24. The War Room
"We've got trouble," Cordelia said flatly, when they had all sat and turned their gazes towards her. "With a capital T, and that comes after S, and that stands for Shanshu. Prophecy, that is, and namely, the lack of anyone to fulfill it. Angel, it looks like it wasn't the good blue fairy who made you a real boy."
"Cordelia, if you could possibly speak English, we'd all be most appreciative," Giles murmured.
Cordelia paced. "The Shanshu prophecy isn't just the reward a good boy gets. It's something that needs to be fulfilled if we're going to win this war. And there are no vampires with souls left in the world to fulfill it."
Buffy's strangled gasp drowned out softer ones around the room, and Xander's eyes flew wide. "That picture... Spike's dead?"
"Spike's not dead, Xander," Cordy sighed. "Well, okay, he's not more dead. But he doesn't have a soul. That leaves us with a grand total of zero vampires who can fulfill that part of the Shanshu Prophecy, and way screwed."
"I'm afraid you're mistaken, Cordelia. Spike does indeed have a soul. I realize you weren't around then, but..."
"No, I'm afraid you're mistaken, Giles. That little sparkly necklace that Angel brought to Sunnydale? Because it's such a fabulous idea to trust Wolfram & Hart? It was a trap. Wolfram & Hart didn't give a crap about the First and its ugly little army, okay? They wanted Angelus running the L.A. branch of our favorite evil law firm and Angel permanently out of the picture."
"Cordy," Angel frowned, "What are you saying here?"
"That amulet runs on soul-power, Angel. It converts the soul to pure light, and destroys it... permanently... in the process. If you'd been the one to wear it, the part of you that makes you Angel and not Angelus would have gone perma-poof. Angelus would have been trapped in the amulet just like Spike was, come back as a ghost just like Spike did, have been bound to Wolfram & Hart just like Spike was. Their very own pet evil mastermind, incorporeal so he couldn't hurt them, on a leash. You can see the evil appeal."
"You're saying Spike hasn't had a soul since he showed up at Wolfram & Hart?" Gunn asked incredulously. "But he fought with us. Was willing to die for us. Was going out and helping the helpless for no reward. Sacrificed himself for Fred. You gotta be wrong about this, Cordy."
"Sorry, Gunn. This is straight from the you-know-who. Spike's soul go bye-bye."
"But..." Gunn protested. "He was... I mean, I've met Angelus..."
"Spike's not Angelus," Cordelia shrugged.
"He did change," Andrew said quietly.
"What's that, Nerd-Boy?"
"Spike," Andrew said in a louder tone. "I'm the only one who spent any time with him before, during, and after the soul-having. He did change. I mean, not like Kirk and Spock in 'Mirror, Mirror', a universe which was revisited both on Deep Space Nine and in the novel..."
"Andrew!"
"Anyway," Andrew continued plaintively. "It was subtle, but it was there. He seemed... edgier. And also, kinda less insane."
"Wait a damn minute," Gunn held up a hand. "Angel wants to save the world. Angelus wants to destroy the world. And the difference between Spike with a soul and Spike without is... edge? What the hell was Spike like with a soul?"
Xander grinned. "You mean before or after the First Evil used him as a big bleachy hand puppet?"
"Can we please leave puppets out of this?" Angel muttered.
"After, I guess. I mean, I got to know Spike pretty well. Pain in the ass, but a damn good guy, kinda guy you'd be glad had your back. Had heart. Wouldn't call him evil."
"He was quieter," Willow offered. "With the soul. More depressy. Like he was under a weight all the time. He kinda... lost the glee. Not so much with the I-kill-things-yay."
"He was kind of a pussy," Kennedy finished.
Xander rolled his eyes. "So glad you decided to add insightful commentary."
"Well! He was! All 'doing what I do best' and then getting thrown through the ceiling." Kennedy smirked. "It was insanely lame."
"Oh, yeah?" Faith challenged. "I didn't see you steppin' up. He got the job done."
"Hey, I'm not... I'm just saying...!"
Buffy's palms slapped down on the table. "Why don't you not say anything? You don't know Spike, you never did, and you don't know what he went through, so why don't you keep your bloody mouth shut?"
Stunned silence ringed the table, stretching out for seconds.
"Bloody?" Angel mouthed silently.
"Look, people," Cordelia finally said, "This isn't about Spike. At least, this part isn't. We'll get to the part about Spike later, okay? Maybe you guys can have a little after-meeting party and discuss the relative merits of Spike through the ages, but right now, we're still talking about Angel."
She unrolled a scroll laying in front of her on the table, and Giles pushed his glasses higher. "Cordelia, is that..."
"The Shanshu Cycle. The whole Shanshu Cycle. Little cavewarming present from the guys upstairs."
"Good lord," Giles breathed.
"Now, okay," Cordelia pointed towards the scroll. "Three major dealies in the Shanshu Cycle that we need to be concerned with right now. One, the destiny of the vampire with a soul."
"That's what I don't understand," Angel protested. "There was this big... thing about there being two vampires with souls in the world, and the wheel of whatever being off balance..."
"And who told you that, Angel? Your good groin-buddy Eve, who's never led you astray?"
"But... the building shook," Angel said plaintively. "And the... phones were weird."
"Oh, the phones were weird? Well, it must be true then! Angel -- Eve and Lindsey unleashed some serious magic to cut Wolfram & Hart's leash off Spike. They wanted to use him to take you down, and it nearly worked! You guys nearly battled to the death over a cup of Mountain Dew, for God's sake!"
"She's not really... I wouldn't call her a... groin-buddy," Angel continued sheepishly.
Xander raised his hand. "Vote for new topic not involving Angel's groin?"
"Seconded," Cordelia said firmly. "Angel, you weren't meant to become human. Not now. Not before you'd fulfilled your destiny."
"Couldn't someone else do it?" Willow suggested. "I mean, Angel's wanted to be human for so long. Seems kinda sucky to give it to him and then take it away again."
"Wouldn't be the first time," Angel muttered. "Didn't even get ice cream..."
"Couldn't we just re-soul Spike? I'm good with that spell..."
"Willow," Cordelia groaned, "What part of 'permanently destroyed' didn't register with you?"
"Hey! It wouldn't have to be Spike's original soul! It's just a vampire with a soul, right? Couldn't we just put someone else's soul into him?"
"Y'know, it's really funny you should bring that up, but I am not letting you people get me off topic again. It just can't be Spike. He's got something else to do."
"He's the soulless champion," Giles sighed wearily. "Fabulous. A bloody nightmare come true."
"Right in one. But again with the off-topic..."
"I'm gonna have to become a vampire again," Angel groaned.
"Why's it gotta be you, Angel?" Gunn asked. "I mean, there's no shortage of vampires..."
"Vampires we can trust? No, Gunn. If it can't be Spike, it's gotta be me."
"Don't you have any more... kindly relatives hanging around?"
"I wouldn't call the rest of my 'relatives' kindly, no," Angel chuckled. "Besides, the only one that's really left besides Spike is..."
"Drusilla's dead, Angel," Cordelia said flatly.
Angel blinked, shaking his head slowly. "No. Cordy, no. I would have... I would have known, I would have felt it..."
"Hello? You're human now, Angel! You don't get your weird vampy family-flashes anymore. Besides, I don't think Drusilla will be high on your hit parade when you know what her last act as an unperson was. She kidnapped Connor, Angel... and before you go all yo-ho-ho and raise the cavalry, he's already been rescued."
"By whom?" Giles asked.
"Spike."
Angel processed this. "Spike had to fight Dru?"
"Spike dusted her. Ripped himself off a crucifix, broke part of the cross off and staked her with it. It was kind of cool. Other than the terrible hair, the guy's got some style."
"Drusilla... crucified Spike..." Giles began to polish in a frenzy.
"Yeah. But this isn't the part where we talk about Spike! What do I have to do to keep you people on topic?"
"Is Spike okay?"
"He's fine, Buffy," Cordelia waved her hand dismissively. "Anya and Oz are taking care of him. And if we can get back on topic..."
Willow's eyes widened. "Excuse me?"
"Back up," Xander hissed. "I want that last sentence one... more... time."
"I said, 'And if we can get back on topic...'"
Giles' fingers were frozen on the polishing cloth. "I rather think Xander is referring to the bit where you mentioned Anya, Cordelia."
"Oh, yeah. Anya's back from the dead, too. Did I not mention that before? Xander, weren't you, like, dating her or something? What is your deal with demons? Anyway, she'll be here soon, she and Oz are going to bring Connor back to Angel."
Everyone opened their mouths at once.
"You said... Oz?"
"Anya and Oz but not Spike? Why not Spike?"
"Anya's back and with Spike?"
"Cordelia," Giles said with icy patience, "Would you like to share with us exactly how many of our colleagues have returned from the grave without our knowledge?"
"Um..." Cordelia looked at the ceiling, counting on her fingers. "Well, for starters, Wesley, yay! And uh... Anya, like I said, and oh, yeah, that Tara girl Willow used to date. I think that's it, for now."
"Tara?" Willow's voice had suddenly become very, very small.
"Yeah, but that's a totally messed-up situation, with her in Dawn's body and all."
"Beg pardon?" Giles choked.
"Oh, yeah. Buffy, your little sister, she's a wacky one. She put a compulsion spell on Spike to force him to vamp her."
"My little sister's a vampire?"
"Tara?" Willow repeated blankly.
"Can we get back to the part where Ahn's not dead anymore?"
"Can we stay on the part where my little sister drinks blood?"
"Dawn's not a vampire, Buffy. Tara stopped the process. But, Tara got stuck in Dawn, and Dawn's stuck in an Orb of Thesulah. None of which is what we are supposed to be talking about right now!"
The room filled with noise again:
"Tara's... inside Dawnie?"
"Good lord."
"My sister's stuck in an orb?"
"Where is Anya now, exactly?"
"OKAY!" Cordelia yelled. "Nobody talks now but me! I don't care if I say that Bozo the Clown came back from the dead and tap-danced on the Shroud of Turin singing 'Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer', everybody shuts up until we get through with this prophecy thing!"
"But..."
"Nuh-uh!"
"Geez," Angel muttered.
"The vampire with a soul! Which we don't have! Angel, I think you're right, I think we're going to have to get Spike to revamp you."
"The begattings," Giles murmured. "All those convoluted begattings, the father of his grandfather, the grandfather of his mother..."
"Giles? I think you're talking. I think that's not allowed."
"Carry on, Cordelia," Giles sighed.
"Part Two: The mystic child. We're okay on that one, it's already been conceived. But Willow, no more magic for the rest of your pregnancy. Let Xander do it."
Kennedy leapt up in her seat. "What the hell?"
"Look, loud girl, you're not allowed to talk either. So sit down."
"Willow can't be pregnant."
"Ohhh," Cordelia said knowingly. "So you're the girlfriend. You know, people always say this, but honey, I know exactly how you feel."
"It's... not possible," Willow gasped. "That's... just not possible..."
Cordelia's eyes flashed. "Yeah, huh, sure, right, Willow. 'Cause you never cheat on significant others with Xander. Hey, when Oz gets here, maybe we can have a chat with him about that."
"You slept with Xander?" Kennedy bellowed. "It was Xander?"
"It was a spell! Kennedy... baby... I didn't mean to, it was a spell..."
"Oh, that's convenient! That works a lot better than oh-I-was-drunk!"
"Kennedy, you don't understand..."
"You cheated on me," Kennedy repeated incredulously. "With a man?"
"I didn't... cheat, it wasn't like that, we both blacked out... we don't even remember it..."
"You cheated on me with... with him?" Kennedy pointed in Xander's direction, a look of disgust on her face. "He's... he's all fat and he can't even fight!"
"HEY!" Buffy and Xander yelled simultaneously.
"Xander can so too fight!" Buffy screeched. "Xander is brave and good and saved the world and you can just shut your face about Xander!"
"What she said, only I would also add that I am big boned!"
"Kennedy, dear, I can vouch for the fact that it wasn't their fault..." Giles tried.
"You all knew," Kennedy whispered, her hands curling into fists. "You all knew about this. And no one told me."
"Kennedy..." Buffy sighed. "Look, it's not like we meant to keep it from you..."
"Who's we? God, you are so full of yourself! Do you think I don't know how much you hate me?"
"I don't... I don't... hate you, I..."
"Where do you get off? News flash, Barbie, you're not 'The Slayer' anymore. You're one of thousands of Slayers, and the only thing separating you from them is that you're old and washed-up."
Giles' eyes flashed. "That was a terribly stupid thing to say, Kennedy."
"Oh? Old and washed up hit a little too close to home, Rupert?"
"All right," Faith drawled, standing up and cracking her neck. "That's it. I'm sayin' we recess so I can kick some uppity bitch ass. Form a line."
"Faith..."
"What?" Faith demanded. "Look, I know you're wicked pissed, Ken, don't blame ya. But your girlfriend just found out she got knocked up against her will by the Powers-That-Meddle, and it ain't pretty when I think you're bein' a brat, yo."
Silence fell, and Faith whirled to Cordelia. "And you. You havin' fun, huh? Some particular reason you wanted to drop this bomb in front of everyone? They kissed. In high school. Get over it. Christ!"
Her words echoed and hung in the air, silence except for Willow's soft sobs, everyone else staring blankly.
"Perhaps we ought to move onto the third part of the prophecy," Giles said quietly.
"Er... yeah," Cordelia replied. "I, um... that's the, uh, part about Spike."
"The soulless Champion."
"Cordy," Angel said quietly. "I think we've kinda passed the listening stage. Why don't we adjourn for now. I think people have... stuff to say to each other."