Subject: [BA_Gutter] Dream Once More 39/41 Date: Sat, 08 May 2004 21:49:02 -0000 From: "Tracy" Authors Note: I have to thank my beta Alison O'Neil. Her professional skills and wonderful encouragemnt has kept this story a standard I am very proud of. With only 3 more chapters to go, the end in sight I thought every one should know that I give her a large piece of the pie credit for the story and how it has finally developed! Disclaimer: I only borrow the Fox and Mutant Enemy characters for my own fun and the readers, no finacial gain here at all. Rated: Up to NC-17 Teaser: Buffy comes to LA, Angel is different, and Spike is seeing someone else. __________________________________________________ Dream Once More 39 As Giles finished packing, he heard a knock at the door. Answering it, he saw a very serious Emma on the other side of the doorway. "Giles, you don't have to let me in. Remember we already discussed how Spike had Willow put up a vampire specific barrier spell on all the occupied rooms. We can talk at the door." "Don't be silly, come in." "I don't know why I'm telling you this, but for some reason I knew it had to be you." "Go on." "I am not coming to England. I may not stay in LA. Emma is dead, you know, and what is left of her is lost. No, don't make any objections because as a watcher, the most experienced watcher left, you know it is true. I have a soul, yes, but so did Charles Manson, and Ted Bundy. I'm not comparing myself to them, just trying to point out that evil is possible even with a soul. Trust me, killing innocents is the farthest thing from my mind. Angel, Harmony, and Drusilla are another story, but I won't give in to it because until I find out who I am, I can't use my slayer status to kill either. Please don't tell anyone I told you this. Especially Spike; I need to tell him myself. Besides, maybe I won't need to leave. Maybe I'll get it together and live a happy unlife with my undead lover. A girl can hope, right?" "Emma, whatever you decide, we will help you in any way we can. If you need money, a place to stay, we will arrange it. You, or whomever you decide you are, will always be welcome. Well, unless you do become a killer. Then you know what we will have to do." "Yeah, wouldn't expect you to let that slide." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, happy to note he didn't flinch at all. "Thanks, Giles," she said as she turned and left the room. The British invasion left and took all the teenagers and their hormones with them. Stephanie had hugged Spike so hard he thought she might have broken one of his ribs. Emma had cried as she told them goodbye. The girls, not knowing everything that had happened, kept saying they would see her soon. Emma seemed to drop into a depression then. The days passed and ran into weeks for the others in Los Angeles. Buffy was busy at school, but was at Wes's every night. He often came in after she had fallen asleep on the couch and would carry her to bed. Real life was back to what people like them could call normal. Emma had been quieter since beating Angel and even her lovemaking with Spike turned gentler again. Spike had conflicting feelings about that. Her depression following the departure of the younger slayers seemed short-lived. Spike saw it as sign things were going better for Emma. She would often share when she was struggling with a feeling and that encouraged Spike even more. Emma seemed to have a very negative fixation on Harmony for a while but that seemed to pass. Spike knew she was different, had expected it even, but sometimes she would say something or make a choice that would throw him a bit. Every now and then he caught himself missing his old Emma. On the Friday morning two months after her death and rising, Spike was shocked to get up from bed that evening to find a piece of paper stuck to the television with scotch tape. He was almost afraid to read it but did anyway. ~~~~~~~ Spike, Emma loved you so much, but she is dead now. Strange as it seems for me to refer to her in third person, it is easier that way. Your Emma, the one you loved, died that day in the warehouse. She gave up hope for one brief second, thinking she had lost you, and then Drusilla swept in and how did you used to say it? 'Had one good day.' The thing you have been living with and putting up with for the last two months was me, not her, and since I don't even know who I am I don't really have a name. I know Emma is gone and this lost and confused thing/ person that I am is in her body. I can't stay here pretending I'm not. I tried but it made it worse. I am telling you this in a letter because that soul, Emma's soul, doesn't want to see you hurt. Don't try to find me. Remember when Emma said to leave her alone and not look her up at work but really wanted you to? Well, that is truly not the case this time. If you find me, I will end up hurting you, so don't. No matter what happens, I will never be that person you loved and that loved you so very much. Goodbye and please, Drusilla is mine to kill, so don't go find her either. Me ~~~~~~~~~ Spike reread the letter four times. Then he crumpled it up and threw it across the room. The pain he felt was worse than any other he could remember. Emma had become immortal, and then she had left him. Looking back, he realized that he had known she was confused and for the first time in her life truly lost, but he thought they were working through it. He slouched back on the couch and stared at the piece of tape that still stuck to the television. After a while, his throat hurt because of the lump there, the tears came, and he let go of all the hurt and pain. Spike's tears finally stopped but he didn't move. * * * * * Wes had left his phone on vibrate. He woke as it made a buzzing sound, traveling across the nightstand. Answering it, he glanced to Buffy, who remained asleep. "Wesley here." "Hi, Wes. It's me." "Emma?" "If you want?" "What?...What is it?" "I know it is late, or rather very early, but would you come down to the parking lot? I need to talk to you." "Emma, what in the... Should I be wary?" "No," he heard her sigh. "I just want to talk. I already drank a filling amount of pig's blood." "I did not mean it that way, Emma. It's just been ages since we spoke privately." "Will you come down?" "Yes, I am on my way there now," he replied, slipping his pants and t- shirt on. Shoving his feet into a pair of loafers, he grabbed the apartment keys and hit the stairs. Emma sat on the hood of her car, the leather duster fanned out behind her. Wes approached and she raised her hand in greeting. "Sorry for the subterfuge, but it was A) so you didn't have to invite me in, and B) so Buffy wouldn't hear." "This is all very disturbing, Emma. I wish you would explain." "Right, get to the point, girl. Well, ok, I'm leaving." Wes tilted his head in confusion. "Leaving everything. L.A., slayerhood, even my name. I changed it to Eimi." "Ancient Greek for to be or rather to exist. I am not understanding." "Wes, I'm not Emma anymore. She knew who she was, what she was capable of, and where she wanted her life to go." "I knew you were having a difficult time adjusting, but just two days ago when I spoke with Spike he sounded encouraged." "I pretended, because he always looked so worried." Wes shook his head. "This will be devastating. How did he take this announcement of yours?" "Don't know, left him a note." Wesley's eyes widened. "After everything, a note?" "Everything was with Emma, not me." "I see. Why do I have the privilege of hearing this in person?" She looked away briefly. "You are like Emma was: thought it would all work, that your fighting evil puts you on the same level as them, that it is all fine. Spike knew Emma had weaknesses, even as a slayer. Buffy hasn't chosen to see yours yet, but she will. I see things differently now; hear it in voices and heartbeats, breathing. She isn't really yours, you know. Besides, Fred, she, well look at her Wes, you'll see." Emma leaned forward and then pulled him in an unexpected hug. Pulling the stake from Wes's front pocket, she laughed. "And here at first I just thought you were just happy to see me." Wes looked embarrassed. "Stop, you are a very clever man, Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, and I really can't blame you. Thank you for everything you did for Emma." Sliding over the hood of her car, she opened the driver's door. "Where are you going? Will I hear from you?" "Not likely on both. I can't afford you having a hint, not with the firm's resources. And Wes, Spike, he can't look for me. I really don't want to hurt him again. This is bad enough but if he ever found me I would end up hurting him again and I just can't do that again, not after what he's been through with Dru and then Buffy. He watched her drive away, her words lying heavy on his heart. As he crept back to bed, he took a moment to look down at Buffy. Was Emma right? Was it only a matter of time before it would end for them? Wes wanted to deny it but for some reason he couldn't. He and Buffy had come together when they had both needed someone, some comfort and familiarity. But he knew Spike had loved Emma; there was no denying that, and he'd been there. Why, then, did Emma feel that he was like her? He crawled into bed and pulled the small body of his slayer to him, seeking some comfort over the questions he was pondering. * * * * * Buffy looked at Wes across the breakfast table. "You look so tired." "I have been working very hard, Buffy. There have been a lot of research matters to attend to and I am short an apprentice." "Right. Emma, her notice and everything. I kind of forgot." He gave her a funny look. "You forgot Emma was changed into a vampire?" "No, Wes, just what a great and super intelligent help she was to you." Wes was unsure if he should tell her Emma's secret. He decided Buffy finding out on her own was the best thing. "Have you spoken with Emma of late?" "I called, but she told me that my being a slayer was throwing her off and to give her a little time. I talked with Spike about it and he agreed; I should give her some time." "You talked to Spike? You never mentioned that." "Wes, honey, you're so tired you're a grumpy pants. Maybe you should stay home today. I'd be willing to play hookie with you." "I don't think that is wise, Buffy. After the whole Angel episode you have barely been able to keep up in your classes." Buffy's eyebrows knit together. "You are right." She had told him that, but he had only told her he knew she was smarter than others believed and that she would catch up. "Well, could you maybe come home early, have dinner with me? It has been a while since we have done that." "I can try," he replied with a small smile. * * * * * Buffy phoned Spike on her way to school. She got his voice mail. She had tried to reach him for several days now. A little irritated at Wes pointing out she shouldn't miss classes, she decided to stop by the hotel. The doors were locked, but Emma had given her a key so she let herself in. The hotel was so quiet and empty-feeling now that the young slayers had left for England. Buffy walked up the stairs and knocked on Spike's door. "Sod off." "Spike? It's Buffy." He didn't respond, so she tried the door. It was unlocked and she walked in. The rooms reeked of booze and stale cigarettes. She saw his very unkempt form slouched on the sofa. The TV was on. "Sheesh, Spike, it stinks in here. Heard of opening a window? How can you and Emma stand it?" "If it stinks, leave then." He lit a cigarette. "How come you guys haven't returned any of my calls? Is something wrong?" Spike finally looked her direction; he looked confused. "Buffy?" Something in Buffy told her there was something wrong. "Spike, what is it?" The confusion he showed her was unnerving. "Spike?" Then, with no emotion in his voice, he answered, "Emma is dead." "What, what happened? How? She knew about the sun, and how could she have... Oh my god, did she go all evil and you have to..." "Drusilla killed her." "Dru was here? But Willow, she cast that spell. How did she get in here?" "Stop it, Slayer. You saw Dru kill her." "Spike, what are you talking about?" * * * * * Fred came into Wes's office. "Hey Wes, how busy are you?" "It's a relatively slow day, why?" "Want to go to lunch?" He smiled. "That sounds nice, but let's get out of here, go somewhere away from here." "Just my thoughts exactly." * * * * * Angel sat behind his desk, reading the letter he had just received. It was from Emma. She explained that she had left and that he needed to make sure no one came after her. The letter had a postmark from Portland, Oregon. He could easily get someone to find her, but he knew she would already have moved on by what she had said in the letter. Really, after everything, he didn't think her feelings were off base. Looking again at the envelope, he noted that the postmark was almost six days old. How long had she been gone, and why no violent visit from Spike? Why no mention of her departure from anyone else? Angel picked up the phone and called the hotel and then Spike's cell phone. He only got the voice mail. Something told Angel he needed to go over there. He owed Spike that much, didn't he? Storming out, ignoring Harmony's questions, he headed for the garage and then to the Hyperion. He had to break in; all the doors were locked. The still stuffiness of the hotel bothered him. He ran up the stairs to Spike and Emma's rooms. The door was open, not locked, and he walked in. Buffy stood there. She whipped around and saw Angel. "What's going on?" Angel asked, motioning to Spike. "I don't know. I have been trying to get a hold of these guys for a week and now Spike is all weird." "Emma left," Angel told her. Buffy looked confused. "What?" "She sent me a letter." "Left me a note," Spike added, drawing both their attention. He pointed to the TV. "Taped it there. " Buffy could see there was a piece of scotch tape still there. "I don't understand, Spike. You said she was fine." "Bloody hell, like I am known for being right." Angel looked around the room and spotted the crumpled paper. Picking it up, he showed it to Buffy. "Oh, Spike! I'm so sorry." "Yeah, well, that's the breaks, right?" "What? That doesn't sound like the Spike..." "You don't know him anymore, Slayer. Thought you knew that." "Spike, have you been sitting here drinking since then?" asked Angel. "What if I have? Try to sleep, can't. Try to eat, can't. It's all so useless now." * * * * * Wes looked across the table at Fred. Emma had said he should look at her. Her smile was so contagious, and he loved to hear about her work. They thought so much alike at times that it was scary. Fred stopped talking and looked at him. "What is it, Wes?" "Nothing, just thinking about how we haven't done this in so long." "Well, I guess Buffy keeps you busy." Her tone was a little snippy. "No, more like that place we work at." "Sorry, that sounded catty. It's just, this is hard to say, and I know I shouldn't, but I want to, I mean one time you were brave enough and so I should be too, I mean at least I should try. Wes I... I... Oh, hell. I know it's what you would call presumptuous, but I have been having these different feelings, and they are about you." * * * * * Angel walked over and turned off the TV, and then headed into the kitchen. "Buffy, let's get this place cleaned up; then we can decide what needs to be done with Spike." "Nothing needs done, and you two should just piss off." "Spike, we aren't leaving so you better just get used to it." Angel and Buffy worked at getting things cleaned up. Buffy changed the bed and opened the windows. Angel took three bags of garbage to the lobby. Buffy looked in the fridge. She saw blood there, but waited for Angel. "There is blood in the fridge; would it still be good?" Angel pulled it out and sniffed; then he poured it out. Next he got on his cell phone and called the office and arranged for some to be sent. "He stinks." "Yeah, I noticed," said Buffy "I told you two to piss off so go, or I'll make you." Spike stood, swaying from intoxication. Angel responded with a chuckle. "You can try." Spikes eyes narrowed, then flicked from Buffy to Angel. "You think 'cause you're my grandsire and she's a slayer I won't. I beat you before, Angel!" "Yeah, and you were not this drunk." Spike sat back down. "You lot are not touching me. The time for the threesome thing has passed." Buffy started to blush, then Angel saw her anger rise. "William, you get your skinny ass in that shower or I will knock you out and have Angel do it." "No" "I did not just hear you say no." "Yes, Slayer, you did. I am not here for your pity. Just leave; I don't want nothing to do with you two." Angel shook his head. He walked over pulled Spike to his feet. "Was a time you would have loved Buffy paying you this much attention," he whispered in the younger vamp's ear. Spike smirked at him. "Ha, says you!" Angel didn't take any time to respond; he threw a punch at Spike. The very drunk vampire immediately passed out. TBC