Subject: [OTL]: HellsX 24
Date: Sat, 24 Jul 2004 04:54:31 -0700 (PDT)
From: D Benway <d_benway@yahoo.com>


HellsX [24:45]  Charles Xavier

Produced by Benway.

See notes for disclaimers.

_______________________________________________________________________________

I'm having dinner with Scott, before the party. It's very much like
eating alone, even though I am not. I rather enjoy this state of
affairs.

Scott doesn't look at me. He is concentrating on his work, and looking
at this body is not part of his work. For this I am thankful.

He doesn't blame me, though perhaps he should. Losing Jean has not
impaired his performance.  If anything, he has become much stronger
since her death, just as I have after mine.

At this party, so many things could go wrong. I must bring the two of
them together, in public. I do not have the luxury of using my power,
for it will affect neither of them. This is a circumstance I dislike. I
do hate not being in control.

On nights when I'm feeling strong, I undress before the mirror and look
upon this body. I find it hideous, yet, at the same time, alluring. It
can stand, but when I gaze upon it, somewhere deep down within, it
excites me. I become excited gazing upon myself and there is not one
thing I can do about it, or will ever be able to do about it.

Worse, I've seen how Scott looks at this body, sometimes. I would like
to pretend that he is attracted to it and not to me, but he cannot hide
his thoughts. There's an element of any-port-in-the-storm to it, I'm
sure, but there was always an element of something else that made him
easier to manipulate than the others. I often wonder what would happen
if I gave in to that impulse, and let him have his way with me. I
wonder how many seconds there would be before Logan came for us.

[Next: Janet Van Dyne]