will1@earthling.net Confessions of a Resurrection Addict by Phil Hartman DISCLAIMER: Jean, Scott and most of the others are Marvel's. Jake, Brian, Brandon, Connor, Deirdre, and anyone else I create are mine. It's all fiction. No money is being made off of this. NOTE: Set shortly after "Postcards from A Circle of Hell"; AU, hence, why Jean is Nate's mother (and has a ton of other kids with Scott), Betsy is alive, etc. ... NOTE 2: Some language, lots of angst, and ... well, Summerses. They alone seem to require a warning label :) ----------------------------------- 7/17/06: ----------------------------------- "Cecilia's alive, and on her way here." Muted cheers and relieved smiles broke out among the X-Men as Betsy Braddock removed the Cerebra helmet from her head. She joined her teammates in their joy, beaming, until she looked at where Jean and Scott Summers were only faintly smiling, their children gathered around them. #I suppose this is a bittersweet moment, considering the cat I let out of the bag,# Betsy thought, nodding sympathetically at Jean as she met her friend's eyes. Jean's smile twisted, in self-hatred, and her telepathic children (read: five of the six present) looked worried or upset. "Mom, WHAT is going on? Ever since we got back from Avengers Mansion, you've been acting ... weird. Like you're seeing ghosts or something," Rachel asked, her hands on her hips. "It's ... complicated, Ray," Jean said softly, running a hand through the hair of the red-haired boy on her lap. Brian - the telepath of Scott and Jean's youngest pair of twins - looked up at his mother with a definite "you're-not-fooling-me" expression, and Betsy fought back a smirk. #How does she tell her children that she and their father hid the existence of their older brother from them? From most of the other X-Men? And what will that older brother - Jacob, Jean and Scott called him - be like when he arrives here?# Betsy thought, as she accepted a cup of some fizzy drink from Warren and smiled. "Penny for them," Warren asked, sitting beside Betsy on a bench near Cerebra. She shifted enough to give him to set his wings, then sipped her drink, nodding at the taste of ginger ale - a good, stiff alcoholic beverage wasn't something Betsy was opposed to, but she was in no mood to be even mildly inebriated at the moment. ~It's just this whole business with Scott and Jean's human son. I know what I saw in his mind, Warren - he's angry. That's understandable, but who's he connected to? And if they have the intelligence to tell Jacob who his parents are, then who are *they*? What do *they* want?~ Betsy asked. Warren sighed, and Betsy tried not to berate him for the waves of guilt he was radiating; evidently, he, with Hank, Scott, Jean and even Xavier had been complicit in hiding the existence of Jacob from the rest of the X-Men. She actually wasn't angry with him - or the others - for keeping the existence of Jacob secret, given her own checkered past. What annoyed Betsy was the sheer weight of guilt the original X-Men were carrying about keeping the young man's existence quiet. ~I wish you'd bloody well stop *angsting,*~ Betsy demanded, giving Warren a piercing look. ~Given that Scott and Jean's aim in hiding Jacob's existence was to protect him, I can hardly fault you all for not telling the rest of us.~ ~I'm not so sure that it's guilt for failing to tell you. You have to know, Betts - giving Jake up was one of the hardest things Scott and Jean ever did. It was why they waited to marry until after Ororo's team joined. If Jean hadn't returned from the dead and kicked Phoenix's ass, I wonder if Scott would've *ever* married either of them. It was the reality of Jean's disappearance that pushed Scott to pop the question - they knew they didn't have any excuses to wait anymore, including the guilt of giving up their firstborn,~ Warren thought. Betsy nodded, then severed the psi-link, and looked up as the "returning Blackbird" beep started on the monitors. "Back already?" Hank - who'd been chatting with Sage and a grinning Davis Cameron, AKA "Slipstream," despite being an official X-Man all of perhaps six hours - said, looking happier already. Betsy returned his smile, trying not to think of how *feral* the Beast looked after his recent "jumpstarting" by Sage ... "Bloody hell. I hope Logan warned Cecilia about Henry's secondary mutation. If she walks in here and sees him looking like an extra from a Star Wars film -" Betsy breathed, biting her lip. She wasn't being fair, she knew; she herself had been through enough physical changes in the past few years - the past few *days,* what with being reincarnated as a Caucasian telepath once more - to call Hank anything odd. "I'm being a hypocrite, aren't I?" Betsy sighed, smiling as Warren patted her shoulder. "No more so than the rest of us. We've been so used to the ape-like Hank that seeing a big blue *lion* walking around is a definite shock. I mean, I'd rather have him a big cat than dead, but it is a little hard to take," Warren admitted. "I wonder how much of this conversation he's heard. His hearing has to have improved with his secondary mutation," Betsy pondered. "We've all had our hard choices ..." A second, quieter cheer went up when the door from the monorail tunnel opened, and Cecilia walked in with Logan, Piotr, Bobby and Jubilee. Cecilia looked almost embarrassed, then smiled weakly and returned Ororo's hug before Xavier rolled his chair over to her and took her hand. "Cecilia, I'm sorry. We should have moved faster to free you and your fellow prisoners. We just wanted to respect your privacy, hence why we waited to investigate ..." Xavier began, looking around at where the Summers kids were watching a little too closely. "That's all right, Professor. I don't blame any of you for this. I ... I'll just need some time to deal with ... Betsy? Is that YOU?" Cecilia asked, meeting Betsy's gaze with a growing expression of surprise. Betsy stood, smiling weakly, and walked over to Cecilia. "It's something of a change, I admit. You never did see me in my ... original form," the telepath told the doctor, as they hugged. "Well, as one survivor to another, welcome back. Those Weapon X scum told me you'd been killed, and Drake filled me in on the way here, but it was a little hard to believe," Cecilia admitted. The adults and the Summers kids looked over at another entrance to the War Room as the clop of booted feet rang down the corridor. Frank Richards came scooting to a stop, followed closely by Charles Lehnsherr and Illyana Rasputin, as the teens asked, "Where's Leech!?" "He's still in SHIELD custody - he was pretty wiped from being used as a living power-damper field generator," Cecilia said, her tone turning savage for a moment. Betsy tried not to flinch from the rage, grief, and rather disturbing images leaking from Cecilia's mind, until the doctor reinforced her shields and smiled bitterly. "Oh God ... Dr. Reyes, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ignore you. It's just, we heard -" Frank began, blushing as Rachel walked to his side and took his hand in hers. "It's OK, Franklin. Leech'll be all right, and with time, so will I. I got off pretty lucky, really," Cecilia said with false bravado. She glanced at Betsy and thought, pointedly, #I'm not fooling you at all, am I?# ~No, but then, I should probably talk to someone about coming back from the dead. And Scott and Jean are dealing with a very old secret ... they're probably going to tell everyone soon. We could all benefit from a good head-shrinking,~ Betsy tried to joke. Cecilia started to laugh, then, and couldn't stop. She giggled almost madly for a full minute, finally wiping her eyes before asking, "So, where's -" "Cecilia?" "Whoa. MCCOY? Don't tell me you've been drinking your own concoctions again?" Cecilia asked, her eyes widening as she watched Hank approach. He held out a hand to her, his cat-slit eyes welling up, and he mumbled, "I'm so sorry ... Bobby told me what the Weapon X camp was like, and I didn't -" "Shush, mi gato," Cecilia interrupted, tearing up herself. "C'mere - and if you shed, I'll kick your ass." Betsy couldn't help but wipe a tear away as Cecilia almost disappeared in Hank's arms. #I think they may have found the help they needed,# she thought, stepping aside as the younger Summerses and the new New Mutants approached Cecilia to welcome her back. "I think, given the circumstances, we should perhaps postpone Scott and Jean's announcement, if that's all right," Xavier said, nodding at the Summerses. Scott looked almost too relieved, while Jean ... Jean just nodded, the luster gone from her green eyes. She stood, after kissing Scott's cheek, and slipped out, ignoring Logan's worried glance and Rachel's sudden flicker of overt fear. "Keep the faith, Warren. I have a firebird to go comfort," Betsy said, squeezing her ex-lover's hand as she left to follow Jean. "Betts - be careful, OK? This is a deep wound. Remember what I told you before - Jean gave up one of her kids. For someone who almost DEFINES mother hen ..." Warren whispered. Betsy raised an amethyst eyebrow, but nodded with new consideration. "I know how dangerous mother birds can be, Warren. I'll be careful," she said, slipping out. ------------------------------------------- Jean was in the Danger Room. Betsy slipped quietly into the control booth, sparing a thought for how much she retained of her ninja skills, even in her Caucasian body - and, really, what *did* race have to do with combat skills? - as she looked down into a sunlit scene. It was Xavier's office - rather retro-looking, circa the early '80s, with a picture of *Jimmy Carter* on the wall, of all people, and a flattering picture of a younger Xavier, his arms around a white-haired man who had to be Magnus and a raven-haired young woman Betsy assumed was Gabrielle Haller. Jean - the present-day Jean, in her skintight black uniform pants and yellow and black jacket - stood against one of the walls of the office, her arms crossed as she hugged herself. Her green eyes were full of pain, but her expression was neutral. Xavier himself - looking older in the sim than he did in the modern day, and Betsy reminded herself that this was Xavier before his clone body, which had been decanted in its 20s - sat behind his desk, looking ... pained. He was gazing at a rather mousy Caucasian woman, about 30, her brown hair pulled back in a bun and her gray eyes behind spectacles. She looked nervous, but smiled reassuringly and stood, saying, "I assure you, Professor, the child will be well cared for. We've found a loving home for him." "I believe you, Ms. Roberts. It's just ... difficult," Xavier said, his voice hiding volumes. Betsy nodded; she was sure that - given the secrecy surrounding the School for Gifted Youngsters in its early years - Xavier and the original X-Men had had to take extreme measures to hide their mutancy. Whether that choice had been wise was a verdict history still hadn't handed down. #But the sacrifices demanded by such secrecy ...# Betsy thought, watching a door to the office open, admitting a small crowd of older teenagers and one hulking young adult. #My God, they were so YOUNG ...# Betsy realized - she'd seen photos, and telepathic memory-sharing, but to see actual 3-D representations of the original X-Men, close to their first field efforts ... Warren looked almost like a boy, but his usual lust for life was gone, replaced by a grim expression which belonged on no young person's face. Hank, also, looked serious, but more mournful than Warren. Behind them was a boy, looking closer to 12 than 17, with cropped brown hair whom Betsy was shocked to recognize as Bobby. #He's barely aged! I wonder if the cryonic nature of his powers slowed his aging ... and I'm used to him smiling,# she reflected, seeing the young Bobby's eyes well up as the last of the crowd of young mutants entered the room. Scott looked ... even more grim than ever, if that was at all possible. Betsy could clearly recognize the outline of the grim Cyclops he would become by the time they first met, and she couldn't help but feel a faint flicker of the misguided desire she'd had to face when they were on the Blue Team together. #So it wasn't lingering bits of Kwannon. Damn. I guess I am a sucker for wounded men,# Betsy tried to joke, looking at the younger Jean. She was stunningly beautiful, almost statuesque, and dressed in a simple green business suit. Jean's eyes were what made Betsy inhale, though . They were the same, agonized ones the modern Jean was gazing through, over in the corner, ignored by the holographic crowd of mutants and adoption officer. And then, Betsy saw the small, blanket-wrapped form, in the younger Jean's arms, as one chubby hand reached up and a coo rang out in the sudden silence. #Oh, GOD ... I shouldn't be here,# Betsy thought, freezing - - but she couldn't move; it wasn't the adult Jean, since Betsy knew enough telepathic trickery to shield herself from her teammate. The British psi simply had to see things through. The younger Jean - the 19-year-old - handed the baby to Ms. Roberts, shuddering as the child gave a soft whimper. The blanket shifted, giving Betsy the chance to see curls of strawberry-blond hair and alert blue eyes. "Please ... tell his ... adoptive family that his name is Jacob. They might change it, I know, but -" Young Jean whispered. "I'll pass it along, Ms. Grey," Roberts said, the compassion which had flitted across her face at the sight of the baby shifting to a momentary contempt as she looked at Jean closely. "Watch yourself, Roberts. Your narrow-minded judgment is NOT welcome here. Now - go," the younger Warren snarled, his back shifting in that familiar way it did when his wings were trying to get loose from his harness. Roberts looked shocked, but nodded at Xavier and left, as little Jacob started to cry. The younger Jean held herself together until Roberts had left the office, then gave a wail and buried her face in Scott's chest. "Jeannie - she hasn't left the grounds! We can -" Bobby insisted, almost pleading. "NO! Damnit, Drake, I CHOSE this! Don't make it harder than it has to be!" the younger Jean snarled, spinning on the younger X-Man with a feral expression. She crumpled, then, and leaned on Scott, who helped her to a love seat. "He can't stay here. The Juggernaut, Magneto, the Sentinels - it's too dangerous for a human child," Jean whispered - and the echo over the control room's speakers made Betsy look at the modern Jean, who shivered at the sight. "Jean ... " the younger Scott breathed, holding her close. He looked at Xavier, who nodded grimly, and motioned for Bobby, Hank and Warren to leave. "I will keep track of him, I promise. If anything happens to Jacob, those responsible *will* pay. You are not children anymore. I am proud of you for putting your son's needs ahead of your own, but I recognize you are also grieving. I cannot ease your loss - not without unethical telepathic intervention. You'll have to work through it yourselves," Xavier said. "We ... understand, sir," Scott replied, sounding torn. He and Jean left, and the office gave way to the grand front hall, where Jean stood and stared at the now-closed front door. The older Jean seemed to phase through the walls of Xavier's office, standing far enough back to watch the interaction without "interrupting." "Do we, Scott?" the younger Jean said, giving him a bitter look. "I'm not the telepath - not until I'm further along in my training with the Professor - but I can read you well enough." "Jean - ! I agreed with you. Jake will be safe and loved with an adoptive family. Isn't that enough?" Scott asked. "You still think it was a bad idea. I can tell. What, is the loss of a potential tactical asset eating at you?" the younger Jean hissed. Scott went stiff at that - like he'd been stabbed or something - and despite his youth, he put up the classic Summers wall expression Betsy had come to recognize and eventually see through. #I guess that answers whether he was always so uptight,# a snarky part of her mind taunted. Betsy shushed the cruel thought and focused, listening as the younger Scott replied, "He's my son, too, Jean. I would've given you a ring - raised him with you -" "And what if the Sentinels fried the nursery, regardless of Jake's genetics? What if we were killed? And my parents - God, it was hard enough hiding my pregnancy from them and Sara. How would we have explained this, Scott, much less protected him? Don't you think I WANTED to keep him!?" the younger Jean shouted. She couldn't hold the tears back, then, and sank into one of the oversized chairs as Warren literally flew downstairs, followed by Hank and Bobby. "Jean ..." Warren said, giving Scott a vicious glare as he knelt beside Jean. "Back off, Warren, all right! This isn't the time or place to play the rebound boyfriend, and it should be damn obvious that I'm damaged goods!" the younger Jean snapped, bitterness underlying her tone. "You're not damaged goods," Scott insisted, looking away guiltily. Warren's expression was anything but agreeing, and Hank and Bobby looked lost. The idea that a young Bobby Drake could be at a loss for words was perversely amusing to Betsy, but she kept her snickering to herself. #This is not a time for savoring youthful foibles,# Betsy reminded herself. She watched as Hank walked to Jean, pushing spiky black hair out of his eyes, and held her hand. "Jean, whatever you need - as one friend to another - I'm here," the young - and Caucasian, and non-furry, and *human*-looking, Betsy realized - Hank said, smiling sadly. "Hank -" Jean sniffed, finally smiling, even if it was a sickly thing. She threw her arms around the Beast, and smiled apologetically at Bobby as he walked over to her. "Jeannie ..." Bobby said, still quiet. Jean stood and hugged him, whispering something which made him smile, and she released the youngest original X-Man with a grateful expression. "You all lost something too. And I'm sorry I didn't recognize that.You would've made great uncles. But Jake wouldn't've been safe, guys. I know you all mean well - and I love you all for it - but right now, I just need some space, OK?" the younger Jean asked. Bobby, Warren and Hank nodded, flying, loping or shuffling off. Finally, Jean was left with Scott, who had been standing apart from her with his arms crossed. "I'm sorry. It's just - maybe that distance thing should apply to us for right now, too, OK?" the younger Jean asked. Scott nodded, but he uncrossed his arms and kissed her forehead, then whispered, "I'm not giving up on us, Jean Grey. You are the mother of my son, whether or not we had to let him go. When you're ready, I'll be here." With that, he walked back in to Xavier's office, and the modern Jean called, "Freeze program." She walked forward, holding out a hand to her frozen holographic younger self, and shivered. Then she breathed, "End program," and dropped to her knees, sobbing, as her younger self faded from view. #God ... what should I do?# Betsy thought, uncertainty crossing her mind - and then the control room windows *shook.* ~WHAT IN THE HELL DID YOU SEE, ELIZABETH!?~ Betsy actually feared for a moment - she had crossed a line, she knew, but she'd been worried for Jean - and her shields were being buffeted by a storm of what could only be called psionic flame - - and then it was gone, as the door to the control room opened and an exhausted, pale Jean walked in. "I'm sorry. I bloody well poked my nose in where you weren't ready to open up yet. I was just -" Betsy stammered, sounding weak even to herself. Jean silenced her with a gentle wave of her hand, then sank into a nearby chair. "It's all right. I should've faced this years ago - told my own kids, if nobody else - but it's been so damn hard ..." she breathed, her tone becoming wry as she watched Betsy sit across from her. "And I opened up the oldest of wounds. I'm surprised you didn't fry me. I rather deserve it," Betsy sighed. She managed a smile when Jean reached over and squeezed her hand, then gave the British psi a wistful smile. "You deserve my gratitude. To know that Jake grew up - that he's safe, even if he's angry with Scott and I, and justifiably so - that's a gift I couldn't have asked for. Charles tried to keep track, but you know what our lives are like ... and part of me kind of wanted not to know. It hurt less that way," Jean said, sighing. "Scott and I were standoffish for years, because we rushed too quickly as 18-year-olds. To give up my firstborn at 19 ... the rift took too long to heal. At least we have an idea of what Jake is like, and we know he's alive." "Well, I can tell you he has remarkable mental fortitude and willpower. Not much surprise, given his bloodlines. I only got a flash of his mind, though, back when I was getting back into my body," Betsy replied. "That may be for the best. If he knows anything about us, the less 'we mutant demigods, you cast-out flatscan' the better when we finally meet," Jean said, a shadow of her bitterness returning. She stood, then, and asked, "Could you - do you still have his mental signature? I know Cerebra won't pick it up, but I could use it to still seek him out by amplifying my bloodlink." "I'll gladly give it to you, but don't you - of course. Your telepathy was latent when you gave him up, so you don't have an active psi-bond with him, like you do with your other children," Betsy said, trying not to sound too apologetic again as she stood. She psi-transmitted Jake's mental signature to Jean, who nodded and said, "Betsy ... thank you. For everything." Betsy returned the nod and watched Jean leave, not giving voice to their "understanding." #We come from different worlds, you and I. But we have both longed for the same man, and we both know loss. The least I could do was give your son back to you,# Betsy reflected. She concentrated then, as another - darker - memory flickered across her mind, and her chest seemed pierced by a pain for a moment. A stabbing pain. "It's time to face all our demons," Betsy agreed, steeling herself as she left to find Xavier. "Vargas, your arse is MINE ..." ------------------------------------- The Summers' lost son will be found, coming soon; and Betsy's tale continues soon, also ... -------------------------------------