Douglas Ramsey's Diary [6/18]

by Benway

Warning: This story is not very nice, but then the 
world isn't very nice either. If want escape, read 
elsewhere. This story is not intended for children
of any age.

Some characters in this story belong to Marvel. 
Everything else belongs to me.

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March 2/89

I keep looking at the ground. People are noticing. 
Kyle asked me what was wrong, but I just said 
something about my mom and ran home. It's almost 
impossible to deal with mom now. I keep focusing on 
the love that I Hear, and keep trying to avoid 
thinking about the other stuff. I can See the pain 
and loss in her face, and it hurts. Seeing really 
seems to help in math and computer class, though. 
When a computer stares back at me, I See nothing 
that can really frighten me.

March 5/89

Something really bad  at school. We had gym, today. 
I don't look at faces anymore, because I am afraid 
of what I might see. I ended up looking at Dwayne 
Jones when we were changing for gym. He is the only 
black kid in the class, and he is also the only kid 
who is not circumcised. He is older than the rest 
of us and big for his age. I could See everything 
different about him, his beauty, his strength, and 
all the fears that the other kids seemed to attach 
to him. He saw me and slammed me against the wall. 
He asked what I was doing, called me motherf***er 
and a homo. I could See that when he said those 
things, there was also something else, like what I 
Saw with Cathy. He wants to eat me alive too. Mike 
was there, and saw it all. Dwayne punched me in the 
stomach, and no-one helped me. No-one talked to me 
after lunch.

March 6/89

Went nuts in English today. Started Poe, and was 
reading when I Heard/Felt/Saw Madeline Usher 
trapped in the grave, and I started screaming and I 
just couldn't stop screaming and screaming. I Felt 
the icy hands of the skeletal woman with no hair 
coming out of the crypt to claim me, and when the 
teacher shook me I kind of passed out. Woke up in 
the hospital, Dad there. The pills make me feel 
sleepy. 

March 7/89 

Stayed home from school today. Dad said that the 
doctor thought that looking after Mom was too much 
for me. He said that he and Mom had been talking 
about Mom going to Aunt Jane's house for a while,
and that he would hire a nurse until she went. I am 
worthless. I cannot ever undo the damage that I 
have done to my Mother. I don't know how he's going 
to get the money for a nurse. Most of his clients 
can't pay him, and one of the windows is falling 
out upstairs and we can't afford to fix it. Grandma 
Winfield gave Mom this house when she got married, 
otherwise we'd have to live on the other side of 
town. I am the only kid in the street who goes to a 
public school. It's just down the street, but almost 
all the kids are bussed in. The tough kids don't 
give me trouble because Dad gets them out of jail 
sometimes.