Subject: [OTL]: Atomic (Kitty, Xi'an) [5:6] Date: Sun, 23 Feb 2003 09:25:47 -0800 (PST) From: D Benway Atomic [5:6]: Meltdown ex Benway This story kidnaps a tiny detail from Mekanix and takes it for a ride. Certain characters are borrowed for not-for-profit use from Marvel. Many thanks to Luba K and Sevenall for their editorial comments. Warning: not for the small, contains language. ______________________________________________________________________ "Stop. Just stop." "What now?" "Rien." "Damn it, I was just-" "I'm not in the mood." "You could have said something earlier. You certainly seemed to be in the mood." "I'm not, any more." "What did I do?" "That last thing, it didn't feel good. Why did you do it?" "Just trying to spice things up." "You don't need to 'spice things up'." "Well, I needed to do something. You've been so damn, I don't know-" "I've had a lot on my mind." "Well, you know-" "I'm not going to." "Fine. Look, just see what I was trying to do. Maybe it helps-" "What is that?" "A book." "You got the idea from a book?" "Nothing I could think of was working. Just look at this picture. You see where I-" "Give me that. My God. My God." "Oh crap, if I knew you were going to-" "Look at this." "I wasn't going to try that-" "It's in the same book. How could you think that anything in a filthy thing like this would-" "Judgmental, eh?" "Would anyone who is sane ASK someone to urinate in their mouth?" "Some people like it." "Kitty!" "Look, if it's among consenting-" "It's sick, sick. Have you ever tasted a man's piss?" "Shit-" "They made me. They made me do those things. Never, never again. Never. Not for anyone." "Xi'an, I wasn't going to-" "Then what? What were you going to do? Hurt me some other way? Humiliate me some other way? Why?" "I wasn't going to do anything serious without asking you." "And you thought I might say yes?" "Look, when I was with Pete-" "I don't want to know." "When things got kind of boring, we-" "Shut UP!" "You asked." "I don't ever want to do that. How could you ever-" "Look, I know what you went through-" "No, no you don't. You have no idea." "Well, why don't you tell me again?" "Kitty-" "Why don't you tell me one more time? You keep telling me and telling me and it never helps, every damn time you start crying and it takes longer and longer for you to stop-" "No-" "Why don't you tell someone who can help you? Why don't you talk to the Prof? Why don't you let me get Maureen to recommend someone. I mean, she'd be good, but I'd feel kind of-" "Kitty!" "What?" "I don't need to see anyone." "Confession sure as hell doesn't seem to be helping." "I'm still alive." "But you could do better than that! Others have survived this, gone on to really live. You just need-" "Need what, besides for it to never have happened?" "Well, it did, and if you're going to live, you have to live with it." "I know that. I know that." "It's always the fucking same, now. Some damn thing, and all this comes up, and you just start crying." "Well, I'm so fucking sorry-" "Xi'an!" "I am not going to see a doctor. I am not going to take pills. I am not going to tell a perfect stranger the most intimate details of my life." "So what are you going to do instead, slit your wrists? Am I gonna come by here one night and find you dead in the tub? Been down that road already, except he was going to use scotch. I'm not doing it again." "How dare-" "You have to do something!" "But I-" "You're crying and being fucking miserable all the time. The kids are freaked out-" "Don't you say anything about my kids-" "They're not going to be yours for much longer-" "You try it-" "I'm not going to do anything. They'll do it themselves, or the city will come-" "No, no-" "Look, something-" "SHUT UP!" "..." "Get out! Get out of my apartment! Now!" "Xi'an." "Get out, or I'll make you leave." "Fine." "Don't forget these." "Thanks." "And take this filthy thing with you." "Only a savage would throw a book." "Go." "I'm gone." _____________________________________________________________________ "You have ten new messages. Monday, March 15th, 10:45 am." "Just calling to see if you got home safe last night." "Monday, March 15th, 2:30 pm." "Uh, I suppose you are not home yet. About last-" "Monday, March 15th, 2:31 pm." "Sorry, got cut off. I'm sorry I cried. I-" "Monday, March 15th, 4:34 pm." "Kitty, please call me. You have no idea what's happening. It's complicated. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please call me." "Monday, March 15th, 6:56 pm." "I hope you don't mind, I called at work and at school, but they said they hadn't seen you. I hope that you asked someone to lie for you. I just want to know that you're safe. I'm sorry about what happened last night, but that book, I couldn't, you have to understand, I can't-" "Monday, March 15th, 7:04 pm." "..." "Monday, March 15th, 8:44 pm." "..." "Monday, March 15th, 8:56 pm." "..." "Monday, March 15th, 11:20 pm." "..." "Tuesday, March 16, 1:14 am." "... please ..." "You have ten new messages ..." __________________________________________________