It had become a habit, Sam realized
several nights later.
After supper, after homework, he and Doug and Rahne
would sit up late watching
television. She wouldn't go upstairs until
after she knew for
a fact that Dani was in bed. And then,
she'd be the first one
to wake up in the morning. He'd even found
her sleeping on the
couch in the middle of the night more than once.
It had been more than
a week, and the three women still weren't
talking. It seemedlike
it fell to him as 'peace chief' to try to
help the threesort
out matters.
Knowing Rahne still refused to talk about
whatever was bothering
her, he waited until she had gone for a run before
approaching Dani, whohe
knew would be more rational and willing to work out a
solution. But
this time, she flatly refused to talk about whatever
the three of themwere
fighting about. "It's
personal," was all thatshe
would offer.
"It's affecting the
team," Sam tried to point
out. "If you three were talking, then we
would have won the danger
room exercise today." Instead, just about
everybody's muscles
were sore from the pounding the program gave them.
"Four of us... she's also
upset at Berto."
Dani pointed out. "And if she wants to
keep a grudge that endangers
the team, I think she should." For the
past couple of nights,
Dani had stayed up late, trying to talk to her friend
but Rahne either managed
to avoid her or didn't want to talk.
"Or if she feels she'll
be more comfortable on Muir Island, she should go
there..." Frankly,
if it didn't hurt so much, Dani would be past
the point of caring.
Right now, however, Dani was just tired of reaching
out to her friend.
"You'd rather her go away
than deal with whatever?"
he asked stunned.
"No, I want her to want to deal
with it or leave..."
It was a semantic difference but a valid one.
Either Rahne would have
to learn to tolerate that two of the New Mutants were
bisexual and sleeping
together or she would have to leave, for the good of
the team. Right
now, Sam was right. Her difficulty adjusting to
what she had discovered
had caused the New Mutants to lose a simulated fight
and, as war chief, Dani
wasn't willing to allow her team to lose because
one member didn't
know how to relate to two others.
The few times that Rahne had spoken to
Dani it had been to
quote Bible verses at her, mindlessly parroting the
hate that Reverend Craig
had instilled in her. Dani wasn't going to
stop being who she
was because of a few words written by men who had long
since turned to dust,
and Amara had started to feel that maybe her people
had had the right idea
by feeding Christians to the lions. It would
hurt Dani on a level she
didn't want to think about if Rahne left,
however, it might be thebest
thing for the team as a whole.
"She's your friend," he
pointed out.
Growing up on the ranch, Dani
hadn't had many friends.
The few hired hands her parents could afford were
single men. And while
she had some friends at school, they only met at
school and the grocery store,
living on other ranches themselves. She'd
also spent severalyears
living with her grandfather, with very little social
interaction. "Or
was, depending on what she wants..." In
the distance,she heard
the phone ring.
"Come on..." Sam said, trying
to work out a compromise.
"What could be so bad that you two just stopped
being friends?"
"That's private," she
said, trying to keep
her business her business. And if Rahne took it
badly, what would a
stereotypical country boy think if he knew that she
swung both ways?
From the doorway, Berto's
eyes went back andforth
like an observer at a tennis match as he watched Dani
and Sam tryingto talk.
>From the tense set of Dani's jaw, he knew that the
other manwould never get
the truth out of her. And from the determined
stanceSam was using,
he wouldn't go anywhere until he knew the truth.
Finally,Berto found
his tongue. "Are you ready for that ride you
promised me?"he asked
Dani, using the first plausible excuse that came to
mind.
She shot him a wry smile,
catching the accidental
double entendre before latching onto his offer.
"We do need to exercise
the horses," she agreed as she stood up. "Let me
go get my boots on
and we'll go for a ride." She quickly exited the
room, grateful for
his intervention.
Sam made a motion to follow
her, not ready to
give up the fight. Berto grabbed his arm and
looked him in the eye,
"Stay."
"Rahne's upset about
something," Sam said ashe
jerked his arm away from his friend. "And it's
making her miserable."
Berto rolled his
eyes. "Rahne has a lot
of growing up to do," he said contemptuously.
"And she doesn't need
you rushing in to fix everything for her."
"She's also not talking to
Dani, Amara or you,"
Sam pointed out as he took a quick step to the
left. Berto casually
moved in the same direction. "That's trouble for
all of us."
"And if you haven't
noticed, she's got Doug to
take up for her. She doesn't need you running
interference." Something
in Sam's face told the younger man that he hadn't seen
the relationshipbetween
Doug and Rahne building. He added a little
gentler, "Somethings
you have to let people work out on their own.
I'm afraidthis
is one of them."
"I'm a big brother.
It's what I do," the
blond man objected.
"Yeah right...." Berto
muttered as he rolledhis
eyes, knowing that Sam wasn't the type to give
up until and unlesshe
had worked out a compromise between the three
women. And until thefour
of them knew what they wanted to happen, and if Rahne
could deal withbeing
on a team with two women who liked women, and if Dani
and Amara wantedothers
to know, there was no chance for a real
compromise.
He paused, and quickly figured out how to make Sam
leave the room and give
him and Dani a chance to talk about what they wanted
to do. "And you
wonder how you encourage Rahne's crush on you...
I'd even bet
deep down, she doesn't have your permission to move
onto Doug, does she?
Not when you can stand up for her. Rahne latches onto
men who can make things
right for her."
Most people thought of Berto as an
arrogant and rash boy, barely
capable of breathing on his own. What they
forgot was that he grewup
learning to defend his status in society by reading a
person's motivesand
figuring out how to turn it against them. It was
too easy to dothat
to his best friend, who wasn't used to people
manipulating him.
Holding his tongue, he read Sam's face and knew he had
inflicted enough damage
that he wouldn't be following Dani and him out
riding. Yet, he sawthe
hurt in Sam's face, and realized he had hit
below the belt there.
"I'm sorry..." he started,
"There had be a better
way to say that."
"Yes." Sam snapped, and
then paused.
"You really think muh takin' up for Rahne
encourages her crush
on me?" The country boy had felt a real
need to be a big brother
to somebody when he first joined the New Mutants, and
Rahne had best fitthe
roll. However, complicating the situation was
the fact that Rahnealso
fit the mold of what Sam had been raised to look for
in a future spouse.
He stood up for her and defended her, not really sure
sometimes the reasons
that he did it.
Berto nodded, "I do."
Lowering his voice,
he added, "Rahne's been emotionally
damaged by her foster
father.... It's going to take some time for
her to learn how to
really relate to others. And I think this whole
situation is one of
those times."
"You know what--stupid
question," Sam said,
"Dani pretty much said that you were
involved."
"I was," Berto
acknowledged. "That's
why I'm saying back off... let me and Dani
and Amara handle things,
okay?"
Sam reluctantly nodded. "If
that's what ya
think is best..."
"It is." And then, he
smiled slightly. "Anyway,
what I came down to tell you was that Lila
called. She left a number
where you can reach her." He pressed the slip of
paper into Sam's hand
as he saw Dani slip out the back.
He had to run to catch up with her as she
strolled brisklyacross
the field. The third time he called out to her,
she turned around.
"Thank you," she hissed when he was standing next to
her. Berto shrugged.
"I never asked..." she continued, "Why do
you...." Words failed her
as she got the tack out.
"Not care?" He filled in as he led
a horse to the front
of the barn. Dani nodded as she threw the saddle
over the horse.
"I get to join in sometimes," he pointed out.
Dani picked up a strand of hay and threw
it at him, laughing
slightly. "Truth?" he asked as he exhaled,
knowing he had succeeded
in making her feel better. "I just... after
Juliana, I think if you
can find love, you should treasure it."
His face grew soft as
he remembered his first love.
Dani had saddled the two horses in her
hurry to get away from
the mansion. "I wish Rahne would..." she
frowned. "I never meant
for her to find out. Even if I was keeping a
secret from her, she was
still my friend, you know?"
"To be fair, she did find out about it
the worse possible way,"
Berto pointed out. "I can understand...."
Dani nodded. "I know how she was
brought up. Ireally..."
she frowned as she mentally finished her
sentence. "I canunderstand
why she's freaking... I wish I
couldn't but Ican..."
she said as she shook her head. Reaching into
her frontpocket, she
pulled out one of her contraband cigarettes from the
shirt. She smiled
as she looked at the flannel top. "It doesn't
help mattersthat I look
and act like a stereotypical butch, does it?"
He laid a supportive hand on her
arm. "What will youdo
if she doesn't come around?" he asked gently.
"She may neverbe
able to accept that you're bisexual."
She frowned as she rolled the cigarette
around in her hands.
"I really... really don't know. My parents don't
know I'm a mutant,
much less that I'm ... me." She slipped it back
in her pocket, deciding
not to waste her cigarette at that moment.
"Maybe," she continued with
a hint of humor, "I can come out of the closet all at
once. Two for
one and all that."
Berto laughed at the joke. "You
could always just tell
the people here."
All semblance of good humor left Dani's
face as she shook her
head. "Not as long as Xavier's around, no."
"What did he do to you?" Berto asked as
he mounted his horse.
"You've always been so down on him."
She followed his lead and climbed on her
horse. "Notalways...
just after he_" she sighed and decided to finish her
sentence. "I feel
like he mind-raped me, okay?"
"What!" Berto exhaled. "What
do you mean mind-raped?
And why is he still here?"
"Back during the Micronauts a couple of
months ago, his dark
side.... It-" Dani sighed and forced herself to go
on. "It used myorgasms
to control me, okay? I didn't want it to happen
but it did,"she spat
out, then continued. "All he said when he was in
control wasthat it
was his dark side, that normally he wouldn't do things
like that."
"Rubbish!" Berto answered
succinctly. "That was
wrong. Why didn't you tell anybody?"
She shrugged and gathered her
reins. "Who would believe
me?" she asked bitterly. "And what would happen
if someone did?"
"I believe you." His honest answer
touched her.
Evidently, there was much more to the man standing
before her than what she
had previously given him credit for. She smiled
at him, surprised to
discover how much she trusted him.
"Maybe," she said as she toyed with the
reigns, "I don't want...
If I told, what would happen to us? To the
X-Men?"
"I don't know..." he answered her
question. "The NewMutants
would ... Amara and I would end up at the Hellfire
Club place...you would
go back home... Rahne would go to Muir.
Sam would goback to the
mines..." He paused as tried to picture the X-Men's
reactions. "Peter
would take Illyana somewhere safe, Logan would make
sure Kitty wassafe....
but besides that I don't know."
"I believe in what the X-Men are trying
to do," Dani whispered,
trying to figure out for the umpteenth million time
how much of what shebelieved
in was implanted by Xavier and how much was the
truth. "And it
would tear them apart... then who would stand up
for mutantrights?"
She shook her head. "And I don't want to go
home. If I did, who
would make sure that Xavier never does this
again?"
"David Haller." Berto pointed
out. "He's takenadvantage
of the trust that people have put in him
before..." It wasimpossible
to keep a secret with the X-Men.
"That's not a big deal," Dani said as she
shook her head.
"If it was, wouldn't Moira have pulled Rahne out of
the school, made some
attempt to protect her if she thought he'd do
something like that again?"
"He has." Berto stubbornly pointed
out.
"It's not the same thing," she said as
her horse started to
prance. "I mean, I know what my head tells me,
but my heart..." she
sighed. "All I know is what I don't know, you
know?" she whisperedand
smiled slightly. "I never meant for Rahne to
find out about me...I
don't want Sam or Xavier or anybody else to know until
I'm ready to tellthem..."
Berto nodded. "Sounds like a
problem," he agreed.
"There is one thing I want to know though... you've
always been very," he
frowned, knowing that the word he used could set off
the other woman.
"Affectionate towards on Rahne."
Dani nodded. "She's like the little
sister I never had,"
she explained, using the reason she gave herself most
of the time. "
I don't want to hurt her... but I think I've lost
her. Andthat hurts."
"Maybe she'll come around."
"Maybe."
Berto waited for a second, and then
added, "I'm going to tell
Sam that Rahne walked in on the three of us."
"And he won't ask questions?" Dani
asked, alarmed.
"He's a man." Berto snorted.
"I slept with twowomen.
He's going to be thinking that I'm a lucky devil, not
that thetwo of you
are lovers." He smiled confidently. "Once
he knowsa little of
the truth, he won't be pressing you for answers."
"And what will he say to Rahne?"
Dani said as she started
to mentally play with the possibilities. "I
mean, when Amara suggested
it, it seemed like a good idea at the time... but I
didn't think anyone would
find out, and it was fun... Stupid to use my
room, though. Ican't
believe I didn't think about that. And if
Rahne evenmentions
the location, Sam will freak... "
"Unless Rahne says anything to him, he
won't say anything to
her." The country man was very tightlipped
about sex, believing in
the principle that a gentleman never talked. For
months now, Bertohad
been trying to figure out if Sam and Lila had finally
slept together.
And if he could keep something like that from his best
friend, then he wouldn't
try to dig more details from Rahne.
They rode off, never having seeing the
russet wolf hidden in
the barn. Rahne shifted back to her human form
and sat back on thepile
of hay. She had never meant to start
eavesdropping, but when shestarted,
it was nearly impossible to stop. On one hand,
it was niceto hear from
Dani that she wasn't interested in Rahne in that
way...however,
it gave her a lot to think about.
It was odd for the young woman to
realize, but her attitude
was hurting her friend. And it felt odder for
her to realize that Dani,
despite who she was sleeping with, was still her
friend. But she literally
didn't know how to cope with discovering this
side of her friend.
Sure, they came from two different worlds, two
different belief systems,and
were fundamentally two different people, but they had
managed to findcommon
ground. This however? Having sex with
people of the samegender
got Sodom and Gomorrah destroyed. The Bible had
several versesabout
homosexuality being wrong.
She didn't want to lose Dani as a
friend, not deep down.
She just didn't know how to relate to her
anymore. More thanthat,
she didn't know if she could be her friend and
be a Christianat the
same time.
**
Five minutes into the evening service at
the community church
in Salem Center, and Sam was ready to scream, wiggle
or do anything he had
to keep awake. The special speaker was so boring
that he had to start
pinching himself after ten minutes. About
fifteen minutes later, Rahne's
elbow came into firm contact with his ribs.
"Ye snore,"
she explained as Sam jumped.
"Do not," he automatically
whispered back.
When the woman next to Rahne nodded, he blushed.
"Must be the
way Ah'm sleeping," he tried to defend
himself.
"Or the fact ye're
asleep," Rahne shot back.
Sam shrugged and tried to focus his
attention on the preacher
in front of him. It was harder to do than
expected, mostly becausethe
soft, dreary tone of voice the man was using to talk
about sin. Whoever
this man was, he was more of a fundamentalist than the
people thatSam had
grown up with. By the time the minister had
finished his attackon rock
and roll, Sam was torn between wanting to see the man
blushinglyattack the
sinful desires of youth, or whatever phrase he had for
lust, andthe desire
to jump head first out of the stained glass
window.
He looked over at Rahne's pinched,
drawn face and realized
that this man's sermon must seem a lot like the
thousands she had heard
from Reverend Craig. "You want to slip
out?" he whispered.
Rahne smiled slightly and agreed.
"A really want
tae make a MickeyD run," she whispered back.
Sam sighed,
knowing that the fast food chain was selling
Disneyland figurines, but nodded.
It would be nice to spend some downtime with the
younger woman, especially
considering how tense she had been in the past couple
of days. Then
again, he had to imagine that seeing three of his
teammates having sex in
his room would be enough to upset him.
He casually slipped out of the pew and
made his way back down
the aisle to the bathrooms. A few minutes after
that, Rahne joinedhim,
smiling. "He was..." she sighed
as she triedto explain.
"Bad?" Sam asked,
trying his best not torun
as they made their way to the car.
"Talking about homosexuals,"
Rahne whispered softly.
"He says that every homosexual is doomed to
hell, that it's the
worst sin that a person can
commit...." She nodded as Sam
opened the car door for her.
Sam quickly ran to his side, afraid of
being spotted by one
of the deacons or the youth minister.
"There is no sin that is
worse than any other one, except denying the Holy
Spirit," he saidas
he started the car.
"There isn't?"
Rahne asked, amazedat
the concept.
"Think about it," he said as
he made a left turn
out of the parking lot. "If we believe
that Christ died for our
sins, then he died for homosexuals too... and if
my sin of lying caused
Him to die on the cross, and I believe that He would
have died for no one
but me, which I do, then what somebody else does
doesn't matter does
it? Christ died for me and everybody else who
wants to accept him."
"Ye have strong feeling about that
don't ye?"
she asked softly.
"Sure..." Sam said as he
sighed. "Our
preacher back home... he had lived a life before
coming to the Lord."
"Don't we all?"
she asked, surprised.
"Not everybody's life
includes murdering somebody
while high on drugs," he explained.
"He went to jail, he
paid the legal price. And he accepted
Christ... and if God can
forgive him, just like Ah believe God has forgiven me,
then how can Ah judge
him?"
On her good days, deep down, Rahne could
admit to herself that
she was somewhat... intolerant when things
weren't what she thought
they should be. She had been afraid of Kurt for
months, seeing only
the demon face on the outside and the church he went
to, and didn't
allow herself to see the heart that loved Jesus.
And that judgementalism
hurt people deeply. And it was a sin.
"Ye still sin?"
she asked Sam.
He was grateful for the darkness as he
felt the hot tinge of
embarrassment spread across his face. Rahne had
no idea how far hehad
gone with Lila. And while he hadn't had
intercourse, whatthey
were doing was definitely not done in a spirit of
purity. "Yes,"
he admitted.
Rahne nodded, and tried to figure out
what to say next.
"What... what do ye think of homosexuals...
or bisexuals?"
she asked carefully, hoping Sam didn't make too
much of her tagging
on the last bit.
He shrugged, grateful for the change in
topic. "Ah've
never met ... one of them," he said
confidently. "But
Ah reckon they are no more sinning than
someone..." he paused, surprised
by what he was thinking. "No more sinning
than a man sleeping
with a woman without being married."
Frowning, he wondered if
they would still be seen as quite as scandalous if it
was possible for gays
to get married.
She frowned as she thought about
that. "It's
jist... sae hard tae think about aboot... sae
unnaturally too."
She thought about Doug and wondered if Dani felt the
same way about Amara
or Berto.
"Maybe," he offered.
"The one thing
Ah've discovered since leaving' Kentucky
is that the world isn't
as simple as Ah thought it was. I mean, dreaming
about aliens and vampires
and ghosts are one thing... but admitting they exist,
that's another."
Rahne pressed her fist to her chin and
thought about what he
said.