Title: A Past Not Forgotten
Author: angelspike69 & anamcara420
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Angel/Spike
Summary: It's been 25 years since the events in the alley. Who survived?
Spoilers: There will be some slight spoilers from Not Fade Away, and then it goes totally AU as the screen went black.
Warnings: M/M sex – if this isn't your cup of tea, then don't read.
Disclaimer: Joss created the characters. We're just playing with boys, and having lots of fun.
Distribution: My Perfect Rhyme. If you'd like to archive it, please ask.
Authors' Note #1: Thanks to dragonydreams for answering our request for a beta. You are fantastic.
Authors' Note #2: The flashback sequences in this chapter were written with the help of Buffy World - http://www.buffyworld.com.
Feedback:
AngelSpike69 (
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Chapter 16
Angel stood staring down at Will. His mouth opened and closed although he made no sound. Spike glared up at Angel, swore colorfully and then reached up, trying to grab the end of the counter and hoist himself onto his feet, but he didn't have the strength, and fell right back down. "Bugger this!"
Spike's fall pulled Angel out of his surprised stupor. He knelt down and put Spike's arm around his shoulder while he snaked his long arm around the fallen man's waist. He stood, slowly, and carefully brought the injured man with him.
"If you so much as swoop me up into your arms, you git...I swear I'll knock you across the room."
Angel looked at him. The worry still furrowed his brow but his eyes twinkled and his lips twitched dangerously close to a smile.
The glare Angel was given turned into Spike's trademark cocky grin as the vampire led him back into the bedroom and helped him into bed. It was futile to even think that in his current state, he could knock Angel off balance. After he pulled the covers up, Angel sat on the bed. He placed a large hand across Spike's forehead. It was still hot, but not as much as the prior evening. Spike shook his head to dislodge Angel's hand but moaned at the movement. "Bloody, sodding hell. What the bloody hell is goin' on, Angel?"
The younger man closed his eyes and stilled. Angel frowned unsure what to do. "Um...Are you thirsty? Can I get you some water?" He got up but was stopped when Spike clutched his hand. Spike's battered face revealed something that Angel had seldom seen on his face – fear.
He spoke quietly as he stared deeply into Angel's worried dark eyes. "No...um... Stay... Please...please...what happened? How did we get here? What happened in the alley? Where's the rest of the gang?"
Angel bent over Spike, wiping the stray hair out of his eyes. "Let me get your medicine, and I'll tell you everything."
Spike nodded as he released his grip on Angel's hand. Angel ran his fingers softly down Spike's bruised face before turning around and hurrying out of the room.
Angel's thoughts tumbled frenetically
through
his mind as he
tried to grasp what was happening with Will. Confusion ran
rampant. It was
Will. He was still human, but all the mannerisms, body language,
and speech were
pure Spike. As much as the younger vampire had annoyed him
incessantly, he
wasn't afraid to admit that the thought of Spike being back made him
happy. Very happy.
I'm not alone. He
shoved the
selfish thought from his mind. His happiness and relief at
Spike's
return were tempered by deep concern. As he prepared the boiling
water and the
medicine for Spike, he realized that he would have to call
Morgana. She
didn't mention that there could be side affects, especially not one
like
this. She only said that the fever would spike as the
poison burned out
of Will's body.
Pushing his questions out of his mind, he gathered up the medicinal tisane and went back into the bedroom. He paused in the doorway of the room and stood there for a minute, watching Will...Spike...whoever the hell it was. Despite the stitches and bruising, the young man's alabaster skin was...beautiful, just like the fledgling William's had been. Angel watched the rise and fall of his chest and then swept his eyes upwards to his flushed face. Spike's...Will's eyes were closed. Thinking he had fallen back to sleep, the vampire crept quietly into the room, not wanting to disturb him. As he drew nearer to the bed, Spike's eyes fluttered open and his head turned towards him. A hesitant smile graced his battered face.
Angel set the tisane down on the bedside table. He sat on the edge of the bed. As Spike struggled to sit up straighter, he moaned and his body trembled slightly. Angel quickly reached toward him. Spike batted his hands away and glowered. "Not an invalid, Angel."
Angel pulled his arms away and sat back. His brow furrowed and his worried eyes never left Spike's face. Spike glanced at the cup and then back at Angel. "What's that then?"
"Um...it...it's a mystical, medical tisane...it will bring down the fever."
"Mystical...had enough mystical crap to last me two vampire lives...Never works like it's supposed to Angel. Where'd you get it? Red in town?"
The older vampire stared. "Red?" He asked quietly.
"Red...Willow...the witch." Spike quirked his eyebrow.
"Um...no...I mean...she...she is a witch. Her name is Morgana." Angel answered hesitantly.
Spike grinned. "Gave up on werewolf girl, huh...tryin' witches now are you?"
"What...what...no...Spike..." Angel stammered. "Here...drink this." He thrust the cup into Spike's hands.
The younger man continued to grin at Angel's discomfort and then bent his head to take a sip of the liquid. Immediately his face scrunched. "Bloody hell you git. Smells like burnt rubber and tastes....worse."
Angel blushed. "Oh...I forgot to add sugar." He reached for the cup but Spike waved his hand away, swallowed another mouthful and shuddered.
"Anything this bad must work." He handed the older vampire the cup and rested his head on the headboard. He looked at Angel for a moment and then sighed. "Now that I've taken my medicine like a good little boy, care to tell me what's going on; where everyone is, and where the hell we are for that matter?"
"We're in
"
"Uh...Spike? Try over 50 years."
"WHAT!!! No you ponce. That's not right. I remember distinctly being there in the 70's."
"Yes, but...don't you remember anything?"
"Sure, remember it all. Rain...alley...big fight...you wanting to slay the bloody dragon. Did you?"
Distracted by how he was going to tell Spike he didn't hear the question. He returned his attention to Spike when he felt a hand on his. "Huh?"
"Did you?"
"Did I what?"
"Slay the dragon?"
"Oh...um...yes I did."
"Well, how come I don't remember that? I think I'd remember something like that."
Angel looked intently at Spike for a long moment. He watched the other man's face...curiosity...concern...humor...various emotions played on Spike's ever expressive face as he waited for Angel to answer. The vampire swallowed and began to speak. "Spike, there's...there's no other way to tell you, but to tell you straight out....it's...it's been over 50 years since you've been in New York. It's been 25 years since the fight in the alley against the Senior Partners."
Spike stared at Angel incredulously. His eyes glittered with humor and he started to laugh. His wounded body betrayed him and he hissed and quieted. "God Angel, and everyone said you didn't have a sense of humor."
"Spike, I'm serious. You didn't survive that night in the alley. In fact no one did...except...I was the only one left. Gunn fought as long as he could. I think the only reason I survived was because of Illyria. She turned all white and glowy and incinerated everything in the alley that night."
"And me?"
"You..." Angel swallowed. There was no easy way to tell Spike this, and the image of him dying that night burned fiercely in his memory. "You...a Fell Demon...you were killed by a Fell Demon. By the time I realized what he was doing, it...it was too late...I...I was too far away. I shouted...but I...I couldn't get to you in time...God Spike, I'm so sorry. It's my fault." Angel stared into Spike's emotionless face...surprised by the emptiness...he...he hadn't seen that expression since...since that night in his bedroom...when Spike was still a ghost. "I can't live like this, Angel...being useless."
"I died...dusted..." He whispered as he searched Angel's eyes for the truth.
"Yes..." Tears welled up in Angel's eyes. "Oh God, you don't know...I'm so sorry...I..." The older vampire looked down at his clenched hands for a moment and then straightened his shoulders and glanced miserably back at Spike, silently begging his forgiveness. He looked away and then back searching Spike's face. "It...it should have been me who died that night. Not you...not Gunn...not Wes. Me!! It was my idea...my arrogant, stupid idea to take on the Senior Partners."
Spike spoke quietly. "It was our choice too, Angel. You didn't force us to do anything." Spike could see how upset and guilty Angel was feeling. He reached out to offer comfort, but Angel pulled away and held his head in his hands. They were silent for a few minutes and then Angel glanced up and spoke angrily.
"How can you be so calm about this, Spike...you died!"
Spike smirked. "Well, apparently it didn't take, did it? I'm here now. Care to explain that?"
"The prophecy...You were right...the prophecy was for you. You shanshued Spike."
"I what?" Spike sat up, and grimaced at the pain that shot through his body.
"The prophecy...remember that? From what I've been able to learn, on the night you died, you came back as a human baby and were raised by a couple in London."
"Human...I'm a bloody human...again!" Spike shouted and then fell back against the pillows, his face paler from the exertion. "So how did I get so beat up?" He asked softly.
Angel then told him everything he
knew and
learned since Will...the
human young man...came to
Spike sat there and listened intently, his eyes never leaving Angel's face. When the vampire finished speaking they stared at each other for a long moment. Finally, Spike lowered his eyes and spoke into the blankets. "Human...don't want to be human. Hurts...hurts too much to be human."
Angel was shocked and spoke quietly to the top of Spike's...Will's damp head. "But...but I thought you wanted it. Back in LA...the fight we had over the cup."
Spike looked up and gave Angel an exasperated look. "You stupid git! You really think I wanted to become human? Hell no. I loved being a vampire. Only reason I said that was because I didn't want you to have it, you ponce."
"Me, why didn't you want me to have it?"
Suddenly embarrassed, Spike looked away. Angel reached out and gently grasped his fingers on Spike chin and turned his face back around although the younger man kept his eyes lowered.
"Tell me, Spike...tell me why you didn't want it? You sure fought hard enough for it. You kicked my ass but good to get it. Seem to remember it was the first time you beat me, so you must have wanted it."
"No...I didn't...Didn't want you to have it..." Spike looked up and glared at Angel fiercely.
"Why, Spike...tell me why."
"How stupid can you be Angel?" He snarled. "I...I didn't want you to have it because then you'd go off and live your perfect human life...and...and there wouldn't be...I'd have no place in it. Happy now!!!" His shoulders sagged and he closed his eyes again.
Angel brushed his fingers across the back of Spike's hand. "No, I'm not happy. But Spike, you're human...you have a chance to live your life as a normal person...in the light."
"Bollocks to being normal. Who wants to be normal? What's so great about being human? You get hurt...you get old... you die! I think being a vamp is way better what with the super strength and immortality. You stay handsome and studly forever! So what if you have to drink a little blood."
Angel couldn't help it. He started to laugh at Spike's little verbal tantrum. Soon Spike was joining him in laughter, until the movement started pulling at his stitches. He grabbed his middle and winced.
Worried, Angel gently pushed him back down onto the pillows. "Look Spike, you're still weak. Let me put more of this ointment on your cuts to help them heal and you need to get your rest. We can talk more later."
Spike let himself be pushed back onto the pillows and closed his eyes. "I am a bit tired. Maybe I'll just rest here for a bit."
"You do that. I'll rub some of this stuff on your stitches."
"Okay."
Angel began to gently spread the tincture over the slowly healing wounds. Spike hissed at first but then settled, comforted by Angel's gentle touch and the soothing chill of the ointment.
"Feels...good." Spike whispered and then was silent as he fell quickly to sleep.
****
Angel sat for a long time watching Spike...Will...sleep, occasionally pushing the damp curls from his forehead and rubbing his fingers back and forth across the young man's warm, slender hand. Finally he stood up and strolled into the kitchen. He fixed a mug of blood and withdrew into the living room. As he stood in front of the windows, watching the snow swirl in the harsh wind, his thoughts were mired in an emotional morass. He didn't know who was in his bed. Spike? Will? Would Spike remain in a human body? What would happen to Will? What was he going to do? Who...who did he want...? He was tired – emotionally and physically.
Suddenly the weather intruded into his reverie. When he heard the snowflakes hitting the window, he realized they were now mixed with ice. The city that never slept had been brought to a standstill by the storm. The only vehicles he saw were a few cabs and buses and a patrol car. He sipped the warm blood from the mug. It was so quiet inside the apartment that the ringing of the doorbell rang startled him. He wasn't expecting anyone. He frowned, walked to the door and peeked through the tiny safety hole.
Faith! Angel flung open the door; his surprise evident on his face.
The former slayer grinned at him and sashayed into the apartment carrying a small duffle bag. She whistled as she took in the large apartment. "Always did like your space, Angel. Great weather," she groused. "The flight was supposed to land hours ago. Do you have anything that a human could eat?"
"Faith, what...what are you doing here? I mean. It's a nice surprise but...."
"You sounded stressed on the phone, Angel, really stressed. This thing with your student who looks like Spike..." Faith stopped as she watched a flash of something swept across Angel's almost permanently furrowed brow. "What...oh god! He didn't die, did he?'
"Well that's the matter in question, luv."
Faith stepped past Angel to find out who was speaking. She knew the voice, but hadn't heard it for more than twenty-five years. She stared at the young man before her. Except for the light brown hair, he looked exactly like Spike. He had the same sharp cheekbones and the same blue eyes that shifted from ice to fire.
"Close your mouth, luv." He said with a smirk; Spike's trademark smirk that she had never seen on anyone else.
She looked at Angel but couldn't form any words. Angel watched her and shook his head. "Come in, Faith. Something has changed since I called you."
Faith walked over to the young man who was Spike but couldn't possibly be. She saw the pile of dust in the alley. Angel had furiously pointed it out to Buffy. She stared into his face and then spun around to face Angel, her expression incredulous and slightly annoyed. "What happened? You said it was a young man named Will, your student."
"Sit down, Faith...please." Angel said quietly.
At first she couldn't move. She glanced between the two men. Everything in her mind told her that it couldn't possibly be Spike, but no one could imitate the blonde vampire's voice and arrogant stance. Finally she walked over to the sofa and sat down.
Spike slowly strolled over and sank into a chair wincing. He scowled as he turned his body and thrust his legs over the side as he slouched. He hissed as he settled, yet his eyes twinkled. It was the mischievous, sardonic glimmer that she had seen long ago in Buffy's basement.
Angel sat down heavily in a near-by rocking chair and Faith tore her eyes from Spike to look at her friend. He looked worn out. She thought she could see tiny wrinkles around his eyes, which was impossible since vampires didn't age. He smiled slightly at her, although it didn't reach his dark, somber eyes.
He began to speak in a quiet, weary voice. "Will was attacked by three Kralle demons. The poison in their claws made him quite ill."
Faith looked over the young man sprawled in the chair. She could see inflamed skin under the stitches on his arms and butterfly bandages on the scratches on his face. His eyes were sunken into his stark white face, making his sharp cheekbones even more pronounced. He looked thinner than she remembered. He winked at her, and then glanced over at Angel and his face altered. He looked at the older vampire tenderly and with concern. She had never seen that gentle look on his face. Angel began to speak again and she turned her attention back to her friend.
"I got medicine from a friend of a friend who is a witch. She told me it would make Will's fever rise but that it was burning the poison out of his system." Angel turned his head to look at the injured man reclining in the chair. Although the glance was soft, his face was creased with worry. "He...he suffered and then the fever spiked dangerously. I...bathed him with cool water laced with special herbs. I...I held him...and...we both slept and...and when he opened his eyes and spoke...he...he was Spike."
Faith looked at her friend in dismay. "Why did you trust the witch? She must have done something else...she..."
Angel interrupted. "She knows Willow and another friend trusts her. I...I was so worried about Will...I...I would have done anything." He lowered his head but not before Faith saw the tears glistening in his eyes.
Spike quickly swung his legs to the ground, stood up and then staggered slightly. Angel made to rise but Spike shook his head. He walked slowly over to and rested his hand on the vampire's shoulder. "You did right, Angel. You wanted to save the boy."
Angel looked up, his eyes sad. Spike gently stroked his cheek. "Don't fret. We'll figure this out. We always do."
The older vampire nodded and grasped Spike's hand. A look passed between them. Faith wasn't sure exactly what she saw. Was it a look of love...a look of devotion? That was impossible. Angel and Spike had never been close friends and certainly not lovers as far as she knew; at least not since the gypsies forced a soul into the older vampire. Then she remembered those first months in Cleveland. Angel revealed a little about the last year in Los Angeles. He had told her that he and Spike had drawn closer after the younger vampire had his arms cut off by that crazed slayer. Angel spent time with Spike as he worked to rehabilitate his arms and hands. She remembered laughing at the image of Angel trying to work the controllers of the video games that Wes and Gunn bought for Spike. The older vampire had told her that they watched old films and actually played board games that Fred brought up to the penthouse. When Fred died, Angel and Spike tried to comfort each other in their own peculiar way.
Faith quickly drew herself out of her thoughts and saw that both the men were watching her.
Spike quirked his eyebrow and grinned. "It's a puzzlement, isn't it slayer?"
She nodded and then looked more intently at Angel. His body was slumped against the rocking chair. He looked tired but he smiled at her.
"You know, none of this surprises me." She began. "As soon as you told me about the shanshu and Will having memories....I..." She paused and glared at Spike. "It's you, Blondie. You're just too...too ornery. Couldn't keep you in check and quiet in your lifetime, why think death would stop you?"
The younger man smirked. "Kind of like you, huh, Pet?"
"Me? I'm nothing like you...you're arrogant, self-centered and determined to get your own way."
Spike grinned broadly and the glint in his eye made her wary. "Like I said, luv, kind of like you. I seem to remember quite a few sparks flaring from you in Sunnydale. I told you I'd never forget what you said to me that night in The Bronze when you were wearing Buffy's body. Then in the basement..."
Angel interrupted again, his face a mask of confusion. "What...what about Faith in Buffy's body?"
"Ah...nothing, Angel...it was a long time ago...I don't remember." The slayer said quickly as she glowered at Spike.
Spike said no more but looked at Angel and smiled conspiratorially. "Tell ya later, luv...maybe I'll show you..." He heard a gasp and looked over at Faith, his eyes teasing. "It's burned into my memory."
Faith's face had turned crimson and her glare at Spike intensified.
Angel coughed and stood up and they both looked at him. "You said you were hungry, Faith. Come into the kitchen with me."
She nodded, rose from her chair and followed Angel. They could hear Spike's quiet laughter in the other room.
Faith watched Angel as he moved slowly around the kitchen. He looks totally spent. I've never seen him look so...tired. "We'll figure this out, Angel." She said quietly as she placed a hand on his shoulder.
He nodded but didn't look at her as he spoke so softly she had to strain to hear. "I...Will...the shanshu is mystical so anything can happen. I told you that Spike's memories haunted the boy. And...the poison or the fever must have...I don't know..." he trailed off.
"Yeah, about the memories, Angel..." Faith began but didn't get to finish.
"We can talk about that later once Spike...Will..." Angel rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "He'll go back to bed soon. He tires easily. You can see that his human body is weak. The poison has not left his system. He's still running a fever, but it's not as bad as it was yesterday."
The older vampire turned and handed her a beer and a plate with a sandwich. She was surprised that he had food. A half smile lurked at the corners of his mouth. "A friend...a neighbor who's a nurse took care of Will initially. She brought some food over...she doesn't know...that I'm a vampire."
"How'd you help her, Angel?" Faith asked as she took the plate and the beer and began to walk out of the kitchen.
He looked at her. "Come on, Angel. I know you. You don't help the Powers The Be any more, but knowing you the way I do, you could never resist a damsel in distress. I know that from personal experience." She said smiling at him.
A slight smile graced Angel's face at her words. "Her...she had an abusive husband...I..."
Faith shook her head angrily. "Angel...you think you'll never atone for Angelus...you have and you do. You helped me even though...even though I tried to kill you. People are drawn to your kindness. Remember Los Angeles? You took in Cordelia, then Wesley, then Gunn and then Fred. They all depended on you. They would have been lost without you. Even that brat of a son..." She trailed off. Every time she thought of Connor and remembered that he imprisoned his father in a coffin under the ocean she wanted to kill him. She felt Angel stiffen slightly and she looked at him. "He's not my kid...I don't have to forgive him for what he did to you and I'm not sure I could if he were mine." She shivered and made a face. "Ugh...motherhood..."
Despite his worry, Angel had to laugh at the look on her face. "No, Faith...I can't really imagine you changing diapers."
"So do you hear from him? Connor..."
"Yes, we talk quite often. He's doing well and is living up in Seattle now. He graduated from Stanford...got a graduate degree in Criminal Justice. You're not going to believe this, but he runs a PI Agency...called Angel Investigations. We...we can talk more about him later."
She gave him a look of surprise, then turned and carried her food back into the living room. Spike had returned to his chair. He looked at her, surprise accentuating his sharp cheekbones. "You made the ponce laugh, slayer? I made him laugh a little earlier. Twice in one day. Hasn't laughed all that much since the damn soul." He turned his eyes to Angel and his face softened but he said nothing more.
Faith sat on the sofa and began to eat. Angel walked over to the fireplace and stood gazing at the ashes. Spike watched Angel and she watched Spike. This softer Spike was not someone she knew. It was obvious that he was concerned about Angel. A quiet tension lay heavily over the room. Faith finished most of her sandwich and all of the beer. She stood up and walked back into the kitchen. She was gone for several minutes and the two men heard opening and shutting drawers and cabinets. When she returned she carried a tray with more beer, a bottle of wine and glasses. She put the tray on the low table in front of the fire. "How about some wine, Angel? Except, I've never mastered a corkscrew."
"Thought you slayers could do anything. What with the superior strength and all." Spike said with a grin as he unsprawled his limbs slowly and gracefully and walked over to her, but it was obvious by his hesitant stride that his body was hurting. Angel had turned toward her, a slight smile on his tired face. The younger man quickly uncorked the bottle, poured the deep red liquid into a glass and took it to Angel. When he quietly spoke, there was no trace of Spike's harsh voice. "Drink this, Angel."
Angel glanced up at him and a look of such longing passed between them that Faith caught her breath and looked away. When she looked back, Spike had knelt before the fireplace. Flames soon flared between the logs and warmth billowed into the room. He got up slowly, grasping the mantel for support and walked back to his chair. He was determined to both conquer and hide his discomfort. "Want a beer, Blondie?" Faith asked reaching across to offer him a bottle.
Spike nodded, took it and sank back down. Angel sipped his wine and stared into the fire. Faith and Spike watched the older vampire. He looked so tired. Suddenly he turned around. "Faith, you must be exhausted. There's a small room...must have been a maid's room...you can use that. I'll get sheets." He looked at her, embarrassed. "It's...I've stored boxes...it's not...it's messy."
"Oh right, Angel, you anal retentive sod." Spike remarked with a shake of his head and a grin. "When have you ever been messy?"
Angel gave him a slight smile and walked across the room through the kitchen and out of sight, obviously into another room. Spike watched him all the way and Faith continued to stare intently at Spike. The younger man, like the vampire he had been, did not often hide his feelings. He was obviously worried about Angel's doleful behavior.
"Spike." Faith said quietly.
The young man turned to her, the look of concern gone from his face; his Spike persona back in his insolent glory. "Yeah, slayer?"
"What do you know? Do you know Will?"
"Nah...suddenly I'm here and the ponce is freaked. And I'm pretty freaked havin' this human body that hurts and findin' out about the kid." He stood abruptly and then grabbed the arm of the chair for support. His back was rigid; his face taught with fury as he glared down at her. "Damn Powers That Be. When are they gonna stop fuckin' with him? He's suffered enough!" Suddenly embarrassed because he revealed his obvious concern for the vampire he always mocked and taunted, Spike turned quickly and stomped to the fireplace, clutching the mantel to stabilize himself. He cursed quietly.
Faith stared at him and her anger at the Powers grew. Whatever happened, it would hurt Angel. It would increase the guilt that already burdened him. It was obvious that Spike remembered the closeness that had begun to develop between them in L.A. It was also obvious to Faith that Spike loved Angel. But what about Will? If Giles knew he was here...if he disappeared...they'd all blame Angel. Shit! Fuck! NO!
Angel reappeared in the living room and glanced at the slayer and Spike. He felt the increased tension. Faith stood up and smiled at him. "I'm more tired than I thought. Show me the bed, Angel. We'll talk in the morning, okay?"
He nodded and turned back around. Faith followed him through the kitchen. Angel opened another door and looked at her apologetically. "Here's the bathroom. No tub, just a shower. But you can use the spa tub next to my bedroom."
"Nah, big guy. Remember which slayer you're dealing with. I'm not the girly one!" She grinned at him hoping that her reference to Buffy wouldn't hurt him.
He smiled and reached for her, hugging her tightly. "No chance I'd forget who you are, Faith."
He released her. "It was good...thank you for coming."
She stood on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "What are friends for, Angel?"
He smiled again and left the room.
Spike was still standing by the fire when he returned to the living room. "Are you tired...do you want..." Angel trailed off as Spike turned from the flames to grin at him. He had spread a quilt and throw pillows onto the floor in front of the fire.
"No...I'm not tired...but you are. You look two hundred years old! Lie down...let me..." Spike looked at Angel shyly despite his bravado. "Remember...remember how I used to massage your tired ass after a hunt...of course when the bitch queen and Drusilla were out of town?" He pushed Angel down onto the blanket, knelt beside him and removed his boots. He hid his grimace. He would not let Angel how much the effort took him.
"Spike..." Angel began, looking wary.
"No...no...fuck Angel...don't know how long I'll be here. Don't...I don't want to waste whatever time we have...we've done that too many times." Spike looked down at the man who had changed his life...who had made him a monster and broke his unbeating heart more times than he could count...but who became a close companion and taught him pleasures that he never found with anyone else...not even Drusilla or...Buffy.
Angel stared up at the brash younger vampire imprisoned in a frail human body so much like...William's. He too remembered their times together, although he quickly thrust those intimate memories aside when they came unbidden into his mind and heart. He too had not been able to replace the intense pleasure he had found with Spike.
Spike smirked at Angel as he began to unbutton the blood red silk fabric of the vampire's shirt. "Ponce." He whispered and Angel smiled. "Lift up." He demanded and the larger vampire stared at him for a moment. Angel raised his body and Spike drew off the designer pants, hissing as his hand brushed the black silk boxers beneath. He looked at Angel and found him grinning, although his brow still furrowed with worry.
Angel whispered. "I know...ponce."
Spike shook his head and bent down to kiss up Angel's powerful chest. He licked each nipple with his tongue until it hardened. The vampire shivered and his body tensed. "None of that, Angel...be still." The younger man demanded as he looked into the deep dark eyes that stared up at him. Spike grinned mischievously. "I'm a guest...ain't I? Hospitality Angel...have to do what the guest wants."
"Spike..."
Spike stiffened and anger flew across his pale, lovely face. "The alley...came too quick, Angel." He silently cursed himself as he felt the older vampire begin to tremble. Spike bent down and began to kiss Angel's cheeks, his nose, his eyes. He whispered. "We didn't have time to...to see where...to see what we..." Spike stopped speaking and looked intently at Angel. Then he smiled and kissed the larger vampire's lush, full lips. He slipped his tongue inside and claimed the mouth for his own. Finally.
Angel had allowed Spike to set the pace, but the passion that had burned unquenched for years erupted. He encircled the smaller man tightly with his powerful arms and returned the kiss with fervor. Spike's human body betrayed him and he groaned. Angel quickly drew back and saw the pained look on his face.
"Hate this..." he said angrily. His damaged body trembled and he whispered, turning his face away from Angel, "Weak...like...William."
Angel's chest tightened. He reached for Spike and held him tenderly. "William was not weak. He was gentle and kind." He brushed his lips against Spike's face. "Angelus...I was intrigued by your gentleness but knew it would get you staked. I...I couldn't show you that I...I wanted your softness. Darla...she would have been more jealous than she was. You...you would have suffered even more at her hands. I made you hard. I had to make sure you'd survive as a vampire and then..." He stared at Spike knowingly.
The younger vampire turned his head away and spoke, his tone half bravado, half regret. "And then...then I became Spike..."
Angel placed his large hand on Spike's chin and gently turned him back. He grinned and his eyes glittered with humor. "And the roller coaster ride began."
Spike laughed. "Made your life interesting, Angel. Kept you on your toes."
"That you did, Spike. Although, I was certain Darla would find a way to kill you."
Spike hissed and Angel immediately looked at him, worry etched on his tired face.
"Used to wish to be human...when...Buffy...but now...this body hurts all over. Damn...damn those Powers...always fuckin' with us!"
Angel sighed. "I know. After the Mora demon made me mortal, everything hurt. I couldn't fight...Buffy...if she hadn't arrived, I would have been dead. Great having a girl rescue you!"
Spike laughed again. "We're a pair Angel, that little blonde bint did a number on us. Made us...we were like trained dogs followin' her around...at her beck and call. I hated myself every day when....when we were..." He trailed off.
Angel clasped Spike carefully to him and began to rub his back. He understood. He hated himself too when he was with Buffy. Hated that he was a vampire. Hated that he could not be the man she deserved. He knew the depth of his physical longing and how that terrible need almost destroyed her. He had a lot of hate stored in his heart. He felt despair when he remembered the last year in L.A. Almost all of it wasted. Only at the very end had he been able to admit to himself that he cared deeply for Spike but he never had a chance to tell him. The battle in the alley ended any hope...until now.
"I can hear you brooding, Angel." Spike said quietly as he tightened his arms around the larger vampire.
Angel chuckled and then tensed. "Spike...I...I just thought...I...I can lick your wounds...maybe it will heal them despite..."
Spike sat up. "You think it works on...on a human body?"
"I don't know." Angel answered honestly. "I didn't even think of it when...when Will was..."
"Yeah...well go on...can't hurt to try. I hate being this damn achey." He waggled his eyebrows and grinned. "And I want more than just a back rub from you, Angel.'
Angel felt himself stiffen and Spike smirked sweetly. The larger vampire began to lick each sutured gash encouraged by Spike's moans of pleasure. The wounds did not heal immediately but the skin seemed less inflamed. Angel began to alternate kisses with licks and both of them hardened. Angel looked up and saw Spike biting his lip.
"Spike? What...a lot of pain?"
A few tears slipped from beneath the younger vampire's lashes and he opened his eyes and offered a slight smile. "Seem to recall this conversation.... More than I'd like..."
Angel's face tightened and Spike
almost
snarled.
"No...don't even think about it. I know now. I
know...know how much you cared. I...I was too busy being angry at
myself for falling for her trap. William the Bloody captured by a
slayer!" He shook his head and another flash of hurt raced across
his
face. Defeated by the pain his human body was experiencing, he
laid his body
down on the quilt. Angel took him in his arms and kissed the top
of his head.
"Sleep now, Spike. We're...we've both had a lot to deal
with in the past few days. There'll be time...lots of time now that
you're back." Angel stopped speaking when he heard the soft snore
coming from the man in his arms. He cradled Spike tightly to him
and fell
asleep, comforted by the closeness...ignoring the questions and fears
that
tried to force their way into his mind. Refusing to think about
tomorrow
and...Will. After more than a century, Spike was finally in his
arms.
Spike needed him and he desperately needed Spike.
TBC