Avocation

Author: enigmaticblue <enigmaticblue@yahoo.com>

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, but Joss said I could play. Really.

Archive: Anywhere that already has my stuff. Anywhere else, just ask.

Summary: The gypsies curse the wrong vampire, and by the time they rectify their mistake, Spike has been fundamentally altered. Nearly a century later, the Slayer needs help, and there's only one person qualified for the job. Of course, he's not real interested in taking it.

A/N: I have a secret (or not-so-secret) weakness for early canon Spuffy fics. The only problem is that Spike is evil. No, really, he is. Which means that actually writing Spuffy pre-chip requires more suspension of disbelief than I can manage. Reading it is a different matter altogether. So, this is how I write early canon Spuffy. By altering events entirely. By the way, the title comes from a Robert Frost poem, "Two Tramps in Mud Time." Pay special attention to the last stanza.

Chapter 18

"Lay your sleeping head, my love,/Human on my faithless arm;/Time and fevers burn away/Individual beauty from/Thoughtful children, and the grave/Proves the child ephemeral:/But in my arms till break of day/Let the living creature lie,/Mortal, guilty, but to me/The entirely beautiful..." ~W. H. Auden, "Lullaby"

Willow clutched the plate a little tighter. She hoped her peace offering would reduce Spike's anger, since her efforts weren't helping on any other front.

The reversal spell had taken effect just before she'd finished her love spell on Spike. Willow had quickly abandoned the spell, trying to erase all traces of the magic. She couldn't change the fact that Oz and Cordelia knew that she'd tried to cast an anti-lust spell, nor could she lie about why she'd tried one in the first place.

Both Cordelia and Oz had been understandably angry. Cordelia wasn't speaking to Xander at all, but she was making it known that she had dumped him completely. It wasn't doing much for her reputation, and Willow couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt, even though she didn't like Cordelia much. The other girl didn't have many friends these days.

Oz had told her he needed time, and that he didn't really want to talk to her for a while.

That left the only other person harmed by the spell—Spike.

The vampire opened the front door and fixed her with a glare. "Red."

He'd been so nice to her up till now that Willow gulped audibly. "I'm really, really sorry, Spike," she said before he could close the door in her face.

Spike gave her a sour look and then sighed. "Come in."

"I'm really, really, really sorry," Willow repeated. She held out the plate of cookies. "Do you like cookies?"

An unwilling smile twisted his lips. "I wouldn't say no to one." Spike led the way to the kitchen, leaving Willow to follow in his wake. He was dressed in a rumpled t-shirt and jeans and was still limping slightly. She winced, wondering if Xander had apologized yet, or if Spike had let him.

"Spike, I—"

"If you apologize one more time, I'm not going to be responsible for my actions," he warned her. "Tea?"

"Sure," she squeaked, swallowing her next attempt to plead forgiveness.

Spike went about putting the kettle on, finally coming to sit down at the small table. "Thanks," he said as he took a cookie from the plate she held out.

"It's the least I could do," Willow replied.

An uncomfortable silence fell, although Willow got the sense that Spike wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as she was. "Did you finally come clean?"

"Yeah," Willow replied. "Oz isn't talking to me."

"And Cordelia?"

"Really not talking to Xander," Willow replied. "It's not good."

"That doesn't surprise me." Spike sighed, shaking his head. "Look, Red, I'm not that angry. Bit upset about the hole in my leg, and getting chased all over by the two of you wasn't fun, but I'll survive."

Willow flushed. "About what happened—"

"We're not going there," Spike said firmly. "I don't want to talk about it."

Willow nodded. "Okay. I don't really want to talk about it either. Well, I wouldn't mind talking to Oz, but he won't even look at me."

"Give him time, pet," Spike advised gently. "It's a bit of a stunner to find out your girl's been making time with another guy."

Willow's lip trembled. The last thing she wanted to do was end up crying on Spike's shoulder, especially since she'd come to say she was sorry. Still, she'd found herself shedding a few tears over this. The idea that she might have lost Oz hurt a lot. "Yeah, I just—"

Spike realized that she was going to cry, and he had no idea what to do. The last of his annoyance melted away at the sight of her wide, teary eyes. He awkwardly patted her on the shoulder. "It'll be fine, luv."

She bobbed her head, trying to force back her tears. "Sure," she said bravely.

Spike quickly poured both a cup of tea for both of them, anything to avoid seeing her blubber. He felt responsible in a way, thinking that he might have done something to help Willow avoid this situation.

In that moment, something inside Spike gave way, and he finally admitted that he cared. He was irrevocably connected to the goings on in Sunnydale, to the Slayer and her friends. It wasn't just about defeating the bad guys, either, or killing demons. It was also about the little things that made up everyday life, the things he hadn't worried about as a vampire.

For the first time in a century, Spike felt completely real—completely solid.

Hoping to distract Willow enough so that he wouldn't have to see her cry, Spike said, "Have I ever told you how I got into the mercenary business, Red?"

Willow perked up immediately. "No. I just thought that you started charging money."

Spike chuckled. "Not quite. I'm afraid it wasn't nearly as well thought out as all that. Once I got free of Angelus and the others, I decided to find the gypsies that had given me the soul. I wanted to know what the hell they'd really done to me. Angelus might have been content to take it as his just deserts, but that wasn't good enough for me."

"When was this?" Willow asked.

Spike frowned, trying to remember. "Round about the turn of the century, maybe just after. Dru and Darla took off for China and the Boxer Rebellion around that time, but we'd been in Russia up till then."

"Were you there during the revolution?" Willow asked. "In Russia, I mean?"

"Got out before then," he replied. "That's about the time I got into this business, though. No, I took off. Took me a couple of years to find the gypsies responsible for the curse. They'd gone to ground to avoid Darla, and they were slippery bastards. I finally found them, convinced one of them to talk to me."

Spike sipped at his tea, relieved that Willow was looking entranced rather than tearful at this point. "Turns out I found the only one of them with a brain. When he told me about the curse, and the loophole, I insisted he make the soul permanent. It took a bit of doing, but they decided that it was only right since I asked for it. I wasn't the one who had eaten a member of their clan, yeah?"

Willow nodded. "So that's when the soul was made permanent?"

"That's right. It was probably 1904 by the time they finally got around to doing it." Spike shrugged. "I was living off animals as well as the occasional human that crossed me. There were plenty of people who deserved to get eaten. Usually waited for one of them to try to rob me." He grinned at her. "I looked like an easy target, you see."

Willow wasn't sure how she felt about that, but the story was too fascinating for her to want him to stop. "Then what?"

"Just so happened I was in Belgium at the beginning of the first World War," Spike replied. "Got caught behind German lines and came across a pocket of Belgians wanting to get out of the country. Britain had just declared war, and I knew the Germans would think I was a spy if I got caught. Not that I would have let them kill me, but sometimes it's best to avoid trouble. So when the Belgians offered me money in exchange for guiding them out of the country by the backroads, I agreed." Spike shrugged. "That was that. I figured I could have fun and make money at the same time."

Willow couldn't help herself. "Did you ever have any girlfriends?"

"Not as such, no," Spike replied. "There was a French Resistance fighter during the second World War. Her name was Anouk, but it didn't last."

Willow stared into her mug of tea as though it would tell her the future. "Do you think Oz will forgive me?"

"Dunno, Red," Spike said gently. "He just might."

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For distracting me." Willow smiled at him. "This was the first time in two days that I've actually been able to forget about how bad I feel."

Spike ducked his head, suddenly shy. "Glad to help."

~~~~~

Cordelia couldn't help but feel relieved that she'd managed to do some damage control. People knew that she'd dumped Xander, but the rumors were that she'd finally come to her senses. No one seemed to know the truth—that he'd cheated on her.

Of course, her friends were still avoiding her. It wasn't just Buffy—that Cordelia had expected. After all, she had never been best friends with the Slayer. The others, though, the popular crowd, were regarding her with a mixture of pity and condescension. She just hoped that the insanity of falling in love with Xander Harris wouldn't completely ruin the rest of her high school career.

Either that or she had found a new calling as a loner.

Pretending to be fine was getting really old, though, and part of Cordelia wanted to take Xander back, just so she wasn't alone.

"Hey."

Cordelia looked over to see the new girl, Anya Jenkins, standing there. "Oh, hi. Have you come to insult me, too?"

"Hardly," Anya replied. "I'm just thankful that there's at least one person in this town who knows something about fashion."

Cordelia relaxed. "Well, if you're not afraid to be seen with me..."

Anya snorted. "Please. I know how it is. The guy gets beneath your defenses with sweet words, and kissing, and the next thing you know you're going out with him."

"Pretty much," Cordelia agreed. Lowering her voice, she added, "I even had his picture in my locker."

Anya shook her head and tisked. "Men."

"No kidding," Cordelia said with a sigh.

Anya's eyes narrowed. "Don't you just wish something bad would happen to him?"

Cordelia shook her head. "I don't wish, I act." She looked down the hallway where Xander was standing with Buffy and Willow and laughing. Cordelia huffed. "I love that. He's the one who—acts like an idiot, and yet he still has friends. What is up with that?"

"It's completely unfair," Anya agreed, sensing her opportunity.

Cordelia sniffed. "If it wasn't for Buffy, none of this would have happened, you know. She's the only reason I kissed Xander in the first place, which was what got me into this mess."

"It would be nice if they got what was coming to them," Anya suggested hopefully.

Cordelia sighed. "I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale." For a moment, Cordelia thought she'd seen Anya's face change into that of a demon's, but she dismissed the idea. Anya looked perfectly normal. The wish had been cathartic, however, and suddenly a million things occurred to Cordelia that would be nice to see happen. "In fact," she added with a smile, "I wish Buffy had never been born! I wish Xander would never know the touch of a woman. And that Willow wakes up tomorrow covered in monkey hair!"

Anya was left standing by the lockers, trying to figure out why she couldn't grant the simplest of wishes.

~~~~~

Buffy was getting used to making the rounds by herself. Faith hadn't been around much lately, and this was the first time in two weeks that Faith had agreed to meet her for a routine patrol. She couldn't help but wonder if something about Gwendolyn Post's betrayal had harmed their relationship as well. Spike had been M.I.A. as well. Willow had told Buffy about going to see him and that he'd still been limping. Buffy couldn't blame him. As crazy as things had gotten, with the vampire caught squarely in the middle, it made sense that he'd want to maintain his distance.

Buffy was a little surprised to find Faith with Spike when she met up with the other Slayer for patrol. "I didn't know you were coming."

The vampire shrugged. "Figured I'd tag along if you don't mind."

"I don't mind," Buffy replied quickly. "Were you out patrolling already?"

There was a long pause. Finally, Faith rolled her eyes. "We left together."

Buffy blinked. "Huh?"

"Faith's staying at my place," Spike explained. He glanced at the dark-haired Slayer. "I thought you'd already told her."

She waved it off as though it wasn't a big deal. "Haven't had the chance."

Buffy felt like she'd just been gut-punched. It wasn't like she had any say in where Faith was living, or in who Spike was seeing, but she felt a flare of jealousy anyway. With some effort, Buffy pushed the feeling to the side. There was no way she was going to let on to how she was feeling. "That's great," she said, forcing a smile. "Anything has to be better than that motel, right?"

"Yeah, that's for sure," Faith replied. "At least now I don't have to listen to people screaming all day, you know?" She bounced a little bit. "You ready to go?"

Buffy brought her focus on the task at hand. She couldn't let on that the news had thrown her, because Spike would notice that her patrolling was off, and then he'd tell Giles, and Giles would make his worried face and give her more training exercises. Which would then cut into what limited free time she had.

Besides, there was no way she was going to let on to Spike that she was jealous.

"Yeah, let's go."

Spike had heard Buffy's rocketing heartbeat, and he knew she was taking the news the wrong way. Although he wanted to straighten things out with her, he didn't dare bring it up while Faith was present. Spike liked Faith well enough, but she was a prickly chit, and he knew that she'd take his justification of their arrangement the wrong way.

Faith would either take it as a challenge or she'd take it as an insult, especially when he explained that there wasn't anything between them.

Patrol was relatively uneventful. Even vampire activity seemed to be greatly reduced as of late. Spike didn't trust the quiet. It felt wrong, like something was coming.

After a while, Faith took off as he'd expected her to. Spike had noticed that she wasn't comfortable around a lot of people, especially when they weren't strangers.

Faith didn't like people knowing her. He understood that feeling.

As soon as Faith had taken off, Buffy announced that she needed to head home as well. "I've got some homework to finish."

"Buffy," Spike began.

She headed off towards Revello Drive at a fast clip. "Don't worry about walking me home."

"It's not what you're thinking."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Buffy replied.

Spike rolled his eyes. "I have a spare room. Faith is using it. There's nothing more to it than that."

"I don't have any say over who stays in your house, Spike," Buffy replied. "So I really don't care."

"Don't be like this."

"Like what?"

Spike grabbed Buffy's arm, pulling her to a stop. "You know like what. Look, I'm sorry you had to find out like that."

"You're not involved with her. Faith's just staying with you." Buffy shrugged, feigning indifference. "It's not a big deal."

Spike raised his eyebrows, amused. "I know you better than that, luv."

Buffy opened her mouth to argue, then shut it. She glared at him. "How could you tell?"

"Your heartbeat."

"Damn vamp senses."

"Sorry."

He wasn't. Buffy could see the amusement in his eyes, and she started walking again, albeit a little slower this time. "It's just—I like Faith, Spike, but she's totally going to try to get into your pants."

"And I already told her that it wasn't going to happen." Spike smiled. "Buffy, I like Faith, but I don't have any intention of getting involved with her. It's bad policy."

She shrugged. "It just seems like you two would have a lot in common."

"No more than any other two people," he replied.

Buffy hesitated, then asked, "Do you want to spend Christmas Eve with us?"

"Pardon?" Spike asked, thrown by the change in subject.

"It's just that Mom said I should ask you, and it's not that far away," she explained. "You should ask Faith too. I was going to, but then I forgot."

Spike frowned. "Christmas Eve?"

"I know vampires probably don't celebrate Christmas or anything," Buffy admitted. "It's just that nobody should have to be alone for the holidays."

"No, I guess not," Spike said slowly.

Buffy couldn't read his face, and she wondered suddenly if she'd somehow managed to offend him. "If you don't want to—"

"No!" he said quickly, interrupting her. "No, it'd be nice, actually. Been an age since..." Spike trailed off. "Thank Joyce for me, will you?"

"Okay." Buffy stood on her front step, looking down at him. "Well..."

"Yeah." Spike backed off slowly. "I'll be seeing you."

"Right. Probably before then."

"Probably so."

The moment was a lot more awkward than it should have been. "Good night, Spike."

"'Night, Summers."

Buffy watched him disappear into the shadows and cursed her rotten luck. It had to be another vampire, didn't it? She had to like another vampire.