"Spike, you awake?"
Dawn stepped through the door of Xander's apartment and set down her backpack. She had her own key, a leftover from the summer of her sister's absence.
The vampire didn't answer, but he was clearly awake -- sitting on the sofa looking out the big picture windows. It was one of those unusual afternoons when he could look out the windows, as heavy clouds obscured the sun and cast a gray pall on the Sunnydale vista beyond the glass. A day safe for vampires, but hardly cheering. The first big raindrops were splashing against the windows. Dawn had barely made it here ahead of the deluge. She went and sat down on the opposite end of the sofa from the vampire.
"Harris ain't here," he said without looking at her.
"Yeah, I know. With the storm coming they're working on the gym -- inside -- and they ran into something with the floor that has to be corrected right away. Before Friday's basketball game. So he's going to be working late. And Buffy's got a staff development session -- Principal Wood is buying everybody dinner and they're going to have a big meeing. So, I'm on my own."
"Ought to go home."
"Aw, come on, Spike. Can't I stay? I don't want to go home all alone."
He didn't answer, just kept staring at the pattern of raindrops splattering against the window. Dawn watched him for a moment -- he was so still that it was easy to remember that he wasn't really alive. He sat motionless, his pale skin like marble, looking out at a day that was darker than some moonlit nights. When he didn't speak to tell her to go again, she went and got her history book from her backpack and sat back down, turning on the lamp on the end table to make it easier to read.
"Something botherin' you at home?" Spike asked after a while.
Dawn looked over at him, surprised that he'd spoken.
"No... um... yeah. I mean, it's no big deal. Nothing bumpy or fangy. It's just R.J."
"R.J.? Thought you loved the boy."
"Well, uh, after the spell wore off, not so much."
"He's at your house?"
"He's been hanging around, outside, by the tree. Like you used to."
A tiny smile flickered across Spike's face.
"I mean, it's not like I hate him or anything. I suppose it wasn't really his fault. He didn't know about the spell. He just thought he was good with girls. But..."
"Don't think he's going to be hanging around by your tree in this weather, Bit."
"No, I suppose not. But if he did, I'd have to ask him in. Couldn't let him stand out there and get hit by lightning or something. Better if I'm just not there."
"Then you don't have to see him get soaked?"
Dawn shrugged.
"Very Summers of you."
"I guess he's not so bad. He's still cute. And he's still on the football team. But he keeps trying to ask me out, and I just ..."
Spike turned his head to look at her, his face tilted in an unspoken question.
"It's just sort of embarrassing," Dawn said, looking away.
"Embarrassing?"
"Yeah. I acted so goofy. Everybody saw me. The cheerleader tryout -- I was a complete spaz.
"And that night at the Bronze -- I was such a skank. I really don't think I want to be that way. And I keep thinking that he keeps after me because he thinks I'm going to be that way again."
"Ever thought he keeps after you 'cause you're the prettiest girl around?"
"Me? No. That's silly."
"Bollocks."
Dawn pretended to read her history book again.
The world outside the window was illuminated by a flash of lightning closely followed by the boom of thunder. The wind was picking up, whipping the trees. A stray trash can rolled down the street, bumping and bouncing as it went by.
"Spike?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you really think I'm pretty?"
"I think you're bloody devastating, bit."
"What am I going to do? Everybody thinks I'm a total loser. Especially after the cheerleader thing."
"Tell you what you do, bit. Anybody brings up the cheerleader tryouts, you just roll your eyes and say 'Well, at least I didn't end up a cheerleader. How lame would that be?' You let 'em know you think cheerleaders are morons."
"You think anybody's going to buy that?"
"You sell it, bit. They'll buy it."
"You know what I miss?"
"What?"
"I miss when we were friends. When you looked after me all that summer when Buffy was gone. What happened? After she came back, you never had any time for me anymore. Did you just look after me for her sake? When she came back, you had her again and you didn't care about me anymore?"
The question was spoken haltingly, Dawn's little girl voice full of hurt.
Spike looked at her and shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry. I really am sorry, Bit. I never wanted to hurt you. I could have done better by you. But I just didn't know. There was so much I didn't know."
He looked away.
"And the hell of it is, I know now. And some of it, it's just too late to make it better. And some of it, well, doubt I could make any difference anyway."
Lightning struck close enough that the crack of thunder shook the building around them.
Dawn wiped a tear off her cheek.
"What does it mean, Spike? You being all soul-having?"
"Certainly doesn't mean what I thought it would."
"Does it hurt?"
"Yeah."
"I remember how it was with Angel when he lost his soul, and he turned all mean. It's funny. I don't really remember that, 'cause I wasn't really here then. But I still remember. He was like, completely different. And at first, Buffy still couldn't kill him, 'cause she kept thinking he was still Angel and like trapped inside the demon. But that isn't how it is, is it? I mean, I can't see how you're really different. I mean, you're different. Like you don't talk so much. But ..."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm not really different. Thought I would be. That's the trouble."
"Angel was nice when he was soul-having, and mean when it was gone. But you, even before the chip, you might have been evil, and killing people and making all sorts of trouble. But you were never mean. I mean, maybe I didn't know you that well, then. It's not like Buffy was going to let me hang out with you when you were running around killing people and being her arch-enemy and all. And really, I wasn't here then at all, I know... it's so confusing."
"It's all right, Bit. I remember you, too. Funny, innit? I wonder if it even matters that you weren't really there."
"But you weren't mean, were you? I mean, you were different from Angelus."
"And you're different from your big sis. Big sis wouldn't be worrying so much about R.J. thinking she's a skank.
"We're all different -- vampires, that is, and people. Mean -- I dunno. I've done some pretty mean things. Ain't going to tell you about them. Don't really like thinking about it."
"So, now that you've got your soul back, you won't do anything bad anymore?"
Spike didn't answer. He looked out at the storm as it churned the foliage outside and filled the street to overflowing with rainwater. The wind was howling around the building and another bolt of thunder split the air. Dawn flinched.
"This ain't so bad," Spike said quietly. "It's almost passed over. You'll be able to go home in a bit."
"I don't want to..."
Spike turned and gave her an intense stare.
"You have to. I want you to listen to me now, bit. You have to go. And pretty soon -- things are going to happen. You have to stay away. You may want to come to me and ask me why I did something, or if I really meant it. But you can't. I'm telling you now. Stay away. I'm asking you now to do that for me."
The pitch of the wind howling outside fell just a little. Just as Spike said, the storm was passing.
"You think I should give R.J. a chance?"
A little smile played at the corner of Spike's mouth. "That's up to you, Bit. You just remember, you got the power. You say when enough's enough. And just 'cause you've got the most beautiful eyes I bet that boy's ever seen, when you say no, he'll back off. You don't have to do everything he wants just to make him like you. He already likes you."
"Would you have given that advice to Buffy?" Dawn asked, seeing more than a little irony in what he was saying.
"Probably not. But I didn't know then. I didn't know that getting exactly what you ask for isn't always the best thing."
"Spike ... are you and Buffy going to..."
Spike frowned and shook his head.
"Well, I just know she's starting to talk about you differently..."
Spike looked away. Dawn could tell he really didn't want to talk about it.
"Sorry. None of my business."
The wind was dying down and the rain was falling more gently now. The cloud cover was letting up and the sky was lightening.
"You'd better go, bit. Harris will have a fit if he comes home and you're here with me alone."
"Do I have to?"
"Yeah. You have to.
"And remember
what I told you. You have to stay away. It's important."
The
rain was slacking off. Rivers of muddy water ran down toward the
sewer grates
carrying leaves and bits of trash and dirt. A shaft of sunshine broke through
the clouds and Spike got up off the sofa.
"Gotta go now. Not safe anymore," he said quietly.
Dawn watched him shamble back to his closet and close the door behind him.
The End