Title: Thanks with Tears Author: Janet Lynn (janet324@attbi.com) Rating: NC-17 Pairing: W/S/A Thoughts indicated by ~~ Chapter 9 Angel quietly made his way into Spike's room, trying not to wake up the sleeping vampire. He walked over to the closet and started hanging up the shirts the girls had bought for his childe. He smiled as he looked at the purchases. There were several button down shirts, some in very un-Spike like colors. ~Like he'll ever wear these~ he smirked. After all the shirts were put away, he pulled out the T-shirts and jeans they had bought for him. Most of those were black, but they had managed to throw some color in there as well. When Angel had finished putting all the clothes away, he reached in the last bag and pulled out the two pairs of boots and the socks the girls had bought. He put these away and planned on sneaking out of the room but decided to take one last look at his sleeping childe. As he turned around, he was surprised to find Spike awake and staring at him. "What are you doing, Peaches?" he asked with a sad look in his eyes. "Just putting some stuff away," Angel replied before walking over to sit on the edge of the bed. "What stuff?" Spike asked, slightly confused. "Ain't got no stuff of my own, 'cept what I was wearing when I got here." "I had Cordelia and Willow go out and buy some stuff for you," Angel explained. "I knew you needed some things and I couldn't let you keep wearing the things you had on before." "You let the bints pick out some clothes for me?" Spike asked suddenly very scared about his clothing options. "They did a fine job picking stuff out for you," Angel smiled as he thought about Spike in the midnight blue shirt. ~It would really bring out the blue in his eyes~ he thought. "Do you think you are ready to come downstairs yet?" Angel asked, hoping his childe would be willing to leave the security of this room. "I got a new supply of blood. Human, if you think you can drink it." "Really?" Spike asked, surprised that his Sire would even consider buying human blood. "Yeah, you're going to need it if you are going to heal properly," Angel looked at his childe out of the corner of his eye, watching him for any sign that the man might have apprehensions about this at all. "As much as I have enjoyed it, you can't live on my blood alone. You need more than I can give you." "It was nice though," Spike whispered, almost too quietly for Angel to hear. "Yeah," Angel whispered as he stood to head out of the room. "I told Willow I'd meet her downstairs. She wanted to talk. If you want, why don't you get dressed and come down. I'll warm up some blood and the three of us can talk about your journey and what we need to do." "Sounds good," Spike said as he shifted on the bed. Normally, he would have had no problem standing up naked in front of his Sire, but now, he hesitated. Angel noticed the hesitation and stood and turned quickly to head out the door. "I'll see you downstairs in a little while." As he closed the door, Angel sighed, wondering what his childe was doing on the other side. Spike covered his face with his hands as he thought about everything Angel was doing for him. Not that he didn't appreciate it, he just didn't understand it. He slowly got out of the bed on shaky feet and made his way to the closet. "Bloody chits," Spike whispered as he looked at the shirts hanging before him. Some of them weren't too bad, but there was no way in hell he was going to wear that green one. Only poofs like his Sire would wear a green shirt. He decided to just be safe and wear a black T-shirt and black jeans. At least they had been smart enough to buy those for him. He considered wearing shoes, but he didn't have the energy or the patience to bother with them. Besides, he wasn't going outside, so barefoot would just have to do for now. As he padded downstairs, he wondered what they would talk about. He could hear the sounds of conversation going on below him. All conversation stopped when the people heard him coming down the stairs. Willow was the first to say something to him. "Spike," she said cheerily as he walked towards them. "It's so good to see you up and around. How are you feeling?" "Not sure yet," he answered quietly. "Head's still a little fuzzy." "Well," Angel said looking at him with compassion in his eyes. "I warmed some blood for you, if you think you can handle it." "Sure thing, mate." Spike took the warmed mug from Angel and sat with the three other people at the table as the conversation continued. Most of the conversation was small talk, keeping away from the touchier subjects. Willow talked about Buffy's adjustment from being ripped out of heaven, Xander leaving Anya at the alter, and Dawn's troubles. She talked in length about the time Xander called the musical demon down on them. Even Spike couldn't help but laugh about that one. He got to unleash a little bit of his inner Billy Idol and he had fun. ~That seems so long ago~ he thought with a sigh. Cordy and Angel talked about some of the things that had happened to them, specifically about Cordelia becoming half demon. She was still getting used to the whole thing but it certainly was better than the head splitting pain she once had to endure when the Powers had a message for Angel. Finally, everyone had finished their meals and Cordelia went about the task of clearing away all the dishes and mugs and cleaning them. The three remaining people sat in a comfortable silence until she returned. "Well, folks as much as I enjoy sitting around and talking about the pain that is our lives, I really do need to get home and get some rest," the seer sighed as she walked back to where her friends were sitting. "So, unless you need anything else, I'll be on my merry way." "No problem, Cordy," Angel said with a smile. As much as he hated to admit it, he had been a little antsy waiting for her to leave. He wanted to talk to Willow and Spike alone, but didn't want to be rude. "I'll see you tomorrow, alright? I want to talk to Willow and Spike a little so we might sleep in tomorrow." "Ok," she replied as she grabbed her purse to head out again. "I'll see tomorrow. Good night." Once she had left, silence descended on the group again. They all had something to say, but no one knew how to start. Willow was the first to speak. "So, Spike, how are you feeling, really?" "A little overwhelmed right now," he started. "It's like there is so much going on in my brain, sometimes I can't decide what's real and what's memories. I guess that's one of the things that sucks about being a vampire. Really great memories. I remember everything." "I know how that feels," Angel interjected quietly. "At first it's hard to get used to all the feelings, but it will happen in time. But first we need to get you healthy again. You need more blood." "Don't want more," Spike whispered quietly, looking down at the table avoiding the dark vampire's glare. "It hurts." "I know it's hard to drink human blood when you are used to animal blood," Angel said in as soothing a voice as possible. "But it will be better for you. The only thing better is Sire's blood and I only have so much to give you." "Sire's blood," Spike snorted. "So is Grand-Sire's blood just as good?" Willow asked, slightly confused. "What?" Angel looked at Willow with a confused look on his face. ~What is she talking about?~ he wondered. "Well, you said Sire's blood would work best, but Drusilla isn't here, so I guess your blood would be just as good, right?" Willow was trying to figure out what the two vampires were talking about. "What are you talking about?" Angel was very confused about the conversation. "Drusilla is Spike's Sire, so that makes you his Grand-Sire," Willow explained, wondering what Angel's problem was. "What?" Angel practically yelled as stood from the table to tower over the now cowering blonde vampire. "Spike told Buffy that Drusilla was his Sire," Willow replied. "You told her what?" Angel was screaming now. He hadn't been this angry in a very long time. "You're not my Sire," Spike replied weakly, never lifting his eyes from table's surface. "I am your Sire boy!" Angel shouted at the trembling form in front of him as he felt his demon rise up and his eyes turn golden. "What?" Willow asked, trying to defuse the situation. "Drusilla found Spike and wanted to turn him," Angel explained through clenched teeth, trying to maintain his calm. "But I found her before he could drink from her. I didn't know what her blood would do to him because of her mental state. Besides, I wanted him to be my childe. He had something that appealed to me...I mean, Angelus. It's my blood in his veins. He was always Angelus' favored childe." Without warning, Spike jumped to his feet and punched Angel in the face. Tears were streaming down his face as he yelled at the form now lying prostrate on the floor. "You are not my Sire!" "I am your Sire, boy," Angel growled menacingly as he got up from the floor. "And you'd best not forget it." Willow was in shock. This had completely caught her off guard. She didn't know what to do. "You are not my Sire!" Spike yelled again, with even more conviction in his voice. He was so angry, his vision was tainted red. "My Sire would never have abandoned me like you did!" "Spike," Angel whispered, suddenly understanding where this outburst was coming from. "After I was cursed, I couldn't come back. I tried, but Darla threw me out. She hated my soul and wouldn't let me stay." "But you never came to me," Spike yelled, anger and tears still in eyes. "I wouldn't have cared about the damn soul. I wanted you. I needed you. You left me with her. You said you would always protect me from her. Do you know what she did to me?" Spike was beyond all reasonable thought at this point. All he knew was pain and grief. Angel hung his head as he thought about the promise he had made when he saved him from his Sire's wrath. Darla hated William and wanted to kill him, but Angelus had promised him his protection. He never stopped to think about what had happened to him after he left Romania. "I'm so sorry, Will," he whispered. "No!" Spike yelled. "You don't get off that easily. All you're good at is leaving me. Remember China? I was so happy to have you back, but you barely gave me the time of day! Now that you were all soul-having, the only person you had time for was Darla." Spike practically spat out the last word. Willow was surprised at the amount of anger and pain the blonde vampire held on to. "As soon as Darla made it hard on you, you left me again!" Spike was now pacing the floor as he clenched his fists until his knuckles were no more than stripes of white. "Then at the school in Sunnydale, you pretended to be Angelus when you offered up the whelp, remember!" "I remember," Angel whispered, smelling the anger and misery flowing off his childe. It hurt him to think that this was all his fault. "I knew it wasn't my Sire, do you know how?" Not waiting for a response, Spike continued. "You called me Spike. Angelus never called me Spike. He hated that name. He always called me William or Will. That's when I knew you weren't my Sire anymore." Angel sighed. He had caused Spike so much pain, he didn't know if he could ever make it up to him. "For everything, Spike, I'm sorr..." "No!" Spike interrupted. "I'm not done. My Sire came back after that, remember? But he wasn't my Sire, was he?" The accusation in his tone scared Angel. "When I lost my soul," he answered. "Yeah," Spike spat at him. "You have no idea how happy I was that my Sire was back. I thought we would go back to being the family we had been before. But you were even crueler to me than you were before. You could have healed me then. I sat in that fucking wheelchair waiting for you to come and feed me your blood. Just a few days of feeding and I would have been fine, but you refused. You refused!" Angel sat back down in his chair and put his face in his hands. Everything Spike had said was true. He had abandoned him time and time again. No wonder Spike hated him so much. He thought he should protest, but he knew Spike needed to get all of this out in the open. He suddenly wished Willow wasn't here to hear all of this. "Not only did you not heal me," Spike continued. "You purposely made things worse. You'd fucked me and pounded me knowing that my back was broken. You wanted to keep me like that. Then you got your fucking soul back and where was poor Spikey at then? Back on the outside again! Nothing's ever good enough for you! I was never good enough for you!" "Spike," Angel whispered, trying to regain control of the situation. "Please." "No!" the blonde yelled, grabbing the older man by the collar of his shirt. "YOU...ARE...NOT...MY...SIRE!" Spike then abruptly let go of the shirt and ran upstairs. All Willow heard was the sound of his footfalls heading upstairs, the slamming of his door and the constant weeping of the man sitting across from her. Tbc...