This is my first attempt at fanfic, it's late, I haven't been medicated today, and if I have my way I WILL have caffine before this is done (mwuahahahahahah!!!!) so I apologise in advance for spelling errors, grammar, the plot, etc. For continuity-freaks this story begins during Excalibur 108, and if you've read it then you should have no trouble figuring out where I am picking up. But after my starting point I have decided to say "THHHHPPPPBBBBTTTTTT!!!" to the rest of the Marvel continuity. It's my story so I can, so nanny-nanny-boo-boo!:) Also, I am introducing a new character or two. If anyone wants to use 'em (although I don't think anybody will) e-mail me, say pretty please, and I will probably give you the metaphorical keys :). Also, if you liked/hated/found this story mildly interesting or amusing, feel free to e-mail me at desselle@mindspring.com:) However, my ego is but a tiny, fragile bud just beginning to open, so please be nice, even if you find the story to be appalling. If even one person likes this story, I'll write the rest of it, otherwise it gets scrapped, so if you do like it, please tell me. DISCLAIMER: All characters that Marvel owns belong to Marvel. All characters that *I* own belong to me. I do not own Marvel's characters (at least not until I storm the Bullpen, take the personel hostage, and put them on my list of demands), and Marvel does not own my characters. Not only will anyone attempting to sue me get nothing in return (I have no money), but I will also feed them to my boyfriend's pet ferret. **indicate thought** <>> STRANGER IN A STRANGER LAND 1/? Carla stood in in Joker's Palace, scanning the new releases, searching for the newest Excalibur. "Chris, is it in yet?" she asked the blond man behind the counter. "Nah, but most of our Marvel shipments are late, you know that. I thought you were giving up on that title" Chris replied. "I was...but I'm too attached to the characters. Besides, maybe I just need to give Ben Raab a chance...."she trailed off. "This from the girl who was going to organise a revolution and go from con to con waving the poor guy's bloody head on a pike?" he inquired dryly. "And now, after inspiring more than *half* of the younger customers here to inscribe 'Death to Ben Raab the Evil One' on everything from the fence out back to one VERY disgruntled Algebra teacher, you decide that maybe you should 'give Ben Raab a chance'? I think either you're coming to your senses or quite possibly taking leave of them ... *You're* the one who pointed out the plot and character inconsistencies, and you were quite vocal about everything if I recall correctly..." "Now just a minute, Chris! You know that the 'Evil One' thing wasn't my fault...I never once told the kids to do that! Anyway, all I'm saying is that it can't be easy to come in after Warren Ellis" she said, her voice taking on a reverant tone as she spoke of Excalibur's former writer. " She glanced up, and seeing the 'Give me a break' look Chris was sending her, stuck out her chin. "I thought your job was to SELL comics, not talk people OUT of buying them..." she started, her eyes flashing. Chris merely grinned evilly. "No need to start throwing me such black looks, Carla, I'm merely trying to prevent you from starting a riot when you see 109, is all. You've had to have heard the stories by now, and from the sound of it the new haircuts alone will be enough to give you fits..." Chris was having a hard time trying to keep a straight face, but putting forth admirable effort. "Tell you what...promise not to start training the twelve year olds in guerilla warfare so they can help you take over the Bullpen after you read 109, and I promise to get some DV8 in so you can get your Warren Ellis fix." "Chris, your an angel!" the young brunette exclaimed. "And you bloody well know that you could get me to agree to just about anything by promising to feed my Ellis-addiction..." "Hmmmmmmmm...marry me and I'll get him down here in person!" he said teasingly. "You're *already* married you big silly!" Carla stated, rolling her eyes. "This is NOT Utah!" "Well, you can't blame a guy for trying..." After rounding up a few back issues of various titles and paying Chris, Carla started walking back to her house, fervently wishing she had taken her car. **No mom, I can walk. I need the exercise anyway. Geez, I am SUCH a dork...** And then there was a moment of intense pain and a flash of blue light...... In a different place... "So, what's on the menu for today?" the beautician asked. "Change" replied Kitty Pryde with a glint in her eye, as her friend Rhane Sinclair nervously glanced at the sissors. What might have happened next is unknown, because at that exact moment a brilliant flash of blue light and a loud thud heralded the apperance of one very unconscious girl. It is a well known fact that having strange people drop out the ceilling tends to have an unsettleing affect on the other people present... "Ummm....Molly, de ye have any idea as to why there is an unconscious girl on yuir floor???" Rhane asked hesitantly. "Kitty I DO think you can sit down, I dinnae think she can be much of a threat if she isn't even awake..." "Rhane, if unconscious girls were in the habit of fallin onto me floor, I'd lose customers. I have NO IDEA who that is, I thought maybe she was with you..." Molly said. At this point Carla woke up. Upon looking around she decided four things: A) She didn't know where she was. B) She must have hit her head pretty hard because C) She could swear that there was a werewolf looking at her funny, so D) She should probably be going now. Quickly. She attempted to stand up, prepared to bolt if necessary, when she got a good look at Molly. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! OMIGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S SHAMROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT KIND OF NIGHTMARE IS THIS!?!?!?!? I HEARD ABOUT WHAT YOU DID TO SHADOWCAT AND WOLFSBANE"S HAIR!!!!!!! KEEP THE SISSORS AWAY!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!" There was a moment of stunned silence. "SINCE you SEEM to know who I am, maybe you wouldn't mind telling us just who YOU are" Molly, aka Shamrock, demanded in a nasty tone of voice. *I* am Carla...this feels to real to be a dream...did Chris hire you three??? Is this some elaborate practical joke????What am I saying, of course it is..." Carla replied in a dazed tone of voice. "I don't know who you are, but let me assure you that this is no practical joke..." Kitty began seriously. "Um, excuse me, but did you just say something about our hair?" Rhane asked, once again looking nervously at the sissors. "I just told you, I'm Carla, and of course it's a joke, that's the only explaination. What, you expect me to believe that I am talking to fictional characters??? Yah, RIGHT.....EXCUSE ME, BUT WHY ARE YOUR LEGS STICKING THROUGH THE MIDDLE OF THAT CHAIR!?!?!? Oh, of course, silly me" said Carla, regaining her composure. " You must be a hologram or something, although I don't think that I'll ever figure out how Chris managed that..." She walked over to Kitty, reaching out to poke at her shoulder. A comical look crossed her face as she touched a *very solid* shoulder. "Oh, ummm....well....maybe you're not" she said just before fainting. "Prehaps we should, er, do something about her and reschedule our appointment for later" Kitty said to Molly. "Much later" mumbled Rahne, fingering her long red locks and thinking about the tone Carla had used when mentioning Shamrock's hairstyling in regards to herself and Kitty. As they left, carrying the now unconscious Carla, Shamrock watched them leave from a window. **Damn! I lose more customers that way...** Later, at Muir Island.... ".....and so then she just said 'Maybe you're not' and passes out!" Kitty exclaimed. "That's it? 'Maybe you're not'?! Nightcrawler, the team leader, asked. " Ach, I miss the good old days, when enigmatic people who fell out of the sky had something a little more dramatic to say than 'Maybe you're not' before they passed out..." "Oh, like 'They are coming!' or 'Beware!' or 'The traitor is among you, and he is a nasty toerag that is going to beat the crap out of you'?! It seems that whenever you lot get *dramatic* statements along those lines it always means a nasty fight and massive property damage. Personally, I'll take 'Maybe you're not' any bloody day of the week" stated Pete Wisdom. "You lot?" inquired Brian Braddock. "Well, superheroes in general" amended Pete. At this point, Moira MacTaggart walked into the room. "Wisdom, put that cigerette out, I can smell it from the hall..." "Lady Moira, do ye know anthing about the girl yet??" Rhane asked. "Well, she had a nasty bump to the head, but other than that she seems to be unhurt. She should be regaining consciousness fairly soon..." "So you left her in the med lab, then?"asked Peter Rasputin. Actually, Carla had woken up just as Moira was leaving the med lab and had very quietly followed her. At the moment she was crouched by the door listening, her eyes gone wide. She was , too put it mildly, stunned at the thought that she was *really* in the company of "fictional characters", and was trying to figure out all of the implications. The only person who noticed she was there was Pete, who was apparently keeping quiet for reasons of his own. "Well," Moira said "she isn't going anywhere. Besides, I have to go back to look at you Brian and Meggans test results, to make sure that they weren't damaged by the Dragons of the Crimson Dawn..." "Pardon?" said both Kitty and Rhane. "Och, I guess we forgot to mention it...a buch of wackos kidnapped Brian, but Meggan figured it out and gave them a good thrashing. Spiral showed up, and I dinnae think she was up to any good, but I had her in for some coffee..." Moira explained. "And then she BOLTED! Moira's "coffee" strikes again!!!" crowed Pete. "I'll have you know, Peter Wisdom, that my coffe is good, plain fare, that you'll nae be findin' elsewhere!" "Thank GOD!" Before the argument could begin in earnest, a sneeze was heard from the doorway. Instantly everyone (except Pete, and Moira, who was trying to come up with a fitting expletive to describe Pete) were on their feet. Carla heard a BAMF! behind her, and smelled brimstone, as a three fingered hand grabbed her from behind, spinning her around. She looked Nightcrawler straight in the eye. "Erm...hello..." **Oh, please don't let me faint again** To be Continued...(?) Well, that was the beginning. Next episode (if there is one) : Ever wondered what YOU would do if you were suddenly flung into the Marvel Universe??? Would you ask questions? Like: Hey Rouge, how come you don't just go to Forge and get him to make you some gizmo to help you control your powers, or just modify some current power inhibiting technology? Or, Why does Excalibur need to start training mutants when there is already Generation X? Why doesn't Generation X have more student's, anyway, considering the number of mutants out there? Why has Nightcrawler been shoving sweatsocks down the front of his uniform?? What's the deal with Amanda turning into a hosebeast and bugging out without even giving Kurt an explaination??? All of this, plus the Church of Ellis!:)