Title: Afterglow 54/57

Author: T. Claybourne  (t.claybourne@yahoo.com)

Rating: Rated R most chapters for violence and Language, some are NC- 17 for sexual content

A/N I'd like to thank my Beta Reader Hawera And muses Michelle Branch, Robbie Williams and Evanescence

I'm moving through time,
Being human by design,
Life,
Unfulfilled but divine,
Never ending
How could I be so blind?,
What is this world doing to me?
Notwithstanding the lies
All the tears
I have cried
I've opened my eyes
I am alive
I am who
I want to be,
Walls are falling
I am alive
And this is my destiny
The king is calling
I am alive
Far from the maddening crowd
Playing mind games,
Way out loud,
Pictures of heroes,
Lined up one by one,
Embracing the future
I have begin
Passing strangers
Artificial life
Slowly falling
Look out for me
I am alive
Ultravox

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Afterglow Chapter 54 Bittersweet

Mia, Spike and Angel pushed through the front door as they came back to the Hyperion together.

Mia glanced at the two guys as the door opened. "We should have gotten sunscreen," she laughed. "I remember all too well how a sunburn felt, having been fair skinned my whole alive life which only ended less than six months ago, but you two will probably be all whiny tonight."

"You know, there was a time whiny wasn't even used as a word. Are you sure it's actually one now?" asked Angel, with a huge grin.

"It's in the dictionary now, big guy: means to grumble peevishly. I use it to describe Spike all the time."

"Bloody ha h…….". Spike stopped as they all stared at Xander and a dark haired woman holding a small baby in the lobby.

Mia couldn't stop her heart from racing. It took everything she had for her not to throw herself into his arms.

"Mia?" He had his glass eye in but as he stared at her his one eye moved as it searched hers.

Mia blinked and tried to hold back her tears. One escaped. She quickly wiped it away and smiled. Swallowing and taking a deep breath, she asked, "Is this your baby?"

Xander didn't move but watched as she walked to his wife's side and peered down at the little one. Mia looked at his wife and asked, "What is it….?"

"Her name is Emma," answered the woman.

Mia looked up at Xander and smiled. "It's a bit old fashioned… poor thing. Then of course, she'll get some idiot calling her Em all the time."

He smiled back at her, and watched as she threw a glance in Spike's direction.

Mia turned back to the woman. "I'm Mia. I'm so glad to meet you."

The woman smiled a genuinely warm smile. "I know…I have heard everything there is to know about you."

Mia faced Xander and lifted a brow. "Everything?"

"I'm a Watcher, Mia," said the woman.

Mia looked her in the eyes. "Well, that makes it easier for me to explain my reappearance. They never told me your name."

"It's Diana."

Mia walked a little closer and lowered her voice so the others couldn't hear. "I love him, probably always will, but I know he's happy and I wouldn't ever change that, so you have no worries…ever: you get that?"

Diana seem to relax and although her eyes hadn't really been hard they softened. "He needed to, I guess, say goodbye."

"Well then, that's what we'll do."

~ ~ ~

Mia didn't allow herself any "one on one" time with Xander, and that was easy because everyone was around. She needed a cigarette or a drink like mad. She mentioned it to Lorne casually.

There was talk, and laughter, and the retelling of stories. The white room escapades were recounted and laughed about as though they had happened long ago, even though for her and the other two it had only been a matter of hours. Giles and the others telephoned while Xander was there.

It started to get late and Xander and his family began to head home. Mia hugged the whole family and saw them to the door. As she was walking to her room Lorne grabbed her and handed her a pack of cigarettes, a book of matches and a bottle of vodka. Mia was so relieved that she hugged him and gave out a huge audible sigh. She didn't feel like filling her room with smoke so she took the bottle, the pack of cigarettes and matches to the back garden. She had only taken one drag when Xander walked through the door.

"Spike accidentally let it slip about you smoking that morning before he went to get you from Mot. I'm thinking you should stop now you are human again. You'll have to worry about all kinds of health issues now."

"Xander, where's Diana?" asked Mia, as she put out the cigarette.

"Motel, a little south of here. I told her that you had avoided talking to me in private, and we decided I should come back."

"I did it on purpose."

"I know."

"I don't want to now, so go back to your wife."

"I knew the minute I saw you how much I still love you, Mia."

"You probably always will love me. You probably will even wonder just a bit if we will ever be together again, but we won't. I used to feel like that with Spike sometimes. Now I will with you but…."

Xander grabbed her and kissed her. It was a deep, passion-filled kiss. She wanted him so badly, but she tried to play it down.

Xander pulled back. "So?"

"You felt comfortable familiarity right?"

"Well I was going to go with surprisingly warm and…"

"Xander, we can't go back: trust me, I know. Besides you have that beautiful wife and baby."

Mia could see in his eyes that he was questioning it all. So she'd have to help him know he had the right answers already. She'd have to hurt him, but really that way he'd be less confused and still happy in the end. Before she started he said:

"Hey, you lifted me from goofy side kick status."

Mia grinned at that. "You are so delusional. I was never the heroine. Please, if anything this miraculous rebirth is big Mary Sue column material."

He chuckled and gazed at her. "I have missed you so much. What are we going to do?"

Mia thought, now or never, girl.

She took a deep breath through her nose and swallowed, then exhaled. "You are going to go to be with your wife and raise that beautiful baby girl, and me, I'm going to see about stealing Spike's heart back from Buffy, even if it means starting out with giving him a good shag, as he likes to call it. I may even start the shag thing tonight."

Xander cocked his head to the side, his brows knit together. "What? What did you say?"

"I said that I'm going to try and get Spike back, any way I can. Don't get me wrong, honey. I wasn't planning this. I didn't think of it until after they told me you were married, but I love him and always have, so why not."

"You love Spike? You want him back and are planning to….?"

"I told you that I have always loved him. You know how we were together, all the fighting: didn't you ever suspect it might have just been sexual tension? This shouldn't be a big surprise. Now that I don't have to worry about you getting hurt I can follow through on some of my bottled-up feelings."

Xander looked shocked and hurt. "No, I guess it isn't. I guess I should go then."

Mia's chest hurt, seeing the expression on his face.

"Tell Diana we got to talk, and that everything is peachy now. Keep in touch."

"Right," replied Xander, sounding flat as he walked through the door.

Mia collapsed to the bench.

Spike walked out of the shadows. " Planning on stealing me back, are you, starting with a good shag?"

Mia was startled and jumped. "Shit, Spike!" She put her head back, looking up at the stars, and groaned. "Where did you come from?"

"Mia, you just went and broke your own heart for that boy."

Spike sat on the bench with her.

Mia looked at him. "You didn't buy the part about me stealing you back from Buffy?"

"No."

"Why? I could be serious."

"I know how you sodding feel about him."

"I could have changed."

"In six days?

She looked away. "I couldn't let him doubt his choices: they were the right ones. Besides, I'm only nineteen: I've got time. Spike, everything is such a mess. This is why I didn't want to come back. What are we going to do?"

"I don't know."

"So, what happened today with you and Buffy?"

"I don't sodding know."

"Do you know anything?"

Spike took two cigarettes from her pack, put them in his mouth, struck a match and lit them, then handed her one. He picked up the vodka bottle and cracked the cap.

"I bleeding know that we are both probably going to have to quit smoking: but not tonight. And I know that we no longer have a vampire's constitution so we won't even have to finish this bottle for both of us to feel comfortably numb.

They had each had several really good swallows of the vodka and finished the cigarettes when Spike asked with a smirk:

"If you need that shag and do decide to come after me, will you give me a heads up? Mind you, I might not be available; she only said she needed some time to sort things out."

Mia turned and straddled the bench. She threw back another gulp of the vodka and placed the bottle on the bench between them, tilting her head to the side a bit.

"Oh, if I need a shag someone will know about it. As to the other, well, it's not really my style, is it? I`m the kind that lets you go along thinking one way, then, bam, it's all over for you: you of all people should remember that. If I ever decide I want you back, you won't know until it's too late." Mia pushed herself up from the bench, then walked off through the door.

Spike looked at her as she went and he suddenly felt something he hadn't felt in over a hundred and thirty years: goose bumps.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Angel could hear her sobbing. The walls in the hotel weren't that thick and they had given him a room right next to Mia's. He knew and understood why she would be this upset, but he couldn't stand hearing it. He knocked on her door. He could hear her try and stop crying as she came to answer the door. She opened the door, her eyes and nose red. Oh yeah, they were definitely human again: the red nose gave it away. Tears seemed to leak from her eyes.

"Angel?"

"Mia, I don't need to be a vampire to hear you crying in here."

Mia sniffled, "I'm sorry I'm so loud. I could go get another room."

"No, that's not what I meant." He walked in and took her hand to sit her down on the bed. "Maybe if we talked, or something."

"There isn't much you can do about this, Angel."

"I remember when…"

"Please don't."

"OK."

They sat in silence for several minutes, tears leaking from her eyes.

"I didn't want to come back and it's worse now that I did. Xander is gone for me and now that we are human, I'll never outlive Buffy to have a time with Spike so….I know I'm only nineteen and I'm sure I'll find someone, someday, it's just…"

"Buffy and Spike aren't a sure thing: she didn't even touch him today. And if you think they are for sure, well then I have no hope, do I?" Mia looked at him. "Spike would be mad to hear me say this, and don't get me wrong, I want him happy too, but she's always loved you: there is hope in that. Angel, Xander used to hold my loose ends together but now they are fraying." Her voice cracked and tears started again. "I've got no one to hold them now: what will I do?"

"I've got my own loose ends, Mia. Maybe we could help each other."

He watched as the smallest of smiles came to her lips. "Are you sure? Did you hear me yell at Buffy today? I'm thinking that me, with your loose ends: that won't thrill her too much. And we want her to be the one to grab them, don't we?"

"What did you say? Did you say that we want her to want to grab them? What exactly does that mean? Are you saying you want Buffy and me…. "

Tears welled up again in Mia's eyes. "I don't know. I just….this sucks! I want both you and Spike to be happy but I know that you can't both have her. I just don't want to be responsible for the fact that you aren't."

"You know, Mia, if that's what Buffy based any decisions on she wouldn't be the woman I loved. The one you knew in England was just lost and looking for herself, just like you were and today: it was the shock of…"

"I know, but what she said was out of line. We already covered all this when you caught up with me."

Mia looked Angel in the eyes. "Just for the record, who do you think had more of a shock? The girl that got to see both her loves back from the dead, human and no longer vampires ? Or the one that didn't want to come back in the first place, but woke up to find out that not only was she back but she was human and her love," Mia's voice became stressed and then went quiet, "was married and had a baby?" The tears started again.

Angel gave her a small smile. "I'm not going to be sorry that you are back here and human, but I am sorry that it's ten years later and that Xander moved on during those ten years. I know you love him. Mia, maybe if you got a little sleep: you haven't had much since you were held captive for five days."

Angel pulled back the covers and motioned to her to climb in. Mia's tears were still flowing but she followed his lead and crawled under the covers. She looked up at him.

"Angel, could you? Never mind." She sniffled, her voice small and strained, still tearful.

"What?"

"I….I need…I'm embarrassed to ask….but …could you …..could you hold me for a little bit?" Her voice broke, and more tears came.

Angel looked at her and thought about the battle they had been in: how she had fought that god creature and hadn't really needed his help at all. But now she needed it. He wasn't normally this guy, the holding and comforting one, but he looked at her tear-stained face, nodded, and crawled in next to her. He spooned her as she continued to cry. Angel was glad that at least the sobbing had stopped. He lay there listening until her crying finally ceased, her breathing became regular and she fell asleep.

~ ~

Spike tapped lightly and opened her door. " Mia, you left your bottle downstairs. I definitely put more of it away but…." Stopping he stared at the sight. There lay Mia and Angel, cuddled together, sound asleep in Mia's bed.