Disclaimer: These characters in no way belong to me. They are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Productions, and Twentieth Century Fox. The story, however, is totally my own creation. This is the first book in my Kindred Series. I hope you enjoy it.

Author's Note: Crossover with AtS. Canon through the end of Buffy, Season Six. Canon for Angel through Season Three. Many relationships will be discussed or alluded to here, but the focus will be on Spike-centric relationships. This picks up several months after Grave and goes AU after that. It focuses heavily on the evolving nature of relationships – family, friendships, and romance. All character thoughts are indicated in italics. Any journal entries for any character will have a specific font assigned. Humor, Angst, Drama and whatever else strikes me as we go. Rated strong R for violence, sexual situations, adult themes. ENJOY!

Kindred Series


Kindred: (noun) A group of related persons, such as a family, clan, or tribe.
(adj.) Having a similar or related origin or nature.


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BOOK ONE

JOURNALS & JOURNEYS

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Chapter Thirteen
Now I See Clearly


'Stop usin' all that hair gel and your forehead won't stick out so much.' Buffy snorted out loud while reading that line even as a lone tear coursed down her cheek and landed on the open page of Spike's journal. Silently she shut the journal and laid it reverently to the side. Closing her eyes, she leaned wearily on the bed behind her. She had been holed up in the mansion for three days reading Spike's journal. She had left twice to patrol when the need to work off her frustrated restless energy struck. Other than that, she had not stirred from this spot even to eat, as evidenced by the untouched sandwiches Angel had brought.

Normally Buffy had a healthy enough appetite, but that had totally diminished in the past two weeks since Spike and Dawn's disappearance and the subsequent shocking revelations. For the first week or so afterward Buffy had avoided all of them. She had patrolled unceasingly, coming home only to shower, change or sleep when the others were away. She had no desire to "talk about her feelings" with any of them. Why don't my friends understand after all this time? There were only two choices in this case for me – shut down or break down. I couldn't afford to fall apart again. I did that back when Glory took Dawn and look what happened. They may not understand Action Buffy, but she gets the job done. Emotional Buffy on the other hand is pretty much useless in these types of situations. Spike would have understood that. Why can't they? So she had simply kept away from them. They so didn't get it and she didn't have the words to make them see that she was coping in her own way. At least she thought she was until Angel had caught up with her on patrol a few days ago.

She was prepared to hear Angel lecture her. She was prepared to hear all about how she was ignoring her friends who only wanted to help. She was prepared to hear him tell her about Willow. And she was even prepared to fight Angel. She was actually looking forward to the opportunity to kick his ass for leaving her out of the loop again. But he robbed her of that chance by being totally non-confrontational, an unusual occurrence at best. Angel had approached her while she was fighting a fledge, but he hadn't tried to interrupt her fight. He had simply waited by a tombstone out of the way until she was done. Then he had walked up to her and handed her a key, which had taken her totally by surprise. What the hell? Angel had started to walk away while she was still staring nonplussed at the key, but then he'd stopped and quietly told her that it was the key to the mansion where Spike had been staying and he thought she might like to check it out. She probably would have told him off for daring to think for her again, but she'd been so absorbed in staring at the key that literally might hold some answers for her that she'd not even noticed when he'd disappeared. Buffy wasn't sure how long she stood there before reality came back into focus for her, but eventually she'd started walking and ended up at the mansion. Not a place that held good memories for her, Buffy had taken a deep breath before walking inside and looking around. A quick search had turned up which room was Spike's and it had taken her only moments to spot the journal. It took less time than that to decide to read it.

So here she sat three days later trying to process all that she'd read. Spike's words had taken her on an emotional roller coaster that she was not prepared for at all. She had laughed and cried and gotten angry (both at him and on his behalf). He had covered so much and there was so much history that she hadn't known before. A noticeable gap in the book was the time last year when they had been together. It looked like those pages had been torn out, and on the next page there was a cryptic note that had really thrown her. Reading Spike's innermost thoughts was actually kind of scary. He felt things so deeply and with a passion that frightened her for its intensity. How could he live like that and not go crazy? She could barely function when she allowed herself to explore emotions on anything more than a surface level. It was too overwhelming. And that's really how she felt right now – kind of overwhelmed.

Buffy wasn't very good with feelings and emotions – everyone knew that. And that was just her own – trying to consider someone else's feelings was more than difficult for her...it was totally draining. Which is why she fell fast asleep after only a few minutes of reflection. Angel found her still leaning against the wall hours later. She looked uncomfortable, so he moved her to the bed and covered her up before leaving again. He figured she needed this time to deal with things, and he really hoped that she was dealing.

Buffy awoke early the next morning feeling energized and full of purpose. Sitting up – alert and wide-awake, she stared thoughtfully at the journal on the nightstand. Reading that had been a real eye-opener for her. Really seeing Spike...seeing herself and the others through his eyes...amazing what you could miss even when you were right there. Not that his viewpoint was necessarily better than hers, but it mattered. And she was suddenly struck by the realization that things could be viewed differently without one perspective being "wrong or right" and that was like a major insight for her. Buffy felt something shift inside of her with that train of thought and decided to let it continue on its current course. She continued to muse as she got up and cleaned up the food that Angel had left out for her. She wrestled with a particularly difficult to let go of bias as she gave the room the once-over and decided to take the journal with her. As she walked out the door of the mansion, she let go of the black & white view she had held close to her heart for years now – since Angelus, really. Taking a deep breath of morning air, she stood on the porch and watched the sunrise on a new day. With new purpose in her step, Buffy strode away from the scene of former heartbreak and walked into her new life. Determined to try to be more open to other views in the future. Determined to explore emotions on more than a surface level. Determined to get back both her sister and the blond who she now realized she'd never gotten to know in the past. Because she wanted him back, she wanted another chance, she wanted to start over.


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The night of the Harvest Moon had seemed like it was very far away when Buffy had first approached Giles and the others with every intention of finding a way to get Spike back along with Dawn. The time had dragged on during the unbearably dull hours of research once Giles had finally agreed that there was no harm in trying to get Spike back. He hadn't wanted to agree, but when Buffy had stubbornly reminded him that he had said that Tantric Prophecy wouldn't punish you for trying to prevent or change something. Also, the prophecy didn't say why the Warrior couldn't return. Maybe he was fighting or trapped by something on the other side of the portal and that was why only Dawn could come back through. Well, why couldn't they create two portals? One for Dawn to come back alone and a second for her to go through and return with Spike afterward. That wouldn't go against the prophecy, would it? Giles had looked pole-axed at that – both because Buffy had recalled his words and repeated them back to him almost verbatim, and also because he had no good argument for her suggestions. So, the gang – including Willow who was still weak and very quiet, but determined to help – set about trying to find a way to allow Spike to return. The ritual itself was very simple and tied into Dawn's essence to locate her and open the portal. The same language could be used to create another portal that would tie into the Warrior's essence and return Spike separately. It was a more cheerful Scooby Gang that noted the look of relief and happiness on Buffy's face when they determined it was possible to get Spike back intact. Giles was still concerned about the prophecy and warned her not to get her hopes up too high just in case they'd misinterpreted something, but Buffy would not be deterred in her optimism. She was going to get both her sister and her erstwhile lover back.

It had seemed like the Harvest Moon would never arrive. Now it was here and they were set up for the ritual, just waiting on Giles to let them know when to start. Finally he signaled it was time and everyone took their places. Willow was not participating in the ritual, so Anya would be assisting Giles with the actual ceremony. Willow and Xander were waiting with water, blankets and bandages since they didn't know what condition Dawn or Spike would be in when they came through. Angel was armed with a broadsword in case anything unfriendly came through also. And Buffy was practically bouncing on her toes with nervous energy as she stood at the farthest point from the center of the sacred circle while still remaining inside. They had determined that it made the most sense to open both portals at once. That had been Giles' brainchild, as they had no idea how time moved wherever Dawn and Spike were. Since they would be in the same place at the same time, that one moment was their best bet for getting to Spike when they knew he'd still likely be alive and whole.

As the words echoed and the candles flared, a gust of wind lifted Buffy's hair off her shoulders and she shivered. The flames flickered, but the candles did not go out. Instead they blazed higher and brighter than any candle should as twin circles of light suddenly appeared in the middle of the sacred circle. Buffy was amazed that she could not only see clearly through both portals into the other world, but she could hear sounds also. A fierce cry alerted her to their presence, and spotting what had to be Spike in battle with something she couldn't identify and what looked like Dawn just past him, Buffy took off at a run for her portal. And proceeded to bounce off an invisible barrier of some sort at the point of entry. Confused, she got back up, and tried to jump into the other portal instead...only to be met with the same results. Buffy's anguished cry echoed through the night as everyone there stared at the portals waiting to see what would happen next.

Neither Dawn nor Spike seemed to be aware of the portals hovering behind them at first. They were both focused on the hand-to-hand combat Spike was engaged in currently. Slowly each of the Scoobies realized that beyond Dawn and Spike and back a few paces was a whole army also focused on the outcome of this fight. Buffy felt sick as she now knew without a doubt why the Warrior didn't return – surely that army was more than any one man could fight alone. She wanted to throw up or scream, but all she could do was stare at the tableau unfolding through the portal.

Spike and his opponent continued to battle it out until a change in position allowed him to see the portals. He immediately yelled for Dawn, telling her it was time. Dawn shook her head and didn't even bother to look over. Spike's movements became more erratic as he continued to shout at Dawn to leave. She did look at the portal this time, and seemed surprised by it, or perhaps by the fact that there were two of them. Buffy wondered vaguely if they could see her on this side. But instead of running over and escaping, Dawn stood her ground just outside the perimeter of the fight. Spike looked almost panicked by now as he screamed that she had to leave NOW. Buffy could hear her sister's yell "Not without you!" just before Spike risked a shocked look at Dawn. It cost him. He lost his footing and his opponent moved in for the kill, catching Spike's weapon with his own and wrenching it out of his grasp. No one could look away as they saw the battle axe swing up in a high arc and come slicing down toward Spike. Only he was suddenly covered by Dawn who was shielding him from the blow. The last sight was the blade whistling toward her face and her mouth moving saying something, and then both portals suddenly winked out of existence.

The absolute silence that followed was ended abruptly by Buffy's hysterical screams. Giles made it to her side just before she collapsed. He realized that the connections with both Dawn and Spike had been snapped ending the portals, and he feared they had just seen first-hand why that had happened. But he didn't understand it at all. Tantric prophecy had been clear about the Key returning, but not the Warrior. He was at a loss to explain what had just happened and had no idea what to say to console his Slayer and was grateful that she was currently unconscious. The others were just standing around in various stages of shock – Willow was crying, Anya looked surprised and sad, Xander looked like he had been punched in the gut, and Angel looked as confused as Giles felt. Their eyes met briefly exchanging a message. What the hell just happened?

A loud crackle of energy off to the side drew their attention. A bright blue light flashed, blinding everyone. When it cleared, they could see two people – a man lying prone on the ground and a young woman bent over him. She raised her head and tear-stained cheeks came into sight. Anguished blue eyes radiated immense pain as Dawn screamed for help. Angel made it to her side first and could see immediately that Dawn was not hurt. Not a drop of blood anywhere. He could see that the man was similarly untouched. Dropping to the ground, he saw that the man was Spike and he was still alive. Just what the hell was going on here?

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End of Book One

Book Two coming soon