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 Usual disclaimer: Kitty Pryde, Pete Wisdom, Doug Ramsey, Illyana Rasputin, Peter Rasputin and all the rest belong to Marvel Comics. I make no claim to ownership. I am making no money from this story. Et cetera, et cetera.

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 Hey, Doug.

 Yes, I know that you're not really there. I haven't totally lost it.

 But ever since Douglock, I've played around with the idea that some part of you is alive somehow in cyberspace. It seems appropriate.

 Tomorrow we are going into a battle which I may not survive. It's not the first time. But this is the first time I've felt that, if I die, I would regret leaving behind so much unfinished business.

 I think that you would understand.

 You know, there's a Jewish tradition called the ethical will. It's something that people write to leave a record of their values, their dreams, the things which were most important to them. It's something for one's children and family to remember.

 If I die tomorrow, Doug, will anyone remember me as I remember you?

 I made a very foolish mistake last year, Doug, and I haven't been able to fix it yet. You see, I had fallen in love. This guy was rude and crude and a lot older than me, but I loved him so much it hurt. I still do.

 But I broke up with him.

 There was this guy I met at S.H.I.E.L.D., Rigby Fallon, and he reminded me of you. Spending time with him brought back to me how much fun it used to be when you and I were hanging around together. I haven't had that in a long time.

 It seems like everyone's gone. Illyana... Rachel....

 Anyhow, I said I wanted some space, the usual stuff, wanted to be with people my own age. Maybe some part of me wanted to know if he would fight to keep me. He didn't fight. He just left.

 Then I moved back to the States, so I haven't seen him since.

 You know, when I was a child, I always thought that when Anne Frank wrote her diary, she was writing to me. So I used to write back to her, even though I knew she was dead. I guess this is a little bit like that.

 Doug, it took me a long time to realize that the whole Rigby Fallon thing was mostly about missing you, not as the lover you weren't, but as the friend you were.

 I kept trying to bring you back in some form or other, especially with the Douglock thing. Do you know, I even went into your grave? Gross.

 It really wasn't about Pete at all.

 But by the time I figured it all out, he was on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean from me.

 He made me feel different than I've ever felt before, or since. It wasn't just about sex. It was about letting go and becoming so much more than I had been.

 But I got scared. It was too much, too soon, too intense.

 I wasn't quite ready to be that grown-up, quite yet.

 Now I think it's too late.

 For the first time since I was thirteen, I'm really scared of dying, not because of death itself, but because if I die now, I'll never get the chance to make things right.

 If I die tomorrow, Doug, what would I leave behind? What is there for anyone to remember me by?

 Is there an afterlife, Doug? If I get killed tomorrow, will you be there to show me the way?

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