Subject: [OTL]: [Maverick, Kai] [R] From Russia, With . . . 14/14 Date: Sun, 14 May 2000 20:37:08 -0700 From: Jaya Mitai (See previous post for disclaimer. And this is the LAST time I'll tell you.) * * * * * * * Kai was in the middle of stuffing what little she'd brought with her in her pack when there was a knock on the door. "Leaving so soon?" She recognized the German accent, and the warmth in the tone, as well as the scent of brimstone which seemed to accompany him wherever he went. Not surprising, and probably even he didn't know where he was when he was between planes. Teleporters learned quickly not to wonder too much about that plane, and several were accompanied by the same sulfur scent of the demonic-looking Kurt Wagner. "I think Jubilee and Kitty blame me for Caleb's death." "It was Logan's choice." She zipped the pack closed, tugging once to make sure it was secure. "My being here is only causing a lot of pain and stress." "But you've been the only one to successfully connect with Logan." "What about Pryde?" "He reacted the same way this morning as he had before, and Jubilee, as well. Moira knows he understands them, but he refused to pay enough attention for her to gauge how much the damage has been reversed." Kai carefully scanned the room for anything she might have left. "What about Ororo? The woman strikes me as very peaceful, surely . . ." "She refused to go to him. She thinks that it will only cause him hurt to have her see him like that." Probably true. "So what? You want me to go back in there?" Kurt turned her, finally making look into his eyes. The hurt, the pain there. "We must know if the man we buried was Logan, or Caleb." Kai held his gaze for some time, amazed at the depth in those glowing yellow eyes. "What about -" "They, too, wish to know. You've had some success in the past, please, if he means anything at all to you . . ." Her mission was over. She'd killed the assassin, but only after he'd carried out his missions. She'd gotten the missiles, but only after it was almost too late, and then not without turning it into a world affair, which was what she was sent to avoid. And since she'd separated Logan from Control, she was also responsible for Control tracking Logan to the base, and the subsequent compromise. And with Control, she'd drawn Remy, who had killed Evan. Hadn't she caused enough pain? And now they wanted her to go down to talk to Logan, and that would undoubtedly leave him as unhappy as before. It might help him, the voice whispered, almost subdued. She dropped her eyes to the carpet, chewing on the inside of her lower lip. "It would mean so much . . ." She took a deep breath. "All right." And he took her hand in a blue, fuzzy one with three long fingers. BAMF! The shock of being teleported caused her to lose her balance, and Kurt had to put a steadying arm around her waist. "Are you alright, Fraulein?" She shook herself slightly. "Yeah. Fine." Moira and Jean were there, as well as Scott Summers, but no one else. Neither of the girls, or the men that had been watching her like hawks the two days she'd been here. Kai opened the door to the room, glad there was no buzz, and closed it gently behind her. Logan had finally given up and tried the bed, very cautiously, Moira had told her, last night. Now he leaned in the corner, looking almost comfortable - and almost human. His fists gave him away, still not using his fingers, rather his whole hand. His eyes seemed less haunted, less narrow, and watched her approach him without blinking. There was no sound from him, neither snarl nor word, and he didn't move. Kai said down carefully, Indian-style, on the floor. "Logan-san, do you remember who I am?" All in careful Japanese. She didn't know if anyone outside the room understood her, and that was fine. He just looked at her, without flinching, still not blinking. Watching her. "I am Kai." He grumbled something. She slipped into English, and sarcasm, a coping mechanism she could recognize only after she'd done it. "Didn't catch that, fellah." "I said I know," he growled quietly, also in English. She heard only one gasp of surprise, and she didn't know quite who's it was. "So you've been sitting here, understanding everything, and not talking." He didn't say anything. "Why talk to me?" "You understand." Too true. Kai shifted slightly. "Yeah, I do." Only his eyes changed, settling from serene and calm to an almost beseeching look that almost tore her heart out. That look screamed helplessness, screamed despair -- Probably the same goddamn look she'd given Sensei that night long ago when he'd kicked her ass and then invited her inside for a beer. "Don't give me that look," she muttered in Japanese. His expression seemed to flinch, and slipped right back into the mask it had been when she'd first entered. "You know the other is dead, don't you." "I killed him." Kai chewed on that a moment. Sure, why not? If they'd had a link, it was possible that he could have switched the tables, for a time. "Aren't supposed to speak during seppuku." "Supposed to have witnesses, too. Hadda change the rules." This was the most she'd ever heard him speak, and her thoughts scrambled frantically as she strove to think of ways to keep him talking. During her pause, he slipped back into the mask. "Are you giving up," she asked quietly. "Did you," he responded, just as quietly. Yes. "No." "Liar." She stood abruptly. This was the last fucking thing she needed, to be lectured by someone who was faking his own insanity like North had faked his injuries so long ago. "What made you change?" She stopped, facing the window. Looking at all those faces, peering in. Concerned faces, even the half-masked one of Summers, team leader of the X-Men. A lot like Darius, not as cold. Then again, he never sent his people to their deaths, as Darius had had to. And Darius hadn't been so cold, once. "They did." Logan followed her gaze. "I don't have family." She whirled. "You do, if you'd just open up your eyes!" Japanese is a language that doesn't lend itself to volume, but she managed it somehow. "They left me behind." "That wasn't their fault." She heard him get to his feet. "You don't know -" "I do," she said shortly. "And if you sit on your ass and mope about it, it isn't going to get easier." If there was one thing Sensei had taught her, it was never to remain taskless when the pain was at its worst. Always had her running katas, performing chores. Always had her doing some activity. "They don't win until you accept what they've done, and you haven't done that yet," she told him quietly. "I lost," he said. "So did I," she responded. And then she went for the door. He caught her shoulder, and she whirled on instinct, half afraid he was going to roar at her, and all of it would have been for naught. Instead, his lips brushed her cheek, the lightest of touches, slightly to the right of the corner of her mouth. She stood stock still, just watching him, and after a moment, he smiled almost shyly. "Y'got a beer?" * * * * * * * Kai paced a bit. Stared at the phone. It seemed to grin at her, knowing in the end, it would win. She resumed pacing. A minute. Two. She stopped. Stared at the phone. Coward. She went over, sitting on the bed, picking it up. The weight felt foreign in her hand, and she wondered if she could break the plastic molding on this phone, as well. She dialed nine, and then a number. One ring. "Extension." "21." "Agent number." She winced. Didn't want to have to admit this . . . "Kai." A pause. "Hold, please." The click of her being transferred, and the start of the trace. There was no ring. "Yes." "Hi." Pause. "It's me." Pause. "Kai." There was a longer pause. "Hello." Silence. "We were looking for you." Kai resisted the urge to blow out her cheeks. "Tracked down the Russian's assassin." Pause. "He'd dead." Silence. "All right." This was getting ridiculous. "The mutant team Excalibur on Muir Island was told everything Logan knew about us." Silence. "Noted." More silence. "What about Evan's killer?" Kai gripped the receiver tightly. "LeBeau." "I know who it was," Darius said, almost irritably. "He is dead, I'm assuming?" "No." He exhaled. Kai hedged. "I shot him, but . . . there was some kind of armor, and when I woke up, he teleported off with the prisoners." Her mouth ran off before her mind caught up. "If North was already addicted to opiates, why did you authorize the doctors to use morphine?" His voice was hard and flat. "Because I was told that if he was not given a measured amount, he would die from the withdrawal. You're not even an agent, and you have no right to question my decisions." She opened her mouth, but he wasn't finished. "Furthermore, you don't have the authority to release prisoners to any agent's care, particularly your own, particularly after the poor way you handled that op." "I-" "You put the care of a civilian before your mission, wasted time trying to get aid for that civilian, and in that quest you breached the security of your mission by working with an agent not of this organization. Then, you once again put the lives of the civilian and the agent before your mission, almost got yourself killed in the process, and then compromised the organization by releasing them to your own care while you were not in a condition to handle them, again putting yourself in great and needless danger. Then you disappear for several weeks on your own agenda in the middle of what at the time was still a nuclear crisis, falling within the jurisdiction of this organization to contain." Kai had long ago clenched her jaw tightly shut, and now it hurt to try and open. "I -" "You _what._" She very nearly hung up the phone. Very nearly. He was mad. Rightfully so. Never in the history of Three Eyes had she ever bungled anything quite like she'd bungled this. He was right, on all counts. Every one. Rightfully angry. Might as well listen to the dismissal, have a clean break. "You thought with your heart, and your instincts, is what you did," he continued inexorably. "You sympathized for the assassin that was in a position you could understand, and you tried to help that person. You still achieved your ultimate goal, averting nuclear war. The UN received the missiles. Casualties were kept to a minimum." He must have heard her breathing change. "Evan was a fine agent. If he couldn't have saved himself, there was nothing you could have done," Darius said, more gently. "And I've had a lot of time to look over your reports, and compare it to what the medical officer has informed me. You underwent much more stress that you reported. There was no other agent that could have done what you did. You possibly saved the lives of three teams, Kai. That's thirty people." Kai remained silent, just waiting. Afraid to open her mouth and stick her whole leg in, instead of just her foot. Afraid she'd make an ass of herself. "In light of the stress you underwent for this op, I suggest taking a vacation on base. I also took the liberty of contacting Zach, and he's expecting a call from you." This voice was positively gentle. Not sympathetic, she'd blown it big time, but gentle. The same voice he'd used when she'd first come around, first left the world of KI-5. "Is that all?" He seemed amused. "Yes, that's all. When you're rested and you feel up to it, call me, and we'll see what I have for you." "Zach's going to send you reports, isn't he." Darius seemed even more amused. "Stay in contact, Kai." The line went dead. Kai slowly replaced the receiver, amazed to find it intact. She rested her hand on it a moment, amazed to find it was no longer trembling. Then, slowly, she picked it up, and dialed a number. One ring. Two. PV sounded nice, right about now. * * * * * * * Special thanks goes to my beta readers, Abyss, Matt, Kaylee, and Kael after a fashion, and Indigo for helping me with Moira all those months ago. And a few innocent #plottingchatters that reminded me why I write.