Summary: AU beginning during the months between Seasons 5 and 6. Tara is just your typical college student at UC Sunnydale. Or at least, she’s trying hard to be…until a series of strange dreams of a mysterious, suffering stranger begin to haunt her nights. When this stranger unexpectedly crosses her path, he will draw her down a road she never expected, toward a love and a future she never thought she’d find.

 

Notes: This story will span the course of a very AU Season 6, as Tara gradually uncovers the secrets of Spike’s tormented past amidst events very different from canon Season 6. At the beginning of this story, Tara has not met Willow or the rest of the Scoobies, and though it has been several months since Buffy’s death, the Scoobies have not yet planned to raise the Slayer from the dead. Also, for the purposes of this story and the ‘ship it involves, Tara is heterosexual. J




Akathisia: Son of Grace

by DreamsofSpike

Tara just sat there with Spike, in companionable silence, holding his hand gently in hers, stroking her thumb across the back of it as she waited for him to calm down enough to be able to rest again, and allow her to go about the things she needed to do.

Like eating... She glanced wistfully toward the kitchen, suppressing a sigh she knew would be noticed by the vampire at her side, and would likely increase his anxiety, and make it that much longer before she was able to get up. Food...shower...

They had not been sitting there long at all when Tara felt his body begin to relax further next to hers, and his head lolled slightly before jerking upright, and she realized that the vampire was on the verge of drifting off to sleep again. Her heart ached with sorrowful sympathy for him, as she found herself wondering once more about the mystery of his ordeal.

How long has it been since he's been able to *really* sleep? To know that it was *safe* to sleep? What must it be like to live in such a constant state of fear?

"If you w-wanna go to sleep," she suggested after a few moments, her voice low in an attempt to disguise its tearful hoarseness, "that's okay, Spike. I'll stay right here...all right? I'll be right here with you, so if you...wanna rest...that's just fine..."

Spike went very still for a moment, a convulsive swallow visible in his throat, and Tara thought with a pang of sorrow that the reaction seemed almost trapped, as if he had been caught in some offense and was afraid of facing the consequences of it.

When she said nothing else, and made no move to harm him, Spike slowly relaxed again. A second swallow moistened his damaged throat, before he ventured to speak again...the same two words that he had first spoken to her.

"Th-thank you," he whispered, the words barely audible, his head ducked almost shyly.

"You d-don't have to thank me," Tara assured him gently. "If you wanna sleep...you can sleep. Or if you're h-hungry, or n-need anything...you don't have to be afraid to..."

Suddenly Spike jerked beside her, startled, and Tara's words trailed off as a frown of concern creased her brow. The vampire's breathing became shallow and frightened once more as he struggled weakly to sit up straighter, his sightless eye riveted on the kitchen door.

Tara had heard nothing, though it seemed clear that some unexpected sound had frightened her understandably paranoid houseguest. She wondered with a sort of awe at just how powerful his vampire hearing might be, as she went very still and quiet and strained to hear the sound that had caught his attention. At first she heard nothing at all...but then, finally, she could make out a soft scratching sound, accompanied by a barely audible series of random thumps coming from the kitchen.

It was a sound she had grown well accustomed to over the last eight two years, a sound that was so much a part of the background to her daily life that she had ceased to notice it. It was Mac, in the kitchen, playing with one of his toys, knocking it across the floor and chasing after it...no doubt trying to work off some of the pent up energy that had been building up over the past day and a half.

Tara tried to shake off the nagging sense of guilt she felt for neglecting her beloved pet in favor of Spike, no matter how desperate was the vampire's need.

"It's okay," she reassured him gently, giving his shoulders a very slight squeeze, wary lest she should hurt him. "It's just my dog, Mac. He's in the kitchen, thumping around...that's all. It was him you heard this morning, too. He's nothing to be afraid of, Spike, I promise. He won't hurt you."

Spike could not help but be suspicious at first, his ears focused sharply on the strange sounds coming from the kitchen. His first thought was that someone else had to be in the house...someone was coming. A creeping sense of panicked betrayal began to rise up in him...Tara had promised that they were alone in the house!

Please...no...don't let them take me...don't let them hurt me...

When she told him it was her dog, however, the pieces began to gradually come together in his mind...the scents he had picked up in the house earlier...the strange sounds he had heard that morning, that had resulted in no danger or harm. Distant, muffled by the wall that separated them from the sounds, he could hear a soft, playful growling sound...and he began to relax.

She was telling the truth.

A sharp bark from the other room made Spike jump, in spite of his newly reached conclusions; but Tara jumped as well, beside him, and then giggled a bit at their matching reactions...and in spite of his fears, Spike felt himself begin to relax a bit again.

"It's all right," she reminded him, and he could hear the gentle amusement in her voice. Then, a little louder, she called out, "Mac! Shush!"

The dog let out a little whine that was almost petulant, before resuming his barking as if Tara had not spoken. Despite the racket he was making, however, Tara was relieved to note that Spike seemed to be relaxing beside her, the tension fading from his shoulders as he slowly accepted the idea that the loud noise, however startling, was not a threat to him.

"Mac...quiet!" Tara repeated, though her tone was still little more than a suggestion, far from commanding...and Mac apparently did not take it seriously. After a few moments during which the dog's protests only grew more insistent, Tara let out a soft, weary sigh. She didn't have the heart to be any harsher with him, well aware that he had actually been quite patient, considering her unintentional neglect over the past two days.

"He's not used to being confined to one room. He's been cooped up in the kitchen for too long," she explained. "It kinda sounds like he's had enough. He's probably not gonna hush until he's with me, Spike. Um...he's kinda big, but he's not dangerous; he won't hurt you. So is it...is it okay if I bring him in here with us?"

Spike hesitated, his heart lurching at the thought of what she was suggesting. The idea of anyone new being introduced into the situation, even if it was just Tara's dog, was more than a little unsettling to him. He was just beginning to get used to things the way they were.

is good...just like this...don't want anyone...anything...else, in here with us...

"Spike..." Tara's gentle voice pulled him out of his apprehensive thoughts, and he dutifully tried to focus on her words and not his own fears as she went on. "...I won't let anything bad happen, okay? He doesn't want to hurt you...and even if he did, I won't let him. He might...might growl a little, or seem a little...aggressive, at first...but it's just because he's scared, too. Okay? Do you believe me?"

Spike considered for a moment, weighing her promises against the ones she had made - and kept - already. Finally, he ventured a slow, reluctant nod, feeling more than a little awkward with the fact that she wanted his agreement at all. What did his wishes matter to her? In his recent experience, he was nothing more than a slave to his human captors. Why did she care what he wanted at all?

He could hear the smile in Tara's voice, though his blurred, barely existent vision could not make it out. "Thank you," she said in a voice of gentle, affectionate gratitude. "You'll see, Spike...it's gonna be fine. Now, he's a little nervous, too...so he m-might...bark at you a little...that sort of thing...but he's not going to hurt you. Okay? I'll make sure you're safe...all right?"

Spike nodded again, a bit surer this time.

Tara took a deep breath and glanced toward the kitchen as she carefully sat up on the edge of the couch, doing her best not to jar Spike and cause any further pain to his injuries. "I'll be right back. I'm just gonna go get him...calm him down a little bit...and I'll be right back."

When Spike gave her another slightly shaky nod, she rose to her feet and headed toward the kitchen. She slid through the door, closing it carefully behind her, aware that at this point Mac was almost frantically eager to escape the confines of the kitchen. She had left the back door open for him so that he could get out into the yard if he needed to, but that had only served to leave him cold, and even more anxious to get into the warmth and comfort of the living room with her.

He placed one large paw on her leg, his long tail wagging in a friendly greeting as she crouched down beside him, stroking one hand down his back, the other cupping his face as she murmured soft, shushing sounds in an attempt to soothe him. She knew his initial meeting with Spike was likely to be a tense encounter, regardless of her efforts, but wanted the dog to be as calm as possible for it.

Mac cautiously licked her hand, drawing back momentarily and sniffing it as he caught the scent of the vampire on her skin. He looked up at her questioningly, and she stroked his face again.

"It's all right, Mac...it's okay...nothing to be afraid of..."

At her gentle reassurance, he turned his head back to lick her hand again, gazing up at her through deep, loyal eyes that seemed to give her his trust in spite of his apprehensions about the strange scent she bore.

After a few moments, she stood up again, holding Mac by the collar as she moved to open the door to the living room. Mac tried to pull forward, ears pricked as he strained to look around the corner, but she held him back as she stepped through the doorway. Her eyes focused on Spike, who was still seated in exactly the same position in which she had left him, his face turned toward the door, but lowered in submission as she entered the room.

"Easy," she murmured to the impatient animal at her side, controlling their pace as she led him slowly toward the couch. "Wait...Mac, easy..."

But Mac was already growling, his ears flattened as his gaze fell on the vampire on the couch. His upper lip twitched slightly in the beginnings of a snarl...but it never fully formed.

"No." Tara's voice was gentle but firm as she stopped a few feet in front of the couch, holding onto Mac's collar firmly.

Mac was quiet for only a moment before beginning to growl again, a low, warning sound deep in his throat.
Spike flinched slightly at the deep, menacing sound, a tremor passing through his shoulders as he waited for the large, frightening animal to attack, painfully aware that he was in no condition to defend himself - not that he would have dared to do so. The dog was Tara's pet -- and therefore he had no right to try to harm it, even to defend himself.
"No," Tara repeated simply.

The dog's growl turned to a plaintive, frustrated whine mid-breath, and Mac glanced up at her in supplication before he sat down where he was, apparently realizing that Tara was not going to let him any nearer to the strange creature he so badly wanted to investigate.

"Shhh," she soothed him. "It's all right...easy..."

She waited until the dog seemed to have resigned himself to not going any nearer to Spike, before she addressed the tense but still vampire.

"It's okay, Spike. He's fine. He's not gonna hurt you. Is it...is it okay if we...come just a little bit closer?"

Spike gave her a hesitant, jerky nod, his head lowered as he scented the air, taking in the strong scent of the dog; and Tara noticed with mild amusement that Mac was doing the same thing, sniffing the air cautiously as he edged nearer to the vampire, without rising onto all fours, impatiently wriggling in his repressed desire to get closer.

"Easy," she warned him gently as she moved forward just slightly, allowing Mac to do the same. "Easy, Mac...that's a good boy..."

Holding onto his collar with one hand, she reached out the other to gently slide under Spike's, where it rested on the edge of the sofa. The vampire jumped slightly at her touch, but immediately relaxed when he realized it was her. She waited a moment just like that, his hand resting lightly in hers, allowing him to adjust to the contact.

"It's all right," she soothed softly, though she wasn't really sure herself which of them she was speaking to. "He's just as nervous as you are, Sweetie..."

She allowed Mac to draw just a little nearer, holding Spike's hand gently in place as the dog's muzzle edged closer to it. She held onto Mac's collar, not allowing him to get too close, just in case, but allowed him near enough to cautiously sniff Spike's hand.

The vampire did not pull away, even when he felt the dog's hot breath on the back of his hand, though his entire body was taut with apprehension as he waited with dread for the creature to attack. He kept his hand in Tara's, allowing the dog to catch his scent, while tentatively sniffing the air himself to gain a better understanding of Mac, as well.

As long as Tara was close, his fears could not seem to fully take hold. Despite his doubts and uncertainties, Spike found that a tiny part of him was beginning to dare to hope that she would keep her word, and protect him...that she would not allow her dog to harm him, despite her obvious affection for the animal.

Tara allowed a smile to begin on her lips, a sense of relief coming over her as it began to appear that it was going to be all right.

"Spike," she said, allowing herself to speak in a more normal tone of voice as her thumb gently stroked the back of his hand, "meet Mac. Mac, this is Spike. He's going to be...staying with us...for a while."


~ TBC