Disclaimer: The New Mutants belong to Marvel. Title: Sometimes you need a new perspective (or a new printer?) Author: Hekatis Rating: PG Type: New Mutants Parody Characters: Rahne, Illyana, Roberto, Dani, Sam, Doug, Amara Summary: Rahne struggles with her printer, and then matters get even worse. Feedback: Always welcome. Please write to: hekatis@hotmail.com Authors note: You guessed it. My printer and I aren't exactly the best of friends. If you have any suggestions how the two of us could improve our relationship (and I've already tried everything the manual suggested) please don't hesitate to impart your wisdom to me. Sometimes you need a new perspective by Hekatis Rahne is in the kitchen, mixing margarine and sugar for a cake pastry. Cutting rhubarb, stirring the pastry - all these tasks are easy. They help her to forget what is lurking in her room, demanding her attention. Illyana enters. "Dani told me you need a ride downtown?" Illyana asks cheerfully. Rahne flinches. Her problem is catching up with her. "Ahm, yes, but I'd really like to finish this cake first." Illyana shrugs and plops onto a kitchen chair. "No problem. I've got time. Besides, I like to watch people working. By the way, are you in a contest to use up all the rhubarb before sunset? This is the fourth cake you're baking today." "Uhm, yes, but it looks so delicious and I'd like to use it while it's fresh." Illyana shrugs. "I won't complain if everybody gets their own cake this evening. By the way, can I use your printer? I accidentally transformed my own into a duck and now I can't undo the spell." Rahne flinches again. "You can do whatever you want with it if you get it to function," she mutters between clenched teeth. Illyana looks up, astonished. "What did you do to it?" she asks. "You're the last person whom I would have suspected to manhandle their computer equipment." Suddenly, Rahne becomes vehement. "Everything and nothing. I gave it the right paper. I never turned it off before it was finished with its task. I dusted it off every week. I consulted the online manual when it started skipping lines, I did everything the manual told me, I had it perform self-cleaning, I cleaned it myself -- nothing worked. I inserted a new cartridge only a month ago -- it shouldn't be empty yet!" Illyana shrugs again. "Don't ask me. Shall I turn it into a duck?" Rahne suddenly tears off her apron. "I'm ready to go to town," she proclaims, suddenly resolved. After Illyana drops her in front of a computer store, Rahne feels her courage sink. Her printer was refusing to co-operate with her. Would a new cartridge really help, especially when the old one shouldn't be empty yet? If she wasn't able to live in harmony with her printer, would she be able buy the right cartridge? Should she really open the door to the computer store? She decides to procrastinate this by studying the shop windows a while longer. When she has finally convinced herself to enter, a shop assistant in a suit and a tie immediately comes up to her. "Are you looking for something in particular?" he asks her while his tone is clearly conveying that he can't imagine what she should be looking for in this place at all. "I - I need a new cartridge for my printer," Rahne stutters. He looks her up and down critically. We normally sell dozens of computers to successful enterprises or at least huge software packages to aspiring businessmen, not single cartridges to students, his look says. His voice, however, condescends to utter: "For which type of printer?" "HB Doughnutchest 173,9 X," Rahne stammers, ashamed of her trifling request. The shop assistant wordlessly hands her a cartridge and states the sum to be paid. When the transaction is completed, Rahne flees the shop. At least she won't have to worry in the near future about possessing any spare money that burglars could be interested in. "Where have you been, Rahne?" Sam inquires when she re-enters the house. "I bought a new cartridge for my printer," Rahne explains and shows him the item. Sam glances at it. "Don't you have a HB Doughnutchest 173,9 X?" he asks. "This is a HB Doughnutchest 173,89 x. I don't think it will fit into your printer." "Rahne, are you all right?" "Rahne," Dani says as she places another cool cloth on Rahne's forehead, "it wasn't your fault. If this jerk wasn't able to sell you the right kind of cartridge, you have every right to go back and exchange it." Rahne shudders at the thought of going back into that shop for aspiring super computer users. "Maybe I didn't pronounce it clearly enough?" she suggests meekly. "You're not going to let them cheat you?" Illyana asks, outraged. "Maybe they were just waiting for an innocent looking customer to whom they could sell their last instance of a HB Doughnutchest 173,89 x. I mean, who still wants a 173,89 x when they can use a 173,9 X instead?" "Of course, some people would rather use ducks," Roberto remarks. "I wouldn't have misdirected that spell if you hadn't thrown that sponge at me right then," Illyana spats back. "You expect me to use fair means in a fight against you?" Roberto smirks. Then the full meaning of Illyana's words reaches his brain. "Wait a moment. The spell was meant for me?!" "Maybe I should just go back to using pencils?" Rahne offers timidly while Roberto and Illyana simultaneously lunge for the sponge on her bedside table. "In Nova Roma, we had slaves to whom we could dictate our writing," Amara contributes. "Maybe you could teach Illyana's duck to use a typewriter so that it can be a secretary for you?" Doug proposes. "No," Sam opposes vehemently, "Rahne is much too good a writer to be using anything else but the best word-processing program and the finest printer. She has to exchange that cartridge." "But they didn't give me a sales slip," Rahne whispers in protest. "Just make them remember you," Dani advises her as she hands Rahne her tomahawk. Again, Illyana has dropped Rahne in front of the computer store. "Do you think you can do that alone?" Illyana asks. "I still need to buy ducks' food for Robbie and Printie." Ilyana prepares to leave. "Wait. Can I come along? I mean, what if they try to cheat you and you need a witness in court?" Illyana shrugs. "They only tried that once." Before Illyana can elaborate on why she believes that the salespeople in the pet shop aren't going to swindle her again, a giant cockroach, about 20 meters large, drops from the sky and starts attacking people. Rahne transforms into her wolfen form and jumps out of its path while Illyana is hit by a falling stone and knocked unconscious. Before she passes out, she manages, however, to teleport away all the on-lookers, fetch the other New Mutants and release the spell she has used to turn Roberto into a duck and Doug into a typewriter. A deadly battle ensues. Dani discovers that her talent doesn't work with giant cockroaches. Amara tries to fry the cockroach, but it dodges. Roberto throws stones at it, but it dodges again. Sam tries to ram it and this time it isn't fast enough to dodge. It falls down and now it can't dodge when Amara unlashes a bolt of lava onto it. The cockroach is wounded but it doesn't die yet. Rahne tries to tickle it at a point that Doug has computed so that the cockroach is distracted while Amara aims again. This time, the cockroach dies. Roberto saves Illyana from the falling dead body because he doesn't want the cockroach to spoil his plans for revenge on her. Doug starts filing a report about the incident for the local authorities. Sam states "That was some battle, guys," and Dani answers "You can say that again." "Let's wake up Illyana and go home," Dani orders. "I'll join you later," Rahne states. "What's holding you here?" Doug inquires. "I want to exchanges that ink cartridge for my printer," Rahne declares determinedly. "Somebody going to help me search the rubble?"