From: "C. Schlosser" Sometimes I am in the mood to write something really silly. This is the product of one of these moods. Enjoy. (Or at least, try not to scream. You might disturb your neighbors.) With this story, I am leaving it to you to judge how truly insane I am. Disclaimer: „The New Mutants" are copyrighted by Marvel Comics. This is a work of fanfiction and no copyright infringement is intended. Title: Earning one's living Author: Hekatis Rating: PG Type: Alternate Reality / Parody Characters: All of the original New Mutants except for Karma. Summary: All super heroes ever have to worry about in the Marvel Universe is saving the world and coping with their personal problems. This is my take on what it would be like if money came into the picture as well. The story is told from Doug's point of view. Feedback: All feedback is welcome and craved very much. (write to: Claudia.Schlosser@asamnet.de ) Earning one's living by Hekatis It is the first Monday of the month, the day when I do the accounts. In theory, I could do them on Tuesday, or Wednesday or Friday or any other day of any week in the month. In practice, I am most likely to get them done on this date because everybody else is busy earning money. Other people receive their salary at the end of the month and thus actually have money to dispose of at the beginning of a new month. Some earn that much that they do not have to worry about money at all. That is something I can only dream of. Ever since Xavier decided to no longer pay for the New Mutants because he thought having to fend for ourselves would aid our maturing process, my whole life has been filled with the fear that we will run out of money. I worry that much about it that I even forget being afraid in lethal danger. Not only do we have to save the world but also work for our living and the means necessary to prevent the end of the world. So we agreed that we would work the first half of the month and save the world in the second half. Initially, it took some getting used to ignoring the crises which occurred during the first half, but by now, we no longer have a problem with it. After all, there are enough other teams of super heroes who do not have to worry about money. Not that the others are not trying to meet our expenses. It is just that they do not succeed. Okay, enough moping for that Monday. It is high time I started work. Maybe I can get the first addition done before someone bursts in and disturbs me. Half an hour later. I actually got two additions done before Dani calls me. She needs me to convince Rahne that she does not look stupid with that pink bow around her neck. After I have persuaded Rahne that the color goes well with her fur and that she looks incredibly cute in it I get back to work. Dani and Rahne work on a circus number with Dani as the animal trainer and Rahne as the wolf. I am stressing the order because the have also tried it vice versa but that would not work out. Not that it would work out the way it is. Rahne is a very intelligent wolf and learns new tricks fast but whenever she is supposed to perform before an audience, she bails out. But since Dani thinks the training is good for Rahne's self-esteem and giving up would mean that she does not believe in Rahne's ability to overcome her fear of appearing before a crowd, they continue training. I look at the watch. 9 o'clock. By now, Illyana, Roberto and Sam should have arrived at the apartment of their customers with the van. Illyana offers the country's only „Ordered today. Delivered yesterday." moving service and people who are very spontaneous in their decisions to change their place of residence like to contract her. I wonder if it is a good day for our communal cashbox. If it is a good day, Illyana will be moping about something and not say a word while Sam and Roberto discuss some football game. But then I remember that Illyana has said something during breakfast (half an apple and a glass of water for everybody) this morning about finally having accomplished a spell which she had been trying for months, which will probably mean that she will be in a good mood. The day looks very bad for for our communal cashbox. If we are lucky, we will get out of this plus/minus zero. For, when Illyana is in a good mood, Roberto will get annoyed at her. He will reproach her that he and Sam do all the actual work while all she does is stand and stare and Illyana will retort that it is more difficult than he thinks (if he thinks at all) to find two safe, unwatched places on the highway where she can teleport the vehicle. They will continue to argue about whatever pleases them – it can be any topic from the silliness of the last Magnum episode to Illyana's peculiar taste in hats – until Roberto will finally storm off. Sam will run after him and try to convince him to come back because, if they do not work together, they will not have anything to eat this week and all the weeks after this one. Roberto will reply angrily that, if Sam is that worried about their food supply, he can go and work in the coal-mines. Sam will shout at him that they would not be in that much trouble if Roberto did not refuse to make up with his father and Roberto will shout back that a Da Costa will not crawl and beg for money and they will start hitting each other. By the time they are finished – usually about one or two hours later –Illyana will have completed the move alone. Since she is a petite girl who cannot lift and carry all the heavy pieces of furniture on her own, she will conjure up some demons from Limbo to help her. Since these demons do not look human even to the most myopic eyes – and Illyana has become quite good at teleporting people's glasses away – she will distract her customers with a conversation that can range anywhere from the merits of the French cuisine to the disadvantages of mass tourism while the demons pack the furniture. Since Illyana will be busy talking to the owners' of the apartment, she will not be able to supervise her servants, which will, unfortunately for our communal cashbox, mean that these creatures of hell (or Limbo – I am not quite sure about the difference and I do not dare ask Illyana because the last time I did she gave me a demonstration and I was not able to do the accounts for a whole month) will not devote the necessary care to the items they pack and Illyana will have to compensate the customers for the damage that has been done to their property. By the middle of the week, the acute food shortage this entails will convince Roberto to reconsider his decision to no longer work with Illyana. I can only hope that we will not have starved until then. I banish these depressing thoughts from my head and concentrate on the accounts at hand, but Amara's yelling at her students that they are lacking discipline and any other quality that a good soldier needs makes it difficult. Amara used to give private Latin lessons but the fact that she insisted on the Nova Roman variant of the language instead of its classical form drove her students away, so by now she teaches sword fight. Usually, her students quit after the first lesson and only the most pain-resistant individuals come back for a second training session. There was actually a guy who returned a third time, but when he pleaded with Amara to whip him she threw him out. The yelling has finished and I can again dedicate my whole attention to my task until Warlock asks for my assistance in communicating with the potato bugs in the garden. Of all my teammates, he is the one with the most direct approach in the fight against the famine that constantly threatens us – he grows vegetables. Unfortunately, his methods of pest control are not very effective. I mean, even if we did manage to decipher the language the vermin on our plants use, I doubt that we would be able to convince them not to feed on our future meals. I would not care if I were an insect. Another unsuccessful attempt of understanding bug language and two hours examining the gloomy matter that our finances are later, Illyana comes back and asks for cash. The valuable painting her demons scratched cost exactly 10$ more than what she can charge for the move. I give her our last small change and tighten my belt by two holes. Illyana notices that I look tense and invites me to join the regular Monday evening orgy. As always, I decline. Sex would burn too much calories that I need for something else. I wonder if I could earn some money by writing a computer program but discard the thought. The only programs that sell well are those which allow to conquer the world and that would only boost our expenses for the second half of the month. Sam and Roberto come back, quite disheveled and with numerous bruises. We have run out of dressing material and Illyana refuses to do a healing spell before Roberto apologizes to her for calling her a mediocre sorceress, which he, of course, does not even consider, so we need to buy a new first aid kit. Dani tries to seduce Roberto and convince him that it would not hurt his pride if he asked his father for money, but unfortunately, Amara bursts in and complains loudly about the inability of her newest student before Dani can succeed. In view of our empty refrigerator, Rahne proclaims that she will appear on stage in the local bar this evening and I pray that she will actually go through with it this time because it is always me who has to comfort her after her failures and I have run out of valium. I decide to phone the legal advice for citizens board about how much the penalty for electronic bank robbery is, but the line is dead since we have not been able to pay the latest phone bill. I start praying for a rash end of the world. Unfortunately, it does not arrive until the second half of the months, when the others save it and leave me with the accounts.