All characters are copyright by Marvel and used without permission.  If you 
don’t like Pete Wisdom, you need not read any farther.  Any comments, praise, 
hate mail, etc... will be read or not at my e-mail address. :) Enjoy!

				Darkness Within Me

	A cold breeze blew across Muir Island.  In the pre-dawn, there was no 
movement, no sound except for the crashing of the sea against the cliffs.  
All the people who lived there were tucked soundly in their beds, asleep.  

	Then a door opened on an upper floor of the research facility, and a 
lone man stepped out into the Scots morning chill.  At this hour, no one 
should be out in the cold, except a man in need of a cigarette.

	"Bloody MacTaggart," he mumbled as he lit a cigarette and took a long 
draw, "can't even put a bloody extractor fan in my bloody room."

	That person is Pete Wisdom, former Black Air operative and current 
boyfriend of one Kitty Pryde.  He shuffled as he drew his black trenchcoat  
closer, trying to keep warm.  He drew off his cigarette again, and leaned 
into the doorway, trying to keep as much of the wind away as possible.  He 
mumbled under his breath, wind whipping his black hair wildly, pausing in his 
cursing at MacTaggert only to take a drag off his cigarette.

	After a few minutes, he finishes his cigarette, tosses it on the 
ground and turns to go inside.  As he opens the door, the warmth hits him and 
draws him in.  He goes into the sometimes inviting environs of  the Muir 
Research Facility, home of the mutant team Excalibur, and finds his way to 
the kitchen.  He starts coffee brewing then slumps into a chair.  There is no 
one up yet to distract him from his thoughts, thoughts of past wrongs that he 
has done in the name of Her Majesty. No, he thinks, in the name of Black Air. 
After Ronsaphon he decided to quit, realizing that he should have done it a 
long time ago. So many deaths were on his hands, too many for him to count 
anymore.

	Black Air decided that because of his mutant 'hot blade' ability, 
that he would be a perfect 'operative' for them.  Assassin, more likely, he 
thinks, trying to banish the memory of  his past wrongs from his mind.  It 
doesn't work.  His mind wanders from one bloody memory to the next, 
recounting, in his mind, how horrible a person he is.  But it needed
doing, he thinks each time a memory ends, trying to make excuses.  Now he 
wonders if it really did need to be done, or if Black Air had him kill people 
that were in the way of their personal agendas.  Bloody Scicluna, he thinks, 
wincing at the name of his former boss, how many pots does she have her 
fingers in.  He ponders momentarily at the thought of her decisions, and the 
assignments she gave him. 
  
	He shakes his head at the tiny bead of doubt that has implanted 
itself in his head.  Pete stands up, pours himself a cup of coffee, and 
stares out the window into the night.  There was a bit of light on the 
horizon as morning slid into being.  Then he realized that his hand was 
trembling as some coffee sloshed over the sides of the cup and onto his hand. 
These hands that kill, he thinks, as he stares at his hands.  He sat the cup 
down and stared out farther into the night.
  
	Am I really so bad, he thinks, trying to reason with the dark 
thoughts that always seem to unveil themselves in the dark of night, when he 
is alone.  "I can't be, can I," he wonders aloud, as if to ask God, Himself, 
the question that he ponders on most nights.  I bloody hope not, comes the 
eternal answer that he relies on nowadays.

	I can't be, he thinks, as he carefully picks up the coffee and takes 
a sip.  Pete turns and returns to his chair.  Bloody Hell, he thinks, I 
should be up asleep, not wondering about the state of me soul.  "At least I 
have Kitty," he says to himself.

	"What about me," a voice asks from the kitchen door.  Pete turns and 
sees Kitty standing there in her terrycloth robe, brown hair disheveled, and 
looking completely beautiful.  She squints slightly, not wearing her 
contacts, nor her glasses.

	"Gah, Kitty, don't sneak up on me like that. You'll likely give an 
old man an 'eart attack," he replies mockingly, holding a hand over his 
heart.  Pete smiles, and hold out his hand to her, inviting her to sit down.

	"What old man" she replies impishly as she enters the kitchen 
noiselessly and sits in the chair next to him, "and what about me?"

	"I was just thinking aloud, Grasshopper.  Nothing bad I assure you.  
Do you want some coffee," he queries, blatantly trying to change the subject. 
 He does not succeed.

	"Yes, thanks. Nothing bad?  I would kinda like to judge that for 
myself."

	Pete gets up and pours her a cup of coffee, not answering her query, 
thinking.  If he told her exactly what he said, she would want to know more 
specifics.  But he didn't want to lie to her, after all, he still did have a 
FEW morals left.  Instead, he turned, put her coffee down, and sat down.  He 
searched her beautiful brown eyes for a few moments, then grabbed her tightly 
and kissed her as passionately as he could.

	After what seemed like hours, he broke the kiss with a ragged gasp 
and pulled her into his arms. Kitty snuggled into his embrace, quite content. 
 She was breathing as heavily as he was, her fervor raised by the passion 
that he ignited in her.

	"Now what were you saying," she said between gasps of air, her 
curiosity piqued by his kiss.

	He ruffled her hair absently with one hand, then kissed the top of 
her head.  Pete cupped her face so that he was looking directly into her 
eyes.  "I said, 'At least I 'ave you.'"  Pete hoped she wouldn't query him 
more than that, but he knew Kitty better than that.

	Kitty ran her hand across his chest, then around his waist, pulling 
him closer.  As she cradled her head by his ear she whispered, "What made you 
think, 'At least you have me'?"

	"I knew you were goin' to ask that.  Kitty, I care about you, but I 
really don't want to talk about it right now.  Maybe later," he said, 
nibbling her ear.  Then he added, "I really don't want to talk at all right 
now."

	She pulled away, and stood up.  Pete could see that she was getting 
upset.  Kitty turned, walked to the window and peered out.  Dawn was coming 
more quickly.  She turned to him, her eyes pleading for answers.  He hated 
seeing her upset.  Right now, he wished she hadn't heard his thought.  He 
wished she could understand that opening up was hard for him.  Especially 
after all these years of being alone. 

	"Pete, what do I have to do to get you to open up to me.  I know so 
little about you.  But, dammit, I care so much about you.  It would help if  
you told me something about your past, instead of changing the subject, like 
I have no right to know.  It hurts, Pete," Kitty exclaimed, her eyes filling 
with tears that she refused to shed.  Pete Wisdom didn't know what to say.  
Kitty was so vulnerable, any wrong word would send her flying from the room, 
phasing through anything that got in her way.

	"Kitty," he began, rising to embrace her, "I didn't mean to 'urt  
you.  You mean so much to me.  God , if  I knew how you felt, I wouldn't 'ave 
kept putting you off.  Please try to understand, I 'ave a hard time 
expressing me thoughts to anyone.  And I wish I knew 'ow. Grasshopper, I wish 
I could tell you everything, but I'm afraid you'll..." Pete turned and stared 
out the window.  The light was getting brighter.
  
	"Afraid I'll what, Pete?"

	"I'm afraid you'll 'ate me for the things I've done.  I'm afraid 
you'll leave me for the bloody great Russian.  I'm afraid that you'll decide 
that I'm a bloody 'orrible person, and..." Pete trailed off.  He didn't want 
to admit any more.  He grabbed Kitty tightly in an embrace and buried his 
head into her soft brown hair.  He felt her wrap her arms about his body and
pull him closer.  Her warm lips brushed his brow, and she murmured quietly 
about how she wouldn't do that to him.  How she cared.  How happy he made 
her.  He heard a noise and looked to the kitchen door.  He saw a pointed blue 
tail disappear into the dark hallway.  He wondered how much Kurt heard, then 
turned his concentration back to Kitty.  She was holding him tightly, still 
murmuring about her feelings, then she looked straight into his deep blue 
eyes.  A lone tear had made its unhappy trail down her cheek, and he kissed 
it away gently.

	"Pete, please, let me try to understand you.  I don't want you to be 
afraid of losing me.  I'm not leaving you for Piotre, and I'm NOT going to 
hate you.  And besides," she smiled up at him, mischievously, "I already 
think you're awful.  I like that about you."

	"Thanks. Tell me that again later and mean it," he said wryly, "I'd 
like to try, Kitty, for both of us.  I don't think I'll be able to tell you 
everything, but its a start, right," he said quietly, "Maybe we should find a 
more private place to discuss this.  The others will be up soon, and I don't 
want them to discuss me past over lunch, if you know what I mean."

	"Yeah, I know.  Then I can tell you about my life, so you can 
understand me."

	They stood there for a moment basking in each others presence, when 
Kitty pointed out the window. 

	"Look, the sun's coming up."

	"Yeah, I know," Pete said, marveling at the beauty of the two suns in 
his life.  He realized then that the ghosts of his past would never drown out 
the light that was Kitty.  Pete looked at her and smiled.

	"Yeah, Kitty, the sun's comin' up. And it's wonderful."	

				FINIS