Fine print: all characters belong to Marvel, except Lady Sad Eye's who is mine. This is purely for entertainment. Bold lettering is Lady Sad Eye's thoughts. One chat is in italics. the other is in normal script. The rest you have to figure out for yourself. If I get enough positive feedback I'll write another one. And I am new at dialogue so be patient or flame. If you E-mail me please use the heading "BECAUSE". ...Because A story by kaz (CKAZmierc@aol.com) I am asking myself for the fifteenth time tonight: why am I doing this. This being sitting on my computer at 2:45 a.m. in a chatroom called "Lost Souls". Well, this is my night job. I am available from 11:00 p.m. to 4:00 am, every other night, to chat to people who want someone to talk to. I get paid eight bucks an hour to sit here in case someone wants to chat in complete animinity (whatever). (Ever wonder why those chat lines can promise someone to talk to? Now you know.) Well, not complete animinity (yeah, whatever) At a keystroke I have the person's name age and whereabouts available to me. So I can get help to someone if something is wrong. Sometimes it is a suicide attempt. Way too often... Everyone pays twelve bucks a month for the service. Everyone has to have their own name and password to talk in this part of cyberspace. They have to pay to play... And I play very well. I am good at my job. My employers take my job seriously. Seriously enough that we go through all the training suicide, rape prevention and 911 dispatchers go through. Just in case. Unfortunately, just in case happens to me a lot. What bollocks I spout. Besides it helps to pay the bills. Till my moral character and bar (as in state bar = lawyers) results come back in... or until I pen the great American novel. Yeah right. Work a day job for the bills. Put in ten hours a week as a law clerk for the experience. (Sorry kid. Your great but your final grades weren't good enough to pay you for your work until you can go before a judge in someone else's defense.) In the wee hours I am Lady Sad Eyes (LSE), keeper of the eternal secrets as long as the secret won't hurt anyone -- it pays the student loans. I often carry on six conversations at once -- my screen is divided into six rooms. Each room separate from the others. My rooms are all similarly named. Although I rename them every night. Tonight each one is named for an African American folk saying: "Tell me who you love and I'll tell you who you are." Everyone cleared out about five minutes ago. ‘Often seems to happen before something big goes down. Then again I am paranoid ... and bored. *Bring* Oops, on call. Room number 1 Room ONE Shady has entered. LSE: howdy Shady: hello... LSE: how are you this evening? LSE: ... LSE: @)---'----,--- Shady: I am tired..so tired. I just spent the day trying not to be hooked up with an old flame. LSE: an ex? Shady: Yeah. I just moved back to... my old home town and now everyone expects me to get back with my ex even though his interest lies elsewhere. And I just broke up with some else. No, it just feels that way. In truth I was dumped and I am mad as hell about it. LSE: want to talk about it... Shady: He just... just abandoned me. We were having trouble; I wanted to deal with it and he didn't. I can't blame him. I had looked at someone else. Kissed someone else. Someone who made me feel young again. I feel so old sometimes -- like I have never been young. LSE: have you ever really had a chance to be young? Shady: I am not that old :-P LSE: that is not what I mean... *Bring* Room TWO Smoker has entered. Smoker: So I tell you who I love and you tell me who I am? Frigging marvelous. LSE: It is a saying. However I will try... Smoker: Okay, so I love this bird. She's a bit of all right. Things are going smooth then wammo she comes home from a bit of away time and tells me she has feelings for someone younger... Like I make her feel old or something. Took all my nerve ta walk out before I said something nasty. LSE: bird? You mean a woman? Smoker: Girl is more likely. Bloody yanks... all of you... LSE: but you are willing to talk to another bloody yank? How old was she? And, perhaps more to the point... how old are you? *ding* Room ONE needs attention - one minute lapse. LSE: were you ever able to play like a kid? Shady: What difference would that make? Room TWO Smoker: What difference would that make? ----Ack -- I have put foot in mouth. Cut and paste time. Shit I am going to be in trouble. I am going to put my personal life out here. That is clearly against the rules... And I hope I don't get confused. With my luck they are talking about each other.---- Room ONE LSE: i'll lay it out for you. I've worked full time (except for one summer) since I was thirteen or fourteen. During that time I have always supported myself and maybe one or two others ... sometimes five. It took me forever to have a chance to play like a young kid. And it is my responsibility to do so -- no one else. Does this sound familiar? Have you ever been able to just let go? Room TWO LSE: i'll lay it out for you. I've worked full time (except for one summer) since I was thirteen or fourteen. During that time I have always supported myself and maybe one or two others ... sometimes five. It took me forever to have a chance to play like a young kid. And it is my responsibility to do so -- no one else's. Does this sound familiar? Was she ever able to let go? Room ONE Shady: Yeah, well I took on some pretty big responsibility at that age. Between school and other things there wasn't much time for anything else. Never been on a real date. At least not the kind where I actually get asked out. By the way... what did you do that one summer? LSE: at fourteen I spent a summer attending one of the top three ranked schools in the nation. Shady: Are you a genius? LSE: perhaps. But a lot of what genius is environment -- after about the age of six it gets harder to learn the fundamentals needed for academic genius. During that time most of my skills were in survival. And before you say 'I am sorry to hear that', don't be... I have been extremely lucky. I ended up pretty happy. Room TWO Smoker: So what you're saying is this had nothing to do with me? LSE: probably not. Well, mostly not you could have tried to talk it out... People do stupid things when they don't know they are at least partially responsible for their own emotional well being. There was a time when I was so alone, so despairing, so cold that I would have reached out to anyone just to feel the warmth of another body. It is a fairly human thing to do. Eh, Smoky, do you mind if I light up? Smoker: OI! Don't min' if I do. (Snicker) LSE: (searching for cigarettes) May take a minute... Smoker: Have one o' me Marlboro's. LSE: Nah, have that Dunhill pack here somewhere... Smoker: Dunhill? You ain't no bleeding yank are you? Room ONE Shady: I get your point. I have been pretty lucky too. I got 'adopted' into a 'family'. An extended group of friends. Or something like that. Sometimes I just don't know... We have always been there for each other. Even the ones who don't know each other too well... for the most part anyway. Good times as well as bad. I guess I wasn't there for him. Ack! I am tearing up. Give me a minute while I get a tissue? LSE: no problem. Shady: Is there a reason why your first sentence never has a capital letter in the front? You probably refer to yourself in the third person when discussing a serious topic. (Laugh) My friend Remy does that... LSE: lady, oops (giggle), I never do that. Just my sense of style. But back to the previous topic ... do you ever give yourself time to just goof off? Shady: ... I'll get back to you after I get that tissue. Room Two LSE: yes I am, yes I am. Thank gawd o' mighty yes I am. Smoker: With a Dunhill. Right. And I am the friggin' Queen of England. LSE: Nice to meet you your highness (sp?) Anyway off the subject. I once gave a beautiful expensive black leather skirt to a friend of mine. It was a size three and I am a size eight at the least. My friend asked my how I could give away such an exquisite garment. I told her, and I quote, "If I wanted to be restrained by black leather I would have bought bondage equipment by now." Smoker: (belly laugh) That was off the subject. LSE: made you laugh though? Smoker: Yeah... well, even I 'ave to 'ave me moments. So tell... who do I love? LSE: someone who never realized a person never stops being a child. A women who has taken on what she feels to be too much responsibility at a young age. Tell me ... at what age did you start taking on such responsibility? Smoker: Me? I am nearly twenty seven and it wasn't that long ago. Room ONE LSE: (<--would give Shady tissue) Anyway off the subject. I once gave a beautiful expensive black leather skirt to a friend of mine. It was a size three and I am a size eight at the least. My friend asked my how I could give away such an exquisite garment. I told her, and I quote, "If I wanted to be restrained by black leather I would have bought bondage equipment by now." Shady has logged off ---- Damn I was only trying to avoid ignoring her. Hope she is okay... Damn cut and paste.---- Room TWO Smoker: So... who am I? LSE: someone who is not sure how to build bridges across gaps in communication. Smoker: You are so blighten sure of yourself are you? LSE: think you can give her a break? Smoker: If I could rest my weary bones and get her number... LSE: you don't have it? Smoker: What are you some twit from the psychic hotline? LSE: you don't have it? Smoker: What are you some flipping recording? Yes. I have it. Got it from a friend of hers. Some 'extended family member' garbage. Like you can trust someone who isn't your own arse. LSE: so you have trust issues? Who doesn't? (Definitely not me. GIGGLE.) *Bring* Oops, call. Room number 1 Room ONE Shady has entered. Shady: Sorry. I got logged off. So was that a real story? LSE: the skirt? Heck and tarnation yes... But back to this fella... you 'had looked at someone else'.. why? Shady: I was going through some trouble. I was lonely, cold, desperate... I literally fell into blondie's arms... literally... LSE: I am some sort of psychic twit... Shady: Pardon? LSE: I was talking to someone earlier and I was describing the same situation. Shady: I see... LSE: problem is, you might not. What you did was human. But it also says you have some issues to work on. Like you need to be able to hold and comfort yourself. If this sounds like the case ... give me your city and state... I'll refer you to some free hotlines that can direct you to some help. Shady: ... Shady: ... Shady: Salem Center, upstate New York. But I don't know if it will help. I may already be a lost cause. LSE: there is no such thing, luv. Shady: Luv? You're not a British Subject? Are all You? LSE: parish the thought. I am a bloody yank I am I am. ---- I have the number right here. Just hold on Shady. I should be one of those 'psychic twits' after all. Nah... my friends would all call and hang up before the 'free time' given on all the commercials had lapsed.---- Shady: Good. Hate to call you a stupid English get. You might have been Scottish after all. (Giggles hysterically) LSE: hee hee... here you go [download of five phone numbers -- all National Institute of Mental Health approved]. *ding* Room TWO needs attention - one minute lapse. LSE: smoker? You there? Smoker: All right already. I got the bleeding number. Now what the hell am I supposed to do? LSE: why not give her a ring a ding ding... let her know that you left because you didn't want to hurt her ... (am I reading something in here?) That you care and that when you can talk like a rational human being you'll give her another call to set something up? That is what I would do... Smoker: Are you even male? LSE: lady sad eyes a male? Perish the thought. I am female I am I am. Smoker: Next thing I know you will be having me kiss 'er pet dragon. LSE: probably better then a pet iguana. ---- Dragon. Dragon? Where in the hell did that come from? Just... do not say anything... do not say anything... Remember that egg you thought was an ostrich and ended up being some sort of human eating monster you had to rip apart with your bare hands. The one that ended up putting you in the hospital for months. The one that made you lose your job in law enforcement because you only had one kidney left after it tried to ... Yeah that one. A dragon isn't so bad. Hope its housebroken though. Can't really swat the nose of a fire breather now can you?---- Smoker: Look -- me bleedin line will be disconnecting me for an anti-virus download -- thanks for the chat. 'Ee owe you a pint. Smoker has logged off. ----Good luck Smoker. Hopefully you never get so down you have to talk to me again. Sheesh, I am a sucker for a tear jerker ---- *ding* Room ONE needs attention - one minute lapse. LSE: you got it? Shady: Yes. You on here often? LSE: I am available from 11:00 p.m. to 4:00 am, every other night, to chat to people who want someone to chat with. But 'talk' to the professionals. Shady: I hear you. Or rather see what you wrote. :-} LSE: you are a good woman Shady. Shady: Don't I know it. Now if only he would see it. (Sigh)... CATCH YOU LATER -- Remy says I have a phone call. Shady has logged off. ---- I wonder. Nah ... couldn't be. So for the sixteenth time tonight... Why am I here? Well... I would say it is... Because.