Tara sensed the vampire's alarm as she climbed carefully into the bed, and immediately cursed her own carelessness, painfully aware a few moments too late of the increased trembling of Spike's body. He was utterly rigid, lying on his side, turned toward her but visibly pulling backward, as if expecting at any moment to be hurt or violated once again.

Mental note, dummy, she chided herself with a sense of angry self-disgust, hastily pushing the covers back in order to give herself room to move away quickly if she needed to. Just ‘cause the traumatized vampire is quiet and still and lets you lay him in your bed does *not* necessarily mean he's comfortable with the idea! He's a *rape* victim, stupid! What in the world were you thinking?

She reached out a cautious hand to rest reassuringly on his arm as she soothed him softly. "Hey...it's okay, Spike...d-don't be scared, Sweetie, I'm not gonna hurt you...I w-wouldn't ever...I just want you to be able to rest better, okay? I j-just thought you'd r-rest better in the bed..."

Spike did not seem to have even heard her. He flinched under her touch, his eye aimed down toward the mattress, shaking his head slightly in a way that made Tara feel certain that he did not even realize he was doing it.

"P-please," he whispered, and the desperate terror in his voice made her heart ache with sorrow and regret. "Please...don't...p-please...why?" There was a pleading note to the final word that tore at Tara's emotions, drawing fresh tears to her eyes.

She tried again, edging nearer, aware that at the moment her nearness was unsettling to him, but knowing that she had to reassure him of her intentions. She kept her hand on his arm, not moving, just resting it there as she quietly spoke to him, doing her best to make him understand that he was safe.

"It's all right...I didn't b-bring you here to...h-hurt you, Spike," she whispered, her voice choked with tears. "I promise. I j-just want you to be able to r-rest better. I just thought you'd be more comfortable in the bed...that's all. I promise, I w-won't hurt you...won't touch you at all...if you don't want me to, Sweetie...I j-just wanted to be able to...h-help you if you...if you have another nightmare...to be able to...to get to you quicker, you know?"

Her heart sank when his only response to her words was to go perfectly still under her hand, his head no longer shaking in pleading denial, but his body still tensed in dreadful anticipation. To confirm her promise to him, Tara removed her hand from his arm, drawing cautiously back away from him across the bed.

"See? I'm not t-touching...not touching...okay?"

Spike hesitated a moment, before responding with a slow, shaky nod, his head tilted away from her a little.

"I'll just...I'll just g-go downstairs...and...and sleep on the couch...if you'd rather," Tara suggested softly. "I w-want you to be comfortable, Spike...and...and I don't want you to h-have to...s-sleep on that couch when you're h-hurt...I'll just go...okay?"

*******************************

Confusion filled Spike's mind as he felt the slight shifting of the mattress as Tara rose to her feet. He was beginning to trust that she would do as she had promised, and not hurt him; and yet, he could not understand why she would bring him here, into her bed, if not to use him as the soldiers had done. But if that was the case, then why was she now offering to leave him in the bed, and go downstairs to sleep?

The idea filled him with a sense of mingled relief, at the understanding that whatever her intention, it was not to harm him, and dread, at the thought of being left alone in the dark strangeness of the room. When the mattress was suddenly jolted by an unexpected weight, and he heard Tara gasp in surprise, Spike jumped, feeling disoriented and more than a little alarmed.

A moment later, however, his newly restored senses told him that it was only Mac, jumping up onto the bed and making his presence known. Immediately relief filled him, as the large dog settled down on the mattress beside him, the warm bulk of his body through the blankets a comfortable weight against Spike's side. He found himself reaching out almost automatically in response to rest a light, cautious hand on Mac's shoulder.

When Tara spoke again, her voice sounded pleased and disappointed at the same time.

"See...yeah. Okay. This is good. Mac can s-stay here with you...and...and you'll be safe. And I'll...I'll just sleep on the couch. You'll be fine here...and I'll...s-see you in the morning, Sweetie..."

Spike heard the soft sound of her footsteps heading toward the bedroom door, and felt a sense of alarm and confusion rising up in him again.

Wrong...'s all wrong...she shouldn't be going...this is *her* bed...her place, not mine...why would she give it to me, let me stay, if she doesn't want...?

"Wait..."

The whispered word had left his lips before he knew he was going to dare to speak at all - and he could not help the immediate wince at the sound of his own voice, the tensing of his body in preparation for the punishment that always followed any such slip of his control.

Not allowed, no, not allowed to speak, shut up, you stupid, dead, worthless thing, just shut up and...

The gentle warmth of Tara's hand on his brought him out of the vicious circle of mingled thoughts and remembered voices, and he struggled to focus on the sound of her voice as she spoke in a soft near-whisper, her voice much nearer now.

"Hey...it's all right...what did you say? It's okay..."

***********************************

Tara waited, breathless with tense anticipation, the vampire's hesitation visible in the rigid posture of his body. His head was lowered slightly in that submissive, uncertain gesture that was becoming so painfully familiar to her, and his lips parted slightly, but then remained still, as he warred with the deeply ingrained compulsion to silence.

Finally, he whispered, "W-wait...sh-shouldn't go...it's...it's your bed..."

Tara drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, relieved that he seemed willing to allow her to stay and comfort him...but still a bit uncertain. "It's...okay with you if I stay? I don't w-want you to feel..."

Spike nodded slowly, and Tara saw the brave set of his jaw, the gradual lessening of his apprehensions, and knew that Mac's presence, in combination with her offer to go, was serving to reassure him of his safety here in her bed, as well as the purity of her intentions.

Cautiously, Tara lay down on the bed on her side, facing Spike, who had settled ever so slightly down into the mattress, leaning on one side toward her, one hand still resting on Mac's back, drawing comfort from the dog's solid, strong nearness. There was a good bit of distance between Tara and Spike...and it seemed to Tara that the vampire preferred it that way at the moment.

"You okay? Ready to sleep?" she asked gently.

Another nod was Spike's only response. His head hung even lower now, and Tara saw that his exhaustion was quickly becoming a factor again. She reached across the night stand and turned off the light, then lay back on the pillows on her own side of the bed.

A heavy, decidedly awkward silence filled the room.

Tara was not used to having someone else - besides Mac, anyway - in her bed. She felt that she should be saying something, but could not for the life of her imagine what. Spike was likely very uncomfortable and awkward with the situation, but she did not know what she could do or say to fix things. The slight vibration of the mattress she felt coming from Spike's general direction only served to confirm her fears.

Despite her best intentions, the vampire was still trembling with fear.

This was a really bad idea, she decided with a weary sigh, her heart aching for the traumatized creature, so broken, so afraid to hope that things might ever be different for him.

I should have just let him sleep on the couch downstairs...made a pallet on the floor beside him, something...*anything* but bringing him to my bed, when he's just spent the last...however long...being raped and violated...really bright, Tara...brilliant plan...

Her self-accusatory thoughts were abruptly interrupted, when she felt cool, trembling fingertips brush against hers in a feather-light, barely there touch. Almost immediately, Spike withdrew his hand again, clearly fearing punishment for daring to touch her at all.

But the question of what she should do had been answered in that moment, without a single word.

He was terrified of contact - but he desperately needed it.

************************

The quiet, combined with the familiar darkness surrounding him seemed to swallow Spike up, becoming a roar of panic in his mind as he lay there on the mattress, waiting for something to happen.

He had no idea what that something might be.

Tara did not seem to intend to hurt him, or even to touch him, so gradually, his fears of being once more violated began to fade away - only to be replaced by other, deeper fears.

In the silent darkness, it was terribly easy to forget where he was.

The warmth and safety he had felt in the living room was, in this moment, barely able to compete with the terrifying memories of his recent past. Without Tara's voice and touch to reassure him, he could just as easily have been in the cold isolation of his cell, waiting for the next bout of torture at the hands of his captors, as in Tara's bedroom.

For all he knew...she might not even be real, nothing more than a figment of his affection-starved imagination.

But...but she *is* real...she's here...she is! She...she *has* to be...

The swirling panic of his thoughts become a wordless blur, and Spike found himself suddenly lost in confusion. Was any of it real? Was Tara really there at all? Perhaps he really was still a prisoner, still there...

Before he could stop himself, he had reached out for her, anxious to reassure himself with the knowledge that she was more than a fevered, desperate dream.

The moment his fingertips brushed her soft skin, however, his mind was consumed with a fresh panic, fearful threats and accusations in the voices of his tormentors.

You touched her! You dirty, filthy thing, you *dared* to touch her! Now you've done it, Seventeen...now you're gonna pay for touching someone as good and pure as she is, stupid little...

His thoughts were brought to an abrupt halt, and he froze completely, at the sensation of her hand against his trembling skin, and the sound of her concerned whisper breaking the devastating silence that filled the room.

"Spike?"

**********************************

Tara's thoughts returned to the living room downstairs, and how her embrace had served to relax him. He had taken comfort in her arms, and finally been able to pour out the tears he had no doubt been holding back for far too long. Now, though he was obviously fearful of doing so, he was reaching out to her once more.

She reached back, catching his hand before he could withdraw it completely, and holding it gently but firmly in hers. Immediately, Spike froze, even his trembling ceasing as he held his body rigidly still in apprehensive anticipation. In the moonlight filtering through the gap in the drawn curtains, Tara could just barely make out his slight form in the bed beside her, as far away from her as the bed's size would allow.

"Spike?"

Her voice was soft, a mere whisper in the darkness, but the vampire's head jerked against the pillow, startled, turning toward her to listen.

Suddenly, Tara had no idea what she intended to say. "I...um...Spike...if you..." She drew in a sharp breath, letting it out in a shaky, hurried sigh before muttering under her breath, "Oh, screw it..."

There were no words for what she wanted to ask him...and she already knew the answer, anyway. He would not have reached out for her hand, if he was not craving the comfort she had offered him before.

Carefully but quickly, Tara slid across the mattress toward Spike. As if sensing her intentions, Mac immediately shifted toward the foot of the bed, rearranging himself so that he was leaning against Spike's legs rather than his side. Tara gratefully gave him a gentle pat before resting one arm gently across the vampire, who tensed at the contact, but did not quite pull away from her.

"Shhh," she soothed him. "It's okay...not gonna hurt you, Spike...okay? I-is this...is this okay? I just want you to feel safe..."

Spike did not move, did not respond at all, for a long moment. Finally, he nodded slowly, uncertainly. He didn't say a word, and he didn't move...but what he didn't say and do spoke volumes to Tara, filling her with a sense of relief, and the assurance that she had done the right thing.

He was not pulling away from her, not shaking his head in pleading denial or begging her not to hurt him in barely audible, trembling words.

"It's all right," she reassured him gently, sliding one arm slowly under his neck to wrap it around his shoulders, her other hand still firmly clasping his, drawing his arm across her stomach to rest at her side. "See? Just like this. This is all I w-want to do...to l-lie here with you and h-hold you, Spike...so you'll feel s-safer. Okay? Is this o-okay?"

Spike nodded again, this time with a bit more certainty. He opened his mouth to respond, but said nothing and closed it again. Then he opened it again, drawing in a shaky breath. Finally, he whispered haltingly, "Y-yes...th-thank you..."

A soft smile crossed Tara's lips, in spite of the gravity of the situation, as she released Spike's hand to gently caress his arm across her stomach.

Finally, Tara... she thought with a sigh of relief. Right decision.

*********************************

At first, Spike kept waiting for the catch...for Tara to tip her hand and reveal her true motivation for bringing him into her bed. No, she had not hurt him deliberately, not thus far; but in his experience, no one would show him such courtesy, allow him such a privilege, without expecting something in return.

Not Tara...surely she wouldn't...please, she wouldn't...

Tara didn't exactly seem like the type...not that that meant anything.

You know, it's your fault these things keep happening to you, Seventeen...

He suppressed a shudder at the remembered words that filled his mind, the mocking laughter that echoed in his thoughts.

...you're just too damn pretty...

He tried to shut the lingering voices out of his thoughts...and he waited.

But the catch never came.

Tara just held him gently close to her, and Mac stayed where he was between them, his body pressed against Spike's legs, the two of them surrounding the vampire with warmth and kindness and a sense of safety...all things he had never expected to feel again.

Not that you ever felt ‘em to begin with...even *before*...

No one had ever treated him with the tenderness and consideration Tara was lavishing on him now. As he listened to the gradual evening out of her breath, felt her gentle fingertips slow, and then cease, their soft motion across his arm, he realized with wonder that she was beginning to fall asleep...without ever venturing to touch him any more than she already had. The only sound in the silence was Mac's soft sigh as he settled down to sleep.

She meant it...she doesn't want to...isn't going to...

Relaxing into the utter comfort of the warmth and compassion Tara had given him, Spike allowed himself to settle deeper into the softness of the bed, shifting his body down lower on the mattress. Hesitant, yet longing, Spike lowered his head slowly onto Tara's shoulder, savoring the now familiar comfort of her scent, though tensing in anticipation of a rebuff...which of course, never came.

This time, he was barely even surprised.

He was surprised, however, when in her sleep, Tara sighed contentedly and rested her cheek against the top of his head.

His heart full and swollen with long forgotten emotions, overwhelmed with the peace and comfort he had been granted, Spike listened to the soft sound of her breathing, and found himself unconsciously breathing along with her, his own breath falling into rhythm with hers. Surrounded by safety and warmth, he finally allowed himself to drift off into a peaceful sleep...for the first time in as long as he could remember, untainted by the horror of his nightmares.

~TBC