White Magic

Tara felt her heartbeat quicken as Spike lowered his lips to her throat in a feather-soft brush of a kiss, her neck arching backward to encourage the contact, just as he withdrew it. Her closed eyes fluttered open again, staring at him as he pulled back to meet her gaze, a world of mingled emotions in his sparkling blue eyes.

"I...I love you so much, Tara," he whispered, blinking back tears that caught in his lashes and shone in his eyes. "I wanna do...whatever you want...whatever you need..."

"J-just for you...to be happy..."

Tara gasped as his hand slid beneath the waistband of her skirt, edging it slowly downward. They were still lying side by side on the bed, her arms around him as his hands began a cautious exploration of her body. Tara had resisted the natural impulse to take control of the situation where Spike could not, carefully making sure that they were on equal ground in the encounter, side by side. Spike was not quite ready to control the situation, could not quite bring himself to lie on top of her; and Tara knew that the last thing he needed was to feel controlled or dominated in any way.

Now, Spike's hands trembled as they edged the elastic waistband of her skirt slowly down over her hips.

"M-may I...?" He hesitated over the question, lowering his gaze self-consciously.

Tara's warm hands moved to gently cover his, waiting until he reluctantly met her eyes again to respond. "You can do whatever you want, Spike. I'm yours. I love you, and I'm yours."

She was surprised and dismayed as Spike's head lowered again, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs as his hands beneath hers clutched her tighter to him. His forehead fell to rest against her bare shoulder, and she could feel the cool moisture of his tears as she put her arms around him again.

"What is it?" she asked in a gentle whisper. "Spike, what's wrong?"

"N-nothing's wrong," he replied immediately, shaking his head against her shoulder, and Tara realized that she could feel the slight upturn of his lips as he smiled, as well as his tears on her skin. "'S just...don't hardly deserve...couldn't ever..." His voice trailed off, choked with emotion, and he just shook his head again, at a loss.

"Hey," Tara objected, reaching a hand up to gently push him back so that she could look him in the eyes. "You *do* deserve me, Spike. You *more* than deserve me..."

"Give it up," he cut her off with a smile that was both sad and joyful at the same time, as Spike basked in the glow of a blessing of which he felt himself unworthy. "Never gonna convince me of that, love..."

Tara's eyes narrowed in determination, her lips tightening as she insisted, "Oh, yes I am..."

"Tara, love..." Spike interrupted, his eyes softening with devotion on hers, before drifting toward her lips with desire again. "...one hurdle at a time, yeah? Let's just...just..."

Once again, he found that words were not enough to express what he wanted to say to her, and he lowered his mouth to hers, his tongue venturing past them as her lips parted to allow him entrance.

He savored the sweet taste of her for a few lingering moments, before pulling back and pressing a tender kiss to her throat again, his mouth slowly working its way down to her shoulder as his hands once more began to slide the loose, flowing skirt down over her hips, catching the cotton fabric of her panties with it and pushing both down as far as he could reach before Tara raised a foot to kick her clothing the rest of the way off.

Spike's hands drifted over her soft curves, as his mouth continued its gradual descent, caressing lovingly down her thigh and inward as he gently laved her breast with his lips and tongue.

"Love you," he murmured between kisses. "Gonna make you...feel so good, Tara...gonna love you...like you've loved me...gonna thank you..."

Tara gasped softly at the increased sensations that flooded her with the combination of his cool, rough hand on the sensitive skin of her inner thigh, and the soft, damp caress of his mouth on her breast. One hand fell unconsciously to cup the back of his head, stroking tenderly through his disheveled curls as he gradually moved downward on the bed, gently, tentatively pushing her onto her back as he did so.

"Spike...love you..." she whispered breathlessly, her eyes closed and her head falling back as she let herself surrender to the sensations he was creating in her. "Love you...yes...*gah*...feels...so good..."

Spike relished her praise, the soft words of encouragement and affirmation she offered him as he did his best to please her, to give her the sort of pleasure she had given him, and to tell her without words how grateful he was for all she had done for him, how grateful he was even to be allowed in her arms, her bed.

He felt a sense of satisfaction as he moved to kneel between her legs, his mouth hovering over her sex, aware that this was something he knew how to do, and do well. He knew that he could please her, could make her feel things that many others couldn't. She was a goddess to him, his savior from the horrors he had experienced, and he would worship her with his mouth, with his body, with any and every part of him she would allow to touch her glory.

Tara's hand on his shoulder stopped him, as she raised her head with an effort to meet his eyes, murmuring, "Spike...wait...come here..."

His eyes open and earnest, seeking only to please her, Spike rose and moved up the bed, automatically shifting to the side as he reached her level again. But Tara gently caught him with an arm around his waist, pulling him over on top of her, not allowing him to resume their side by side positions.

Spike's eyes widened with alarm and he tried to pull away, uncomfortable with the position on top of her, unaccustomed to being allowed so much control in a sexual encounter. Buffy never would have permitted him to be on top of her, and a part of him was still terrified of getting caught doing something that was not allowed, and being brutally punished for it.

"Shhh," Tara soothed him, her arm about his waist holding firm, so that he could not roll off to the side without hurting her. "It's all right. Spike, you're okay, right here. Okay?"

He hesitated, his breath quickening with uncertainty, his eyes downcast and troubled.

"It's all right," Tara repeated gently. "I *want* you here. You're not doing anything wrong. Okay? It's okay for you to be here."

Spike swallowed hard, struggling to bring his subconscious fears under control, focusing on the reassuring sound of her voice, and the words of acceptance she offered him. Finally he nodded slowly, his eyes closed for a moment before she reached a hand out to tip his chin up, gently urging him to look at her.

"Wh-what...why did you want me to...?" He hesitated over the question, feeling the cold burn of rejection beginning in the pit of his stomach, in spite of her warm arms around him.

In his mind, he had little to offer besides his rather exceptional sexual talents. For Tara to refuse the pleasure he offered her left him feeling confused and uncertain, and terribly insecure.

"Because I want you up here...with me," Tara replied with a smile, her hand under his chin giving a slight push, silently encouraging him to look up at her again. When he reluctantly complied, she explained softly, "You make me feel so good...so special, Spike. I love the way you touch me...the way your hands feel on my skin...but...but I want you to feel just as good, Sweetheart..."

Spike shook his head, beginning to protest. "You already made me feel so..."

"No," Tara cut him off firmly, though her eyes shone with her love for him. "I don't want you as a...a slave, or a toy. I want you as...my partner. My equal. I don't want you on your knees to me, Spike." She paused, allowing her words to sink in, never breaking eye contact as she continued, "I want you face to face with me. Yes, I *love* the way you make me feel. But when I'm feeling you...I want you to be feeling me, too. I want us to feel it *together*. Does that...make sense?"

Spike's vision blurred with tears as his heart ached with his gratitude and love for the incredible girl on the bed beneath him. He nodded silently, not trusting himself to speak, as he blinked away the tears to focus on her lovely face. Tara reached a tender hand up to stroke through his hair with affection, then to pull him down for a gentle, searching kiss. Spike responded, gratefully drinking in her love and affection, her warm, salty tears mingling with his on their lips.

When Tara pulled away for air, she smiled at him, running her thumb lightly across his lips, Spike smiled back, feeling the heady rush of joy at her unconditional acceptance, the lofty position she had given him in her life that felt like more than he ever could have asked for. He had been made to believe that he would never be good enough to mean that much to anyone; and Tara was offering him everything she had to give.

"Spike," she whispered breathlessly as he shifted slightly, and she felt the hardened evidence of his desire for her pressing against her thigh, "Spike...if you want to be...I want you...inside me...I want to...to..."

No one had ever given herself to him so fully before, and it was more than a little overwhelming. Spike hesitated just a moment, before his shaking hands moved to slide his jeans down and push them down his legs, kicking them aside. Only once the jeans had fallen over the edge of the bed did Spike realize that they were still on top of the covers, with nothing on top of them.

Naked from the waist down, Spike suddenly felt very vulnerable, his cheeks coloring with an automatic sense of shame at his exposed body, which, as well as being tortured and used by the sadistic Slayer, had also been derided and mocked on a regular basis. His teeth caught the edge of his lower lip as he looked away, swallowing hard.

"I...I know I'm not..."

"My God," Tara breathed out, and Spike cringed inwardly at the hushed shock in her voice.

Unaware of his momentary crisis, Tara's wide eyes moved slowly over his body, taking in creamy skin over well-toned muscles, then shifting hesitantly downward to his erect member, hard and smooth and quivering slightly with his need for her. It had been a long time since she had been this close to a naked male, and she had never been with anyone so perfectly formed, so breathtakingly beautiful - male or female.

"Do you know how incredibly gorgeous you are, Spike?" Tara whispered, her hand caressing his cheek in a tender gesture as her eyes rose to his face again.

He looked up at her sharply in surprise. "Wh-what?"

"You're amazing," Tara insisted, nodding and giving him an adoring smile. "So...just amazing, Spike. I'm so...so lucky..." As she spoke her free hand trailed slowly down his side, resting low on his hip and stroking slowly back and forth. "I just...just want you so much...Spike...please..."

Spike rose up slightly, positioning himself over her in preparation to fulfill her request, his eyes wide with wonder and a bit breathless himself, in awe of what was happening between them. Gently he pushed forward, entering her cautiously, still uncertain as to what she would allow.

The moment he felt himself surrounded by her warmth, Spike forgot his reservations, his eyes closing as he let out a moan of pleasure. Tara cried out herself, her hands sliding around him to clutch him closer to her as she gasped for breath.

"Spike...gah...*Spike*..."

"Tara...love you...love you so much..."

 Within a few moments, their bodies had found their natural rhythm, moving together as one as they embraced, shutting out their fears and the troubling matters that had filled their minds for weeks now, holding each other so close that everything around them ceased to exist, and it was only them in all the world.

This was *nothing* like it had been with Buffy.

Spike savored the sweetness of her soft hands roving over his body, her trembling voice whispering his name in tones of awed passion and affection, as he felt for the first time in his life as if he was an *equal* to the woman he was with, cherished and loved as much by her as he loved her himself.

He closed his eyes, covering her throat, her shoulders, her breasts, with tender kisses; the sound of her voice, the feel of her yielding, pliant body beneath his, were constant reminders that these were not the arms of his abuser, this was not the degradation he had been accustomed to, this was not the past...but the horizon of the glorious future Tara was offering him.

Spike felt his release approaching, and held her closer to him, the loss of control that had been a fearful thing to him now ceasing to be...because she would ground him. She was there to hold him when he fell, to guard his heart from the monsters lurking just outside the door, ever seeking entrance.

She was there with him, and she loved him...and she was his.

As they fell together over the edge of oblivion, surrendering to the pleasure they gave each other, Spike and Tara collapsed in each other's arms, drifting off together into a much needed and dreamless sleep.