Title:  Thanks with Tears
Author: Janet Lynn (janet324@attbi.com)
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: W/S/A

Thoughts indicated by <>


Chapter 4


Angel turned away from the closed door to Spike's room and slowly headed
towards his suite.  So much had happened in the last few hours he was
feeling very extremely overwhelmed.  How could he help Spike and Willow when
he still needed to deal with the tumultuous emotions of his own?

As he passed the door to Willow's room, Angel paused.  He felt something.
Something...wrong.   He wasn't sure what it was, but he was suddenly very
concerned.  Tapping lightly on the door, Angel called out Willow's name.  He
waited a few moments, but didn't get a response.  He called out louder when
he heard a muffled cry come from the room.

Angel decided he couldn't wait any longer and tried the knob.  Finding the
door unlocked, he rushed in the room, hoping he wasn't betraying his
friend's privacy.

The sight he saw stopped Angel dead in his tracks.  Willow was floating
almost three feet above the bed and was surrounded by crackling lines of
electricity.  The dark vampire slowly moved closer to the bed to get a
closer look at young witch.  As he approached her, he realized that her hair
had turned black and under her breath, almost too quietly even for his
vampiric hearing, he could hear her weeping.

"I'm so sorry...I didn't mean it...I'll stop...please" she pleaded over and over.
Angel could see the tears streaming down her cheeks.

He was unsure what to do, so he reached over and slowly touched her shoulder
and quietly called her name.

At the sound of his voice, Willow's eyes shot open.  She looked at Angel and
practically growled.  He took a step back when he saw that her eyes were
completely black.  She sat up and looked at the vampire.  "Nothing in the
'verse can stop me" she said before throwing the man across the room.

Angel shook his head, trying to clear the buzzing he heard inside.  <She's
more powerful than I remember> Angel thought.  He stood up and rushed to his
friend's side.  Before she could attack him again, he grabbed her tightly
and held her arms tightly to her sides.  "Willow!  Willow, you have to stop
this, now!"

"I can't" she cried.  "I can't just stop."  As the dark vampire held her
even tighter, she began to cry even harder.  "I don't know what to do" she
wept.  As the tears streamed down her face, Angel watched the black bleed
from her hair as it returned to her normal red.

Willow fell down onto the bed with a thud and clung to the vampire like a
lifeline.  Angel held her close and stroked her hair, trying to make
soothing sounds to comfort his friend.  Slowly, Willow's weeping slowed, but
she seemed to be trying to burrow herself into Angel's chest.

When she had finally calmed down enough to talk, Angel asked her, "Willow,
what was that all about?"

"I don't know" she whispered, never pulling her head away from his chest.
"That's never happened before.  I was having a dream about when I...when I was
trying to kill everyone.  They next thing I knew, you were holding me.  What
if I can't control it, Angel?"

"Willow" he whispered comfortingly.  "We will work things out, ok?  You
can't just stop doing magic.  It's a part of you.  What we have to do is
work on your control and get you past this grief.  But you can do it."

"That's what Giles said" she replied with a sob.  "He said the magic is a
part of me and just stopping would be worse for me."

"See" Angel said, as he continued to comfort the young witch.  "It's who you
are."  He sighed before continuing.  "I'm going to tell you something, but
you have to promise not to tell anyone."

"Of course" she said.  She thought maybe she should pull herself out of the
vampire's embrace, but it felt so good to be held she couldn't bring herself
to move.

"Not long after I left Sunnydale, Buffy came to see me here in LA,
remember?"

"Yeah" Willow nodded slowly.  She wondered what this had to do with her.

"Well, I became infected with the blood of a Mora demon and was made human."

"You were human!" Willow exclaimed sitting up abruptly and banging her head
on Angel's chin.  "Ouch."

"Yeah" he chuckled as he pulled her back to his chest.  "Now let me finish.
Buffy came and I was made human.  It was everything I had ever dreamed of.
We made love all afternoon, she introduced me to the wonders of food..."

"Oh! Did she give you chocolate ice cream?" Willow interrupted.

"Yeah, Cookie Dough Fudge Mint Chip.  It was wonderful" he continued.  "But
then Doyle had a vision and I had to go fight a demon.  It kicked my ass.
I've been a vampire for so long, I didn't know how to fight as a human.
Buffy had to come and save me.  I realized that I would never be of any help
as a human.  I'm a vampire and being human, with all the vulnerabilities,
was going to get me killed."

Angel took a deep breath as he felt the pain of the day he never shared with
anyone.  "I went to the Oracles and asked them to change me back."

"What?" Willow cried as she pulled back to look into his eyes.  She saw the
sadness hidden there and she thought her heart might break for her friend.
She knew how much he loved Buffy and for him to give that up for her must
have been the hardest decision anyone could have made.

"Yeah" he whispered and he dropped his head to keep from looking her in the
eye.  "It wasn't me.  I was no longer a warrior, I was...Xander."

Willow snickered at the thought of Angel being like Xander.  "So why didn't
Buffy ever tell me about this?"

"She doesn't know" he replied as his voice wavered with emotion.  "The
Oracles turned back the day and I killed the demon before I was infected, so
it never happened.  Except...I remember.  No one knows except me...and now
you."

Angel paused before he finished the story.  Somehow he was surprised that it
didn't hurt more.  Maybe he had actually moved on.  He lifted his head to
look at Willow.  "I'm a vampire, Willow.  You're a witch.  We have to accept
what we are and deal with it.  I know it's hard but you have people here who
are willing to help."

Willow leaned back against Angel's chest.  "Thank you" she whispered.  She
felt so safe there, in his arms she didn't want him to leave.

"Willow, I'm you're friend and I care about you.  I'll do whatever it takes
to help you."  Angel leaned his head down to kiss the redhead on the top of
her head that was tucked under his chin.  As he did, he took a moment to
take in her scent.  It was warm and sweet, almost like cinnamon.  He smiled
into her hair.

Willow tilted her head to look up at the man holding and making her feel
safe and wanted for the first time since Tara.  Angel looked down into her
eyes and before either one knew what was happening, their lips brushed in
the gentlest of kisses.

Feeling Angel's cool lips against hers, Willow sat up to deepen the kiss.
She slowly parted her lips and lightly licked the dark vampire's lips.
Angel growled at the teasing tongue of the young witch.

Suddenly, they both pulled apart and looked at each other.  Angel has the
first to speak.  "Willow, I am so sorry..."

"No, Angel" she replied.  "It's all my fault.  I shouldn't have taken
advantage of you."

Angel chuckled.  She thought she had taken advantage of him.  He leaned over
and kissed her softly on her forehead.  "I think it's time for us to get to
bed."

Willow gasped at Angel's suggestion.

If the vampire could have blushed, he would have been a deep shade of red.
"I mean, we should each go to sleep in our own rooms.  It's been a long
night and we both need our rest."  He stood to get himself away from the
redhead's tempting lips.  "Good night, Willow."

"Good night, Angel" she whispered as the vampire walked out of her room and
quietly closed the door behind him.  After a moment she whispered, "How the
hell am I supposed to go sleep after that?  What was that?"

Willow snuggled back into her bed and tried to forget how wonderful his lips
felt on hers.  As she drifted off, she was chanting, "Gay now. Gay now."



Tbc...