************************************************************************* All characters are a copyright of Marvel Comics. ************************************************************************* Having trouble understanding Chapter 2 of "The Downward Spiral"? Well, friend, you're in luck because I just happen to have the Uncanny X-Men right here in front of my very own keyboard (GASP)! They're going to attempt to explain Chapter 2 right in front of your very eyes (DOUBLE GASP)! Enjoy! ---------------- "Greetings, my friend and welcome to the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. I am Professor Charles Xavier and these are my students: "--Scott Summers--" "Hello." "--Jean Grey-Summers--" "Pleasure to meet you." "--Dr. Henry McCoy--" "I am humbled with your honorable presence." "--Robert Drake--" "Hey!" "--Warren Worthington the third--" "Nice to meet you." "--Elizabeth Braddock--" "Hullo." "--Mr. Logan--" "Grrrrwwwwll." "--Remy LeBeau--" "Bonjour, mon ami." "--Mr. Bishop--" The room is deathly quiet as Bishop slowly eyes the guest of the mansion. Could it be that this was the Traitor...? "--Sam Guthrie--" "How yall' doin'?" "--and finally, Ororo Munroe." "Welcome, friend." "Now that you know my students, we will proceed to today's lesson. Today we are attempting to do the impossible by explaining Anthony Ryan's fan fic "The Downward Spiral." *Incoming call for Charles Xavier from Moira McTaggert* "I'm afraid you must excuse me. I'll be in my office if anyone needs me." 'Sigh' <(Not again.) Calm down, Scott. It'll be okay. Everything's going to be okay. Why don't you take the call with the Professor?> 'Sigh' <(Not again.) Hurry along, Scott.> "It seems two members of our inquisitve assemblage are now in absentia. I suppose we should continue before any others are forced to depart. I am accessing the fabulous piece of fan ficton at this very moment -- OY VEY! This sucker's HUGE!" "What?! I'm an Oriental assassin AGAIN?!" "Oh my God! I'm a real loser in this story!" "I KNEW I was going to die again!" "Well, technically, Jean you are not yet deceased. You and I are on a sabbatical in what appears to be the Mojoverse. Apparently, Mojo is attempting to use us for his dastardly, devious, diabolical schemes." "I KNEW LEBEAU WAS THE TRAITOR!!! He's run off with Sabretooth AND he's killed me!!! Hey, 'sniff, sniff' I'm dead..." "Get a hold of yerself Bishop! It says here that I run off after Gambit as soon as he kills ya, that stinkin' piece of cajun trash..." "Hey now, I don' tink you guys are bein' very fair to dis Cajun! If you stop an' read dis' part, it says dat de only reason I ran off wit' Monsier Creed is because him an' his partner Angela are holdin' two of my friends hostage! Mon Dieu! " "I only have two dang lines in this whole stupid fan fic! See? No one likes the loser of the team!" "If ya' think yoah part is bad, Bobby, check out mine!! Ah sure do look green in my first fan fic as an X-Man!" "NO! I do say goddess again. This 'Anthony' fellow shall pay dearly for writing me like Scott Lobdell!" "Betsssssyyyyy! Can we fool around yet?" "Not now Warren. Oh the nerve of that indignant little... Did you know Warren, that you propose to my catatonic body in this story--" "Does that mean we can fool around???!!!" "SHUT UP WARREN! Because of Spiral, my body is healed but my mind is now that of Kwannon's?! And Robert, if you thought you were a loser, look at War! He destroys the medlab when he enters my mind, and then he runs away!" "Okay, okay guys, calm down! I'll admit, I did some pretty drastic things when I wrote this fan fic--" "I'm Kwannon AGAIN!" "I'm a loser AGAIN!" "Ah look green AGAIN!" "I was right about Gambit being the Traitor AGAIN!" "I get a berserker rage AGAIN!" 'SKIKT' "I have an 'orrible accent AGAIN! (But at least someone finally shuts up Bish!)" "I say 'goddess' AGAIN!" "I die AGAIN!" "Actually, Jean, you've only been kidnapped AGAIN!" "What are you all doing?!" "YEAH! You tell 'em, Professor." "We're sorry, Professor..." "I trust you've all explained this story?" "Yes, sir." "Good. Then I suppose our visitor should be leaving. I hope you've enjoyed your visit to the Xavier Institute. Good day." "Wait don't leave yet! It's me, the author! Feel like the end of "The Downward Spiral" has left a huge cliffhanger? That's cause it has! Look for the continuations of "The Downward Spiral" soon!" "Do I get to fool around with Betsy in them?" 'Sigh' "No, Warren.