Rating: PG-13

Summary: Takes place after my other fic "The Walk Down the Aisle," but it isn't really a sequel and you don't have to read that one first. All you need to know is Kitty Pryde has entered into a loveless marriage with Peter Rasputin. This story takes place years in the future, and is told from the point of view of their oldest daughter, Illyana.

Feedback and Archiving: Please leave me feedback and let me know what you think! My email address is addie_logan@yahoo.com and my screen name is RavenMarieLeBeau. You're welcome to archive this anywhere you'd like, just let me know at what site you're posting it.
 
 

They're fighting again. I'd that hoped when we finally left Russia that maybe it would stop. Mom had never liked it there, so maybe leaving would make her happy. Maybe I'd get to see her smile. She isn't happy. She doesn't smile.

My little brother and sister are asleep beside me. They always crawl into bed with me when the yelling starts. I guess being with their big sister makes them feel safe. I wish I had someone to make me feel safe.

I hear the sound of glass shattering and I wonder who broke what. Maybe Mom threw her drink at Dad. Maybe he threw something at her. Maybe Mom was just too drunk to hold onto her scotch any longer. It doesn't matter.

Katerina whimpers in her sleep and begins to toss around a little. I stroke her hair until she settles down. I'm glad she didn't wake Nikolai. It's always difficult to get him to go to sleep.

My twin brother Kristof is alone in his room, and I know he won't come join me like he used to, when we were little like Katerina and Nikki. He used to come and talk to me, make me feel better when the fighting made it so I couldn't sleep. He tries to pretend now that he can't hear them yelling, that Mom doesn't drink too much, that our parents are in love. He buries his pain deep inside, telling himself that it isn't happening, that everything in our life is wonderful. I wish I could fool myself that way.

Sometimes I hate my parents. I hate Mom for trying to drown the aching emptiness she feels with a bottle of liquor. I hate Dad for never trying to help her, only getting angry. I hate them both for letting whatever they may have had once become this. It's during those times that I want to leave, that I want to run away to a place that's calm and peaceful.

But I can never leave. I can't leave Katerina and Nikolai. They are so young, and without me, who would take care of them? They need me, so I stay, wishing I could become numb the way Kristof has.

The yelling has stopped, and my room is silent, save for the sounds of Katerina and Nikki breathing and my almost-silent tears. I stare up at the ceiling and finger the Star of David I wear around my neck. I pray for happiness, for a loving family, for my mother to smile.

I pray for everything to be wonderful.