Douglas Ramsey's Diary [10/18]

by Benway

Warning: This story is not very nice, but then the 
world isn't very nice either. If want escape, read 
elsewhere. This story is not intended for children
of any age.

Some characters in this story belong to Marvel. 
Everything else belongs to me.


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March 30/89

We had group again today. It is so pointless. We 
all sit in a circle with Dr. Lovell and two nurses, 
and we are asked to talk about our problems. 
Elizabeth and Kerry have parents who are 
psychiatrists, and this seems to a big part of 
their problems. The three retards can't say 
anything at all. I don't say very much, because I 
can See how pointless it is. Dr Lovell talks to us, 
but really just tells himself that everyone is
getting better while nothing ever changes. Wendy 
still shits her pants about once a day, and she's 
been here for 10 years. How is she supposed to "get 
better"? Glenn, Kerry, Nathan, and Dave all tell him 
exactly what he wants to hear, while the others all 
just reveal how frightened and alone we are in 
here. Am I like these people? Is this how others 
see me? I think that I would like to be dead.

March 31/89

No group today, because it's Saturday. Dad came for 
a visit, and said that Mom was doing well. He 
seemed afraid, and the worst thing was being able 
to See how the thing he most wanted to do was to 
get out of here. We were talking when Brian came up 
to him and hugged him. I have never seen my Dad 
look scared before. I think he is bothered by the 
shakes that I have. I can't hold my arm out in 
front of me anymore without it kind of vibrating. 
This is caused by the meds. They also make my mouth 
go all dry. My Dad was very glad to go. He can 
leave. I can't. 

April 1/89

Sunday. Forced church. No-one in my family ever 
goes to church. Mom went to a convent school, but 
she never talks about it. The pastor sounded just 
like Dr Lovell, talking to himself. The retards 
really like church, since some of them can sing. 
Anne-Marie told me that she had been raped by a 
priest, but I could tell that she was making it up. 
I could See that someone did something awful to 
her, but I don't want to know. I felt like praying 
to be saved from all this, but I don't think that 
anyone is listening.