Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 8

Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks there is nothing left. S/D friendship, S/B eventually. Takes place after "As You Were" and is AU after that.

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Still don't own them.

Author's Note: Sorry for the oddness of this chapter. I needed an outlet and this is it. Zendska, this chapter is for you.

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Dawn let herself into the apartment around 8:30 pm and was surprised to find it dark inside. She knew she had told Spike when she'd be home, so where was he? She checked the whole place before she started to worry. On a whim, she went to the heavy curtains covering the window in the den and looked out into the courtyard.

Sure enough, there he was. She left the apartment and made her way to the fence that led into the gardens. She stopped for a moment, her hands wrapped around the peeling wrought iron, and just watched him. There was no light here except for the moon. The floodlight must have blown. She swallowed hard at the picture he made. If she were an artist, she would capture him like this.

He sat on the rim of the circular fountain, trailing his fingertips in the warm water. His coat was gone. His skin glowed a soft silver in the light and his hair appeared white. He looked the part of the tortured lover. A blond Heathcliff pining for his Catherine. She wished she knew his thoughts; knew what he thought of her and even her sister. She took a fortifying breath and pushed the creaky gate open.

He didn't look up. She walked quietly to the wicker chair a few feet away, and sat down. She didn't want to disturb him but she wanted him to know she was there if he wanted to talk. She could smell the alcohol on him. He must have gone to the bar when he left the mall. It was the first time she'd seen him drunk since she'd started living with him.

His low, softly accented voice drifted to her suddenly.

"She walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies, and all that's best of dark and light meet in her aspect and her eyes." Dawn's breath caught in her chest. She forgot that he used to be a poet. He had told her of his life before he was turned. He always presented such a tough guy front that it was easy to let it flow from one's memory. More than once she'd caught him with a book of poetry in hand.

"I'm sorry she hurt you, Spike." God, she was so tired of apologizing for her sister. He turned those intense eyes on her and she felt the heat crawling up into her face.

"I wasn't talking about Buffy." Okay, now she was wigged. Just how drunk was he?

"Oh." Wow, she was eloquent tonight. She looked away and wrung her hands nervously in her lap.

"You've been drinking." She stated it as if trying to remind him of who she was, or maybe wasn't in this case.

"Not nearly enough, pigeon. Not nearly enough." He turned back to gazing at the water. Dawn breathed a sigh of relief that his eyes were off her again. How Buffy could resist those eyes she'd never know.

"What's wrong, Spike? I thought you were over the binge drinking because of her?" He laughed harshly and slapped at the water, causing it to splash all over the sidewalk.

"Yeah, well there's always something to get smashed over, luv. Pick a reason." Oh brother. She was used to 'pity me Buffy' but 'pity me Spike' was a whole new animal.

He never let her see him like this; his defenses down and his emotions laid bare. He was beautiful like this. But she didn't know him like this. She sighed heavily and stood to leave. She didn't know how to help him like this. Spike reached out a hand to her and, with a little hesitance, she finally took it. It was cool as usual and covered in tiny droplets of water. He pulled her until she was standing between his parted thighs.

Gulp, was the only thing going through her head. He was holding both of her hands now and studying her face. She couldn't look away, not even if she had wanted to, which she did very much. She was only fifteen, for crying out loud. She couldn't be expected to handle intense moments like this with finesse.

"Spike, what are you doing?" She wished she could have stopped the tremor in her voice.

"Just lookin', pet," he whispered softly.

"And what do you see?" What? Where had that come from? Was she insane? That was a can of worms she did not want to open. She could see his devilish grin in the silver light.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when he raised one hand and laid it palm flat against her cheek. She knew her face was red and blessed the darkness.

"I see... a beautiful girl who will be an even more beautiful woman. I see someone who looks past others' faults to see what they could be, not what they are. I see someone who knows me better than I know myself sometimes. I see someone who tries so hard to take my pain away." He ran the pad of his thumb over her full bottom lip, and she shivered.

"I see a girl who loves with her whole heart whether that person deserves it or not." She was caught in the web he was spinning. She was staring at him, her mouth slightly open because breathing had suddenly become difficult. He thought she was beautiful? She couldn't see the blue in his gaze anymore. They were black as coal now. And then she realized he was going to kiss her. Oh, boy. Second kiss, another vampire.

He raised his other hand to gently cup her face, and pulled her down to him. She could smell the sweet smell of alcohol on his breath and wondered if he'd remember doing this tomorrow. His cool mouth covered hers and she had to bite back a moan. Wow. Definitely never felt anything like this before. Her whole body felt like it was melting and combusting at the same time.

Her hands came up to grip his bare arms as he assaulted her senses. He pulled back slightly and chuckled at the dazed look on her face. God, she was so sweet. Her mouth tasted like strawberries. Just a little more. He leaned towards her again and urged her mouth open with his tongue. The kiss that had started out innocent suddenly turned into something else all together. Spike's hands slipped up into Dawn's thick, dark hair as he slanted his mouth over hers and deepened the already riotous kiss. Again and again he tasted her until he thought he'd die from the bliss of it.

Suddenly, as if someone had punched him in the gut, he realized what he was doing and with whom. He dragged his mouth from hers, panting. Her lips were swollen and she was clutching his arms in a vicelike grip.

"God, baby, I'm..."

"Don't you dare say you're sorry or you're gonna find your ass in the fountain," she warned. Spike laughed out loud. He dropped his hands from her hair to her hips.

"Bit, give me a few more years of your sister rejecting me and I'll say to hell with Buffy and come after you."

"Promise?" she asked saucily.

"Promise." She hugged him tightly around the neck and turned to head back up to the apartment.

Spike watched her walk away and waited until she'd disappeared around the corner before turning and dunking his head into the fountain. His body was rigid and he felt like he was burning up from the inside out.

"This is Dawn, you git. Get a hold of yourself." He shook the water droplets from his hair and forced his libido under control. He had to forget this had ever happened. He had to not look at her and remember the feel of her skin under his hands or the brush of lip-gloss covered lips against his own. His name was shit if Buffy ever found out. He had to get this shrink out here now and get Dawn back in Buffy's house and out of constant proximity to him.

Running shaking hands through his soaking hair, Spike adjusted his mussed clothing and headed up the steps after the girl who had just turned his world completely upside down.

God, his unlife got more complicated with every passing decade.
 

TBC (All S/B shippers have no fear, and you S/D shippers shouldn't fear either. Is that vague enough for you?)