A/N: This is the sequel to 'Handling Loss', and if you haven't read that first you won't understand anything. For those of you who don't feel like reading the whole thing, a short condensed version- Angel Buffy and Spike went on a roadtrip to find the people who killed Drusilla. After finding them and disposing of them, Spike and Angel decided to go to England and bury her ashes, sending Buffy back to Sunnydale. They've both given up on the hating thing, but their friendship is really, really fragile. Will they survive the trip? Will they ever get out of the emotional mess I've got them into? I sure hope so. Enjoy.

Standard disclaimer: Not mine. Joss's, the WB's and UPN's respectively. I'm not making any profit, and this is done purely for my own enjoyment. This story features a M/M relationship with some kink elements- if you don't feel mature and open-minded enough to read it, get out.

Interlude- Daytime

((Back to writing, after a very long break. Maybe, just maybe, there'll be less than four months between chapters. Sorry.))

Several hours later, Spike was awakened by a knock on their cabin door, far too early in the day even for him. He checked the clock- it was barely ten a.m. Angel was still asleep, arms and legs entangled with Spike's. He'd quickly slipped back into the habit of immobilizing the younger vampire to keep him from kicking in his sleep. The knock repeated itself, and Spike sighed quietly. With a skill acquired during his long years with Angelus, he slithered out of bed without moving the springs and waking his Sire. Still buttoning his jeans, he opened the door a crack, thankful that there were no windows in that part of the corridor.

"Yeah?" He drawled, leaning on the door. He secretly enjoyed the chambermaid's wide eyes and blush when she saw him. She had to swallow before she spoke.

"Um, are, are you Spike?" She asked timidly.

"Yup." He replied. She smiled a bit more confidently.

"You've got a telegram from California. There's a ship-to-shore connection if you want to call back." She handed him a slip of paper.

"Ta, luv." He took it eagerly. Anything from California meant Buffy. He hoped it wasn't anything bad of course- swimming back all the way now would be a bother at best. Making sure Angel was sill asleep, he closed the door and unfolded the message. It was short and to the point.

<Got home safe. Hope U 2. Dawn furious. Spike phone home. Love you both. Buffy.>

Spike grinned, then frowned in puzzlement. Why would Dawn be furious? Well, he'd go call her. Angel would sleep for hours, and Spike himself was fully awake now. He finished dressing, left another note for Angel, with the telegram attached, and left the cabin.

The corridors seemed unusually full for the middle of the morning, and Spike overheard quire a few comments about the horrid weather. He smiled. If it was raining, he could finally see the ocean again in daytime, and explore the open deck. But first, he had to call Buffy. A few minutes of searching led him to the communications room, where he fidgeted, read brochures, and flirted with the various secretaries until the connection came through. He snatched the receiver from the girl's hand impatiently.

"Hello, Spike." Damn. If words could freeze, he'd be a Spike-icicle by now.

"Rupert." He gulped. "Morning. Is, um, is Buffy there?"

"She may be." Giles admitted coldly. "But I have a few things to discuss with you first, I think."

"Go on." Spike had a fairly good idea of what the Watcher wanted to tell him, but figured he'd better say it now, while he was safely out of reach.

"Buffy seems fairly happy, now she's back. I gather you're at least partially responsible for that." The man said calmly.

"I suppose you could say that, yeah." He'd made the Slayer happy!

"Yes, well. First of all, I would like you to consider that I have read every single book in the shop, as well as in the library, and that some of them contained very advanced magic indeed."

"Okay..." Spike knew exactly where that was going.

"Consider also that I would have no compunctions about using these spells on people who hurt my family. Add to that that I love Buffy like a daughter. What conclusion do you reach?"

"That I'd better not hurt her or you'll do unspeakable things to me." Spike parroted the words said to him by Angel and Willow, which he assumed he'd get more familiar with in the future.

"Most certainly." Giles agreed. Then he sighed. "She's a big girl, and if she says she trusts you , the only thing I can do is accept it and have her committed somewhere."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Rupes." Spike replied bitterly. He was surprised at the effect the Watcher's disapproval had on him- since when did he care? "I love her. Can't it be possible that she at least likes me? And that we enjoy each other's company?"

"I'll believe it when I see it." Giles said. "Meanwhile, what about Angel?"

"What about him?" Spike bristled. "He's my own bloody business, Watcher. Are you gonna let me talk to Buffy or not?"

"Does she know?"

"More than you ever will, you stuffed up prick. Now let me talk to her!" Spike said icily. Did Giles truly believe he would or could keep something like that from Buffy? He heard a short scuffle on the other end, then a voice that made his heart sing.

"Spike? Where are you? Are you in England yet?"

"No, love. Calling from the boat- you said it was urgent. Besides, I miss you." He knew he sounded sappy, but didn't care.

"I miss you both, a lot. Sorry about Giles," Buffy said, "he's been like this since I got back. You need to get back here pronto so we can show him it's not as bad as it seems." She sounded so happy, and Spike felt positively bubbling with excitement.

"I love you." He blurted out, instinctively waiting to be put down.

"I think I love you, too." The answer nearly floored him. "I only realized it a few days ago, when I got back. I love you and I miss you. How's the trip?"

Spike blinked at the phone. "The trip's...fine. You...You..." He couldn't say it. It was all just a wonderful dream he was about to wake up from. He took a deep unnecessary breath.

"Yeah. I guess I just gave you and Giles the same heart attack. I'll explain it when you get back- in detail. Trust me though- I love you. How's Angel?"

"Alternately broody, delicious and scary, same as always." Spike's brain was up and running again, and he remembered that he had a mission. "How's old Sunnyhell? And what's the niblet got to be upset about now?" He fought the silly grin off his face.

"Oh, that you didn't come home with me, that's all. She's here now, trying to snatch the-" There was another apparent struggle at the other end of the line.

"Spike? Where the hell are you?" Dawn's voice shrilled in his ear, as irate as a teen can sound.

"On a nice boat on the way to England, 'bit." Spike replied, "Why?"

"Why? You said you'll be back soon!"

"I know, Niblet, but this is a family thing. Didn't Buffy explain?"

"Kinda, but everybody's been so busy yelling at her the past few days that she's barely getting a word in edgewise." Dawn answered. "Does it help to know that I'm about the only one who's happy for you two?"

"A bit. Thanks, I guess. I'll be back as soon as I can, and bring you something nice back, okay?" the vampire suggested.

"Cool. I'll watch Buffy for you." Dawn offered in return.

"You'd better!" Spike grinned. "See ya, 'kay? I gotta go."

"Okay. Watch your back, and don't make Angel too happy."

"Wait, how d'you-" But the line was dead. How did Dawn know about the Angel thing? Then the major point of the conversation sunk in.

"She loves me!" Spike crowed, lifting a conveniently placed communications girl and spinning her around wildly. He floated out of the room and up to the deck, his feet barely touching the floor. It was indeed overcast and raining, and Spike just stood there for over an hour, watching the churning waves and getting soaked. He loved the sea, especially when it was stormy, and was too happy to care about the rain. Since it didn't look like the sky would clear up anytime soon, he allowed himself to explore the deck. It had a pool, a bar or two and assorted shops, which were empty and didn't interest him. It still took him nearly another hour to find all that out. After that he simply walked around, watching the horizon and letting the rain drench him. Then, between one step and the next, the memory of the last time he'd walked in the rain feeling this happy hit him like a brick, and he stopped cold. About for years earlier, in Brazil, with-

"Dru..." Her name escaped with a sigh. He turned around and let his feet lead him back to the suite, ignoring the dirty looks he was getting for dripping on the carpet. He opened the door to the suite to find Angel awake and waiting for him.

"Spike, I thought I told you to stay indoors during the day." The older vampire crossed his arms on his chest expectantly, but the took in the sight of his dripping, bedraggled, unhappy Chile. "What happened? You're soaking."

"It's raining." Spike said tonelessly. "I walked in the rain, and I thought about how much Dru used to love it, and now..." His eyes stung, and he blinked hard, "Damn, I'll never enjoy a good rainy day again."

"Oh..." Mindless of getting himself wet as well, Angel pulled Spike into his arms and held him close. "I'm sorry, Childe. I wish there was something I could do. People...People say it gets easier after a while." He struggled to put into words something he couldn't define, the need to keep his Childe safe from sorrow, from danger.

"People lie." Spike shook himself back into focus, "And I'm getting you wet. Lemme go." He pulled away. Angel gave him a final squeeze and sent him to change. The blond stared at the empty mirror, then down at himself. "Fuck. It's like everything reminds me of her. She'll haunt me forever, the bitch."

"There's a thousand platitudes and cliches I could spout off now," Angel said from behind him, "but we both know they won't help. Come here." He sat on the bed and beckoned Spike. "Let's try to get some more sleep."

"I'm not tired anymore. And I need a drink. Want some?" Spike dug in his bag, fished out a small silver flask and held it out to Angel after taking a long gulp. Angel sipped and inspected the flask.

"It's excellent work. Where did you get it?"

"Spain, about, oh, fifty or sixty years back. They had no idea why I always came just when they were closing, but they didn't ask questions, and I paid good money."

"You paid?" Angel raised an eyebrow. Spike scowled.

"'Course I bloody paid for it! Yeah, I considered taking it, or killing him, but he was an artist- would've been a waste of talent. Besides, I wanted to buy a few other things. So I took his neighbor instead. Never seen such ugly dresses in my life- I think even her customers were grateful. We do think about these things from time to time, even us soul-less types." He crossed his arms and pouted.

"Good. It's very nice." Angel crawled under the blanket, "Now let's get back to sleep. By the way, did you talk to Buffy?"

'Yeah. She's okay. Misses us, of course." Something made Spike not mention Buffy's confession of love. "Rupert got on my case, though, the rusty old fart." Spike looked at Angel and then, a bit more longingly, at the door. "I don't want to get back to bed." He repeated. "When will we get another rainy day? Come outside with me."

"I told you not to go outside, boy." Angel's eyes narrowed, "I told you what would happen." He sat up, and Spike instinctively backed away.

"Don't get like that, Poof. I knew it was bloody raining when I got out. Besides, you're never getting your hands on me again, so forget it." He crossed his arms.

"You said that last time too, little one, and look where that got you. I don't want to go outside, rain or no rain." Angel turned over, "And don't you dare leave this room until sunset."

Spike seethed. What was Angel expecting him to do? He was bored. Fine. He sat down on the edge of the bed and slipped a movie into the VCR. At the first bit of soundtrack Angel opened one eye. "Turn that off, I'm trying to sleep."

"I'm bored. Either entertain me or let me entertain myself." The movie had started by then, and Angel's curiosity was roused. "Matrix." Spike supplied, "A post-modern classic. Give it a shot."

"I've been wanting to see that for a while, actually." Angel sat up again, and leaned against the headboard. "But you'll still pay for waking us. You just wait." He put one arms around Spike's shoulders, both for fun and to keep him from getting away. Spike shrugged and watched the movie, ignoring his Sire.

The moment the movie ended Angel was asleep again, and Spike could only shake his head in mild exasperation. It was barely three o'clock, and he still felt full of nervous energy. Looking back to make sure Angel was still asleep, he pulled on his shirt and sneaked out of the suite again. The rain had stopped, but the sky was still overcast, so Spike headed for the now-filled poolside bar. He picked a stool, occupied it and ordered a beer.

He didn't have to wait very long before a pretty young woman approached him. He smiled- finally some entertainment. If he couldn't drain her, he would at least chat her up.

"Hi." She started.

"Hello there." He turned on the charm.

"I'm Melanie." She offered her hand, and he shook it briefly. If she noticed his cold hand, she didn't comment.

"Spike." He offered. She smiled uncertainly.

"That's a nickname, right? Because some parents can be so cruel..."

 You have no idea, thought Spike, but smiled even wider. "It's a nickname, pet, yeah. Where are you headed, then?"

"To London on a holiday. You?" She sat down facing him.

"Same, but for a friend's funeral." Spike took a better look at her. Older than Buffy, and not half as pretty in his view, but her curly brown hair was attractive enough, and she was good for a talk, at least. "Traveling with anybody?"

"My mom. Sorry about your friend." She said. She seemed a bit nervous, now that he thought about it.

"Thanks. I hadn't seen her for a long time before she died." He had to swallow before he could continue, "Anyway, awful weather, innit?" God, he was reduced to talking about the weather now? What was the world coming to?

"Yeah." She took a deep breath, as if fighting with herself, "Listen, I heard about what you did yesterday at the lounge with your, um, friend, and I just wanted to say I think it's really brave of you and it's wonderful that you can be so open with it." She said in one breath. Spike gaped at her, stunned speechless. That was want she wanted to talk about? Undaunted by his silence, the woman went on. "I mean, yeah, my mom was shocked, but I think it's just great that you can do it. So, like, I wanted to say good for you and stuff."

Spike couldn't find anything to say. He'd been looking forward to a nice flirt and found someone who saw him as a 'non-option'. He didn't even want to start explaining. "Thanks." He managed after a while. She nodded and scampered off. His good mood evaporated, Spike left his unfinished beer on the bar and went back to wandering the decks, finally re-entering the ship itself as the clouds started to clear. He bypassed the living quarters and main areas and headed further down. Carpeted, well-lit corridors changed into utility tunnels, although most were still lit. Spike descended all the way down to the giant parking lot, where cars were stored for the voyage. He hung out there for a while, checking out cars and enjoying the echo of his steps in the cavernous hall. Then a scent he couldn't quite place reached him, and he followed it even further, finally reaching something that sounded like the engine room. Just as he got closer, nearly to the door, he heard footsteps behind him.

"Hey!" He turned to find a bulky man dressed in a guard's uniform, "Where d'you think you're going?"

"Um, I got lost coming up from my car, I suppose." Spike changed his accent slightly, and by looking as bewildered as he could tried to pass for an innocent passenger, "I say, is that the engine room? Could I have a tour?"

"No." The guard barked, "This ain't a cock-pit. Get out." His arm was grabbed unceremoniously, and he found himself shoved in the direction of the stairs up.

"Hey!" Spike protested, "No need to get physical!" He managed to slip from the man grasp, annoyed at his presumption, "I'm just trying to take a walk!"

"Well, walk someplace else." With strength that was beyond human, Spike was propelled up the stairs and shoved out onto the deck, just as the rays of the setting sun broke through the clouds.