Later that day. . .

His party hat was crooked, sand was up his Spiderman (tm)
Underoos, and there was a sharp pain in his left
hiney-cheek. In other words, William Randall McMurphy IV
wasn't happy, and when Billy wasn't happy, nobody was
happy.

"OOOOOOOWWWWW!" His loud, piercing whine filled the empty
spaces between the boisterous party sounds, drowning them
out completely. His mother and father, happily pleased to
have the little bastard out of their hands for just a few
blissful moments, blithely continued eating ice cream on
the other side of the merrily-decorated yard as if nothing
was wrong.

Everyone else looked at each other in amazement, and some
of the guests with especially keen hearing actually clasped
their ears over their respective heads in pain. Dr. Bong's
helmet resounded with echoing waves of sound.

"Silence the whelp," Blind Alfred muttered over the
background
*BONG!*s, backing away from the keening child as fast as
Deuce the
Devil Dog, who was whimpering like Laurence Olivier in
community
theatre, could lead her.

All the neighborhood parents just shrugged. This was normal
for Billy, who
wasn't a mutant, just an incredibly annoying child. After a
small eternity, the wailing mercifully stopped and
conversation slowly resumed, though the *BONG!*s in the air
continued to echo for several minutes thereafter.

"OW! That hurt!" Billy's lower lip trembled, and
he glared at the birthday girl. "You pinched me!"

Standing tall in the sandbox, Allie Wilson glared at him,
undaunted by his powerful whine. Her tiny fists curled in
anger, and she jabbed a pink-tipped fingernail in his face,
returning back to the philosophical issue which had
engendered such passionate debate. "You shut up! Powerpuff
Girls do NOT suck eggs! You suck eggs!"

Allie didn't know what sucking eggs meant, but it didn't
really matter.
Daddy called Rupert an egg-sucking dog sometimes when he
was mad at him, and by the way Billy said it, she was
pretty sure
it wasn't good. Kinda like the way Nate talked about
Poccylips, she
suspected, or that time when Mr. Shaw came to visit and
Daddy said *really* ugly things and Dr. Bong made her hide
in the basement until it was over, or like that time Mama
accidentally ran into Miss Jean and Mr. Scott at the
grocery store and they wound up fighting over the same bag
of
frozen butterbeans. Kinda like that.

Well, maybe not that bad- but it sure wasn't good.

Billy paused, then thought for a moment, composing a witty
rejoinder, reaching over to yank one of Allie's pigtails in
a time-honored response. "Do not!"

That did it. "Do too!" Allie snarled, and pushed her
neighbor, best friend and sometime nemesis backwards into
the sand.

She had to defend the honor of the Powerpuff Girls. She
loved the Powerpuff Girls, and watched them as much as she
could. She loved Blossom, and Bubbles, and Buttercup, and
she even loved their arch-villain Mojo Jojo. She especially
loved it when Daddy acted like Mojo Jojo. Daddy could sound
just like Mojo Jojo, and sometimes when Mama wasn't
looking, set his Mageducer to make him look like Mojo Jojo,
or Professor Utonium, or even Fuzzy Lumpkins.
There was no way she would let Billy saying ugly things
about the greatest cartoon of all time.

Especially at *her* party. Especially when she hadn't
gotten her surprise kitty yet. In fact, she was beginning
to wonder if she'd get the kitty at all, and that made for
a very unhappy Allie.

Billy climbed to his feet, legs braced far apart. Sticking
out his tongue, he gleefully taunted, "Nah nanny boo-boo,
stick your head in doo-doo, Allie smells like poo-poo!"

"Do NOT!" Allie roared, her already less-than-quiet voice
booming, and she leapt forward, jumping on Billy and
pulling
them both down to the ground. A whirling maelstrom of
three-year-old punches and kicks ensued, until Allie found
herself lifted pulled away by the strong arms of her
brother. "Lemme at 'im!" she snarled, squirming and kicking
to get down. "I'll make 'im sleep with fishies!"

"You've been letting her watch the Sopranos again, haven't
you?" Nathan Summers muttered in a droll voice, holding his
far,
far younger sibling at arms-length. Dirty arms and legs
twitched and
jerked as Allie tried to reach her prey.  Wade Wilson,
videocamera in hand like any good suburban father, walked
up, zooming in on his daughter's furious face delightedly.

"Of course not. She prefers Sex in the City," A dark-haired
albino woman beside Nathan joked, grinning at the horrified
look on
her partner's 'step-father's' face. "Isn't that right,
Allie?"

"Right!" Allie had absolutely no idea what Aunt Dom was
talking about, but agreed emphatically anyway. Aunt Dom was
usually right, and since Mama always said Aunt Dom had Nate
whipped- maybe if Allie was nice to her then she'd let
Allie borrow the whip so she could beat Billy up like he
deserved.

Before she could say anything else, Nate colored slightly,
shooting an ugly look at their mother. "Quit thinking so
loud, Allie," he whispered, mentally counting his blessings
that
there were no other telepaths nearby to mock him- this
time, anyway.

"Can't help it!" Allie snapped, patience eroding. "Billy-"
She turned on her heel to chase her fleeing companion, but
Nate held her with his k'nesis and she couldn't go.

She screwed up her face to cry, but Aunt Dom surprised her
by standing up and crossing her arms over her chest,
glaring at Allie's brother. "Come on, Nate, let her go. You
heard what the little brat said. He deserves a good ass
whippin'."

Allie grinned. Aunt Dom understood little girls, and gave
the best presents, and made Nate let her watch good
cartoons when they babysat her.  Most of all, Aunt Dom
would understand why she had to teach Billy a lesson, and
might even hold him down if Allie asked nicely.  A new idea

dawned- Aunt Dom would understand why she had to have
a kitty. Maybe Aunt Dom could explain it to Mama
and Daddy for her.

"Want me to handle it, 'son'?" Deadpool cracked, moving
through the throng of guests to check on his willful
daughter. He knew he ought to be angry, but he couldn't
bring
himself to punish the child for fighting. After all, she
got it
naturally, and to be honest, the little brat *did* have it
coming. The Powerpuff Girls *rocked*.

"Nah, let Nate," Domino advised gleefully, grinning at
their old enemy. "It's good practice for him." She paused a
moment, then stared suspiciously at her drink. "This tastes
funny."

"It's your imagination," Wade mumbled under his breath,
and Domino instantly sat the drink down, pushing it away
as if it burned.

Clearing his throat, Nathan brushed his sister off and sat
her down. "Allie. It's not nice to punch your . . . guests.
Now go apologize to Billy." He pointed at Billy, who had
forgotten about the melee and had moved on to climb on a
swing set with some of the other young guests.

"No. Not gonna." Allie pouted, expression eerily like her
mother's at Not Good Times. Not the missing J.J. and Thelma
Not
Good Times, but the Onslaught and Sentinel kind.

Unless. .. "Nate?" she asked sweetly, wrapping her arms
around his
thick neck in a tight hug, fight with Billy forgotten. "I
really
love you."

"Oh, buddy. This ought to be good," Domino grinned, studied
her drink for a moment, and then shrugged, downing it in
one gulp.

Nate was instantly on guard. Much as he loved his little
sister, she was female, and thus inherently not to be
trusted. "Um. . .I love you, too, Allie."

"Can I tell you a secret?" The green eyes got round as
saucers as the little girl poured on the well-honed charm.

Nate backed away suspiciously, glancing at his long-time
partner for help. Said partner just shrugged and leaned
forward, a gleeful glint in her eyes. "Um. . . sure . . ."
Cable drawled slowly.

Allie leaned over to whisper in her big brother's ear. "I.
Want. A. Kitty." She smiled sweetly. "A big one."

"Oh, is that all?" Nathan sighed in relief. "I can't help
you with that one, kiddo. You're gonna have to ask your
*daddy* about that." Behind him, Deadpool waved his arms
wildly in a 'please-for-the-love-of-all-that's-good-NO!
motion, and Nathan's grin grew wider. "In faaaact. . . " He
spun around, and Deadpool stopped mid-wave, pretending to
scratch behind his ear. "In fact, why don't you ask him
right now?" In one smooth motion, he spun around and handed
the child off to her father.

Deadpool thought several wonderfully imaginative curses
very loudly in Nathan's direction, but schooled his face
into a smile as he took his daughter in his arms. "I want
to,
baby, but you know what your mother said," he answered
slowly, face burning as his two former enemies watched him
squirm with identically smug expressions on their faces.

He made a mental note to plant a fake pregnancy test in
Domino's bathroom, where Cable would be sure to see it,
but there were far more pressing issues at hand before he
could
indulge in that pleasant little bit of payback. His little
girl wanted something, and he couldn't let her have it. His
stomach twisted in knots.  He'd rather face a thousand
firing squads than this.

"Allie, we talked about this," he finally said in his very
best Father Knows Best voice, which for Deadpool came out
as a cross between Ward Cleaver and Vin Diesel. "One day,
baby, but not now."

Allie didn't move, didn't blink, only continued staring
forlornly into her father's eyes. In an alternate universe
where Deadpool was an even bigger Star Wars fan than he was
in this one, a branch timeline veered off when Allie
whispered "Stay on target. . .almost there. . .", causing
her father to realize her plan rather than continue to be
fooled by her practiced cuteness as he was here.

It's funny how tiny ripples affect the timestream. In that
reality, the minute discrepancy eventually caused a
horrible future, where Deadpool wound up mentoring X-Force,
and faked his death, and Sam Guthrie became a mass murdered
and drew little bumps on his face to emulate him, in total
contrast to everything ever known about his previously
established character, and was eventually replaced by a
silly and poorly drawn character called U-Go Girl, but I
digress. That would be a terribly silly universe indeed.

Back to the tangent at hand. There are some who speculate,
quite
cleverly, that the timestream is self-regulating, meaning a
change as small as this would eventually have been absorbed
back into the chronal branch, but since this is a sillyfic,
and we've really spent too much time on the subject
already, you're just going to have to take my word for it,
gentle reader. The other realities are *freaky*.

Back to our story, and Allie's practiced cuteness. Deadpool
squirmed, Allie beamed, Billy annoyed nameless background
characters, and Domino and Cable just circled closer,
rather like grinning vultures.

"Yeah, Wade?" the latter asked sweetly, savoring the look
of trapped desperation on her old enemy's face. "Why can't
Allie have a fuzzy-wuzzy little kittycat?"

"Because," Deadpool snapped, glancing around frantically
for a lifeline. "Because. . ." Before he could answer,
something cold and very wet prodded him in his
unmentionables, and he yelped a very girly scream. He
glanced down, and a familiar furry face and lolling tongue
grinned up at him.

Allie laughed at the newcomer delightedly, kitty forgotten
for the moment. "Deuce!" she cried happily, wiggling out of
her father's grasp to stand beside her namesake and
godmother's seeing eye dog, said namesake and godmother
right behind. Deuce wasn't like Rupert. Deuce was *fun*.

Favoring the lady with a tight hug, Allie looked up and saw
herself reflected in square black sunglasses. "Can I,
Auntie Al?"

Blind Alfred sighed, knowing when she was outmatched.
"Don't get too far with him," she nodded, bending down to
remove Deuce's harness, effectively rendering him off duty.
He wriggled with pleasure, and he and Allie took off across
the yard in a roiling mass of child and dog.

The old lady stood up, wiping her hands against her
sensible corduroy pants. "Sounds like you're strugglin',
Wade," she murmured to her dear friend and former
tormentor. "Kid's got her mind made up."

Turning to Cable and Domino, she greeted the two with
all the warmth of Joan Rivers on Oscar night, "Bonnie.
Clyde. How go things in Dysfunctionalville?"

There was an icy pause. "Oh, look, it's the Queen Mum,"
Domino smiled sweetly. "How's the hip, Alfred? Those steel
pins still giving you trouble?"

Cable's eyes widened, and he grunted awkwardly, "Um. .
.look, there's my mother. We've . . . gotta go." Quickly,
before
Domino could object, he took her arm at the elbow and led
her away.

Wade watched him scurry away with great interest. "Now what
was *that* all about? I've been tryin' to get rid of Junior
for years, and I can't get him to leave us alone. You do
the Old Lady Glare (tm) at him, and he's outta my system
quicker than bad chicken."

"I make him nervous," Alfred shrugged, a tiny smile playing
on her lips. "What can I say? I cornered him before your
wedding and told him that if he ever caused you or Maddy
any trouble that certain nekkid pictures he thought long
gone would mysteriously surface in very public places."

"Ooooh- or eeeewwww," Deadpool murmured, impressed- and
more than a bit
disturbed. "You have nekkid pictures of Nateyboy? I'd hate
to read the Braille on that one."

"Of course not," Alfred snorted. "I'm blind, but I'm not
stupid." She grinned. "But *he* doesn't know that, now,
does he? I bluffed, and he's been around those do-gooders
long enough that he felt guilty using his telepathy on a
helpless blind lady, so I've been blackmailing him ever
since." She grinned, fanning her cane as she began
wandering back to the party, Wade at her side. "Serves 'im
right for turnin' into such a pansy in his old age."

Something suspiciously like a giggle almost bubbled out,
but Deadpool thankfully stifled it in time. Seeing Maddie
in
the crowd, he began leading Alfred to her. Expression
turning serious, he murmured, "Al, I just don't know what
to do. "

"About the kitt- er, cat?" she replied gruffly, careful to
keep her tough old broad image intact.

"How'd you know?" he asked curiously, head tilted at an
exaggerated angle. "You start working for Miss Cleo to
supplement that Social Security income?"

"Bite me," she growled pleasantly, enjoying the pleasant
banter. "Now, ain't it time to open some presents
around here?"

"Good point," Wade nodded, shouting, "Allie! Time to open
presents, baby!"

At the magic word "presents", Allie shot across to the gift
table, Deuce the Devil Dog forgotten for a moment as the
child bounced up and down with glee. Several miniature
cronies surrounded her, and despite the chiding of the
adults, the area was soon aflurry in brightly colored
shredded paper. Moments later, now clad in a purple feather
boa and tiara, the birthday girl reached for a perforated
purple package in the back.

"Hey! Careful with that one," Blind Alfred shouted, acute
hearing advising her of the contents within. "That's from
me and Deuce, and it's breakable." Drawing in a deep
breath, she
sidled away from Deadpool, trying to hide herself in the
crowd.

Ooooh, breakable, Allie thought happily. Aunt Alfred always
gave the *best* presents. Ripping the wrapping paper away,
Allie saw a big plastic box with holes in it. Peering
closer, she first saw a tiny pink nose. Looking further,
she saw fluffy white cheeks, pointed silky ears, and a pair
of very disgruntled eyes.

No, gentle readers, it wasn't Northstar, but a kitten.
A very pissed-off kitten, in fact, but that made little
difference to the birthday girl.

It took a few moments for realization to sink in, and then
the child let loose an ear splitting squeal of joy that
humbled Billy's earlier wailing. "KITTY!" She yanked open
the carrier door and grabbed the small animal under its
armpits, squeezing it tightly to her chest in adoration.

All the other assembled adults favored each other with
misty smiles at the sweetness of the scene- all the adults
except two, that is. Those two swarmed towards Blind Alfred
like a pair of angry heat-seeking missiles.

Deadpool was closer, but Maddie cleared the yard in just a
few seconds to glare angrily at her husband's surrogate
mother figure. Calming herself forcibly, she growled
"Alfred- Wade and I have discussed this at length, and have
decided that Allie isn't ready for a pet yet. You *really*
should
have asked us before giving the child a gift like this."

The old lady shrugged blithely, steeling herself for the
explosion
to come.. "What's there to ask? Kid
wanted a cat, I got her a cat." Maddie opened her mouth to
protest, but Alfred uncannily stuck her hand out to halt
the younger woman. "I know what yer gonna say. Forget about
that- she's not gonna hurt him." She glanced shrewdly at
the two. "And anyway, I got 'em from the pound. He was on
the Feline Green Mile. This is at least a brief stay of
execution."

Wade paused, glanced between the two women, and paused
again. His daughter's cries of delight filling his ears, he
whispered, "Um, Al?"

"Yeah, Wade?" She murmured, head tilted to the side as she
listened to her namesake squeal with pleasure as she loved
on the small beast.

Wade stared at his daughter, and a familiar soppy
expression came over his lumpy face. "How did you know she
wanted a kitt- er, cat?"

Alfred snorted, and answered before she thought better of
it. "That one's easy. Les told me last night."

Madelyne too watched the little girl, and something in her
heart thawed as well. Only slightly mollified, however, she
still forced irritation into her voice. "Les who?" she
snapped, ready to turn on anyone at this point.

Dark glasses leveled on the two, and Alfred's voice was
amused and suspicious at the same time. "You know,
*Lester.*
Dr. Lester Verde."

When there was no response, Alfred sighed deeply. "Dr.
Bong? Does that . . . ring any bells?" She groaned at her
own pun.

"Oh!" Identical expressions of dawning comprehension
touched down on the Wilsons' faces. Wade, voice laced
with innuendo, was the first to speak.. "What else do you
know about. . . Lester?"

Alfred grunted, a tell-tale deep red blush beginning to
color her dried-apple cheeks as she realized she'd betrayed
more than she had intended. "Nunya, Wade. Now shut yer
pie-hole." Drawing in a deep breath, she turned around.
"Deuce! Get over here, you stinkin' mongrel! We have places
to
be!" With that, she was gone, leaving only a strong coating
of  old-lady-rose-talcum-powder smell behind her.

Wade and Madelyne looked at each other with knowing smiles.
Looping his arm around her shoulder, Wilson pulled his wife
closer, shaking his head in resignation. "Bong's gettin'
some
wrinkled nooky, ain't he?"

Madelyne paused, and the brain which had borne the horrors
of the Hellfire Club's debaucheries skimmed over that
particular thought like a duck on an oily pond. "'fraid so,
Wade," she barely managed, shivering at the thought.

There was a long pause while the two stared at their
frolicking
daughter. "She's really cute with that damn
cat, Maddie," Wade sighed. "Can we keep it? I'll help her
take care of it, I promise."

"Sure, make *me* the bad guy," Madelyne grumbled, but her
heart wasn't in it. The child was remarkably darling with
the kitten, and maybe the responsibility would be good for
her. . .

Wade almost commented again, but wisely changed his mind,
settling for a heartfelt "Pleeeeeeeeeeease?"

Madelyne finally sighed, knowing when she was
beaten. "Fine. She can keep the cat." At her husband's
whoop of glee, she held up one hand. "One caveat- I don't
do litter boxes. That's your job, mister."

Wade grinned broadly, and shook his head. "Nope. *Lester's*
in charge of that." Pitching his voice in an eerily close
approximation of Anita Ward, he moved to tickle her,
singing "You can ring my beeeeellllll, ring my bell. . ."

Madelyne, laughing, elbowed him in the ribs, smiling
contentedly. Life was very, very good, she told herself,
thanking The Powers That Be, then settled back down
to watch their daughter properly greet the newest
member of the family.

_______

Mere steps away, Allie crouched down, kitten cupped in the
palms of her hands. "Hey, kitty," she crooned softly,
oblivious to the party still going on around her. Placing
it on the soft grass of her yard, Allie stared anxiously,
praying very hard that the pretty kitty wouldn't run away.

After instinctively licking its left shoulder to create a
sense of control over his surroundings, the cat, raw terror
dimmed for the moment, just looked at her curiously, then
dipped its kitty shoulders in a shrug and stepped towards
his inevitable fate.

Allie's entire face split in a relieved smile. She scooped
the kitten up and ran to show him off to Billy,
whom the kitten, promptly named George, hissed and
clawed with great fervor, earning him the instant affection
of the entire crowd.

All was well with the world.

Billy went home crying, as per usual. Domino and Cable went
home fighting, as per usual. Alfred stayed with the Wilsons
for a few days after the party, and the light to Bong's
apartment went out earlier than was his custom. The
romantic sounds of Gene Autry and Frank Sinatra could be
heard playing late into the night, and Wade wore earplugs
all night to block out the perhaps imagined squeaking
coming from the garage apartment.

Allie and George became fast friends, and the kitten grew
in stature and feline wisdom, and even eventually won the
love and respect of Wade and Madelyne after attacking
Rupert Bong, who became a recluse out of fear of
encountering the fierce mad cat again.

As for Alfred and Bong? Well. . . suffice it to say that
that's another story for another day.

=====

-DuAnn

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give unto you. Not as the world gives,
give I unto you. Do not let your hearts be troubled  and do not be afraid.
                                                -John 14:27