Disclaimer: Joss owns the characters of BTVS. I am not making any money off of this fic. Please don't sue me. Beta'd by AtheneHahn

A/N: Written in answer to Redwolf50's Challenge 109. Challenge details at the end.

by Jackofspikes

Chapter 5

"Buffy, I think it would be beneficial to us if you were to write down as many as possible of the adversaries that you remember facing from this time and how you vanquished them. That way only minimal time would be required to deal with those problems and we can focus more fully on the issue of you and Spike." Giles suggested.

"Um...okay. Sounds like a plan. I'll do it in my room; it'll be easier to concentrate." Buffy picked up a notebook and pen and moved towards the hallway "But, if you're gonna question him about his past, remember he gets loud when he gets pissed." She threw a smirk over her shoulder at the vampire doing the fish impression.

Waiting until he heard the door close, Giles turned to his companion and asked the question that had been burning in his mind all day. "What didn't she tell me, Spike?"

Spike considered the earnest expression on the face of the man in front of him as he internally argued with himself; she asked you not to tell them...but that was the Scoobies from your time...and they all know now anyway...she didn't tell him herself...but she didn't tell you not to either...this isn't the same bitter watcher that you know, mate...maybe he could help her...girl needs her mum...maybe...if I can convince the watcher...Joyce could help my Slayer." Making his decision, Spike faced the concerned watcher "She was in heaven. The Scoobies pulled her out of heaven and left her in her casket. She had to dig her way out. She needs help, Watcher.

"Her mum died, she faced a hell god and then she died and went to heaven; she was at peace and they ripped her out of there, Rupert. She thinks heaven didn't want her. She's angry and hurting, and she really doesn't need any more bullshit in her life. I can try and protect her from it, but that just brasses her off. Girl needs her mum, Watcher. We need to tell Joyce everything." Spike's worry and concern for his slayer was etched deeply into his expression.

"Good Lord." Giles sat back in shock. He sat forward, as if to speak, on several occasions but, until Spike placed a glass and his scotch in front of him and he drank his first glass, he was silent with the exception of a few inarticulate sounds.

"Perhaps the council..."

"NO! She'd never forgive you mate. I don't know all the details but I do know she doesn't trust 'em...and mate?" Spike waited until he had Giles' undivided attention. "What ever went on with the Council of Wankers made you not trust 'em either."

Giles considered Spike's words, making a mental note to himself that when the opportunity arose he would endeavour to find out what exactly happened between his Slayer, himself and the Council.

"Do you honestly believe telling Joyce is the best choice?" Giles seriously inquired of the vampire.

"Bloody hell, Watcher, I think it's the only choice."

"I don't know Mrs Summers, but I don't imagine she'll take the news well." Giles commented mildly.

"What? The news that her only child is destined to fight monsters until she dies; that she's destined to die young; that she'll never have a normal life with a husband, kids, white picket fence and a puppy or that my Slayer has died twice and was then ripped out of heaven? ...My advice...make sure when you tell her there are no axes around. Buffy didn't get all her aggression from her slayer side." Spike smirked at the watcher.

Giving the vampire a sour look, Giles pointed out an obvious concern "How will telling Mrs Summers affect the timeline?"

"Joyce found out, in my time, in a couple of months. The Slayer had ta dust a vamp right in front of her. Joyce didn't take it well, and the Slayer had to rush off to stop the Poof from opening Acathla so they didn't have much time to talk. If I remember right, the other Slayer got killed and the cops thought my Slayer had done it. Joyce wanted to call the cops and tell 'em everything; she and Buffy had words. It wasn't a happy time I can tell you. I think, or maybe hope, that tellin' Joyce now, in some sort of controlled environment, it'll make it easier on Buffy an' safer for Joyce, especially if the Poof still manages to lose his soul."

Giles smirked at the vampire, "I take it you are not particularly friendly with Angel?"

Spike looked at the watcher, his expression hard. "Mate, even if you took away everything that he's done to me, the things he's put that girl in there through..." he shook his head in disbelief. "The way he's manipulated her into taking the blame for things he did...and still, she thinks he's a bloody saint...the bastard has been the root of almost all her bloody emotional problems and she just can't see him for what he is. It's taking everything in me to not just go out and dust the bastard now."

"Tell me." Giles ground out, a touch of Ripper slipped into his voice.

So Spike did and an hour later Spike had found an ally in the last person he would have expected to.

"Tell me about you, Spike. I've noticed that you're very focused on protecting Buffy and doing what's right for her, but what about you? How are you coping?" Spike was left momentarily speechless by the apparent concern in the Watcher's voice. It was so unexpected. Few people had ever shown him such concern; his mother, Joyce and Dawn. He never dreamed he'd get that sort of treatment from Giles. The shock caused William to come to the forefront, and with tears in his eyes, Spike spoke softly, "I'm lost Giles."

"What do you mean, Spike?" the watcher gently encouraged the tearful vampire.

"I don't want to go back. Not to what it was like before." He almost whispered; his head hung in shame. "I want to be a better man, but none of them will let me, they won't give me a chance, they won't help me. I want to help, but they always question my motives. Oh, I know it's not their fault, Angelus really did a number on all of them, but they take it out on me...guess that's 'cause they can't or won't take it out on him, not with his soul and all. But, I don't understand watcher, aren't you white-hats s'posed to help? Maybe point me in the right direction; encourage me? I'm a vampire, this is all against my nature, and it's hard. Who am I s'posed to go to for advice when no-one believes me?"

"I'll help you, Spike." Giles offered the morose vampire. Neither man nor vampire noticed the click of Buffy's door when it closed.