Cold As It Gets
Author: enigmaticblue
Rating: PG-15
Archive: If you already have my stuff, otherwise just ask.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story. Need
I say more?
Summary: Set in a very AU world after the BtVS S6 episode Grave and the Ats
S4 episode, Orpheus. Spike never shows up in Sunnydale, Faith sticks
around in
"To the end of the earth, I search for your face,
for the one who laid all of our beauty to waste. Threw our
hope into hell and our children to the fire. I am the one who crawled
through the wire. There's a million sad stories on the
side of the road. Strange how we all just got used to the blood. Millions of stories that will never be told, silent and froze in
the mud. I know a cold as cold as it gets. I know a darkness that's
darker than coal. A wind that blows as cold as it gets. Blew out the light of
my soul...I know a cold as cold as it gets. I fight a war I may never see won. I
live only to see you live to regret everything that you've done." ~Patty
Griffin, "Cold As It Gets"
Chapter 9
Fred listened with some amusement as Spike instructed
Connor on the art of picking up women. Although she'd tagged along to provide a
female point of view, Spike seemed to be doing just fine on his own.
"Okay, you see that group over there?" Spike
asked.
They had gone to one of the area malls with the hope that
Connor would find kids his own age to spend some time with. That was the only
part of the plan Fred wasn't so sure about. While Spike might be able to walk
up to a group of people and insinuate himself in minutes, Connor didn't have
the same kind of people-skills.
Of course, that was why Spike was giving him pointers, and
why Angel hadn't been invited. Spike had commented that Angel wouldn't know how
to pick up a pretty girl if she'd thrown herself at his feet, which had made
Fred giggle, although she didn't think the other vampire was as hopeless as all
that.
"Yeah," Connor replied, focusing on the group of
adolescents about his own age. Fred counted five girls and four boys, and when she
saw the girl on the edge of the group, she began to see why Spike had chosen
this particular knot of kids.
"You go over there, ask the girl if you can sit at
her table. There aren't so many open seats that she'll get suspicious,"
Spike instructed.
"Then what?" Connor
asked.
"Make small talk," Spike replied.
"Introduce yourself. Ask her what she likes to do." Spike placed a
friendly hand on Connor's shoulder, leaning in to speak softly.
His words were too quiet for Fred to make out, so she
contented herself with watching their interchange. She marveled at Spike's
ability to deal with Connor. Where Angel often caused Connor to bristle, Spike
could soothe. It had made such a difference in all their interactions.
Spike had made such a difference.
Fred could recognize the growing signs of a crush in herself. It was hard not
to feel something for the vampire. He was handsome, and brave, and loyal, and a
good listener. Waking up next to him just a few days before had merely
sharpened her desire. She really liked him, and as much more than just a
friend.
She also knew that Spike didn't feel that way about her at
all.
Spike sent Connor off with a clap on the shoulder, and
Fred watched as he ambled casually over to the tables of teens. "What did
you tell him?" she asked.
He glanced over, his face relaxed for once with pleasure
and good humor. A smile curved his lips. "Told him what
to look out for. Connor's a predator. He knows what to do. He just has
to learn his tricks on a different sort of prey."
Fred frowned. "I hope you didn't tell him that girls
were—"
"Don't get your knickers in a bunch," Spike
said, holding up a hand. "Just meant..." He trailed off, then came around to stand behind her, his mouth close to her
ear, gently showing her what he saw. "You see the girl sitting across from
Connor?" At her nod, he continued. "Look at the way she's sitting.
She's shy, and she's alone. The rest of them are paired up. Connor tried to
talk to them, he might succeed with the girls, but he'd piss off the other
boys. That's not the point. That girl, though, she'll be the happier for some
attention from a stranger, and Connor gets an easy conversation to build his
confidence the first time out."
Fred watched as Connor said something, and the girl
blushed and then laughed, looking away and then back at him. Seeing them, she
was reminded of her own early flirtations, how awkward and strange it had been.
Wanting so much more and yet not knowing what to expect or how she'd know when
she'd found it.
Things hadn't really changed all that much. She still
wanted more, and she still had no idea how to get it.
"Let's go," Spike suggested. "We'll let
Connor and his new friends get acquainted before we play the evil guardians and
haul him off."
Spike guided her with a hand on her back, and Fred leaned
into him slightly. She missed this—missed the feel of a man's hands on her. She
hadn't lied when she told Spike she missed waking up in a man's arms.
She also hadn't failed to notice the look on his face—the
one that said he couldn't believe she would feel safe with him.
Fred regretted the loss of contact when Spike shoved his
hands in his pockets. "It was really nice of you to do this."
He shrugged, uncomfortable with praise as always.
"Boy needed someone to show him the ropes. Peaches certainly wouldn't do
it." Spike gave her a wry smile. "Not that he'd be much good at
it."
Fred giggled. Then, feeling greatly daring, she tucked her
hand through the crook of his arm. She didn't meet his eyes when he glanced
over, too afraid of what she'd find there. Instead, Fred felt his hand come to
rest over hers, and she wondered at the coolness of his skin. Not for the first
time did she wonder about the metaphysics behind a demon occupying a human's
body.
Vampires needed blood—obviously—but what was it about
blood that kept the demon going? Was there a particular reason they needed
blood? Did it circulate normally? What space did the demon occupy? Was it
actually inside the body in a physical sense, or was it purely metaphysical?
"You're thinkin' pretty
hard there."
"Sorry," Fred apologized, Spike's voice bringing
her out of her musings. "I was just wondering. About
vampires."
"What do you want to know?" Spike asked.
Fred opened her mouth to ask a question, and then shut it
again. That sort of thing piqued her curiosity, but it wasn't what she really
wanted to find out. She wanted to know about Spike, whether he was really going
to stay in
She wanted to know if he liked her. If
he ever would.
"It's no big deal." Fred smiled at him. "I
was just wondering about some of the metaphysical stuff, and how they would fit
into some of my theories on..." She trailed off. "You probably don't
want to hear them."
"Your theories?" Spike
asked. "Try me."
"Are you sure? It's kind of complicated. Gunn's eyes
always used to glaze over." Fred winced as she realized how that sounded.
"Not to say that he was mean about it or anything like that. Almost
everybody's eyes glaze over when I'm talking quantum physics."
"You miss him?"
"Who? Gunn?"
"Yeah."
"Sometimes," Fred admitted. "We were so
close, you know? Charles was my best friend, and then he was just gone. We
don't even talk anymore."
Spike gave her an earnest look. "He was a stupid
wanker for leaving you."
"I think we left each other." Fred sighed,
thinking back to those days. About the distance that had sprung up between
them. Neither of them had known what to say to make it better. Fred sometimes
wondered if Gunn had hated her just a little for forcing him to kill Professor Seidell. Not that she had forced him, but she had
put him in a position where Gunn felt he had no choice.
"He was still stupid for leaving," Spike said
stubbornly.
Fred wondered if she dared to ask the question. "Are
you going back?"
Apparently, she did dare.
Spike didn't ask what she meant. He seemed to know exactly
what she was referring to. "No. Not for anything."
"If you love her..." Fred trailed off, hating to
even say it. She didn't want to be jealous of Buffy, not again. Back when she'd
had a crush on Angel, Fred had been envious of Buffy's
place in his heart. It seemed as though she would be in that position again.
Spike sighed. "I used to think it was that easy. Used to think that if you just loved someone enough, they wouldn't
have a choice but to love you back. Used to think a
lot of things."
"And now?"
"Now? Now I know it doesn't
work that way." Spike met her eyes, and Fred was just as entranced by
their brilliance this time as she'd been the first. "I'm staying. I've got
more reasons for being here than I've got for being in Sunnydale, and Buffy
isn't enough anymore. Don't know when that happened, but it did."
Fred nodded, not knowing what else to say, and not willing
to make a fool out of herself. She wanted to tell him that she was glad, that
she wanted him here, but she thought that might be too forward.
"Fred, you're part of the reason I'm staying."
She could feel herself blush, and she managed to murmur,
"That's good to know."
~~~~~
"So, have you jumped his bones yet?"
The question made her start a bit, not least because Fred had been thinking about it. She wondered what it said that she knew exactly who Faith was referring to. Still, Fred wasn't about to admit it out loud. "What are you talking about?"
"Oh, come on," Faith replied, straddling the chair next to the computer, behind the desk in the hotel lobby. "You can't tell me you haven't thought about screwing Spike. He's sex on two legs."
The guys had scattered to the far corners of the hotel, leaving Fred to man the phones while trying to balance the books. Keeping a budget wasn't exactly her strong suit, but she and Wesley usually took turns, and it was hers. Faith had just come in from running a few errands, and had apparently decided to grill Fred about Spike.
In a way, Fred missed this. Not that she and Cordelia had ever indulged in much girl talk, but they'd had their share of conversations away from the guys. Faith wasn't really the type, though, and Fred hadn't talked to much of anybody before Spike came.
Of course, nobody had been doing much talking.
"I haven't thought about screwing Spike," Fred replied primly. Which was, technically, true. She hadn't thought about "screwing" Spike, but she had given more than passing consideration to going to bed with him.
To making love with him.
Faith grinned. "You're holding out for true love."
"I'm not—"
"It's okay!" Faith said, holding up her hands. "To each her own. I just think that if he gives you the opportunity, you should jump his bones. A ride like that only comes around once a century." She paused. "On second thought, don't wait for him to give you the opportunity. Take it."
"We're just friends," Fred said uncomfortably. "I don't even know that Spike likes me all that much."
Faith's eyes gentled a bit. "You should see the way he watches you when you come in a room. His eyes light up. Trust me, he likes you."
Fred wanted to believe her, but it sounded too good to be true. "The way Wesley looks at you?"
Faith snorted. "Wesley and I aren't like that."
"Really?" Fred asked, pleased to be able to turn the tables on the other woman. "He never stays at the hotel anymore unless he absolutely has to—or you're here. I think he likes you."
Faith shrugged. "We have a thing. It's no big deal. You know, it's casual."
"What if it's not?"
Faith appeared taken aback by that question, and she paused. "It's better if it's casual," she replied. "It doesn't hurt as much when they screw you over."
Fred thought of Gunn, and it twisted in her gut. What they had shared hadn't been casual. She had loved him so much. "Yeah. I guess so."
"Hey, don't listen to me," Faith said suddenly. "I mean, sometimes you get a chance at a forever kind of thing, right?"
"Why wouldn't you get that kind of chance, Faith?" Fred asked. "Not that it would have to be with Wesley, but it could happen."
Faith didn't look convinced. "For girls like you maybe."
"I don't believe that," Fred said staunchly.
Faith's lips curved into a smile. "You're okay, you know that?
Fred felt a sudden flood of affection for the other woman. They had nothing in common, really. They didn't like the same things, and their backgrounds were nearly polar opposites. Fred would always be the bookish one, and Faith would always be the action girl. But they were still women, navigating a world of men. Trying to figure out what their places were, where they might be going. "You too," Fred replied.
Faith stood. "You hungry? Because I'm starving, and I have a feeling I'm going to need to keep my energy up for patrol tonight." She grinned wickedly. "Not to mention for after patrol."
Fred wished she could say the same, but she was hungry. "Sure. Maybe we could get tacos? I've had a craving for them for the last couple days."
"Yeah, sure," Faith replied. "I'm so hungry, I could eat anything."
~~~~~
The noise woke her up. Fred didn't hesitate—dashing out of bed in her tank top and shorts, right next door to Spike's room. They had put him next to her on purpose, thinking she would look out for him. Now, Fred was grateful for his proximity, because she just liked being close to him.
Even if he never liked her, it would be okay. Spike had taken Charles' place as her best friend, and that's what she'd been craving most.
Spike was awake by the time she entered the room, and Fred shut the door behind her softly. "You okay?"
"'m fine," Spike grunted. "Was just a nightmare."
The way he said it, Fred was certain that he meant her to take it as her cue to leave. She remembered Faith's words, however, and although she wasn't prepared to jump him, Fred wasn't going to leave him either. "Maybe I should stay. Just until you fall asleep again."
"If you want," he replied, but she could hear the gratitude in his tone.
"I want."
She sat down on the edge of his bed, the darkness granting her the courage to reach out for his hand. Fred could just make out the pale outline. Spike's grip tightened, then moved so that their fingers entwined. "You could lie down, you know."
Fred felt more bereft than she should have when Spike released her hand so she could make herself comfortable beside him. She relaxed again immediately when his arm draped over her stomach, and she intertwined their fingers again. It felt important to take every advantage she could.
Spike was staying, but he didn't need her so much anymore, and while that wasn't a bad thing, Fred wondered. Did he still need her the same way she needed friends? Did he feel their connection? Or was it just wishful thinking on her part?
Spike's arm tightened around her. "Go to sleep, luv."
Fred slept sweetly that night, in spite of the questions that lay heavy on her heart.