Well here you go folks, Chapter 13. I know I promised in my response to comments for Chapter 12 that there would be some Angel/Spike interaction in this chapter, and there was. But the chapter was so long (16 pages), that we were afraid that it all wouldn't fit in one post. So rather than take that chance, we split it up into two chapters. You all with get the Angel and Spike interaction starting in Chapter 14. From then on, there will be a lot of it. Hope you like this chapter.

Also, I hope that the way we have been witing this story so far isn't confusing. We are basically using each chapter as a POV of either Angel or Spike. So in one chapter, the scene will be in Spike's POV (like Chapter 12), and then the same events will be in Angel's POV in the following chapter (this chapter). We hope that we haven't make it too hard to keep track of what's going on. Anyway, enough from me...onto the chapter.

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Title:   A Past Not Forgotten

Author:   angelspike69 & anamcara420

Rating:   NC17

Pairing:   Angel/Spike

Summary:   It's been 25 years since the events in the alley.  Who survived?

Spoilers:   There will be some slight spoilers from Not Fade Away, and then it goes totally AU as the screen went black.

Warnings:   M/M sex – if this isn't your cup of tea, then don't read.

Disclaimer:   Joss created the characters.  We're just playing with boys, and having lots of fun.

Distribution:   My Perfect Rhyme.  If you'd like to archive it, please ask.

Authors' Note #1:   Thanks to dragonydreams for answering our request for a beta.  You are fantastic.

Authors' Note #2:   The flashback sequences in this chapter were written with the help of Buffy World - http://www.buffyworld.com.

Feedback:   AngelSpike69 (marinersgal69@msn.com) & Anamcara420 (anamcara@excite.com)

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Chapter 13

Angel sat for a long while after Dominic left.  He was relieved that he wasn't crazy; that it was Spike's scent emanating from Will.  He didn't know why he was surprised; the scent of a being never changed whether human, demon or animal.  He was glad that Spike had been rewarded.  Twice he had willingly given his life to save the world.  His childe was truly a hero.  He recalled the angel's words.  Words that, although he knew he wasn't worthy, still broke his heart.  "You will not receive humanity, but William will bring you peace."  Angel knew that he did not deserve humanity, but Will deserved more than being with him.  Although he doubted it, he thought perhaps Will could bring him peace, but what could he give to the human young man?  He could give him the answers he sought; the truth about the brutality and cruelty would send him away.  That was better.  I'll tell him every horror of Angelus.  He won't want to be anywhere near me.

He paused for a moment.  That wasn't necessarily true.  Cordelia, Doyle, Wesley, Gunn, Fred and Lorne knew what he had been and they were his friends.  I'll make it worse.  I'll describe every vicious, merciless, sadistic act that Angelus...that I ever perpetrated.

Angel stood and left the bar.  He walked slowly, burdened by his thoughts and what he knew he would lose.  He and Spike had gotten closer that last year.  It began when the crazed slayer tortured him and cut off his hands and it developed slowly.  Late night talks...mostly Spike chattering, of course.  Reminiscences about the good times.  Spike wouldn't allow him to bring up any of their more barbarous escapades.  When Fred died they clung to each other, not physically, but somehow together.  Spike agreed that they had to make the decision not to save Fred.  He closed his eyes and remembered the scene after they had mutilated and killed the guards in the fog enshrouded forest.  They followed Drogyn inside the Deeper Well and he told them of the horrific consequences of saving Fred.  "If we bring the sarcophagus back to the well, it will draw Illyria out of your friend...and into every single person between here and there.  It will become the mystical equivalent of airborne.  It will claw into every soul in its path to keep from being trapped.  Entire cities – tens maybe hundreds of thousands will die in agony if you save her."

"No."  Angel replied, horrified.

"That's madness."  Spike added.

Drogyn looked at the two vampires.  "This is a place of madness.  I'll prepare the spell.   Your choice."   He left the two vampires to make their decision as they stood together on the walkway above the hole in the earth that had become a tomb for thousands of ancient demons imprisoned in their coffins.

There was silence, and then Angel turned around and looked toward Spike.  "To hell with the world."

Angel closed his eyes briefly and saw Fred's kind face smiling at him.  He opened his eyes and strode angrily to the end of the wooden bridge to tell Drogyn that he would take the spell.  He would save his friend.  He stopped suddenly.  He couldn't allow thousands of innocent people to suffer and die.  It was his job to protect them.  He grimaced.  He was the champion.

Champion, my ass.  I allowed Fred to die.  I couldn't prevent Doyle from jumping onto that light and dying.  I couldn't keep my son or Cordelia safe.  I sent Wesley to his death and brought Gunn, Spike and Illyria to that alley knowing that there was no chance of survival.  He laughed mirthlessly.  No chance of survival for anyone who dared to get close to me.  But I survived.  I brought everyone death.  I deserved to die.  They didn't.

Blinking back his tears of recrimination, Angel trudged on through the increasingly heavy snowflakes.  He smiled slightly as he remembered the plane ride home.  Spike tried desperately to get drunk but couldn't because he only had the tiny bottles of liquor that the plane carried.  He heard Spike's kind words in his head.

"Thousands would have died if we'd saved her."  Spike said softly.

"Yeah."

"She wouldn't have wanted that."

"Yeah.  I tried calling Wes.  There was no answer."  Angel responded, knowing what that meant, but afraid to say it out loud.

"I guess she's gone then." Spike replied, his voice a sad whisper.

Yes, she was gone.  Sweet, smart, brave Fred was gone.  "Handsome man – saved me from the monsters."  But he couldn't save her this time.  Her body hollowed out; her soul burned to ashes so that the ancient god, Illyria, could return.  And even Illyria was gone; dead in the alley where he wanted to make a stand against the Senior Partners.  It was always what he wanted and others had to pay the price.  You're brooding, ponce.  Angel started.  He heard Spike's voice in his head.  The younger vampire would never suffer his broodfests for very long and he went to great lengths to torment him out of his black moods.  Angel smiled sadly as he saw Spike's smirk in his mind.  He shuddered and tried to shake himself out of his maudlin musings.  He looked up and saw that he was near The Three Lives Bookstore.  The proprietor had left a phone message a day or so before, to tell him that he had gotten some books in that he might want to look at.

Angel opened the door to the tiny shop and walked inside.  Mr. Warrington was not behind the counter.  He'd learned that the evening hours were often manned by NYU students, a few he recognized from his classes.

He smiled at the young woman.  "Mr. Warrington left a message that he had found some books for me.  My name is Liam Mc..."

The girl interrupted, smiling.  "I know who you are professor.  I took your Art History class my freshman year.  Let me get your package."  She knelt down to search beneath the counter.  Within minutes she stood up holding a bulky, brown wrapped package.  "The note says you are to take them home and look them over.  If they are what you want, you can pay for them later."

Angel smiled and took the package.

"Art books, huh?"  She asked smiling.

"Um, yes.  Mr. Warrington was kind enough to search for them for me."  Angel answered.

"Oh yeah.  He does that a lot.  We're always getting packages of books from around the world.  Well, goodnight professor."

Angel nodded and left the store.  He had asked the man to search for two books on Victorian painting.  Ironically, although he had collected many books on specific artists and various periods in art, he had none that dealt solely with the nineteenth century.  He had met several artists who working during the period, including Whistler and Grimshaw.  He suddenly recalled his first meeting with John Atkinson Grimshaw, a self-taught artist from Leeds.  Angelus...he... had seen and liked the painter's somber, slightly moonlit, often dark and dismal scenes.  Even Whistler, that pompous ass, thought Grimshaw's nocturnally themed paintings worthy of his notice and praise.  When Angelus learned the artist would be at a party in London one evening, he made sure to attend.  Spike had gone with him since the women were out of town.  The vampire introduced himself to the man and spent a little time talking with him; telling him how much he enjoyed the dusky shadows of his landscapes and seascapes.  Unfortunately, the hostess interrupted them and drew the artist away.  She paid dearly for her intrusion later.  Angelus...he had killed her.

As he walked toward his apartment, he saw Will coming up the stairs from the subway tunnel.  The young man didn't see him and Angel followed him discreetly.  He almost called out to him when he saw him enter the park, but he didn't want Will to know that he was following him.  Will seemed distracted and he walked slowly despite the frigid weather and the falling snow.

Angel worried and kept as close as he dared.  It was never a good idea to tempt the demons that frequented the wooded area and nighttime was their playtime.  The vampire slipped unnoticed into the shadows along the path.  He could see Will walking, paying no attention to his surroundings; although Angel's keen eyesight saw his hand clutch something in his pocket.  The vampire smiled approvingly.  The young man had a sense of self-preservation.  Angelus had trained Spike to seem nonchalant to disarm any prospective kill.

Angel stopped his musings when he heard rustling and watched as a vampire jumped from behind a tree.  The young demon impetuously flung itself at Will, encircling his pale throat with its vice-like grip.  Will simply stood there.  Just as Angel began to move, he heard Will's tremulous voice.  "Not again...I'm not a stupid sod...I'm good.  I'm not evil..." and the vampire disappeared into a cloud of dust.

Angel watched as Will dropped the stake, removed his leather coat and dropped it onto the snowy path.  The vampire was startled.  What would make Will take off his coat?  Suddenly Angel found a memory as he followed the shivering young man out of the park.  Will came up from the subway tunnel.  Long ago Spike had killed a slayer on a New York subway train and stole her leather duster that he wore and treasured for years.  The boy must have remembered...Spike's memories are haunting Will.  Angel felt his heart hurt for the young man's painful thoughts and he kept him in sight as he surreptitiously followed him home.

Angel kept himself far enough behind Will so he wouldn't think he was being followed as the streets were deserted because of the snow and the freezing temperatures, but he stayed close enough to keep him in sight.  As he followed the young man, he wondered where he was going, and was soon brought up short when he realized that Will had stopped.  Angel looked around at the familiar neighborhood.  Why did Will stop here?  At my building?  He watched as Will looked up.  Angel followed his gaze, and realized that Will was looking up at the darkened windows of his loft.

Will moved again, turning in the opposite direction, and went into the newer building across the street.  Angel was confused.  He crossed the street and walked carefully to the front steps of the building.  He didn't want to risk that Will would see him.  He stood to the side and peered into the door and saw that it was another apartment building.  In the lobby there was a high desk for a concierge, although it was empty.  Further down, Will stood at the bank of elevators.  Angel stepped out of sight quickly, turned and went back down the steps to the sidewalk.  He looked up...waiting.  Although many apartments had their lights on, he just had a feeling about the location of Will's.  He was soon rewarded when he saw the windows light up on the top floor.  He looked toward his own apartment.  Will lived directly across the street.  A coincidence?  Don't think so.  Nothing about this is a coincidence.

He looked up at the window again; wanting to make sure Will was okay.  He couldn't go into the building and knock on his door.  How would he explain that?  He saw a drain pipe running up the building about three feet from the edge of the wall.  He walked toward it and then glanced in all directions.  Seeing no one, he grabbed hold of the cold metal and pulled to make sure it was secure.  Then hand over hand, he silently climbed the pipe until he reached the balcony of Will's apartment.  Almost at the top, he heard a noise.  He paused and then risked a quick look around the edge of the building.  He saw that Will had opened the sliding doors to the balcony and he stood wrapped in a heavy blanket looking out into the snowy sky.  Angel saw him backlit by a halo of light from his apartment and he marveled at the young man's pale, fragile beauty that was so much like William's before he adopted the brash persona of Spike.  As soon as the young man went back inside, the vampire continued his stealthy climb.  When he reached his destination, he quietly hopped over the metal railing that encased the balcony.  He paused and slipped into a crouch, staring at the glass doors, waiting and listening to make sure he hadn't been heard.  He straightened up, and that's when he noticed the telescope.  He dared a glance through the glass doors, but he could not see Will.  He turned his attention back to the telescope.  Walking quietly, he moved closer and peered through the lens and realized that it was pointed directly at his loft.  So Will has been spying on me.  But why?

He turned back around and walked soundlessly to the doors and observed Will through the filmy drapes.  He was pacing back and forth in his living room, obviously agitated.  Angel looked around and saw that the apartment was quite big.  He wondered how the young man, an unemployed student could afford it.  He saw the computer with a stack of what looked like old books next to it.  The cracked leather books looked familiar, but he couldn't place where he'd seen them.  He returned his attention to the young man, who was still pacing nervously.  Will stopped suddenly and then strode into the kitchen to grab a beer out of the fridge.  He twisted the top off and tossed it onto the counter.

He was startled when he heard a phone ring.  Patting his coat pocket, he realized that it wasn't his.  He saw Will pull a cell phone out of the pocket of his jeans.  That's when he noticed that the patio door was still open a bit.  Will must not have closed it all the way.  He knew he shouldn't, but he listened to the conversation anyway.

"Hello."  Will answered the phone.  "Hi, Giles.  I'm fine."

Giles?  Rupert Giles?

"Sorry I haven't called lately.  Been busy with moving in and school."

Angel frowned in confusion, wondering at Will's connection to Giles.

"Yeah...I've seen him.  No I haven't had a chance to really talk to him yet.  What am I supposed to do?  'Hi Angel...I'm Will Tate...used to be Spike in another life...' yeah, I see that going over really well."

So he knows...he really knows.  Angel was more puzzled than ever now.

"I know you weren't keen on the idea of me coming, Giles.  But I had to.  I thought you understood that.  I need some answers that you can't or won't give me.  No, I'm not coming home.  Have you heard from my parents?  You didn't tell them, did you?  Good.  I don't want them to know.  No lectures, Giles.  I already know where you stand. You've told me often enough.  I have to do this!  Look Giles, we're never going to agree, so let's save ourselves a lot of fighting and just not talk about it...okay?  Look, it's late and I'm tired.  I'll call you in a few days...I promise.  Bye."  Will clicked his phone off, and tossed it on the table.  He ran his fingers through his hair as he sighed.

Parents?  Spike...Will has parents?  He knows Giles?  What do his parents do?  How are they connected to Giles?  Watchers?  He continued to peer through the glass doors from the balcony until Will walked into the other room, out of his sight.  Waiting a few more minutes to make sure Will wasn't returning, Angel turned and walked toward the end of the balcony and jumped down to the sidewalk.  He ran across the street, entered his building and walked toward the elevator.  A million questions flashed though his head that he had no answers to, and those questions only led to more.  The questions continued to bombard him as he rode the elevator up to his floor.  He walked quickly, unlocked his door and threw his coat onto a chair after he pulled out his cell phone.  He punched a series of numbers and waited until it was answered on the other end.

"Faith."

"Hey Angel...how are things treating you in the Big Apple?"

"Things are good here.  How are you doing?  How's Robin?"

"I'm fine...he's fine...we're fine.  Can you believe it?  25 years.  Who'd have ever thought I'd still be with one person after 25 years."

"I'm glad to hear that Faith.  I'm really glad.  Look, the reason why I'm calling is that I need your help with something."

"Anything for you, Angel, you know that?"

"I know.  You're a good friend Faith.  What I'm about to tell you is going to sound really unbelievable.  In fact, I didn't quite believe it at first.  Thought I was finally losing my mind."

"Come on, Angel...spit it out.  You're starting to worry me.  Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Faith.  Really I am."  Angel proceeded to fill her in on everything that had been going on since Will appeared without warning in his class.  He described his recent visit from Dominic.  Angel had told her about Dominic's original appearance in the pub in Dublin as soon as he returned to New York.

"You're shitting me?  Angel...Spike's back as a human?  But how?"

"Well, I'm not sure if it's really Spike...I mean...he's not all Spike, but he sure looks a lot like him...well actually more like William.  Spike shanshued.  Apparently he's come to New York to seek me out for answers.  He's been having dreams since he was a kid about his life as William before he was turned and afterwards when he became Spike.  According to Dominic, he's come to me for answers."

"What else did Dominic tell you?"

Angel went on and told her all about his recent conversation with him.

"I just can't believe this Angel.  I can only imagine your reaction when he first appeared in your class."

"I couldn't believe it either.  But that's not all.  I saw him in a park tonight and a vampire almost killed him.  He was prepared.  He had a stake and dusted it.  Then I followed him home.  His patio door was open, so I was able to listen when he got a phone call from Giles."

"Giles?  What does Giles have to do with this?"

"I don't know, Faith.  That's why I'm calling.  You knew nothing of this?"

"Honest Angel.  I didn't.  If I did, I would have told you.  Believe me."

"I do Faith, but I had to check and make sure.  I can't call Giles about this.  We haven't talked since that night I asked for his help to get Fred back and he refused.  I can't ask Buffy either as we haven't been in contact since the events in the alley.  Do you think she knows anything about this?"

"I don't think so, Angel.  I'm occasionally in touch with her and the rest of the gang, and they haven't said anything to me.  Giles must be keeping them all in the dark about this."

"Do you think you can nose around and find out anything?  You still have your contacts since you retired, don't you?"

"Yes.  I'll see what I can find out.  Have you talked to Willow about this yet?  She may be the person to go to with this."

"No, I haven't.  I was thinking of that.  Think you can call her?"

"Yeah, I'll do that.  I'll get back to you as soon as I find out something."

"Thanks Faith.  I really appreciate it."

"No problem.  That's what friends are for."

Angel smiled slightly as they said their goodbyes, but the good feeling from talking with Faith dissipated and he began to pace; his clenched fists stiff at his sides.  The evening had been stressful.  His emotions were in turmoil and he seemed to have no control over them.  He had no control over his thoughts either.  They cascaded haphazardly though his mind, knocking each other out of focus.  A memory from his past blurred into a thought from the present and that thought disappeared into another from his time as Angelus.

Angel stopped suddenly.  He stood still for a moment and then went into his bedroom.  He walked to his dresser, knelt down and opened the bottom drawer.  He lifted several pairs of sweatpants and retrieved the DVD case that lay there.  He stared at it for a moment but finally took the case out, returned the sweats to the drawer and closed it.  He stood and went back to the living room, turned on the TV and slid the disk into the drawer of the DVD player.  Again he stopped.  Do I want to watch this?  He had watched it once right after Lorne gave it to him...before the alley...and then every few years or so when he was feeling especially lonely and lost.  Am I trying to open all of my wounds? William may be Spike shanshued but he is still William, not Spike.

Angel sighed, sank into the leather sofa and pressed play.  Lorne's voice boomed from the television as he sang A Place Called Home.  The huge building that was Wolfram and Hart began the show and then the images of his lost friends appeared.  Clips of Fred in her lab.  Wesley at his desk behind piles of books.  Gunn's office.  The shelves of robots that he collected.  Gunn sitting behind his desk, looking professional in his lawyer suit and tie.  Harmony at her desk cluttered with her collection of unicorns.  Spike prowling the corridors, unaware that he was being filmed.  Spike in the lab with Fred.  Spike sprawled on the sofa in his office, a mischievous grin on his face.  Him sitting stiffly behind his enormous desk, refusing to look up into the camera.  His apartment when everyone came over to have Chinese.  All of them: Fred, Gunn, and Wes eating their take out and laughing together.  Even he had a smile on his face...briefly.  Spike, alone, staring out of a window.  One of their morning meetings.  All of them with their portfolios open, watching him expectantly.  Spike slouching in his chair at the end of the table, fingers steepled, mouth smirking, eyes staring...at him.  Him as a puppet stalking through the corridor, daring anyone to say something.  Spike laughing hysterically at his tiny puppet self. Spike, smiling and talking animatedly at some party with several staff members.  Spike pale, sleeping in his hospital bed, his arms heavily bandaged.  The evening in his apartment when Wes and Gunn brought the video system and games.  The surprise on Spike's face, obviously touched by the gesture.  Spike grinning at him because he couldn't manipulate his large fingers on the keypad.  Spike battling with Illyria in the training room.  Illyria standing as if frozen, apparently looking at nothing.  Spike at a club, reciting poetry on a stage lit by a spotlight.  Spike at another party, his arms around two young women.  Shaky pictures of Lorne strolling through the halls, apparently taken by Spike.  Spike and he facing off.  Spike's grin turning into anger.  His own face taut with annoyance, his mouth grimacing into a thin line.  Wes, Gunn, Spike and him at one of their final meetings, everyone serious.  Spike alone, staring out of a window.  Spike sitting alone on the steps in the foyer.  Spike, Wes, Gunn drinking together at a bar.  Spike sleeping on the sofa in his office.  Him sitting alone at his desk.

Angel clicked off the DVD and the television.  He put his head on the back of the sofa and closed his eyes.  Tears slipped from behind his lids as he replayed the film in his mind and remembered his friends.  He had watched it reluctantly when Lorne first gave it to him.  He had watched it again and noticed how often Spike was alone.  How often the younger vampire must have slept in a chair in some office.  On the sofa in his office.  Angel fell asleep and his dreams were awash in memories of his friends and of Spike.  Spike as the newly made William.  Pale and frightened.  Later, as Spike, full of spit and vinegar.  He dreamed of the mine in Yorkshire when he came very close to staking Spike after the younger vampire had endangered all of them with his rash bravado.  He dreamed of Spike bursting from the amulet and awoke with a start.  It was close to dawn and he staggered into his bedroom, undressed and crawled into bed.  The fitful sleep on the sofa did not sate the exhaustion of his body and mind.

TBC