Disclaimer: Didn't create the characters, but i treat most of them
better than Joss...so don't complain...I'm not making any money out of
this so please don't sue me.
Beta'd by AtheneHahn, with special thanks to Maryperk for her advice
and help.
by Jackofspikes
A/N:
Thanks to Wulfie for his insistence that the psychological terms
Transference and Projection be utilized.
Chapter 5
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**
"What?" Buffy gasped out. She wasn't shocked
by the information, she
already knew this; no, she was shocked by the inference. She had never
considered it from anyone else's point of view. The new view point made
her feel dirty. As if she'd been touched by something really gross.
When she thought about it, what type of two hundred and forty year old
is gonna be attracted to or fall in love with a fifteen year old child?
Ew...can you say pedophile? And, that's what he had told her; that he saw
her at Hemery and fell in love with her heart. Her heart? Oh please...at
that stage she'd been a Valley Girl Malibu Barbie who thought she was
being stalked by a creepy old guy who lived in a delusional world
filled with monsters...and maybe spent his free time speaking to
Elvis...she'd been sitting on the school steps, sucking on a damned
lolly-pop! ...and Angel fell in love with her heart? She'd been so
self-centred at the time, that she made Cordy and Harmony look like
selfless do-gooders...what the hell did that say about Angel?
"He was sent to help you, Buffy, to keep you safe. How often did he
patrol with you? Did he inform you immediately of threats and tell you
everything he knew? What was his reaction to the prophecy that foretold
of your death? Did he do his job and keep you safe from that?" Penny
asked the hard questions. "You don't need to answer, I can tell you. He
rarely patrolled with you, he preferred to stalk you. He hinted at
problems, never told you all he knew and what information he did give
you, he gave cryptically. He accepted your fate as foretold by the
prophecy, never considering for a minute that if the powers had sent
him here to protect you, then perhaps that was their way of saying he
had it in his power to avert the prophecy. He failed in his job. You
died...and Xander revived you, not Angel. Not much of a protector; if you
ask me, Xander did a better job." Penny paused for a moment; allowing
Buffy the time to process what had been said.
Deliberately shrugging her shoulders in dismissal, Penny continued; "Oh
well, maybe he was a better boyfriend. Let's see shall we?" Penny
rhetorically asked. "You both went to see the same movie...I won't say he
took you, 'cause...well...you paid. A foreign film I believe, that you
had no interest in but went to anyway because Angel thought that as a
teenager, you needed more culture in your life; how did that work out
for you?" Penny asked, amused at Buffy's grimace.
"There's the time he took you ice skating...but no... that's right, you had
to break into the rink, so he didn't actually take you there, he just
encouraged a little breaking and entering. Let's see...um...the Bronze?
Well no, not really, 'cause he went there, he met you inside and didn't
even have a drink with you...oh well at least you can say you made out a
lot...shame it was in graveyards." Penny gave Buffy a hard look, forcing
her to look at the relationship without the rose coloured glasses that
she usually saw it through. "He told you that you were his soulmate
then he lost the soul that he had been cursed with by having sex with a
teenager. A moment of perfect happiness for a 241 year old is
apparently the act of deflowering a seventeen year old virgin." Penny's
disgust at this concept was displayed clearly in her tone.
"The part of him that wasn't a cursed soul, hated you to the point of
obsession. Regardless of anything else, did it occur to you at all that
if he loved you with that soul but didn't without it, that it was
reasonable to conclude that the only part of him that supposedly loved
you was the soul, and that the reason he jumped on the council
bandwagon and told you that demons can't love, was because he didn't
want to tell you the truth? You knew that he was wrong. You knew that
demons could love Buffy; otherwise you wouldn't have believed that
threatening to stake Drusilla when you were at the Sunset Club would
effectively stop Spike. You based your whole threat on the strength of
his love for her."
"You're right. I did know." Buffy looked shocked by her own admission;
her mind replaying images of the past over and over in her head. "I
knew. And Spike wasn't my only clue; when we lived our worse nightmares
and I was a vampire, I felt the bloodlust, but I wasn't overcome with
the need to kill, I could control it...and I still had all my feelings
and emotions."
"Oh Goddess," Willow gasped, "he convinced himself then he projected
all of his own beliefs onto us! That is sooo psych 101. Then we took
all the anger we had towards Angelus and directed at the only vampire
we could. Poor Spike! We couldn't get mad at Angel, cause Buffy
wouldn't let us, so we hurt Spike instead... that's transference...oh
Goddess...oh Spike...I am so sorry!" Willow begged the vampire for
forgiveness, so distressed by her behaviour, she was close to tears.
Spike's look of awe at her apology touched and shamed them all. His
gentle smile and nod at the redhead, helped to ease her guilt.
Riley looked at Buffy and, unable to contain himself any longer,
blurted out the question he'd been holding at bay, "You were a vampire?
...Is there anyone here who hasn't been a demon at some point?"
"I thought I was but Spike proved I wasn't." Tara shyly smiled at the
grinning vampire.
"Well you don't count, you're a witch," Riley dismissed the Wiccan.
"Hey, leave her alone, and it's not the same thing....not that being
either one is bad, it's just different," Willow defended her
girlfriend, while attempting to remain politically correct.
"You really don't like my friends do you, Riley?" Buffy stated coldly
to the oblivious ex-soldier.
"It's alright, Buffy, don't worry about it, I understand that they're
your friends. We seem to be learning a lot about your lack of
judgement, but I can help you with that." Riley offered, completely
unaware that his words might be construed as patronizing and insulting.
"Agent Finn," Penny waited for him to look at her before continuing,
"You appear to be very sure of your opinions. You also appear to be
under the mistaken impression that you are experienced and
knowledgeable in all matters relating to the supernatural; let's
address that erroneous misconception right now." She smiled coldly at
the man. "You've only been actively involved, if that's what you want
to call your part in the Initiative, for approximately a year and a
half; this makes you the person with the least amount of experience in
the supernatural of this entire group.
"All your knowledge of the supernatural comes from a woman who ran a
concentration camp similar to those that were run in Nazi Germany and
believed, like the Nazis before her, that live experimentation on
sentient beings was acceptable behaviour. Her own lack of understanding
of the supernatural world and her egomanic belief that she could
control supernatural forces led to her death, at the hands of one of
her own experiments. You learned, supported, and actively employed the
methods of Professor Walsh's teachings. The only exception you made was
for Oz and that was because he was Buffy's friend and not because you
believed his treatment was unjustified. Finally, regardless of the fact
that Professor Walsh's death must have indicated to you, unless
stupidity is a character trait, her complete and utter lack of
understanding of the subject; you still choose to follow her teachings
today. I don't think you have the right to be making comments relating
to anyone else's lack of judgement, when you've clearly been guilty of
it yourself.
"Please tell me that at the very least you've learned to carry a stake
with you at all times?" Penny smiled when he pulled three stakes out of
his pockets and laid them on the table, smirking at her; moving
quickly, she picked one of them up and moved away from him.
"Pop quiz, people, on true evil. An individual procures an instrument
of torture, he carries it with him. He doesn't want to kill his victim
yet, he wants to hurt him. Make his victim fear him, so that each time
he is seen his victim will cringe asking himself 'will it be death or
pain?' Soon his victim will be begging for it to be death." Penny
looked around the room, recognition on many faces. "Who am I talking
about?" She asked them quietly.
"Angelus," Xander, Willow, Buffy and Giles responded sychronistically,
their voices showing varying degrees of anger and disgust.
Penny held up the stake she had taken from Riley, "Plastic wood-grain
stake, it doesn't kill vampires, its only purpose is to cause pain."
Placing her hand on Spike's shoulder, she finished her point by looking
at Riley as she asked "Who's the real monster?"