Tara was startled, but pleased, when she felt Spike's trembling hands come to rest on either side of her waist, clutching desperately as he lowered his face against her shoulder, great, wrenching, silent sobs shaking his frail body. Gently, Tara wrapped one arm around his waist, her other hand resting lightly at the back of his head, holding him but cautious not to move too much, not to aggravate his injuries.

They stayed like that for a long time, Spike allowing months' worth of pent up tears to flow, and Tara just holding him close to her. Mac lay quietly behind her, just watching them patiently. When Tara began to cry again, he whined uneasily, but then went quiet again, laying his head on his paws and letting out a sigh of resignation when he saw that her attention was fully focused not on him, but on the vampire in her arms. There was really nothing he could do at the moment to offer either of them any consolation.

Brilliant, Tara, just brilliant...leave him all by himself in a dark room and just *hope* that he doesn't wake up until you get around to checking on him!

Tara shook her head slightly in self-disgust as she held the vampire close, rocking slightly and soothing him with soft, shushing sounds, while her mind raced with furious accusations.

One thing he asked of you, just *one thing* he could bring himself to ask you for -- not to leave him alone -- and you couldn't do that one thing!

Her throat aching with regretful tears, she whispered against his shoulder, unsure if he heard her or not through his own sobs. "I'm sorry, Sweetie...I'm so sorry..."

After what felt like a very long time, Tara's exhaustion began to creep up on her, and her tears began to ebb. Spike's seemed to be subsiding as well, as he slowly sagged against her, quiet and pliant, his overwhelming weariness overtaking him at last. She felt his sheer exhaustion - not just with the situation of the moment, but with everything he had suffered, all he had been through - leaving him weak and boneless, the entirety of his slight weight slumped against her.

Tara hesitated, uncertain as to what she should do. She was reluctant to move, and shatter the comfort he seemed to have found. He was actually allowing her close, allowing her to hold him, touch him. If she moved, he might realize how far he had allowed himself to go, and his fears might return.

But they're going to return anyway, she reminded herself. He's far from over the things he keeps seeing in his nightmares. I can't imagine that he ever will be, completely. How can he rest, if he keeps having those dreams every time he's alone? How can *I* rest, for that matter? If the only time he feels safe is when we're together... A momentary flash of panic came over her, and her heart lurched in her chest. God, how am I going to do this? How can I possibly stay with him all the time? What am I going to...?

Her troubled thoughts trailed off as suddenly, an idea occurred to her - a rather bold, risky idea, just as likely to frighten the vampire beyond all measure as to increase his comfort - but the best that she could come up with under the circumstances.

And I'll be careful...I'll only go through with it if I'm sure he's okay with it...

She sat forward slowly, awkwardly, one hand resting on his shoulder and gently pushing him forward just a bit to allow her to examine his face. Her eyes widened with alarm as she noticed the damp, pink stains that now marred the formerly pristine bandages that covered the greater part of his face. She glanced downward and saw that the same pink fluid had stained her blouse as well.

My God...his eyes, his face...are so damaged, there's blood in his tears...

She swallowed hard, fighting back a fresh wave of tears, and silently determining to ignore the disturbing, but relatively insignificant observation. She had much more important matters with which to concern herself at the moment.

And besides...I never liked this blouse that much anyway...

She raised her free hand to wipe away a few stray tears and clear her vision, before turning her attention back to the vampire's face, and his nearly indecipherable expression. With his one eye barely functioning, it was difficult to know whether he was sleeping or awake, much less what state of mind he might be in at the moment.

Softly, not willing to disturb him if he was already asleep again, Tara whispered his name.

*********************************

"Spike?"

Through the soft, comforting mist of near-sleep that surrounded him, Spike heard the sound of his own name, still unfamiliar after going so long without hearing it - unfamiliar, and more than a little unsettling. In combination with Tara's gentle, cautious withdrawal, it was enough to bring his fragile, shattered nerves back to full awareness.

Too close...too long...taking advantage of her kindness...too close...gotta get up...gotta back off, before...

He struggled to raise his weary body up, bracing his one working, yet still weak, trembling hand against her thigh, and only remembering its injury when the arm gave out under his weight, his hand sliding down the side of her leg and impacting painfully against the floor. Abruptly he flinched away from her, belatedly realizing how presumptuous he had been to touch her so freely. He drew in a sharp, shaky breath of alarm, cringing instinctively when he felt her warm, steadying hand on his arm.

"Shhh...it's all right," Tara soothed him, and he felt himself relaxing slightly with relief at the tenderness he heard in her voice. "I'm so sorry, Spike. I shouldn't have l-left you down here by yourself, in the dark. It won't happen again, I promise. D-don't be afraid, Sweetie...it's all right. I'm not gonna hurt you, Spike...you're all right now...okay?"

He nodded hurriedly, eager to assure her, despite the fact that at the moment, he was feeling anything but all right. It had been so long since he had experienced the luxury of a good, unrestrained cry -- but now that it was over, his eye sockets stung with the salt of his tears, and his head was filled with a fuzzy, sick ache only rivaled by the ache he felt in the tightly clenched muscles of his stomach.

"Are you okay?" Spike could hear the urgency of concern mingled with guilt in Tara's voice, and it made him slightly uncomfortable to think that she actually felt guilty for leaving him. "You're not...h-hurt, are you?"

He shook his head, submitting as she turned his hands over in hers, examining them, then running her hands up his arms, and then lightly down his sides as if searching closely for any sign of injury. He kept his head down and his body limp and pliant, subdued, a little bit ashamed of his own weakness and need, of breaking down so completely in front of her.

"It's all right," she repeated. "It's okay, Spike..."

His heart sank with her words, even as relief soothed the tension from his body. He was safe; it was okay...

...for the moment.

Never gonna *really* be okay...never again, Tara...no matter how hard you try...

*******************************

Tara hesitated for a moment, waiting to be sure that Spike was not only fully awake, but reassured, before venturing forward with her idea.

"I...I was thinking," she began, her voice barely over a whisper. "Y-you...don't seem to feel...safe, down here...by yourself...and...and I don't blame you." Her expression softened as she studied his face with compassion. "N-new place...dark room...a-after everything you've been through..."

She paused a moment, drawing in a deep, slightly faltering breath. "...but...if you want...you could sleep...u-upstairs. In my room. I-I sleep there, and...and you wouldn't be alone. You...m-might feel safer there...and...and I know you'd be more comfortable. Would...would that be all right?"

*****************************

Spike went very still in her arms, swallowing hard, though the motion hurt his torn throat, made raw again from the sobs that had constricted it. His stomach lurched with fear, and his mind raced with questions as he tried to figure out the motivation behind her suggestion, and what it might mean for him.

He couldn't walk, not yet, despite the incredible improvement in his legs, which barely hurt at all anymore. How could he possibly make it up an entire flight of stairs? The idea that she might deign to help him, to support his weight for the difficult task, never crossed his mind. In the dark space to which his world had been reduced, no human would lower themselves to grant him such a courtesy.

He lowered his head, feeling that familiar creeping sensation of shame come over him at his own weakness and helplessness. He remembered with a vague sense of alarm that Tara actually expected a spoken answer to her questions, unlike his previous captors who had demanded complete silence. He hesitated a moment, then opened his mouth to speak, faltering, barely able to bring himself to form words after so long without the option of speech.

Finally, he whispered in a soft, subservient whisper, "I...I c-can't..."

His voice trailed off when he felt Tara's gentle hand on his shoulder, fighting the urge to flinch away from her touch - though he really didn't think she was going to hurt him, not anymore. Grow weary of him, certainly...return him to his former captors, perhaps...but it was becoming ever more clear to him that this sweet, compassionate girl did not have it in her to harm anyone.

"I know...I know, and it's all right, Spike. I-I can help you. You're...n-not that heavy, Sweetie...not right now...not nearly as h-heavy as you should be. I'll help you get up the stairs...it's okay..."

Her voice was soft, tender, and Spike felt gratitude rising up within him at the realization that she was taking great care to comfort him, to soothe his countless fears. He felt his eyes, already scratchy and sore from so much crying, stinging with fresh tears at the tender compassion, still so new and unfathomable to him at this point. He could hear the urgency in her voice, the slightly pleading note behind her words...and knew what answer she wanted to hear from him.

It was, of course, the only answer he could give her.

*******************************

At Spike's slight nod, Tara let out a trembling sigh of relief, smiling with tender affectionate gratitude.

"Okay," she sighed, her own nod indicating her approval. "Okay." She paused, considering, then instructed softly, "Wait here for just a minute, okay? Mac...Mac's right here, so...so you won't really be alone. I'm just...g-going into the kitchen to g-get you some blood, Sweetheart. It's been hours since you've eaten, and you need some more...okay?"

Spike nodded again, hesitantly, and the slight tilt of his head spoke of surprise, even now, that she was offering him blood again so soon.

Tara beckoned Mac forward with a hand tapping on the floor in front of Spike, warning the vampire as she did, so that the dog's sudden nearness would not alarm him. "Come here, Mac...that's a good boy...here he comes, okay? He's not gonna hurt you...just gonna stay here with you and make sure you're safe...all right?"

Mac obediently approached Spike, looking up into the vampire's face for a moment before gently licking his hand. Silently, he lay down in front of Spike, his soft fur brushing against the vampire's knees. With Tara's guidance, Spike's hesitant hand found his back, gently stroking down the length of the silky fur. Mac settled in closer against Spike's knees, and Spike let out a soft sigh, and Tara got the impression that he did indeed feel safer with Mac nearby.

Within a few minutes, a mug of hot blood was once more in Spike's unsteady hand, Tara carefully helping him to support its weight as he gratefully drank it down, much more easily than before, and without spilling a drop. When the mug was empty, he waited uncertainly for her to take it from his hands and place it on the floor beside him.

"Th-thank you..."

Tara smiled again, stroking the back of his hand gently. "You're welcome." She waited a moment before her smile faded, her expression becoming serious as she asked softly, "You ready?"

Spike nodded, drawing in a shaky breath, but did not venture another word. He simply sat there, enjoying the feeling of new strength and energy flowing through him with the warm blood. He knew he couldn't make it up the stairs on his own, even with the added strength from his recent meal; but perhaps he could at least give Tara a little help in assisting him to get there.

"Okay..." Tara carefully lifted his arm, bracing it around her shoulders. "...hold on to me, okay? Just hold on...I've got you..." She wrapped her other arm around his waist, steadying him as she cautiously rose to her feet, bringing the vampire up with her, with greater ease than she would have liked.

He was still incredibly, disturbingly light.

Tara paused for a moment, giving Spike the chance to catch his bearings, and them both a moment to steady themselves, before heading toward the stairs. She felt a rush of affectionate gratitude for her pet when she noticed that Mac had dutifully moved close to Spike's other side, his tall frame near enough to support the vampire's weight, should he happen to stumble or lose his footing.

"Good boy, Mac," she murmured. "Good boy."

One painstaking step after another, they slowly made their way up the stairs. Spike could barely move his legs, but did not seem to be in too much pain, so Tara was grateful for small favors. She supposed that even if his legs were completely healed, he might still have some trouble walking at this point. It seemed as if it had been a long while since they had been allowed even to attempt to hold his weight.

Once they reached her bedroom, she guided him to the left side of the bed, and gently helped him to sit down on the edge of it. "Just...sit here, just for a minute, Spike. I'm gonna fix a spot for you to sleep."

When he nodded his understanding, she let go of him and moved around the bed to pull back the blankets on the other side. She returned to Spike's side and put her arms around him again.

"Okay...one more time. Let's just...get up...and I'll help you..."

Spike was obedient, pliant, yielding completely as she guided him, his head lowered submissively...but Tara chose to ignore it for the moment. Once he had had a good night's rest, there would be plenty of time to deal with his psychological wounds.

Not that I've got the first clue how...

"Okay...here we are..." She carefully helped him to sit down on the other side of the bed. "I'm just gonna h-help you get your legs up on the bed...and you can lie back and...and get comfortable..."

********************************

Spike froze in utter shock at her words, struggling immediately to sit up, even as she helped him to lie down on his back.

The *bed*? *Her* bed? No...can't...don't deserve...no...*why*?

"Shh, it's all right," Tara assured him gently, pulling the covers up over him.

Despite his misgivings, Spike couldn't help but relish the cool, comfortable weight of the soft blankets over his weary body. It had been so long since he had been allowed the simple luxury of an actual bed. For a brief moment, he allowed himself to just savor it, feeling his body relax into the softness of the mattress, as it gave, molding itself to the shape of his body.

And then...Tara got into the bed on the other side.

He felt the mattress depress, the blankets pull back, on the other side of the bed, and an overwhelming sense of panic began to shake through him. Why would Tara allow him such comfort? Why would she share her own bed with him? What could she want with him, to bring him here, to her own room, her own bed?

She wouldn't...please, she wouldn't...not like them...not what they did...*please*!

~ TBC