Disclaimer: Joss owns the characters of BTVS. I am not making any money off of this fic. Please don't sue me. Beta'd by AtheneHahn

A/N: Written in answer to Redwolf50's Challenge 109. Challenge details at the end.

by Jackofspikes

Chapter 29

At William's joking comment, Buffy's playful mood changed. She was saddened by the knowledge that she was just now realising. "The Angel I thought I knew...he never really existed, did he?"

"Nah, pet, I don't suppose he did. But, luv, you need to remember somethin'. You were only fifteen when you met him; a bloody baby in comparison to the bastard. He played you, and when he couldn't have you, he left. You spent three years in love with a bloke who just needed to make you feel a smidgeon of guilt to get you to forgive him anything. He manipulated you into thinking that he made greater sacrifices. You spent so much bloody time feeling guilty for having sent him to hell that you missed the most important fact about that whole bloody thing. Yes, you sent him to hell and the Powers brought him back, but, pet...they could have brought him back at any time. They left him there for five hundred years because they thought he deserved it. If the Powers thought he deserved it, why should you feel guilty?"

She smiled sadly at his rationale. Everything he was saying was true, but there were other things to feel guilty for. "William, it's more than that. I mean, I get what you're saying and I agree with you, but I feel guilty that I cost him his soul in the first place. If I hadn't slept with him, none of it would have happened."

"You didn't cost him his soul. You broke his curse." William was determined to make Buffy understand that none of what happened with Angelus was her fault and if they had to sit here all night talking things through, then that was what they would be doing. As far as he was concerned, Angel had hurt this girl for the last time.

"Huh?"

"It was a curse, luv. He didn't get it because he was deserving of a blessing, he got it because he raped, sodomised, and murdered a young girl. It was meant to be a form of punishment," William patiently explained.

"But he was doing good. He was on the road to redemption. He couldn't have known that that would happen," Buffy mumbled miserably.

"Buffy, he had a hundred years to find out. Angel was turned as an adult, luv. He had choices in every bloody thing he did. You can't hold yourself responsible for his choices. All you did was follow your heart, you didn't do anything wrong," William begged her to believe him.

"William, my actions had consequences. I slept with Angel and he lost his soul because of it. Willow's fish got killed and she was traumatised. Jenny was killed. Giles was kidnapped and tortured. I don't know how many innocent people died. Angel had to spend five hundred years in hell and you...you eventually lost Drusilla because of it." Buffy's last few words were whispered. It was a guilt that she'd never voiced, but that didn't mean that she didn't feel it.

"Oh, kitten," William sighed as he comforted the broken girl in his arms. "You know I love you, don't you?" he asked then waited for her muffled 'yes' before continuing. "Good, 'cause I want you to hear what I'm about to say with that in mind. You are barmy, pet. Stark raving bonkers. The only thing that you could possibly be considered even remotely responsible for in that whole little pity party is having sex with the poof and it's also a responsibility that you share with him. And if anybody should take a larger portion of the blame for that one, it would have to be him. You were a bloody virgin and he was a twenty nine year old male slut when he was turned - by a bleedin' prostitute I might add - then he shagged anything that moved for a hundred and fifty odd years before he got the soul. Personally, I think soul or not, the bastard is a sexual predator and the quicker we can get him away from your younger self, the better." William's voice got harder and more derisive the longer he spoke. His last sentence had been delivered with venom dripping from the words.

Buffy was stunned by the vehemence with which William spoke. She knew that he hated his grandsire, but she had no idea that his hatred ran so deep. Maybe he needed to get some things off his chest, too. Maybe this was the perfect opportunity for them to really talk things through.

"I don't think that's gonna be too big of a problem, Will." Buffy gave a little laugh.

"How so, pet?" he asked. William loved the change of moniker. He only had good memories of being called Will and Buffy was adding to them.

"The other Buffy seems to have developed a definite 'ick' factor where it comes to Angel. It's really strange. I can clearly remember being more upset over the actual 'I told you so' conversation with Xander than I was at my potential relationship with Angel being over. But, at the same time, I know that having sex with him was the start of one of the most horrible periods of my life- four months of being the plaything of a psychotic monster that wore the face of someone I loved more than anything or anyone else in the world. I don't know whether I'm happy or sad to know I'm going to lose those memories. I mean, I know they are all of badness, but if I lose them how will I remember just how bad Angelus was? 'Cause that's definitely something I need to remember." Buffy shared her concerns.

"Not really sure, pet. I'm startin' to have a little problem with the memory thing myself," William reluctantly admitted.

Buffy widened her eyes in shock at his revelation. Her mind whirled with possible consequences. One struck above all else and the very thought of it tore at her soul. She couldn't let that happen. There had to be a way to make sure that never happened. William would help, he had to. She had to tell him, but the thought...the very thought of the possibility of ...'oh, God' she thought in despair.

William grew concerned when Buffy's heart rate increased and she started to hyperventilate. He'd never seen her this panic-stricken. Rubbing her arms as he repeated her name over and over, he tried to regain her attention. She seemed lost in some sort of waking nightmare. All he could do was continue to try and connect with her. He moved a hand to her face, gently rubbing his thumb over her cheek, all the while quietly begging her to return to him. Finally she lifted her eyes to meet his and William sighed in relief. "Was it another memory, pet?"

She nodded slowly, her eyes filled with tears. "But not a new one."

"Buffy, please luv, what is it?" he asked, his tone was tinged with more than a little concern.

"What if you forget about loving me?" she whispered as her tears slipped from her eyes to make tracks down her face.

Smiling widely, he used his thumb to remove her tears, William easily answered her question. "Buffy, I fell in love with you the first time I saw you dancing at the Bronze. If you think that Spike is gonna be any different, you are off your bloody rocker."

"But you wanted to kill me," Buffy commented, mystified at where he had come up with that idea.

"It took me a while to realise it, sweetheart, but don't you worry about it. We'll make sure Spike realises it a lot quicker than I did."

Buffy's relief was palpable. "Good thing too, 'cause I don't really think it's gonna take the other Buffy as long as it took me to realise that I love you."

"What...what did you say?"