Wolverine helped Shadow into the passenger seat of his Jeep. "Don't ferget yer seat belt, querida. An' no talkin' while I'm drivin', I gotta watch the road, not yer hands."

 *I know rules, Logan. You tell me same thing every time we drive somewhere. It feels strange signing with gloves on, but it's so cold, and I not want my hands get cold.*

 Jubilee handed her a brown paper bag. "Here's your lunch, Shadow, and a thermos fulla hot tea. I was gonna give ya milk, but Beast said milk might make ya sleepy."

 *Thank you, Jubilee. Wish me luck, all of you, please, I'm so nervous!*

 "No need bein' nervous, sugah, Ah'm sure you'll do just fine," Rogue reassured her.

 Gambit patted her shoulder. "Gambit proud o' you, p'tite. Dis sum't'in' I never do."

 Alma's eyes widened. *You not finish high school? Why not?*

 He smiled ruefully. "Oui. Long story. Y' got places t'go 'n' t'ings t'do, so Gambit tell y' later."

 "Here are some items you may find useful, my dear," Beast said, offering her a parcel. "A pad of scratch paper, a mechanical pencil with eraser and extra leads, and two pens."

 *Thank you, Hank! I put pencil and pen in my purse, but it's good have extra.* She stowed everything in her book bag, then gave Beast a quick hug. *Logan, we need go, I not want be late.*

 "Sure ya got everythin'?"

 *Lunch, pens and pencils, my alpha-board, and here is instruction sheet with address. Can you think anything else I need?*

 "Only our best wishes, my dear," Beast replied. "I have every confidence in your abilities."

 *Goodbye, everyone. I see you tonight.* Gloved hands waved in farewell as the Jeep headed out the gate. Shadow settled into her seat and watched the scenery, since conversation had to be limited to brief exchanges at stoplights. Traffic was heavy and slow, producing some irritated growls from Logan, but eventually they slid into a passenger-load zone in front of a forbidding gray building.

 "Here we are, darlin'," Logan noted as she slowly undid her seat belt. He put an arm around her for a quick hug and goodbye kiss, but instead of turning her face up, she hid it in the hollow of his shoulder and clung to him, shivering. Scenting her disquiet, he held her close, patting her back. "Whatsamatter, querida? Ya nervous 'bout this test?" She shook her head. "Then what is it?"

 Reluctantly she let go of him. *Strangers …* she signed slowly, then let her hands fall to her lap.

 "Darlin', you been out among strangers before. Every time one of us takes you …" He stopped as understanding suddenly hit him. "That's it, ain't it? Every time you've been away from the mansion, one of us has always been with you. This is the first time you'll be totally on yer own." She swallowed the lump in her throat, nodding as tears stung her eyes. He hugged her, kissing her forehead. "Don't be so scared, querida. Goin' out alone is part o' growin' up 'n' bein' people. Not everyone's a rotten scumbag like you-know-who, most people are okay. Besides, this is a government buildin', there's sure t'be cops 'n' security guards. If anyone hassles you, blow yer whistle 'n' kick 'em in the shins, just like I taught ya."

 *But Logan, what if no one speaks sign language?*

 "Don't be such a worrywart, that's why I gave ya that alpha-board." He took her face between his hands and kissed her gently, holding the kiss until she relaxed and responded. "That's better. C'n ya smile fer me?" She managed a wistful, faltering half-smile. "That's my girl. Remember I love you, Alma. I can't tell ya how proud I am that yer doin' this. Querida, I'd love t'stay 'n' smooch some more, but I gotta get outta this spot 'fore I get a ticket. I'm gonna run a few errands, but I'll be back by five t'pick ya up, that's a promise. If ya finish early, wait inside where it's warm, okay? Now ya better get goin', you were the one worryin' about bein' late."

 Shadow swallowed hard, then gathered up her belongings and got out. She climbed the stairs with the enthusiasm of a prisoner mounting the steps of a gallows, pausing at the top to turn and wave goodbye. Logan raised one hand, but instead of waving, he spread his fingers, then folded down the middle and ring fingers to sign *I love you.* She blew him a kiss in return, then turned and hurried inside before she lost her nerve. He watched her go with a lump in his throat, then swallowed it as he pulled away from the curb.

 Inside, Alma paused to look at her instruction sheet. [Room 305 should be on the third floor,] she thought. [The elevator will be faster than the stairs.] An elevator door whshed open, affirming her decision, and she hurried to get in before it closed again. A sign led her to Room 305, a waiting room full of chairs filled by people of all ages and races. She found a seat, but before she could sit down, a loudspeaker blared, making her start: ~"If you have not yet checked in at the front desk, please do so immediately. The GED test will start in fifteen minutes."~ Spotting the front desk, she got in line and nervously waited her turn.

 "Name, please?" asked the bespectacled woman at the desk. Her name tag read "Jill". Alma fingerspelled her name, and Jill looked puzzled. Alma felt a touch of panic: [Oh, no! She doesn't know sign!] Controlling her dismay with an effort, she tapped her throat and shook her head.

 "Have you lost your voice?" Jill asked. Alma shook her head again. "You mean you can't talk at all?" Alma nodded, and suddenly Jill's face lit up in understanding. "Oh, yes! You must be the young lady from Professor Xavier's School for the Gifted. He warned us about your inability to speak; I apologize for letting it slip my mind. Let me see … ah, here's your paperwork. Everything seems to be in order." She made a mark on a sheet of paper. "Have a seat if you like. There's enough time before the test starts to use the restroom if you need to. The ladies' room is around the corner to your left." Alma's anxiety was much reduced by Jill's kindness, and she decided to take the advice and use the restroom. She still had time to hang up her jacket, put her lunch in the refrigerator and collect herself for a moment before she and her fellow test-takers were summoned into a large room full of desks, each holding a test packet.

 "Find a desk and be seated, please," Jill instructed. "Don't open your test packet until I tell you to, but do read the instructions on the front page carefully." She waited until all were seated before continuing: "Did anyone not bring a pen and pencil? Good. Have you all finished reading the instructions? All right, you'll have one hour to finish the first part of the test. There will be a short break before the second section, then a half-hour break for lunch. Are there any questions? Then open your test packet and begin."

 The last of Alma's fears were forgotten as her pen began to fly over the paper.

 It was over. The GED test was over, but Alma still sat at her desk. She felt drained, as though someone had drilled a hole in her skull and siphoned all the knowledge out. Her head ached dully, and her eyes burned and throbbed. Slowly she packed her belongings in her book bag, shaking her thermos and thinking, [I sure wish there was some tea left. I'd give anything for a cup of tea right now …]

 "Miss? Excuse me, your name is Alma, right?" It was Jill, holding Alma's jacket; when Alma nodded she continued: "There's a man in a Jeep parked out front; he says to tell you that Logan is here." The words gave Alma a much-needed shot of adrenaline and got her moving. Quickly she wrote on a piece of paper: Thank you so much for all your help and kindness! She handed Jill the note as she grabbed her jacket and ran to the elevator. To her relief, the door opened as soon as she pressed the button, and she donned her jacket and settled her book bag as she rode down. The instant the door opened, Shadow bolted for the exit and went flying down the steps straight into Wolverine's arms.

 For a while nothing mattered except the security of being held and the sensual pleasure of Logan's mouth on hers. But dismay replaced pleasure when he broke the kiss and unwound her arms from around his neck, and his scowl gave her a start. An icy blast of wind explained everything as he picked her up and dumped her in the passenger seat. "Lovin' will hafta wait, darlin', we gotta hustle 'fore this storm gets any worse." He pointed to the thick black clouds moving rapidly closer, opened a panel and removed a blanket. "Bundle up, buckle up 'n' put that on," he ordered, giving her a stocking cap. "Let's move, that sky looks nasty." Pulling on a ski cap, he sprang into the driver's seat, fastened his seat belt and gunned the engine.

 It was a wild, nasty ride in the open Jeep. The bitter wind made Alma shiver despite the protection of the blanket. Logan's face grew grim as the weather continued to deteriorate and made driving difficult. Bolts of lightning tore the sky, and Alma's teeth were chattering from both cold and fear as they finally pulled into the driveway. She was shivering too much to undo her seat belt, but Logan's claws did the job in a single slash. He snatched her out of the seat, flung her over his shoulder blanket and all, grabbed her book bag with his free hand and scurried for shelter. They got inside just in time: freezing rain mixed with hailstones began pelting down just as he closed the door. "whew!" he exclaimed as he set Alma down. "That was way too close! C'mon, querida, we c'n thaw out in the kitchen."

After seating Alma, Logan put on the kettle and set out mugs. Noticing that she was rubbing her eyes, he hit the control button, dimming the lights until she sighed in relief.

 *Lights in test room were so bright they give me headache,* she signed forlornly as soon as her hands steadied. *No way dim them, just on-off switch.*

 He tsk-tsked solicitously, then, sensing that she needed more tangible comfort, picked her up, sat down with her in his lap, then wound the blanket around them. Sharing body heat warmed them; an ardent kiss raised temperatures even faster. It was an insistent whistle instead of cold wind which interrupted them this time. Logan glared at the offending teakettle for a moment, then saw the humor of the situation and chuckled as he rose and poured their tea, holding her with his free arm. "If it ain't one thing, it's another. Querida, when yer grown up I'll find us some time 'n' place where nothin' an' no one'll bother us." Shifting mugs from stove to table, he sat back down, resettled her in his lap and kissed her again.

 She returned the kiss and hugged him, then signed: *Soon, I hope. Maybe if I pass test Professor will say I'm old enough to end our agreement.*

 He shook his head. "It's the law's place t'decide, not Xavier. This test was just one part of a lotta paperwork 'n' legal stuff. Prof's been workin' on it since the day we found ya."

 *Why it so hard? I'm still me, no matter what law say.*

 "Prob'ly 'cause lawyers gotta make a livin', darlin'. It's tough bein' patient, I know."

 She sipped her tea, then set down the mug with a sigh. *Now I know how Rogue feels.*

 Again Logan shook his head. "No, ya don't. We c'n kiss 'n' cuddle, Rogue can't even hold hands without gloves on. Gumbo stole a kiss once 'n' was out cold fer hours. Plus we've only known each other a few months. Rogue's been lonely fer years. That's why I sometimes won't kiss ya if she's lookin'. You don't know how she feels, darlin', you can't. There's nothin' we c'n do about it, so let's change the subject." He scowled; then a faintly crafty gleam lit his eyes. "What was the test like? How d'ya think ya did?"

 Still not fully accustomed to human nature, Shadow missed the significance of his expression. *I answer almost all questions, but not know if all my answers right.*

 "I bet the Professor could find out if ya passed. If yer warm enough, finish yer tea 'n' we'll go ask him," he suggested, draining his own mug and helping her to her feet. Once more she missed the too-casual tone of his voice and unsuspectingly followed him into the dining room.

 The soft glow of a dozen candles on an enormous cake was more than Alma's light-sensitive eyes needed to reveal a ceiling crammed with balloons, a banner bearing the message CONGRATULATIONS!, a table full of food, a row of beaming X-Men -- and Dr. Kate O'Dell!

 "SURPRISE!!"

 *What … what is … this?* Alma signed with shaking hands.

 "It's a party, sugah," Rogue replied with a chuckle.

 *But … but why?*

 "Quit teasin' her, ya jerks," Jubilee scolded as she ran forward to give Alma a hug. "You passed, Shadow! You've graduated from high school!"

 Alma still could not quite believe it. *I … I pass?*

 "With flying colors, my dear," Beast replied, his eyes dancing and his voice filled with pride.

 Suddenly Alma whirled around to glare at Wolverine. *You know! All this time, you know!*

 He winked at her. "Mad at me, darlin'?"

 *I … I …* Then suddenly she was holding him, shaking and crying with confusion and joy, and everything was all right again.

 There were hugs and kisses, tears of happiness and pride, speeches, and toasts in sparkling cider. "I can't stay long," Kate apologized, "but when Hank called to tell me what was happening I just had to come. I must confess I never dreamed you would come this far."

 *I not do it at all without you,* Shadow replied while Storm translated. *I say this before, but I mean it then, I mean it now and always. You ask, I do. Anything.*

 Kate smiled through her tears. "It's not often that an old bone-setter like me gets an offer like that. Alma, I promise someday I'll think of a request worthy of such a proposal. But for now, here's something for that hand of yours to use." She handed her a package; inside was a gold pen-and-pencil set.

 There were other gifts as well. Hank gave a one-volume Shakespeare bound in black leather, Jubilee gave several CDs of flute music, including James Galway's latest release, and Storm had knitted her a warm woolen scarf and matching hat. Gambit's gift was a cookbook plus an offer of cooking lessons, while Rogue, Jean and Scott had chipped in to buy her a laptop computer. Xavier presented Alma with her high-school diploma in a handsome mahogany frame. "I arranged to have the results of your test faxed here," he told her. "Wolverine's subterfuge gave us time to prepare these well-deserved festivities. I am very, very proud of you, Alma. Mere months ago you were a frightened, illiterate child; now you are well on your way to being a competent and functional adult."

 Alma blinked back her tears as she turned to Beast. *This be yours, Hank,* she signed with one hand as she held out the diploma with the other. *You teach.*

 There were tears in Hank's eyes as well. "No, my dear, the credit and the honor are yours. I am proud to say that I have never had the privilege of working with a more promising or dedicated pupil."

 "How y' like take on anudder student, Henri?" Gambit suddenly asked. "I never graduate from high school. If Shadow c'n do it, Gambit gonna try too."

 Stunned silence greeted his statement, then Rogue gasped, "Remy! Are you serious?"

 Gambit tried to look offended, but the chuckle in his voice gave him away. "'Course Gambit serious, cher'. Not gonna let a lil' gal like Shadow make me look like a dummy."

 "Oh, Remy!" Rogue squealed, giving him a very careful hug; she covered his mouth with her gloved hand, kissed the back of it, then whispered something in his ear that made him blush.

 "This is Shadow's party, so quit hoggin' the spotlight, you two," Wolverine growled, hiding something behind his back as he walked toward Alma. "You thought I'd fergot you, didn't ya?"

 *Logan, your love is only gift I need,* she replied, her eyes glowing.

 The dim light hid his red face, and he had to clear his throat before he could answer. "Well, mebbe if ya learn t'use this it'll make waitin' t'grow up a little easier." Alma tore off the wrappings to find a black leather case. It took a moment for her to recognize the gleaming object inside: a silver flute!

 "I thought since ya liked flute music so much …" The rest of Logan's speech was cut off by Alma's ecstatic kiss and a round of delighted applause from the rest of the team.

 The party had finally wound down, as all parties do. A tired but happy Alma opened the door to her room; a package-laden Logan went in and set his load on her desk. "Querida, I …" The words stuck in his throat at her expression. No words or signs were needed, the mute appeal in those eyes was message enough, and a heartbeat later they were in each other's arms. They had waited all day for this chance and made the most of it, kissing long and hard and deep. Hearts pounded as their bodies molded together, quivering with delight and desire. Mouths met and clung, parting to meet and cling again while tongues teased and explored. His hands slid slowly down her back in a caress filled with yearning, came to rest on her firm-soft behind, and pressed her even closer to him. His lips brushed the side of her neck, then locked in a hard, hungry kiss that made her head swim and her knees wobble and her bones melt. She found herself clutching at his shirt, and before she could stop herself she had shaped the fabric out of the way.

 The touch of her hands on his bare skin was like a splash of ice water. He shuddered, then jerked his head up to break the kiss. "No, Alma," he groaned, fighting for control. "No. I know whatcha want, an' I want it too, but we made an agreement." She stiffened, then sagged, clenching her fists in frustration, tears of disappointment filling her eyes. "I said no, darlin'. I know ya want me t'stay -- t'make love to ya -- an' I wish ta God I could do just that, an' that's why I better go. Now." They stood in silence as ragged breathing eased and hearts slowed. Finally he sighed. "Put my shirt back 'n' lemme go, we gotta talk." She reluctantly obeyed with a sad little sigh, blinking back tears. He bent his head and gently kissed her eyelids, but pulled his head away when her lips reached for his. "I'm too tempted, darlin'. I'm gonna be in enough trouble with Xavier as it is; he's gonna chew my butt when he sees this." He touched the red mark on her neck, then seized her shoulders and moved her away from him. "Querida, I ain't mad at ya, an' ya know it ain't 'cause I don't want ya." He managed a wry smile. "Hell, you c'n feel how much I want ya!" She nodded, forcing herself to keep her longing hands away from the proof of his passion. "But an agreement's an agreement …"

 Her hands flew furiously. *Logan, I hate that agreement! I wish I never make it!*

 "I hate it too, but if we hadn't made it I wouldn't cuddle ya or hold ya in my lap or even let m'self be alone with ya. Is that whatcha want?"

 *You don't trust me?*

 He sighed again. "It's me I don't trust, darlin'. When ya snuggle up against me … so soft 'n' warm 'n' smellin' so nice … I get t'wantin' ya so bad …" His face twisted in pain as he swallowed hard.

 *I want you too, Logan, just as bad.*

 "I know, but ya need t'finish growin' up. You act 'n' think pretty grown-up most times, an' ya sure as hell feel like a woman, but there's a lot ya don't know yet about bein' people, an' yer still a little kid in a lotta ways. Bein' grown up means ya gotta wait fer whatcha want sometimes. It means keepin' promises even when it hurts. An' it especially means learnin' that there's more ta love than just sex."

 Alma thought for a long time before she replied. *'Love' is hard word to learn, more hard than 'fun'. Only time I heard word 'love' was on TV, or when Cruel One took whore to bed. Then I woke up here, much kindness and people caring about me. All so strange, and I was so afraid … I even hated touch at first because touch always mean I get hit. It took long time for me to learn trust, longer to find out that touch not need hurt, and even more long to learn that touch can feel good. But love is more than just touch, yes?*

 "Hell, yes! You c'n touch someone without lovin' 'em, an' love someone without touchin' 'em. You c'n even have sex with someone without lovin' 'em. What the Cruel One did t'those women wasn't love."

 *I know that now.*

 "Good. You'd be surprised how many people think that love is nothin' but good sex."

 *Can someone love more than one person?*

 "'Course ya can. You love Hank, doncha? He loves you. We all love you."

 *Hank loves me? I don't feel same way about him that I feel about you, and he doesn't kiss me or touch me same way you do.*

 "That's 'cause we're different people, so we love you in different ways."

 It was a new concept for Alma. *So I can love Hank and Professor and you all same time?*

 "Yup. Cyc' 'n' Gambit too. No reason ya can't love Rogue 'n' Jean 'n' the other gals as well."

 *Do you love them?*

 He managed to chuckle. "Sure do. Different than I love you, but then they're different people too. An' I had other girls long before I met you. Came this close t'gettin' married once, an' if Cyc' hadn't been around I woulda tried t'marry Jean. Yes, I still love her. And yes, I've had sex with other women. Does knowin' that make ya jealous?"

 She shrugged. *Not sure what 'jealous' mean. You and I love each other, which means we 'belong' to each other in special way, but that doesn't mean I own you. Yes, you gave those other women something you not give me yet, but that was before you know me or know I alive. Time will come that we be together like that someday … I just want someday to be now.*

 "Me too, querida. Yer gettin' more beautiful every day." She blushed, then signed:

*Logan, are you mad I 'love' Hank? If that is right word for what I feel for him?*

 "'Course not. Like I said, we're different people. We love you in different ways, an' you love us in different ways. An' like you said, you don't own me, an' I don't own you. Plus, learnin' t'love other people is part o' bein' people, an' part o' growin' up. There's no limit ta how many people you c'n love, or how much you c'n love 'em."

 *Caring about people is part of love?*

 "A big part, darlin'. Hard t'love someone if ya don't care about 'em. In fact, findin' out ya care about someone is one way ya learn that you love 'em."

 *What about you and me? What happened when we looked at each other that first time?*

 "I dunno, querida. No one knows why two people fall in love, or why they fall outta love."

 She looked stricken. *You can stop loving someone?*

 "Sure, 'cause people change. You ain't the same person you were when ya first came here. But one test o' real love is t'keep lovin' someone even when they do change."

 Alma sighed. *This is much to think about. You mad I talk about this with Hank or Jean?*

 "Well … I'd rather what goes on between you 'n' me stayed private, but if it'll help ya understand yerself 'n' yer feelin's, I guess it's okay."

 *Thank you, dear. But I still wish you can stay … I want you so …*

 His eyes grew hard. "Is that all ya want from me? Just sex?"

 She looked horrified. *NO NEVER NO NO!*

 Relief washed over his face. "Good. Another part o' growin' up is learnin' that yer special someone is a person, not some live teddy bear that you c'n use like the Cruel One used those women."

 *NEVER NEVER NEVER! I NOT NOT-CAN do that to you!*

 "Simmer down, darlin', I know ya couldn't, an' if I ever used you like that I'd hate myself forever. Which is why I better get goin'. You've had a long hard day, you need yer sleep an' I need a cold shower."

 She looked wistful. *You please kiss me good night? Please?*

He took her face between his hands and kissed her once on the lips, light and quick and chaste. "Te amo, querida mía." He turned and left abruptly, not trusting himself to look back at her.

It was a very long time before either of them could sleep.

Shadow's dejection was not improved the next morning when she woke to find that Wolverine was gone again, sent on a mission along with Beast, Gambit and Rogue. Wisely, Professor Xavier did not give her time to mope and brood, sending for her as soon as she had finished toying with her breakfast.

"I think it's time to re-evaluate and rearrange your daily schedule," he told her, noting but not commenting on her swollen eyes, tear-stained face, or the red mark on her neck. "Now that you've passed your GED test, we can de-emphasize the academic side of your training and concentrate on other aspects."

*What you say is okay, Professor,* she replied with an apathetic shrug.

"Shadow, this is your decision as much as it is mine. It's your life, and -- Alma, are you listening?"

She started, then hung her head, trembling and clenching her fists while tears welled in her eyes.

"Why are you looking like that? I'm not scolding you, nor am I angry with you." His face and voice softened. "Do you want to talk about it?"

*What good will it do? I love him, he loves me; I want him so much, and I know he wants me.* She sat up straight, her tears stopped, and her eyes flashed angrily. *But law says I am child, too young to love, too young to know what I want.*

"Shadow, you know that isn't true." He sighed. "Love is never easy or simple; many people far older and wiser than you struggle with it. This is a difficult time for you: your body is still maturing, your emotions are jumbled, and your mind is being constantly bombarded with new concepts."

She stared at him. *How you know?*

He smiled gently. "I was young and in love once myself, child. I am not belittling what you and Logan feel for each other -- far from it! I'm convinced that much of your recovery is a direct result of whatever you saw in his eyes that day." He gave her a conspiratorial wink. "Don't tell Logan or anyone else I said this, but if it were up to me, I'd give you two the key to the spare bedroom and tell you to enjoy each other. But it isn't up to me. I'm still legally responsible for you and your well-being, and I'm rather grateful that you two have decided to delay having sex for the time being. You've learned and grown and healed a great deal -- far more than I'd expected, I'll admit -- but you still have far to go. That's part of the reason I asked you here today. I think it is very important for you to see how other people live and work, both normal humans and mutants. I feel you should spend more time away from the mansion, interacting with people other than your teammates, to give you practice in socialization -- 'being people', as you put it."

Fear widened her eyes. *You send me away?*

"Good heavens, no! I've told you before that this is your home, for as long as you want or need to stay. Now, I respect your gratitude towards us, but gratitude alone is not a good reason for choosing to be an X-Man. There are other careers available to you, and I sincerely hope you decide to go on to college someday. However, if you ever choose to leave, you're always welcome to visit, for a night or a year."

Alma bit her lip. *Charles, I say before it's hard for me to lie or hide truth. I'm grateful to X-Men, yes, I owe you and them my life. But you have right to know, part of why I want be X-Man is because of Logan, and how we feel about each other. If Logan stays here, I stay here. If he leaves, I go with him.*

"I would expect no less. But consider this: what if he decides to leave and not take you with him?"

She looked baffled. *Why would he do that?*

"As you know, Wolverine usually prefers to work out personal problems on his own. He's left the X-Men several times in the past for that purpose. So far he's always come back, but only when he decides he's ready. Other X-Men have left permanently, for one reason or another."

Shadow thought a long time before she answered. *Logan told me people can stop loving each other. It hard I believe that happen to us, though our love not easy, but I not believe that Logan just give up and walk away from me. But I never believe I can really 'be people', too.* She sighed pensively. *More I learn, more I find I not know. 'Being people' so-very hard, I'm afraid I never learn all. And learning to love, and how to love, is most hard thing to do.*

"True. To be honest, I'm very pleased for your sake that Logan has decided to stay and work through the difficulties of your relationship. As to 'being people', you'll probably still be learning the day you die. A wise philosopher once said that a day is wasted if you don't learn something new. Would it surprise you to know that Beast and I are still studying?"

Her mouth fell open. *I thought Hank knew everything!*

Xavier chuckled. "I'll tell him you said that when he comes home. Which brings us back to your daily schedule. Are you ready to listen and discuss this? Good. Now remember, these are suggestions, not orders. You're free at any time to say 'yes' or 'no' to any of this. Your gymnastic skills have improved to the point that Beast has agreed to take over your acrobatic instruction; you could have no better teacher. You'll be working with the others more often and more intensely, and some of your group workouts will be in the Danger Room instead of the gym. Don't look so scared! It will be at a low setting, but it's time you learned that being an X-Man is not a game. Since your powers require physical contact, and aren't overtly offensive in nature, I think it's wise to step up your combat training, especially the use of weapons. Wolverine will be supervising that area, although Gambit's knowledge of less orthodox methods should also prove useful. If you have any emotional difficulties concerning hitting or being hit, please let me know immediately." He had been making notes as he spoke; suddenly he set down his pen and smiled. "Don't look so grim, Alma. Although being an X-Man is difficult and dangerous, there is also a time and place for ordinary things. I'm deliberately setting up your schedule to include relaxation and fun activities, such as Gambit's cooking lessons." There was an odd twinkle in his eye as he said this, but Shadow knew better than to ask. "Now, as I already mentioned, you'll also take some trips away from the mansion, to practice 'being people'. They'll be short trips at first, and you won't go alone unless and until you feel ready. Any questions?"

Her eyes were wide. *When do I sleep, with all this?*

Shadow found out why Professor Xavier's eyes had been twinkling that very afternoon. Besides giving her the flute, Logan had also arranged for a teacher and private lessons. Although Christine didn't know sign language, Alma's alpha-board and a mutual love of music helped to bridge the communication gap. Chris was also an excellent teacher, and by the end of the first lesson, Alma had not only learned the basics of musical notation, but Chris had also helped her coax a few notes from her instrument.

The next afternoon, Alma was nearing the end of an hour's practice. Her cheeks were sore and her fingers ached, but she was determined to play a C-scale right once before she quit. She stood straight, set her fingers, took a deep breath, and tried again. "Do, re, mi, fa …" One finger slipped, and she stomped her foot in exasperation. Setting the flute down, she wiped the sweat from her face and hands, then stretched her fingers, wincing as the muscles and tendons popped. Picking up the flute again, she thought, [Please let me get it right, just once … I want Logan to be proud of me when he comes home.] Her brow furrowed as she set the instrument to her lips. "Do, re, mi, fa, sol …" Intent on her fingering and mouth position, she didn't hear the door open, nor soft footsteps padding up behind her. "… la, ti, do." She'd done it!

Her sigh of relief and triumph was interrupted by a pair of arms slipping around her waist from behind, and a familiar husky voice asking, "Can ya do it backwards yet, querida?" Startled, she almost dropped her flute, but a blue-gloved hand rescued it, setting it down carefully before grasping her shoulder and turning her around. Wolverine was still in costume; he was dirty, smelly and unshaven, but she didn't care. He was home, and there was something she had to tell him. Her fist started to circle her chest to sign *Sorry*, but before she could finish the motion he caught her wrists.

"Don't say anythin', darlin', at least not now," he said hoarsely. "Talkin' c'n wait." He pulled her close and kissed her hungrily. "I missed you," he whispered between kisses, holding her fiercely tight. "Oh, baby, I missed you." He was trembling; she knew him well enough to know he was troubled, and she had a good idea why. When they had finally kissed enough, they stood looking at each other, not knowing how to begin to say what had to be said. At last Logan sighed, breaking the awkward silence. "Querida, I been thinkin'; you prob'ly been thinkin' too. You know there's been times I've left t'work things out, an' I gotta tell ya that I was tempted t'take off the other night." He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, and she could feel his heart pounding against her breast. "Alma, I couldn't do it. I was in the middle o' packin', an' I just couldn't do it. I toldja that night that I've loved other women. What I didn't tell ya -- what I shoulda toldja -- is that I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. This love we got -- it ain't yer problem, it ain't my problem. It's our problem, yers 'n' mine together, an' we're gonna work it out together. It ain't gonna be easy, even when yer grown up, 'cause bein' able t'sleep together ain't gonna solve all our problems. But whatever problems we run inta, we face 'em together. Whaddaya say, darlin'?"

There is a time and place for words, either spoken or signed, and there is a time and place for action. Alma stood on her tiptoes, took his face between her hands, and let her lips give him her answer.

Throughout Alma's first winter with the X-Men, her training continued apace. Alma hated target practice at first. She was gun-shy, loathed the stink of gunpowder, and the noise gave her headaches, even with earplugs. Also, some pistols and many rifles were simply too big for her tiny hands to manage, and their kick often left her with sore arms, a bruised shoulder, or even flat on her back in tears. It took weeks for her to gain anything remotely resembling accuracy, and Logan finally said, "Enough is enough. Don't feel bad, darlin', nobody c'n do everythin'. I can't fly, Cyc' can't sing, an' Jean can't shape stuff. Practice enough t'keep yer aim decent 'n' I'll be satisfied." Other weapons proved easier for Shadow to master. Her throwing arm was almost as good as Gambit's, and she could toss grenades, knives or shuriken with equal ease. Her aim with bow and arrow was excellent, and she was deadly with hand crossbow and wrist rocket.

She spent hours in the flight simulator, and began taking her turn "on watch" by learning how to tend the various monitors and security devices in the War Room. Gymnastics grew more rigorous as she learned to use equipment: high bar, vaulting horse, rings, parallel bars even and uneven, balance beam, even tightropes and trapeze. Beast was a firmly gentle taskmaster; Wolverine often joined the sessions to add his skill in mixing acrobatics with martial arts. Gambit had different but equally useful things to teach. He encouraged her to think of ways to use her powers in combat, and his praise was lavish and sincere the day she felled him by shaping the floor around his ankles.

Shadow's intensified training produced a totally unexpected but most welcome side benefit. Jubilee, somewhat jealous of all the attention her friend was receiving, began showing more interest in her own progress as an X-Man. "Why haven't you taught me ta fight or shoot?" she complained to Wolverine.

"Ya never asked me," he replied with a shrug, and promptly found himself with another student on his hands. Jubilee, to her own surprise, turned out to be a crack pistol shot (Alma, to her credit, was only mildly envious). Jubilee also exercised more frequently, ate less junk food, worked harder on controlling her still-erratic powers, and joined in gymnastic and Danger Room sessions more often.

Unfortunately for Shadow, her first foray in the Danger Room was a total disaster. She handled the various obstacles and surprises well until bars shot up from the floor, trapping her in a cell. She forgot her powers, forgot her training, forgot everything except her terror at being caged. Panic overwhelmed her, reducing her to a mindless jelly of hysteria. The entire team was furious with Xavier over the slip; Wolverine was nearly foaming at the mouth.

"YOU DAMNED IDIOT!" he raved, his claws a half inch from Xavier's throat. "Whaddaya use fer brains, slug bait? You pull a stunt like that again 'n' I'll cut yer heart out 'n' eat it! Why didn't ya change the flamin' program? Or d'ya like bein' woke up at two in the mornin' by her screamin' inside yer head?"

"How many times can I say I'm sorry, Wolverine? I thought I'd placed enough blocks in her memory to avoid this, but obviously I was wrong."

"Charles, I am surprised at you!" Storm scolded, shaking her head. "You and I have been through endless therapy sessions, yet all your efforts have not removed my claustrophobia. It still requires all the control I can muster just to enter a phone booth!"

"Professor, how could you?" Jubilee sobbed as she cradled her whimpering friend in her arms. "She trusted you! I thought you cared about her!" But it was far too late for admonitions or apologies, the damage had been done. It was hours before Alma stopped crying, and days before the nightmares faded. On the third night, Logan didn't even bother going to bed. After brewing a pot of herbal tea and donning his kimono, he went straight to Alma's room and planted himself in her easy chair with her in his lap.

"I'm just gonna wind up here anyway, darlin'," he explained as he wrapped a quilt around them both. "This way I c'n mebbe stop yer nightmares 'fore they get too bad. Now drink some o' this 'n' try t'get some sleep." The plan worked to some extent: when the nightmares did come, Logan's presence helped Alma to calm down more quickly. Around two in the morning, she was dozing when she felt Logan start; he cocked his head as if listening, then sniffed several times.

*What's wrong, dear?* she signed sleepily.

"Xavier's outside the door. Prob'ly snoopin' t'make sure we ain't sleepin' together."

"No, Wolverine." The Professor's voice sounded harsh and weary. "I trust you more than that. Alma's nightmares are keeping me awake, too; I'd hoped she might be willing to talk." Wolverine bristled and started to protest, but Alma stopped him.

*He's right, Logan. We not-can go on like this.*

Xavier looked dreadful, bleary-eyed and haggard, and his voice and hands were unsteady. "Alma, you said once that the words 'Thank you' weren't enough to express the depth of your gratitude. Well, the words 'I'm sorry' aren't enough to express the depth of my regret at what happened the other day. You also said that saying one is sorry can't wipe away angry words; apologizing can't wipe out mistakes, either. I'm human, Alma, and humans make mistakes. I'm sorry it happened, but I'm even sorrier that I can't promise it won't happen again. If you become an X-Man, you'll face dangerous and frightening situations on a regular basis. You must learn to face and work around your fears, for if I send you on a mission and you panic, it could cost you not only your life, but those of your teammates as well. It may seem arrogant and callous to ask you to trust me after what happened, but if you cannot trust me, you cannot be an X-Man."

There was a very long and very painful silence before Alma's hands finally moved. *Professor, can you control Danger Room from inside?* Both men started at the incongruity of the question.

"Not as precisely as from outside, but yes, I can. Why do you ask?"

*Because I need you both inside with me.* Shadow slid off Logan's lap and put on her glasses. *Let's go.*

"You mean now?"

*Professor, if I not try now, I never will.* Minutes later the three were in the Danger Room: Xavier at the control panel, Wolverine and Shadow a few feet away, holding hands. She swallowed hard and squeezed his hand, then let go and signed: *Professor, please make cage maybe ten feet away.* She shook when the enclosure appeared, then advanced one slow, reluctant step at a time, her face pale and strained and covered with sweat. Logan walked with her, resting his hands on her shoulders to steady her.

"I'm here, Alma. It's okay. Yer outside; it can't hurt ya." Trembling like a leaf, she touched the bars timidly at first, then took a deep breath, grasped the bars with both hands, and concentrated. In moments the cage was a twisted mass of metal on the floor.

"Excellent, Alma, excellent! I'm very proud of you!" Xavier called in approval while Wolverine gave her a hearty hug. "Is that enough?"

*No, Professor, please make another cage, very slow, this time with Logan and me inside. And will you watch my mind? I'm afraid I'll hurt you or Logan if I lose control of my powers. Logan, I'll need your strength, please hold me and keep talking to me.*

"You sure ya wanna do this, querida?"

*No, not want, but need. Only way. I won't live all my life in fear.*

He kissed her. "Darlin', I'm proud o' yer spunk. Go ahead, boss, we're ready." White-faced and rigid, Shadow forced herself to watch as bars formed one by one, gradually penning them in. She was gasping and shuddering by the time the cage was complete, and it took every ounce of her strength and will to hold her panic at bay. "Easy, darlin'," Logan whispered in her ear, holding her close. "Easy there. It's all right, I'm here. You c'n get out. Just shape the bars. No cage c'n hold ya unless ya let it."

His words and embrace were a lifeline, anchoring her to reality, but even so the fear of entrapment clawed at her mind. Then the Professor's thought rang in her head. <Fight it, Alma! You can get out! Fight the fear like you fought the Cruel One! Fight, Alma, don't let him win!> It was exactly the spark she needed. She drew a deep breath, and her hands shot out and grabbed the bars. A blaze of power surged through her, fed by all the rage and hatred born of ten years of torture and humiliation, sheathing her entire body in silver as energy crackled in the air. Then, as Xavier and Wolverine watched in admiration and awe, Alma freed herself from the imprisoning bars in both her hands and her mind, shattering the cage in a blinding burst of incandescent glory.