Douglas Ramsey's Diary [5/18]

by Benway

Warning: This story is not very nice, but then the 
world isn't very nice either. If want escape, read 
elsewhere. This story is not intended for children
of any age.

Some characters in this story belong to Marvel. 
Everything else belongs to me.


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Feb 21/89

Something is wrong with me now, too. I have started 
to See and Hear things. I capitalize these words, 
because it's not like ordinary seeing and hearing. 
When my Mom talks, I can Hear terrible things. She 
always thanks me and tells me how good I am for 
helping her, and I know she means it, really. But I 
also Hear something else. At the same time, she 
enjoys being this way. Somehow, she likes to see me 
handling her puke bucket, as if it's some sort of 
revenge for all the things I did to make her cry. 
It's really scary, because I know I didn't Hear 
like this before, and I don't know how she can feel 
this way, and still love me at the same time. 

Feb 22/89

It's getting worse. When I look into my Mom's face, 
I can See her death there. The chemo is actually 
some sort of poison that builds up in her cancer 
cells and kills them, but it also kills lots of 
normal cells too. I have to keep looking away, and 
I think that she is starting to notice this. I also 
keep Hearing the triumph in her voice when she 
asked me to clean up the mess around the toilet 
this morning. It's so confusing, and I don't know 
how to sort it all out.

Feb 25/89

Something scary at school. I know the girls think I 
am cute. I am kind of small and I don't have zits. 
I am too scared to talk to them much, but I don't 
try to be mean. Cathy Bingham asked me to help her 
with her math homework, and I sat beside her during 
my lunch break. She got really close to me and told 
me that she thought I was nice. When she said it, I 
looked at her and I Saw in her face something that 
made me think that she wanted to eat me alive, like 
a dragon or a lion or something. I just ran away 
and left the school grounds, and didn't stop until
I reached the park. I felt really stupid, since I 
left my books behind. I ran back and got there just 
in time for class, and Cathy gave me my books back. 
I didn't look at her, because I was afraid I might 
See something else. I think that I am going crazy.