Chapter Two...Betsy

I pull on the red dress that I swore to myself I'd never wear unless I was out for one and only one thing, and can't help but feel a bit ashamed of myself for sinking to this level. I know that Scott is tormented and wondering which way is up anymore. I know that he doesn't know of his feelings for me or Jean and he needs time to think. But, I have a bad feeling about who he'd choose if he has time to think and honestly, Scott...you deserve better than HER. She has tormented you and put you through so much and yet you come back to her again and again. Why? What does she have that is so wonderful? She might have a body but many women do. She has a caring empathic nature? So do a lot of women who are good honest women and would make you so much happier. They'd at least be less torn on where their hearts stand and be loyal to you every hour of the day and night down deep inside and not drag your feelings through the mud and then get mad at you when you're the least attracted to someone else, or because you got married after she'd been dead for a couple of years.

I do not understand that woman. She doesn't seem to realize what type of man she held in the palm of her hand. She had a noble and strong man who would do anything for her and she just continually pushed him to the back of the line, for Logan. I like Logan, he's a noble sort, but still...he's not Scott. Sorry, Jean, but it's true. Scott has so much more than Logan does in a lot of ways. Logan has a love for life and that danger that attracts you so. Scott has that stability and just plain dependabilty that attracts me like a magnet. This is a man that would stick with you no matter what. And you know what else, Jean? He doesn't give up hope on this dream we're fighting for. He IS the dream. He fights for it day in and day out and just works through any personal crisis in the meantime. He sticks here out of love for us, although he'd never admit it. He might not sit there and serenade your beauty, but he'll give you this look through those glasses of his that says that he thinks you're the most beautiful woman on the face of the planet. He might not tell you that he loves you day in and day out, but he'll go out into the pouring rain and drive the car around so that you don't get your new silk skirt wet or so you won't get a chill.

He'll put his personal crisis on hold if you have one that he knows you're having problems with because he loves you. Why you can't seem to give him the same courtesy I have no idea. Are you ever truly honest with him, Jean? Do you love him or do you love him for what you want him to be? It's time to test all of that because if you don't want him...it's about time that someone was willing to challenge the playing field and show you that Scott isn't just a safe port for YOU to come back to. That was just ego for years that you had there, my dear. Now there are others and ones that can go toe to toe with you in every way that are willing to try for his hand. And after waking up to a few facts about how you're treating him maybe he'll realize what it is that you put him through on such a regular basis and decide to change things. He deserves better than what you've offered him, Jean. He stood beside you when the rest of the X-men wondered if you should be saved or not, and I don't give a bloody damn if you say it doesn't count because it was Phoenix. It WAS you and he stood by you and held your hand and NEVER gave up on you even when you gave up on yourself. How can you not adore a man for that?

So, he builds walls and is repressed. So am I. I have not shared my personal torment of late with anyone but Scott because I know that he's trustworthy and won't tell anyone. I would talk to Warren, but it seems that everytime we're in the same room together he leaves. I'd make a play for him, but I have no evidence that my interest is returned. With Scott there is no game. His responses all the way around are honest. He tries to hide them behind those towering walls of his, but when you're a telepath it's harder to hide and when the person you're talking to is just a more extreme example of you, you learn how to read those subtle signs and realize what it is that they are thinking. I know what he's been thinking of lately, Jean and it's not you. I smile in womanly pleasure at my reflection as I straighten the bodice of the dress. Really, the dress isn't me. I'm normally classier in dress than this and Brian would just grab a sheet and throw it over me in horror, but extreme cases call for extreme measures.

You might not want him, Jean, but I'm about to show him, if I can, that I want him. I want all of him. Every screwed up bit and piece that is in that head of his, what is behind all of those walls he hides behind. He's a puzzle even to telepaths. He's got so many depths and so many layers a woman could spend her entire life going through them all and never finding bottom. Warren would be much the same, but I think he's still in love with Candy. Scott might still be in love with you, Jean, but the way you have been acting...for how long will he continue to hold onto a woman who is trying her hardest to hold onto him while emotionally running away? I'm hoping not for long. I'm not going to ask him to choose between us, Jean. I'm just going to give him choices and not blame him for anything. Two things that you nor anyone in his life has ever given him before. And if all goes well with this endeavor, I laugh a little at this thought, he'll either go running back to you and find himself more deeply in love with you or he'll turn to me and realize what I can give him. To hell with lusting after desired outcomes...how about I lust after a 6 some foot gorgeous leader of mine?

I never expect to run into Jubilee and the look on her face speaks volumes as well as her thoughts. I know I'm dressed... slutty would pretty much cover it, but I don't care what she or anyone else thinks. I'm on the hunt. And that is something that I enjoy a lot more than I used to.

There is a small voice in the back of my head shouting that something is wrong, but I ignore it as I make my way toward the hanger where I now know you to be. Your thoughts are tormented but so beautiful. I always compare them in my head to a multi-faceted crystal you know that, Scott? Or a fire opal. There are so many different angles to look at them and yet deep down if you look hard you can feel the core of fire in you. I want to see that fire released and maybe then you can laugh again before SHE started screwing with your emotions and your heart so hard. I walk into the hanger, being careful of the steps in my high heels and prepare the moment in my mind about how I'm going to go about approaching you. It's all in the planning, Betsy, I tell myself silently as I quench down my nervousness, and I walk toward you.

When I see you fall, all plans go flying out the window and I vault the last five stairs and land with a lithe grace that would make a ballerina jealous, not even caring that if there had been others in the room I would be flashing everything I had to offer at them. I'm amazed that I can land in high heels without killing myself because before I went through Seige Perilous I probably wouldn't have been able to pull off that stunt, but ignore that thought as I rush toward where you're lying, cursing the tight dress for the first time that night. You're not moving and your thoughts aren't THERE, which means that the shock of the fall hit you and you have the wind knocked out of you or worse. All first aid courses are going through my head as I kneel beside you quickly.

It only takes four times of me calling to you before you look up and finally notice me and recognition starts to flow back into your face. You know for a man who has to wear glasses all the time you have a very expressive face. If you didn't have a visor you'd be a lot less tough looking, sometimes I think...the eyes would give you away. I think with you they would be a mirror to your soul. I feel Nathan at the top of your mind as well as me and Jean and I wish, at least with Nathan, that I could do something for you. I've never lost a child before, but I know the pain of losing something that is close to you. When we lost Jamie that hurt a lot. When I lost Doug it hurt more. There was also a man in boarding school that I almost married. Did I ever tell you about him, Scott? He slept with me and then left like it was nothing after the fact. I never knew why. Maybe he could sleep with someone and it would mean nothing. A lot of men are like that. But with you I know it would be different, as is the case with most things with you.

I'm so relieved to see you okay that when the impulse comes over me I don't fight it. I see the oil on your face and leaning forward I lick it off of you. It tastes like crap, but your taste underneath it tastes much better and is much more worth my effort. I pull back and looking into your eyes spout out what I've been thinking forever...that you should follow your heart and maybe act on impulse once in a while. And to my surprise you take me up on it. Your hands are in my hair and your mouth on mine before I can think of a way to get you to do it. I love a man who is proactive. You taste wondeful, a combination of spice and coffee and just male that I could grow addicted to, but when you start to pull back I know why you were kissing me and while you enjoyed it, men can't hide that, I know that you are too tormented to take me up on my offer no matter how sexy I look in this dress. And so I share a bit of my heart with you hoping you don't throw it back at me, knowing what you are about to do, but still putting all of my thoughts and feelings about what I felt Jean had done to you into a telepathic message to you only. If nothing else maybe I can make an impact and help to set you free. You're definitely too good for her, Scott. I know what you are about to do before you get up in a flash of motion and I know that I'm going to let you go. And I'm not disappointed.

You bolt. Can't really blame you. I would probably have done the same thing. Having someone so much like me is sort of scary sometimes. But we don't go unnoticed. Heh...I had been so distracted I never even felt you up there, Jean. But...I'm glad you were there. Maybe, just maybe, you'll realize how much that man loves you and how much you've screwed with him and come to your red headed senses. If not...well, I win either way don't I? Your perspective is changing about "good ol' dependable" Scott and realizing that maybe the man is human and maybe he wants all of a woman and to be happy. What a novel idea. I smirk at you and ask what's up with lunch because I know that was on your mind when you came in, although now it's pain and confusion about what is happening to Scott, and not even looking at me you run the other way in tears. About time you shed a few, Jeannie...about damn time.

I change out of my dress and since my plans for this evening were...well...side tracked I decide to go and work out. It is the one place I am at peace nowadays. Scott I know is the same way with doing his strategies or up in a plane flying, but I do it here. Where I can kill holograms without worrying about them bleeding on me and I don't have to worry about showing others my lack of conscience when they die and how much I enjoy showing that I'm better and more powerful than they are. I can't say much about this new body...the improvements gave me what I always wanted. I am like a bird of prey now instead of a lowly highly armored canary. I punch my fist through another hologram's abdomen and feel as the particles give me a good impression of what it would be like in real life. And it feels good. To kill...to show that I am better. It feels wonderful.

That damn feeling that something is wrong just won't leave me alone and I look up when the holograms are suddenly turned off. I look up to see Jean again and sigh, knowing what is coming. She spouts off some gibberish about what I'm doing to Scott and I just grab my towel, adapting admirably to the change in workout. She's trying to get a fix on my telepathic frequency and I just flit my mind around like a bird, dodging her mentally like I would another opponent physically. And I tell you what I'm thinking and about how I want Scott and how I'd like to see him laugh again, wondering if you even care that someone wants to see and feel those things with him. The accusations from you continue to fly and I get irritated. And then you grab my arm and I get pissed. You think that I'm telepathically MANIPULATING Scott, Jean? You are so bloody clueless, you little PRATT! My telepathic powers flare. I'm going to enjoy this I know, but it's also the only way I can think of to get you to understand.

I shove that telepathic knife deep into your brain and feel as your synapses just fry out one by one temporarily. And I show you everything, Jean. Everything. I show you the time me and Scott have spent together and how your fears of us having an affair were so stupid. I show you what I feel and what I felt that he could feel. I show you what you're letting go and what some other women, namely me, sees when I look at him. What you'd be letting go if you are dumb. And I show it all to you, Jean. Every last little bit and I shove it into you with all the anger that I feel and all of the hurt that I know Scott has felt and feel it rip through all of your telepathic defenses. And I don't care. You are going to learn one way or the other not to fuck with that man if I have to beat it into you the hard way. He deserves better, dammit, and you should either fight for him like a woman or back the hell out of the way for those of us who actually do care what happens to him and if he laughs or he cries. Maybe there is someone out there that would be willing to talk to him, Jean, and maybe just maybe that person isn't you.

You hit the floor and looking down at you I wonder what the repercussions of this will be. I would normally not lose my temper like that and for the first time I honestly wonder if there is something wrong with me or something. Or if it's just you and how you behave. And...I just don't care anymore. Wake up, Jean...no one can do that for you.