Chapter 10 – Lead Me On
"Smell?" Buffy asked. "I don't smell anything."
"Is it—fish?" Riley said. "Did you eat fish in here last night?"
Buffy just stared at him for a second. Fish?! She heard Spike snort in the closet. "Uh, no. No fish. I guess I should have cleaned the room before moving in or something."
She took Riley by the arm, grabbed her bag of toiletries and led him into the hall. "I really have to shower and get to class, Riley. Could we talk later this afternoon? Maybe meet up for coffee at the Espresso Pump?" She closed the door firmly and leaned against it, looking up at him.
"So we'll be doing this in a public place," Riley said. "Right. Less chance for hysterics if people are around."
"I won't get hysterical," Buffy told him.
"Not you. Me."
"What exactly are we going to talk about, Riley?"
He looked at her and ran a hand down the side of her head, smoothing her hair. She shivered a little at his touch without being completely sure why. Seeing him—sturdy, dependable and generally honest Riley—was making her feel a bit sick to her stomach over the way she'd just spent the night. And with whom. What the hell was she thinking? Except she hadn't been. Thinking. She was too busy just feeling. And even though everything she'd done with Spike had felt right, the bottom line was, it was wrong. This man in front of her made it wrong.
Well, that and Spike being dead and evil and soulless.
Buffy couldn't believe herself—believe the way she'd been acting lately. She didn't cheat on guys. She didn't break their hearts. She was the one who got cheated on and broken-hearted. She knew better than to give that pain to anyone else. And Riley still hadn't said anything.
"Buffy, I..." Riley closed his eyes. "I love you. I love everything about you. You are unlike any other girl I've ever met, and I don't just mean the whole superpowers thing. You're the best thing in my life and I can feel you pulling away. I don't want to let you go."
Buffy saw the pain in his face and her heart contracted. He's my shot, she thought. My chance at that normal life. Do I still want it?
"Riley," Buffy started before a large crash came from inside her room.
"What was that?" Riley asked. He took her shoulder. "Let me check it out."
"What? No! It doesn't need checking out by you—I mean , I can check it out myself. Superpower girl, remember? I'll meet up with you for coffee, okay? Maybe twoish?" She lightly nudged Riley away from her dorm room door. "Really, Riley. I don't need you to protect me. It was probably a bunch of books falling."
Riley looked at her doubtfully. "If you say so," he said reluctantly. "I'll wait for you. See you later." He leaned down to kiss her, but she was already turning to slip back into her room. His lips caught her ear.
"Bye!" she said, closing the door.
Spike was sprawled on her bed in his undone jeans. "Sorry about that, love. I tripped."
"Before or after you eavesdropped on my private conversation?" Buffy asked, her hands on her hips.
"Don't have to eavesdrop. Enhanced vampire hearing, remember?" He waved a hand at the door. "Besides, you and Captain Shag-Her-Not were talking so loudly, I could hear you plain as day."
"You can't stay here."
Spike sat up. "Why not?"
"You just can't." Buffy turned away and opened a dresser drawer. She pulled out a clean pair of panties and stuck them in her robe pocket. She could feel Spike standing right behind her.
"Having the famous second thoughts, Buffy?" he asked, speaking quietly but directly into her ear. "You pulling a 'Thanks for the shag now sod off' routine? Cause I can tell you, I won't be pleased if you are."
She turned around to face him, still pinned against the dresser by his arms and body. "I think I made it pretty clear that this was a one-time thing, Spike. I won't cheat on my boyfriend—not again."
Spike slid his hand inside her robe to cup her breast. He rubbed her nipple with his thumb. "Why do I doubt that?" he asked as her nub rose and hardened. "You still want me. Your body screams it."
Buffy closed her eyes, torn between crying and laughing. "Who am I? What am I becoming?"
Spike pulled his hand from inside her robe and grasped her chin, forcing her to look at him. "You are a girl who can't possibly be satisfied with plain white bread. You have a large appetite for—everything. Blood, violence, fucking, joy. Don't deny yourself the tastes of life, Buffy. Or the taste of me." He rubbed his lips against hers. "Open your mouth."
"No," she said, pulling her chin out of his hand. Her voice was low and as hard as she could make it. She pushed at his chest. "Back off."
His blue eyes narrowed as he stared at her. But he dropped his arms and stepped back. "Damn you, Slayer," he said, his words ice cold. "I've never been with a woman the way I was with you last night. You felt something too. No bloody way you didn't."
Buffy turned her head. "Go, Spike."
Anger hardened Spike's face. Suddenly his hand shot out to grab a bottle of perfume off the dresser behind Buffy. He drew his arm back and hurtled it against the wall, smashing it and spraying glass everywhere. The room was engulfed in the scent of jasmine in seconds.
"There you go. Smell's gone. Make it easier for you to pretend it never happened."
Buffy was very still, knowing if she made a sound now she'd regret it later.
Spike pulled his boots and shirt out from under the bed and put them on. Then he picked up his duster, which had been crumpled in a corner, and shook it out. "Thanks for the ride, Slayer." He went to the door and opened it. Pausing with his hand on the knob, he looked back at her. "I may be a vampire and evil," he said quietly, "but I'm beginning to wonder if you aren't the one who's soulless." He walked out, closing the door silently behind him.
Buffy sat down on her bed. Tears filled her eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall.
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She was late for her first class. She'd finally showered and let the water beat on her sore body for too long. She did come to a decision as she dried off and got ready. She'd wanted a normal life for what seemed like forever. She couldn't just give up her chance at it. Not yet. Not when Riley was right there offering it to her wrapped up with a pink bow. She'd try it on. See if it fit.
She refused to think about how love wasn't factoring into her decision. Because she certainly didn't love Spike. His words, well, they'd hurt. A lot. And something within her ached when she remembered the look on his face. He was right. She still wanted him. But love? No. She'd just have to try harder with Riley.
Buffy showed up at the Espresso Pump a few minutes after two. Riley was already there, saving a table for them.
"I ordered you a latte," he said. "Hope that's okay."
"Sure. Thanks. Lattes are nice," Buffy said. She sat down and sipped her coffee. It was lukewarm. "You've been here a while?" she asked him.
"A while. Yeah," Riley said. He shifted on his stool. "How was your class?"
"Interesting," Buffy said. "At least the last twenty minutes were interesting. I kind of missed the first thirty."
"Did you fall back to sleep?"
"No. Took too long in the shower. Bad first impression to make on a teacher, I know. But I've always had trouble being On-Time-For-School Buffy, what with the late nights slaying and the stiffness and soreness..."
Riley put his hand over hers. "Now you're being Babbling Buffy."
Buffy laughed lightly, nervously.
"Buffy, what's going on? And don't deny it, please. I know something's up."
She sighed. She'd been practicing what to say on the walk here, hoping that just the right words would magically fall out of her mouth. Which wouldn't be that unusual, being on the Hellmouth and all. She took a deep breath. "I want to try and make this work, Riley—this thing between us."
"Then why do you look so grim when you say that?" he asked.
"Not grim, determined."
Riley took his hand from hers and leaned back. "Is it really that hard?"
"What?"
"This. Us. Is it really so hard for you that you have to force yourself to be in this relationship?"
"No!" Buffy said quickly. "I mean, God I don't know what I mean. I do know I want you in my life. I want what you represent to me—something safe. Something I can count on to always be there."
"You make me sound like a teddy bear or ADT."
"Riley." Buffy groaned, putting her head in her hands. "I am so crappy with the words. Words are not my friends."
"Just try to be clear. That's all. Tell me." Riley crossed his arms, waiting.
She didn't blame him for being irritated. And she knew she should confess what she'd been doing with Spike lately before going any further with this attempt at fixing their relationship. But, again, the words wouldn't come.
"Let's start over," she finally said. "Hi." She stuck her hand out. "I'm Buffy Summers and I'm really glad to meet you."
He looked at her strangely, keeping his arms folded. "I don't know if I want to start all over. It seems like we've gone through too much together to start back at the beginning."
She let her hand fall. This was harder than she wanted it to be. "Okay. Not from the beginning. How about from when you came back to Sunnydale this weekend? Can we start from there?"
Riley folded. She could see it in every line of his body. He'd play. Buffy felt relieved yet also disappointed. Not much of a fight, really.
He stood and tugged at her hand until she was in his arms. He hugged her tightly and she took a deep breath of him. He smelled—nice. Not dark and sexy like Spike with the leather and the bourbon and the musk and... Buffy dug her forehead into Riley's chest to stop her thoughts.
Riley pulled back. "Ow , Buffy. Careful. I have ribs in there."
"Oh! Sorry!" She smoothed his shirt down. "I need to check in with the gang. But can we meet up later? At the Bronze again?"
"Will Spike be there?"
"I have no clue," she said as lightly as she could. "I'm not Spike's keeper."
"But he'd like to be yours."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Buffy lied. She kissed him on the cheek. "See you later?"
"Yes," Riley said. "Later."
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"What time did Riley say he was coming?" Xander asked, shouting over the music as he, Anya, Buffy, Willow and Tara danced together at the Bronze.
"I'm not sure," Buffy shouted back. "I left him a couple messages, but I never heard back."
"You're sure he's okay?"
Anya patted his arm and then slid her hands around his middle. "Forget your mancrush , Xander. Dance with me."
"Ha, ha, Anya," Xander said, but he complied and danced her away from the group.
"Should we sit the rest of this out?" Buffy asked Willow and Tara. They agreed and the women made their way back to their table.
"Thirsty," Buffy told them. "Cokes all around?"
"Coke for Tara, but I'll just have water," Willow said. Buffy nodded and went to get the drinks.
She saw him right away. He was sitting at the bar, smoking. Their eyes locked for a second before Spike purposefully looked away. Buffy was about to make a move in his direction when a pretty brown-haired girl sat down on the stool next to his. He turned to her immediately and said something that made her laugh. She plucked the cigarette from his fingers and took a slow drag off it. After blowing the smoke out of the corner of her mouth, she leaned over and kissed Spike. On the mouth. Enthusiastically. And he definitely wasn't fighting her off.
Buffy felt sucker-punched. How could he go from her and what they'd shared the night before to—that? She closed her eyes for a second, hoping she was only seeing things. But when she looked again, the girl had her arms wrapped around Spike's neck. She was playing with the soft curls at Spike's nape. The curls Buffy had held on to while Spike had been deep inside of her. The irrational hurt she felt was almost overwhelming.
Spike broke the kiss and looked Buffy's way. The smirk on his face made Buffy want to rip those curls out, hair by hair. She crossed her arms and walked straight to the pair.
"That was quick," she said to Spike when she reached them.
"Well, pet. Seeing as you didn't want what I was offering, I found a bird who does."
Buffy turned to the girl. "Did he tell you he's a vampire? But one who can't bite because he's been neutered?"
"So?" the girl said. She ran a finger over Spike's lips. He grabbed it with his teeth and made a little "grr " noise. "I think it's cool."
"Oh, you can pick them, can't you," Buffy said to Spike. He released the girl's finger and shrugged at Buffy.
"A willing woman is a wonderful thing. If I remember correctly, you were more than willing last night. Several times last night."
"You slept with this bitch last night?" the girl said. "I thought you said you weren't attached."
"I'm not, now am I, Buffy?" Spike said looking only at her. He dropped the attitude for a second and let her see the real confusion in his eyes. It hurt to look at him, so Buffy didn't. She studied the girl instead.
"So you don't mind that Spike's a vamp?" Buffy asked the girl.
"As long as he doesn't kill me, nah . Why should I?"
"Um, the evil, blood drinking, soulless, dead guy walking thing?" Buffy said.
The girl looked Buffy up and down. Her expression said she found Buffy sadly wanting. "It seems he was good enough for you last night, so who are you to be questioning me?"
"Nothing's ever good enough for Buffy, pet," Spike said. He threw some cash on the bar and grabbed the girl's hand. "Let's get out of here."
Spike brushed past Buffy, pulling the girl behind him. He didn't look back.
Suddenly Buffy had the intense desire to go kill something.
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"Who the hell does he think he is?" She punched the vampire in the face. "I'm the Slayer! I can't do moral ambiguity, can I?" The vamp got up and rushed her. She sidestepped him and threw him headfirst into a tombstone. "And he wasn't all that great. Well... Well, yeah. He actually was." She kicked the vamp in the head, flattening him.
He stared up at her through yellowed eyes. "Men, huh?" he asked.
"Exactly," Buffy said, pulling out her stake. "Can't live with them. Can't kill them all." She drove the wood into the vampire's heart and walked through the resulting dust.
She hadn't gone far when she heard the sounds of a struggle off to the right. When someone screamed, Buffy ran to help. As she neared the source of the sound, Spike's date came rushing at her.
"He's gonna be killed!" she screeched at Buffy. "More!"
"Who? Spike?"
"Yes! He's fighting some huge slime-covered thing. I'm getting the fuck out of here. You can have him!" The girl ran off and Buffy shook her head. So much for the competition. Not that the girl was competition because Buffy was so not competing for Spike. No way.
"You son of a-- Sod off, Jabba!" she heard Spike yell, followed by a wet slurpy sound. She ran around a crypt to find Spike's arm embedded in a very large, very pink, very gooey-looking demon. "Slayer!" he called when he saw her. "Stay away from its claws." He pulled his arm out and shook the slime off. "Damn thing's got poison in them."
"It has claws?" Buffy asked. The demon noticed her standing there and lumbered towards her. "It has hands?"
Spike jumped onto the demon's back, trying to find purchase in all the goo . It stopped and tried to shake him off, making pink slime fly in every direction. "Why did I wear nice clothes tonight?" Buffy asked the night sky before high-kicking the thing. Her foot sank right into it. She curled her toes and yanked backwards, trying to save her boot. But Spike's attempts to snap the demon's neck pushed it forward, sucking more of her leg into it.
"Spike, what the hell are you doing?" Suddenly, Buffy noticed the demon's arms—with wicked-looking claws attached—extending out of its torso. "Spike!" she yelled. "Claws coming for your head!"
Spike jerked back, but one of the demon's hands scraped his cheek. He lost his hold and fell to the ground.
Buffy blindly reached backwards and grabbed a headstone. She leaned back on it and kicked her leg, flinging the demon—and her boot—into the crypt behind her. It oozed down the stone wall and class=SpellE>puddled on the grass.
Buffy whipped around to look for Spike. He was still lying where he'd landed. His face was bleeding. She ran to him and knelt down. "Spike," she said as she shook his shoulder. He groaned and blinked up at her.
"Bloody hell."
"What do I do? That thing scratched you."
"Dump me back in my crypt, would you Slayer?" he asked faintly.
"What about the poison?" Buffy tore a piece of her skirt off and dabbed at his cheek. "What do I do to get it out?"
"My blood don't exactly circulate like a human's, now does it? I'll be a bit woozy for a while. Expect I'll sleep it off."
Buffy pulled him to a sitting position and then ducked her head under his arm. She helped him stand and wrapped an arm around his waist to keep him from falling down. After kicking off her other boot, she half-dragged him home.