Douglas Ramsey's Diary [3/18]

by Benway

Warning: This story is not very nice, but then the 
world isn't very nice either. If want escape, read 
elsewhere. This story is not intended for children
of any age.

Some characters in this story belong to Marvel. 
Everything else belongs to me.

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Feb 12/89

It's been a long time since I wrote. Mom's home 
again, and Dad and I take shifts looking after her. 
She gets chemo every 2nd week, and she's just 
totally wiped out by it. I go to school and Dad 
stays home. When I get home from school, I look 
after Mom while Dad goes shopping or to work. We 
can't afford to get a nurse to come in. Mom stays 
in the living room on an  old couch that Dad & 
Uncle Bill brought up from the basement. She can 
barely stand up or stay awake, and always seems to 
be sick to her stomach or in pain. I still feel 
like it's my fault, somehow. I have to help Mom to 
the toilet, and to clean up the mess after. It made 
me gag a few times, but I got used to it. I never 
get to see Mike or Kyle now. Mom is holding up 
bravely. It is the longest time that I have ever 
seen her go without crying.

Feb 14/89

Mom has lost most of her hair now. I have to clean
it up everywhere. It keeps finding its way into 
everything, including our food. I used to throw it 
away, but now I'm keeping it, just in case. Mom 
used to have thick blond hair like mine. My 
favorite picture of her is one in which I am 3 or 4 
and we are sitting on a picnic table and our hair 
is almost the same. I have been looking at pictures 
of my mom a lot lately. Mom never said very much, 
and she says even less now, Dad is getting the same 
way. The only things that get said are important 
things, like who will take the garbage out or when 
Dad or I will get back. I went to Scouts tonight, 
and everyone was getting ready for a camping trip 
which I can't go on because I have to take care of 
my Mom. 

Feb 15/89

I have been really nice to my Mom for a whole week 
now, and it feels good. I will never be mean to her 
again. 

Feb 16/89

Something neat happened in school. We were talking 
about functions in math class, and I suddenly saw 
something. We had been talking about real spaces 
like R2 and R3 the week before, and I suddenly saw 
that all the functions on R2 and R3 were just like 
R2 or R3, only bigger somehow. I asked Mrs. 
Robinson about this, but she said that she never 
understood that linear algebra stuff in college. 
She usually teaches girl's gym. I got a book from 
the library on algebra out and I think I'm on to 
something.

Feb 17/89

I got really scared today. I had to make a trip to 
the store, and when I came back I found Mom passed 
out on the floor. I called the ambulance and they 
took her to hospital. Dad called and said that it 
wasn't my fault, that she had to go the bathroom, 
got dizzy and fell. I feel terrible about the whole 
thing. Dad says that she will be back tomorrow. TV 
is really starting to bug me.