her voice. "What is it?
What's got you so shaken up over this?"
"It – it's nothing, love," he replied, a little too quickly, looking
away from her self-consciously. "It's just – this has been a long time
coming, yeah? It's a bit – bit to take in is all."
Buffy studied his face for a moment, feeling certain that he was
keeping something from her, but not wanting to push him – not now. He
was already such a bundle of nerves, and the last thing he needed
before the confrontation he was facing was anything to get him any more
upset.
"Spike," she whispered, and the change in her tone drew his eyes back
to hers. "I know you can do this. I – I believe in you."
His eyes widened in surprise at the heart-felt words he had never
thought to hear from the Slayer's lips. And then, her lips proceeded to
tell him what her words could not, as she leaned in and captured his in
a tender, intimate kiss. After only a moment, he began to return the
kiss in earnest, his hand rising to cup the back of her head, pressing
her closer to him, as his tongue explored her mouth, urgently, almost
desperately.
When they finally parted, both were breathless. "Buffy," he whispered,
and she was gratified to hear relief in his voice. "God, Buffy...I – I
love you..."
She felt as if in that moment, her heart stopped beating. Her breath
caught in her throat, and she stared at him, shining emerald eyes wide
in shock. She wasn't even sure how the words made her feel, they came
as such a surprise. Her lips parted slightly, as if beginning to speak,
but she said nothing, her eyes searching his.
"You – you don't have to say anything," Spike quickly moved in to fill
the silence, his eyes focused on the floor, his hands still holding her
arms. "That's not why I said it. I know it's fast, and I know you
probably don't feel the same – not yet – but I know what I feel,
Slayer. I loved Dru for over a hundred years, and – and believe it or
not, I know love."
He paused, earnest blue eyes rising hesitantly to meet hers, so open
and vulnerable with the admission of his feelings for her. "I was all
set to kill Faith – for love of Dru. Because of what she did to her.
And – a part of me will always love Dru, like you said. But – but I'm
not doing this tonight for Dru, Buffy." He paused, gazing at her
intently, willing her to see the truth in his eyes. "I'm doing this for
you. What I do tonight – I'm doing because – because I love you, Buffy.
I love you."
Buffy's heart felt so full in that moment, as her mind tried to catch
up and take in the enormity of the words he had just spoken. "Spike,"
she whispered, shaking her head slightly as her eyes welled with tears,
though she could not have said what emotion had birthed them. "Spike,
I..."
At that moment, the door suddenly opened, and instinctively the secret
lovers stepped away from each other, casting guilty sidelong glances at
the door.
Giles gave them a smile that was knowing and a bit amused. "Impromptu
planning session I see?" he commented lightly.
Buffy gave him a death look, knowing that he knew enough to know
exactly what they had been doing. "What else?" she said dryly. "What is
it?" She tried to keep the impatience from her voice, but it was
difficult. She needed to finish this conversation with Spike.
"As much as I hate to interrupt – it's nearly time to go," Giles told
them, gesturing toward the window.
The sun was down.
"Spike, I need to speak with you for a moment before we go," Giles told
him, his tone all business. The events of the evening were too
important, as far as he was concerned, to be put off by a lovers'
rendezvous.
"Right, then," Spike sighed, not looking at Buffy, ducking his head
slightly as he stepped past her toward the door.
Giles was waiting expectantly for him, and only stepped toward the
stairs when Spike reached the doorway.
"Spike."
Buffy's voice stopped the vampire in his tracks. He swallowed hard,
drawing in a deep breath, closing his eyes, but he did not turn around.
She came up quickly behind him, taking his arm and spinning him around,
pulling his head down into a kiss that was very brief – but intense.
When she let him go, his head was spinning. She rested her forehead
against his, staring deep into his eyes as she whispered.
"I love you, too."
And with that, she gently pushed him out the door and closed it behind
him, turning to prepare herself for the evening, her mind racing with
the impact of what had just happened between them.
As he headed down the stairs, Spike was deliriously happy. He had known
that the events of this evening were really not carved in stone, and
could still go a number of ways. He had not expected the Slayer to
return his sentiments, but he had known that he could not go off,
possibly to his death, without telling her how he felt.
To have her say the words back was more than he had ever hoped for. As
he rounded the corner into the living room to face Giles, he could not
keep the silly smile from his face. His mind was on anything but the
Watcher and whatever it was he had to say.
That was why he didn't realize what Giles was doing when he stepped
toward him with an outstretched hand, and never saw the spell coming
until it was already cast.