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"Dance with the devil, the devil don't change. The devil changes you."
- 8mm
 
 

My heart says it wasn't so long ago. Betrayal still burns fresh in my mind. The searing agony of knowing that my husband had left me. He found out his first love was still alive, you see, and he just left. He went off to go play hero with his friends and new girlfriend.

Leaving his wife and child alone.

I loved him so much. I went to Asgard and back for him. I had his son. My beautiful baby. And the two of us were abandoned by the people we cared most about. My new family just couldn't get over the fact that SHE was back. Admittedly, it's not everyday someone returns from the dead. And I was thrilled at first that such an obviously special person hadn't died. I'm not some kind of monster! Or, at least, I wasn't then.

Then I discovered the truth. My terrible, horrible, nightmare. I wasn't real. I was a copy, a clone. And not just any clone, I was the clone of the same woman my husband left me for. WE WERE THE SAME PERSON. I cried for days. What had been jealousy turned into hate. She was me, I was her, and at the same time I wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough. Do you know what that feels like? Pray to whatever gods you believe in that you never find out.

So I did something I knew she never would be able to. I gave in to my jealousy and hate. I showed her how much I resented her new life. I quit being the nice victim, and I lashed out. I wanted everyone to know how much I hurt. I let everyone know that I was not going to allow myself to be out down, taken advantage of, or ignored anymore. And I paid for that. With my life.

What hurts me most is that SHE acts like the victim in all of this. She was never innocent. The only innocent in all of this was my poor, sweet, baby. My Nathan. I'll never be able to tell him how sorry I am. There is nothing I can do, and I know it. How do you apologize to your son for almost killing him? The fact I was literally insane means nothing. First I tried to sacrifice him, then I died and left him alone. My darling Nathan.

And that bitch got to raise him.

He's not her son! He's mine! She took away my husband, my life, my son. And everybody loves her. They love her, but not me. Never me. Even my closest friends are hers now. It's not fair. While she was happy and loved, I was burning in hell. And it took a boy from another reality to give me a chance at redemption.

Ah, my Nate. The irony of it all, now I have her son. Not that it matters. Nate has given me a chance to reclaim life. To take back what is mine! And maybe someday....... I can reclaim my soul too. I'm not looking for absolution or anything for what I did. I am not ashamed of anything except what I did to Nathan.

I am forced to wonder, how can he look at her day after day knowing she killed me? How can she look at him knowing he loved and left her clone? Maybe they deserve each other. Let them fight and bleed together for their precious cause. Once upon a time, I fought for it too. They want to forget that fact, they only want to see me as a villain. Not as a woman.

Once upon a time........

I was a wife, a mother, a woman with her whole life ahead of her. I loved people and I was loved in return. I fought for peace, for the future. I had friends, family, and a home. And it all ended because one woman came back from the dead. What would life have been like for everyone if she only had the sense to stay dead? We'll never know...... but once upon a time, I had it all.

Once upon a time...........

I repeated her feat, and returned from the dead. I came back to life. It was my turn to be the phoenix rising from the ashes. But this time around, no one cheered at my revival. I was so happy for one brief moment. Bereft of my memory, I was the person I had been so long ago before Scott Summers entered my life. Then, I remembered. Everything. For them, so much time had passed. I was only a nightmare, a bad memory. In my mind, only a few hours had passed since they killed me. It was all so vivid, so crystal clear and razor sharp in my mind. The pain was blinding. I wanted to die all over again.

Now, I am me. I choose to be Madelyne Pryor, mother of Nathan Christopher Summers and the ex-wife of Scott Summers. I am my own person, and I will not live in the shadow of Jean Grey. I have beautiful power singing in my blood, and the will to use it. I will not sit back and let the sanctimonious X-Men dictate my fate again. I am in control. I am no creature's plaything. And I will never be manipulated again. Woe be to the fool that tries it.